• BISEXUAL CHAT

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    HeatherD [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi KittyPurry and Rowan, thanks for the kind welcomes :D I've been lurking about for a while but everyone seems so friendly I thought I'd dive in :)

    KittyPurry - hmm in that case maybe I should give my hair straighteners a break lol. Yes I agree the relationship part adds a whole other issue, by the time I explained all that the whole thing would probably feel a bit artifical. So, to summarise, it would have to be planned but spontaneous! Who said I was hard to please :-P ah well, I will keep hoping, maybe one day the right set of circumstances will present themselves!

    HD x

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    Cara Sutra [sign in to see picture]
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    Thought I would bump this thread as a lot of the girls seem to be very curious lately!

    I'm sure I don't know why

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Mistress Cara wrote:

    Thought I would bump this thread as a lot of the girls seem to be very curious lately!

    I'm sure I don't know why

    I think a certain lady is going to regret encouraging lady naughtiness...

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    Cara Sutra [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm sure I don't know what you mean

    xxx

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    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    Since the Mistress bumped this thread, I'll come in and say my bit.

    Lately, I've come to the realisation that I'm bicurious. It sort of seems like a big thing, but now I've figured it out there is so much stuff throughout my life that makes sense now. I intend to write a long blog post about it some time and I'm too lazy to go into it all now!

    Right now, I do consider myself very much curious, even though my boyfriend now appends the word bisexual before my name every time he says it! Far from feel threatened by it, he bloody loves it :P

    My feelings on my sexuality is that there is no way I could handle a relationship with a girl. Girls are just so complicated and I get along with guys much better, so guys are much more for relationships with me. I do find girls very sexually attractive though, and guys not so much. That's not to say that I don't find men sexually attractive, but I find women to be so much more. I can easily look at an erotic picture of a man and say it does nothing for me, but with a woman it can have me drooling! I've been experimenting with myself and imagining women when I'm masturbating and it works just as well if not better than when I fantasise about my boyfriend.

    I'm quite keen to try something with a girl, and my boyfriend is perfectly happy for me to do so. I want to do it so that I can discover myself really - I want to be able to confirm that I really am bisexual or find that it doesn't work in reality even though the fantasy seems delicious. It seems so incredibly hard though. Although I couldn't handle a relationship with a girl, I think I want a female fucky buddy/friend with benefits to explore myself with. I want someone I can have a good sexual friendship with, I don't want it to be some stranger or someone I barely know.

    I'm in doubt that I'll ever get to experience anything with a woman because it all seems so possible. I know there are websites etc but as I said I don't want it to be someone I barely know, and I don't really want to get to know them purely for deciding whether to take them to bed or not. I don't know anyone who's bi/lesbian or at least any who admit to it. Having said that though, I spent many years not being able to imagine how I was ever going to get a boyfriend and I was going to die a virgin, and that changed completely! So it could happen, but it feels so unattainable right now.

    It's not so much the lack of a female partner (of some capacity) that bothers me, but the fact that so far it's the only sexual experience I've wanted to have that I can't easily get, and until I've had it I'm not really sure where my sexuality actually stands!

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    sexynurse09 [sign in to see picture]
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    (((hugs Ecksvie)))

    Firstly, yay for bicuriousness!!! I know what you mean, when I first realised, I shocked myself and my ex (bf at the time).

    I understand what you say about not wanting a relationship with a girl - I don't think I could handle it either. For some reason I can imagine the sex part (YUM!!) but the ongoing relationship wtha female doesn't seem to work in my head lol. Maybe I just want my cake and eat it too!

    Totally understand about the erotic pictures!! I have always found pictures of women more sexually attractive, and much prefer porn with no men in it (which suits my fella fine!).

    I hope you find someone you can experiment with. My boyfriend knows all about my bisexuality and says I have permission to do anything with a girl as long as he can watch, and if he's not there it has to be videoed for him lol.

    Totally understand where you're coming from though, i'm in the same boat. My fella keeps saying he wants me to find someone I can experiment with, but its much easier said than done!! For one, I think i've broken my gaydar - I have absoutley no idea who is even a slightest bit bi, let alone who I should approach!

    I hope you find what you're looking for, be sure to keep us posted if you do!! It's lovely that your boyfriend is so broad minded and wants you to be happy - alot of guys would get very insecure about it, I know my ex did! x

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    Malteser81 [sign in to see picture]
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    sexynurse09 wrote:

    (((hugs Ecksvie)))

    Firstly, yay for bicuriousness!!! I know what you mean, when I first realised, I shocked myself and my ex (bf at the time).

    I understand what you say about not wanting a relationship with a girl - I don't think I could handle it either. For some reason I can imagine the sex part (YUM!!) but the ongoing relationship wtha female doesn't seem to work in my head lol. Maybe I just want my cake and eat it too!

    Totally understand about the erotic pictures!! I have always found pictures of women more sexually attractive, and much prefer porn with no men in it (which suits my fella fine!).

    I hope you find someone you can experiment with. My boyfriend knows all about my bisexuality and says I have permission to do anything with a girl as long as he can watch, and if he's not there it has to be videoed for him lol.

    Totally understand where you're coming from though, i'm in the same boat. My fella keeps saying he wants me to find someone I can experiment with, but its much easier said than done!! For one, I think i've broken my gaydar - I have absoutley no idea who is even a slightest bit bi, let alone who I should approach!

    I hope you find what you're looking for, be sure to keep us posted if you do!! It's lovely that your boyfriend is so broad minded and wants you to be happy - alot of guys would get very insecure about it, I know my ex did! x

    I know exactly what u mean....... im bicurious really I suppose. I find the idea of being with a woman so exciting but could not see myself in a relationship with one as I love my man so much. I would love nothing more than to expriance sex with a woman, same as you, infront of my man and to make her feel as good as my man makes me feel. I do love the taste of myself and would love to feel a woman come by me going down on her and know ive made her come by what im doing. In fact I also love the idea of using a strap on with a woman and the same of her with me. I just dont know how to go about the situation or how to approach a woman about it =S

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    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    Aww, thanks.

    I consider myself really lucky with my OH as he's so open-minded about pretty much everything. He's polyamorist and while I don't really agree with it as such, he extends the same prvieleges to me and has always said he was perfectly happy for me to do whatever I wanted with whoever I wanted. As I said, I don't really agree with having more than one partner, but it's nice and actually quite relieving to be able to express myself and explore it if the situation does arise without having to worry about jealousy, insecurity or anything like that.

    I would really love a "girlfriend" to experiment with, but I just can't see where I'm ever going to meet one. I tend not to mix with people as much, I rarely go out just to socialise and my lady loving prospects just seem a bit bleak. As well as me having no gaydar, I'm quite reserved around other people I'm not uber close to. Even when I'm sure something will work out I find it impossible to just do it. When I got with my boyfriend, I was 99.99% sure he liked me in that way. Despite that, there was a crippling fear of rejection and I ended up having to manipulate him into asking me out rather than just asking him myself. With girls, there's not just the fear of rejection, but the chance that it'll be even worse if I ask someone who turns out to not even be that way inclined.

    You never know though I suppose. I've always thought that finding a proper partner has always been the case of waiting for the right person to appear in your life, and I'm sure it's the case with this. It's so easy to say "it happens when the time is right" when you're within a relationship, but when you're waiting for something else to be the right time, it's incredibly frustrating!

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    sexynurse09 [sign in to see picture]
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    Same here. I've only ever kissed women so far, but would love to go further!!

    I'm always worried though about how my fella will really react if it actually happened. I know he says he'd love it etc now, but if I actually brought a girl home I don't know if he'd love it so much. And I don't know how i'd handle it - i'm a very jealous person unfortunatley, and i'd be worried he fancies her more than me and what if he keeps in touch with her and meets up behind my back blah blah blah! I know he'd never do these things but it would always be there in the back of my mind :-(

    x

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    Cara Sutra [sign in to see picture]
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    I know what you mean SN, I'm insanely jealous (well, just generally insane but thats just me haha) and I always thought my OH would 'have to watch' or would want to be about or that the girl would want my man, or something weird (to me) like that.

    I'm really lucky in that he understands that being with a woman sexually is a need that he can't fulfil and that he doesn't have the right to demand to be present, like we would be his entertainment or something (ick) or that he would have to keep an eye on us both.

    Think it comes down to trust and I would say obviously know the woman first if possible (medical history and personality! ) before jumping into bed as this will give you a friendship to base your sex on.

    Then you will build some trust in that friendship and feel more secure about them being around you man etc.

    I'm rambling again! xx

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    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    The idea of being with another woman started off as wanting a threesome with my boyfriend as something else, but the more I thought about it, the more I decided I wanted something one on one.

    For me, even though I'm bicurious, men and women are not equal for me. Being with a woman would be almost completely sexual to me, while I get the whole package from men. Luckily my boyfriend is not the jealous type at all, although if he was I hope he'd see what I was getting from a woman was something I just couldnt get from him and it wasn't something he should feel threatened by.

    Of course, in the unlikely event that he told me he really didn't like it then I'd stop, although in that case I'd also probably expect him to stop being poly as well. I don't see myself as poly since I wouldn't want more than one relationship, and I wouldn't ever have another male fuck buddy/friend with benefits on the side, but I see it okay (within the situation of my relationship) to have a female one to explore myself with.

    It hasn't happened yet and I'm not sure if I ever will find another woman to play with. Until that happens, I can't really say exactly how everyone would feel about it, but based on knowledge of my own and my boyfriend's personalities I think it should be alright. Even if it did cause tension, I don't think it would be a relationship breaker. If I thought it would be, I wouldn't try to pursue it.

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    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    Hella Rouge (LH) wrote:

    Ecksvie, it sounds like you're in a very unique and privileged position, you and your partner are very lucky to have such a strong understanding of one anothers sexuality and I'm quite jealous :p

    Aww, thanks, you're making me go all mushy!

    My boyfriend is the only partner I've ever had and he's always been very open and up for me trying whatever I want. Sometimes I see other people talking about their relationships and talking about jealousy and insecurity in things that I just take for granted as being fine, and it makes me feel really lucky.

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    Cara Sutra [sign in to see picture]
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    I've been with my partner for 6 years and it took nearly 3 for me to get him used to the idea of me needing the female part of my sex life... at first he was all 'oh no Id see that as cheating, definitely not' but then as time went on and I was more and more frustrated he saw how much it was affecting me. Its not something aman can provide so he doesnt see it as cheating

    Hella, that sounds awful about the 3somes and being the target of jealousy games, like Ive said before the 3some I had with a married couple went the same way. Im very wary of 3somes now.

    I agree that saying you're bisexual in this world can sometimes lead to people making the incorrect assumption that you're up for a bit of anything. I've heard people saying it's greedy etc. Even in the gay and lesbian community, bisexuality is something that still struggles against prejudice in this regard.

    I tend to describe myself as a lesbian in love with a man, in this way I can tell all other men I have no interest, and to women that I am in a relationship but I do enjoy lady love.

    LivingFire did a very good piece on bisexuality for Eden Cafe and the views about it in society, you can see it here:

    http://www.edencafe.com/the-best-of-both-worlds-or-lost-in-limbo/ I think it's excellent!

    xxxx

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Ecksvie wrote:

    The idea of being with another woman started off as wanting a threesome with my boyfriend as something else, but the more I thought about it, the more I decided I wanted something one on one.

    This is it for me....me and WandA explored 3some fantasies during sex, and sometimes I like the idea of having sex with a woman in my mind. Women are very attractive.

    However, I find it very hard to add a face to that fantasy....I am yet to find (as I have mentioned elsewhere) another man, or woman who I can think of sex with and be turned on. To be honest the thought really turns me off completely. I can imagine WandA and I can imagine disembodied mouths, hands, boobs and pussies but once I add a real person's face I get turned off.

    This is why I find it so hard to define my sexuality because I was like this even before I met WandA. I'm now completely satisfied with WandA and exploration into my sexuality isn't an issue at the minute....in the future, I may feel I want to figure out where I stand with myself, but at the minute, everything works and I'm too busy exploring my relationship with WandA to worry about exploring feelings.

    Ax

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    I meant to add - Hella Rouge it's unfortunate that your 3somes ended that way! Its the issue of being a third party to a couple already in a relationship really - too many couples don't consider the effect on the third party! I know in fantasy land I don't, but 3somes are very different in reality!

    Ax

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    Cara Sutra [sign in to see picture]
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    I think the fact that a lot of men might insist on being present puts women off the idea of having sex with another woman.

    I really couldn't ever do a 3some with my partner and anyone else, it really makes me feel ill the very thought of it.

    I want to have sex with a woman, one on one, not with him anywhere about. It's about my needs being seen to, not his, and yes that may seem selfish but there it is. Sometimes you have to be.

    I've always said, if he feels the need to have gay sex then he is welcome to it.

    Neither of us want any one else of the opposite sex other than each other and we see that as the main thing.

    AdnaW I think you and WandA are a lovely couple and very much in love with each other and if you need nothing more then I'm really happy not many people can say that... I do feel guilty at times for needing more than just my partner, but now that we have an understanding I realise that Im in a privileged position.

    You are both very sweet (but dont let WandA hear me saying that or he might get annoyed! Eep )

    lol

    xxxxx

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    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    I started off the same as you AdnaW, although I've been developing a bit. I'm not able to imagine real people because it turns me off if I'm not properly linked to them in that way, and since I don't have a girlfriend I'm obviously not.

    I have been trying to explore what I find attractive in a woman though. When I'm out and about I look at women passing by and think about whether I would like them in that way or not, then trying to notice patterns, and indeed they're there and it would seem I do have something of a "type". This is of course based purely on looks as I can't know their personality just by looking.

    I do usually fantasise about certain body parts though. Even when fantasising about my boyfriend, I'm generally only able to visualise him kneeling in front of me while I masturbate as he does when he's actually here. Anything more specific and it doesn't really work.

    On the flip side though, I CAN fantasise about random women, even if they don't really have faces. It's impossible for me to fantasise about random, faceless men though. It just doesn't work for me. Men are the whole package for me - I need to love them and be in with their personality, and I can't look at them purely on a sexual basis like I can with women.

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    Student20 [sign in to see picture]
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    Mistress Cara wrote:

    I think the fact that a lot of men might insist on being present puts women off the idea of having sex with another woman.

    I really couldn't ever do a 3some with my partner and anyone else, it really makes me feel ill the very thought of it.

    I want to have sex with a woman, one on one, not with him anywhere about. It's about my needs being seen to, not his, and yes that may seem selfish but there it is. Sometimes you have to be.

    I've always said, if he feels the need to have gay sex then he is welcome to it.

    Neither of us want any one else of the opposite sex other than each other and we see that as the main thing.

    AdnaW I think you and WandA are a lovely couple and very much in love with each other and if you need nothing more then I'm really happy not many people can say that... I do feel guilty at times for needing more than just my partner, but now that we have an understanding I realise that Im in a privileged position.

    You are both very sweet (but dont let WandA hear me saying that or he might get annoyed! Eep )

    lol

    xxxxx

    You should only feel guilty if you did it in secret behind his back, you're both open about it doesn't sound like a situation you should ever regret or have any guilt over.

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Potential theory:

    I've read plenty of women here say they adore their man but only their man and are more attracted to women.

    MC, Ecks, KP and Ad are all pretty much exclusively attracted to one male. (sorry if I'm wrong there)

    Perhaps its a naturalistic mechanism for loyalty to ensure security etc. From a Darwinian perspective I don't want you lusting over other men but shouldn't be threatened by other women (who could in theory provide you with support). Maybe this explains the 'onesexualness' when it comes to men.

    I know when we apply Darwinism to humans it gets a little bit cloudy and controversial but I think there appears to be some logic in this.

    Anything to add or shoot me down on OA?

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Mistress Cara wrote:

    I think the fact that a lot of men might insist on being present puts women off the idea of having sex with another woman.

    I really couldn't ever do a 3some with my partner and anyone else, it really makes me feel ill the very thought of it.

    I want to have sex with a woman, one on one, not with him anywhere about. It's about my needs being seen to, not his, and yes that may seem selfish but there it is. Sometimes you have to be.

    I've always said, if he feels the need to have gay sex then he is welcome to it.

    Neither of us want any one else of the opposite sex other than each other and we see that as the main thing.

    AdnaW I think you and WandA are a lovely couple and very much in love with each other and if you need nothing more then I'm really happy not many people can say that... I do feel guilty at times for needing more than just my partner, but now that we have an understanding I realise that Im in a privileged position.

    You are both very sweet (but dont let WandA hear me saying that or he might get annoyed! Eep )

    lol

    xxxxx

    Ahhh thanks MC!

    I don't think you should feel guilty though, I think it takes courage for anyone to know what they want and work to get it as long as they don't hurt their partner, if your partner is fine with it then you're a lucky lady and your ability to separate the 2 acts is admirable!

    As I said, for me it's as much about not liking the thought of sex with other people full stop (taking WandA out of the equation completely) as it is about complete satisfaction in our relationship and I'm sure it could well change in the future...I just know for now, I can't think of sex with other people and find it arousing...I worry that I'm asexual sometimes apart from sex with WandA...it's a bizarre set of feelings I have and I don't feel 100% normal, but hey ho

    Ax

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