• Sex for people with disabilities

    1380918405
    Disabled&frustrated [sign in to see picture]
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    Just wondered if there is anyone out there who has a disability or long term illness? How do you manage when it comes to sex, are you physically able to manage? Do you have to concoct different ways? Do you find you meds create problems such as lack of sex drive etc? IS there any other issues you come up against?

    I am asking as I have very rare and complex issues, today a social worker came to look at my "needs" and she asked me how I managed to make a baby? I was shocked to say the least, apparently disabled/ people with long term helath issues dont have sex/ intimacy of any kind! She wanted the ins and outs of it all. How we did the deed / how many times a week / was my husband not freaked out by my body!! After trying to hold it together and not instantly burst in to tears she eventually left. This however has left me thinking - I surely arent the only person in the world with ill health so how does other manage and have they even come across such questioning?

    Also is there any tips you cn give for managing things better or making things more exciting?

    Thanks for your help

    1380918913
    horny husband [sign in to see picture]
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    my wife is disabled with spinal problems and recovering from a brain hemmorage.my e-mail is [e-mail removed - no contact details allowed on the forum, sorry!],message me to talk thro any problems you have and how my wife as coped and adaptored to a sex life.

    1380919351
    blonde vixen13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Disabled and frustrated you social worker had put you in a very uncomfortable situation. If I was you I would be making an official compliant. How dare she make you feel like thT. I hope you ok x

    1380919934
    horny husband [sign in to see picture]
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    i have to agree with blonde vixen 13,but having a wife who as been disabled for 25 years we have gone thro many problems,want to help please contact me.

    1380920512
    BDSM [sign in to see picture]
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    you should definitely make a formal complaint about this social worker. that is disgraceful behaviour and she should not be allowed to inflict those kinds of questions on anyone else

    1380921802
    blonde vixen13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Some people are just so ignorant and lack knowledge that their questioning becomes insensitive. If it was a friend , family member or a member of general public you could excuse them for being so rude. However as a professional person who works with people with all sorts of complex needs .... May they be physical, mental or fanicial ..... She needs to be taught where to draw a line in her questioning and compose herself in a professional manner. I definitely think you should phone her department and ask to speak with her line manager. And request a different social worker for future contact x x

    1380921998
    blonde vixen13 [sign in to see picture]
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    I also meant to mention that channel four did. Four part documentary called sex on wheels. ( at least I think that was the name) It was about people with disabilities and there intimate relationships. It discussed similar situations to what you have experienced. It might be worth watching to see is there any sorts of support groups mentioned .

    1380922206
    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    blonde vixen13 wrote:

    Some people are just so ignorant and lack knowledge that their questioning becomes insensitive. If it was a friend , family member or a member of general public you could excuse them for being so rude. However as a professional person who works with people with all sorts of complex needs .... May they be physical, mental or fanicial ..... She needs to be taught where to draw a line in her questioning and compose herself in a professional manner. I definitely think you should phone her department and ask to speak with her line manager. And request a different social worker for future contact x x

    Totally agree with BV - you should not be subjected to this ever - let alone from a professional. Sending lots of hugs :) xxx

    1380922245
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    What an insensitive person! And she is a social worker? Mind you, I have similar obtuse responses from doctors so sadly, it doesn't surprise me.

    I have Fibromyalgia, which has been more severe for 4/5 years. 'Luckily' it is a syndrome with no life threatening issues, or damage to the body, but I am in pain, or feel ill, most days.

    During sex, the worst thing for me is having my legs open. Say during oral sex. Gradually (Well, after a few minutes.) I feel pain kicking in around my hip sockets area, like someone has over stretched the ligaments. If I ignore that, which I sometimes did when I was enjoying myself, I can't close my legs! If I try to close my legs the pain shoots all around my hips and groin and thighs and I literally scream. I have to lift my knees with my arms and slowllllly bring my legs together, through gritted teeth. Of course, theres other things I struggle with. Woman on top kills me. I am also into bondage/BDSM but I cannot be tied up in any positions where I have any strain on any joints or muscles. It just hurts so much I feel physically like I will throw up. This also applies to too much jiggling about or fast furious sex. Makes me feel like I am on a waltzer. Erghh. My balance is sucky, which I think is what makes me feel sick a lot. That and the pain killers I take, which make me feel sick when I move. Blowjobs and handjobs also kill my muscles and I can feel like I run a marathon the next day. Doesn't stop me though lol.

    I used to take SSRI and other forms of anti depressant (For the pain rather than depression) and they KILLED my sex life. I couldn't even orgasm and had no urges anymore. THAT was depressing. At least before I could enjoy some sex, they took all of that away.

    My sex life is effected my my ill health but I still enjoy it and still have as much as I can. I have quite a high sex drive anyway. There are often times we have to stop because my hips have seized up or something, but then we carry on when the pain is gone. We just try something else instead. lol Of course, we are sexual beings, we will all find a way to have sex, working around our issues. I often feel pathertic or embarrassed when I talk about my health. I am in pain often but I also know there are people much worse off with much more severe issues than me. However, hopefully you took something of use from my waffle lol

    Welcome to the forums xx

    1380925438
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
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    Disabled&frustrated wrote:

    Just wondered if there is anyone out there who has a disability or long term illness? How do you manage when it comes to sex, are you physically able to manage? Do you have to concoct different ways? Do you find you meds create problems such as lack of sex drive etc? IS there any other issues you come up against?

    I am asking as I have very rare and complex issues, today a social worker came to look at my "needs" and she asked me how I managed to make a baby? I was shocked to say the least, apparently disabled/ people with long term helath issues dont have sex/ intimacy of any kind! She wanted the ins and outs of it all. How we did the deed / how many times a week / was my husband not freaked out by my body!! After trying to hold it together and not instantly burst in to tears she eventually left. This however has left me thinking - I surely arent the only person in the world with ill health so how does other manage and have they even come across such questioning?

    Also is there any tips you cn give for managing things better or making things more exciting?

    Thanks for your help

    I am livid how dare she treat you like this, medication has killed hubbys drive, but we have affection and my toys if wanted, hugs.

    1380925704
    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
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    That's awful! Def complain and ask for someone new next time. Not only is it bad she treated you like this, but she may treat others like it as well, maybe unknowling, but all the same...sending hugs your way.

    Unfortunately I can't help much with the advice, but the channel 4 program sex on wheels may be helpful - it's on 4OD

    xx

    1380929115
    lillithlibby [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm really sorry that this happened to you :-( I'm also pretty mad on your behalf! She was totally bang out of order and I really do think you should make a formal complaint!
    Memory foam pillows/topper might be a good idea as they mold around you and offer a lot of support if you want to be in a certain position.
    Hope you find some solutions Xx

    1380934983
    repliquant [sign in to see picture]
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    Disabled&frustrated wrote:

    Just wondered if there is anyone out there who has a disability or long term illness? How do you manage when it comes to sex, are you physically able to manage? Do you have to concoct different ways? Do you find you meds create problems such as lack of sex drive etc? IS there any other issues you come up against?

    My body is partially dysfunctional both through nature and circumstance, but over decades i have managed to get it to work just fine, and just the way I like it, though it took time. I always got by somehow. After a series of first informal and then formal involvements I had a few years' break, and then occasionally paid escorts for funky nights. Got tired of it eventually, and jumped head first into some deep waters of my own preference (for the synthetic), not many years ago reaching nirvana at least, since then trying to preserve the status quo as best I can. In addition, earlier this year I found extra entertainments in the form of solo bum play, but that is just icing on the cake — I have been satiated and very happy for a long time now.

    Sex drive — I think it's either average or just below average, but then what do I know, hard to get any stats ;) — and I'm comfortable with what I want and need. Meds — I don't do meds, as at least in this case I don't have to, but I don't do them anyway for anything that affects me physically (not a very long list, but pretty darn intensive) — just as a matter of policy.

    1380938536
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    Why are people working for the council/government, allowed to talk to, or about people, like they are shit on their shoes? Does complaining even work or do their bosses just laugh when you hang up the phone because it seems rife. really rife. I do understand some people take advantage of the system and they are "looking down" on these people as they should, but they seem to be allowed to stereotype everyone into the one box, be outright rude and offensive and get away with it.

    I remember when my ex was in between jobs for a few months, he had to sign on. When he went in to sign on, he explained to the woman his Mrs was disabled (he was registering as my carer) and she looked at him and said "Well you should of thought about that before you had kids" (I got sick a year after my son was born and would love more children but refuse due to my health, I don't think it is fair on the little ones) I wasn't there at the time but he told me this weeks later and I was so upset! Absolute bitch! I asked him if he said anything, or complained and he just said "Nah, not worth it" Then I got angry at him! Oh well. That was years ago now but I constantly hear stories similar to mine and the OP's, I just wonder...

    Why are they allowed to talk to people with that little disrespect? If it happens to so many, it must be the "done thing" That just angers me so much. Thankfully we only had to put up with it for a few months but I dread ever having to deal with the jobcentre ever again in my life! (That seems to be their point though, doesn't it. End up there, expect to be treated like a complete and utter peice of crap)

    1380962743
    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    FB

    Because they can.

    What are you going to do? Complain? Whoopie

    Customer Service exists only where you can take your money elsewhere.

    1380965293
    Mr Gooner [sign in to see picture]
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    KebertXela wrote:

    FB

    Because they can.

    What are you going to do? Complain? Whoopie

    Customer Service exists only where you can take your money elsewhere.

    Ever heard of the saying "manners dont cost anything"

    1380965700
    Mr Gooner [sign in to see picture]
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    Unfortunatley Fluffbags we live in a proper sh***y world where people are selfish and think because they can do it why cant you.

    I have to work 3 jobs and struggle so why cant you?

    I have a real sad and crappy sex life, so why cant you?

    I go have a cup of tea and a biscuit with the vicar on a Monday afternoon, so why cant you?

    Its that sort of selfish mentality you face in everyday life. Because they live like that, they expect you to do the same. But not actually having any understanding of how your situation is. What struggles you have.

    These people who work in these offices like the Council and Jobcentre are faced with people each day where majority of them probably speak to them like dirt etc. So its just wired into them to try you like something off your shoe. Not that its excusable.

    I always go out of my way to be extra nice too them and they dont expect it.

    1381000175
    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    WTF?

    Why are government workers rude? Because they can be, because you have no choice but to obey their whims, thats not trolling, I contract at them all the time!

    Think you may have misunderstood my comment....

    1381008613
    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    To be frank, all of my physical problems can be gotten around through patience and accepting that some positions just aren't going to happen or be sustainable for very long. The real problem is other people's attitudes.

    A lot of people get caught up in my limitations and never realise how much I have to offer. We all lose in that.

    1381008954
    Mr Gooner [sign in to see picture]
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    KebertXela wrote:

    WTF?

    Why are government workers rude? Because they can be, because you have no choice but to obey their whims, thats not trolling, I contract at them all the time!

    Think you may have misunderstood my comment....

    Maybe it's the tone you put out in your forum posts. Let's be honest you were pretty blunt and personally felt some of your comments were uncalled for in a previous thread. Sometimes I little empathy goes along way. Or maybe if you have no better too say, say nothing at all? Sometimes I see comments I don't agree with so I say nothing.

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