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  1. Lost My Sex Drive

    1241711412
    rnsyorks [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi everyone....i'm new here.

    My problem is i seem to have lost my sex drive completely!! My poor husband is always having to do all the work but i just can't get myself motivated to do anything! Anybody have any answers why and what i can do about it??? I have recently just had my 2nd child but all through my pregnancies i was never "craving sex" like i used to do!

    1241712338

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    I would say it's competely normal, your body is concentrating on what it's meant to - your baby. Don't put pressure on yourself and don't let your hubby put pressure on you either, look after yourself with a good diet, enjoy your new baby and put sex on the back burner. - you really can't expect to have your pre kids sex life back again for the foreseeable future, life gets in the way. Relax and don't stress over it, unless it becomes a major problem for you as a couple then I'm sure it will right itself in time.

    1241771630
    rnsyorks [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks very much for the info......its put my mind at ease a bit!

    1242041235
    sunroof [sign in to see picture]
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    please help me too i am new to posting messages but am always looking at site. im married with two teenage kids but have no sex drive at all. fall asleep every night can masturbate no prob during day especially after looking at your site but cant keep awake at night. love to go away for a weekend and can be very hot in a nice hotel! BUT CANT HAVE MONEY FOR THAT NOW please help me before my poor husband of twenty years leaves me

    1242045619

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    It sounds like your need for sleep comes before your need for sex, nothing wrong with that, I'm exactly the same - I'm awful when I don't get enough sleep.

    Do you and your hubby only get the opportunity for sex at night then? Until we started working compatible shifts, my hubby and me were the same, especially when i used to have to get up for the school/college run, I would need to go to bed early but if hubby was on noons, he wouldn't and I really felt like saying "if you want sex that much then come to bed with me now" , now we both work noons and no longer have to get up in a morning so we are much more "in sync".

    You could try ginseng, it may be a coincidence with me but my sex drive is far higher now I take it, hubby also has a smaller dose in with his mens vitamens.

    Teenage kids are the biggest passion killer ever, privacy is nigh on impossible as they never seem to go to bed!

    Just tell him how you are feeling , you can't be wild and passionate with nosey kids around - can you try going to bed an hour earlier at all when the mood takes you or are evenings a non-starter?

    You may find no way around this until the kids are older and out of the way unfortunately - when your time, your mind ( and your house) is your own again, it will come back but it's hard to get intimate when you never know when the kids will be back, or if the phone will ring for you to be the late night taxi service. Try and reassure your hubby that you still love and want him but that family life is in the way at the moment - my hubby was lucky if we had sex twice a month until a few months ago, it's hard to feel sexy when yor mind is on all the other things that come with being in a family, kids are your priority, naturally and having to squeeze out the last bit of energy you have left just so you can have sex, doesn't feel too great.

    I've had a horrible weekend, no sex since mid week due a horrendous period - my coil needs changing but I couldn't face getting it done on Friday due to the pain I was having - we've now decided for hubby to have a vasectomy but that's made me worry that things

    1242046003

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    I don't know what happened there- my posts went a bid mad! Sorry.

    Anyway, talking is the only way to sort things out, you can both get things off your chest and even if things are painful to hear, it's better to get them out in the open and not festering away at the back of your mind all the time, that only breeds resentment and makes sex even less likely.

    I'm still a bit paranoid that my newly rekindled desires will vanish but we will never go back to how we were, we can talk again and it's never as bad as you fear.

    1242052682
    Mucky Duck [sign in to see picture]
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    rnsyorks wrote:

    Hi everyone....i'm new here.

    My problem is i seem to have lost my sex drive completely!! My poor husband is always having to do all the work but i just can't get myself motivated to do anything! Anybody have any answers why and what i can do about it??? I have recently just had my 2nd child but all through my pregnancies i was never "craving sex" like i used to do!

    If you WANT to get your mojo back you have to kick start it. You have simply got used to not switching on your game face so are now out of the habit... same as anything else you give up for ages, don't worry about it. If you want it back, you have got to go get it back. You obviously still love & fancy your fella so I would asume it's not confidence or emotional issue, just about oiling the lock' as it were!

    If you make an effort to play (even if you don't feel horny, just willing is enough) either by yourself with a few toys or just fool around with your hubby (nowt too serious) you will soon stir up a old memories & special feelings. Try watching or reading a bit of porn, sexy novels or general erotic movies. Once you start to think about sex you should start to crave it.

    All the dressing up, sexy games, a couple of toys all will help, just have a word with you fella & don't rush things so you both enjoy the ride(err, not THAT sort of ride!), pretty much like when you first met!

    Remember, don't do anything against your will or out of your comfort zone, but you will have to push yourself get past than 'not interested' barrier. Hope it works out, enjoy!

    1242136133
    sunroof [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks so much lady lara and mucky duck for letting me know that im not alone and that its normal to be tired. will def try the ginseng and try and shift the teenagers out of house for a while. stayed up till 2am last nite to make sure they were sleeping. watch a movie with a bit of romping in it, and then went to bed ,very good but all over very quickly!!!! i think he got as much as a shock as me when things went ok. could be something to do with the very sexy gear i had bought off lovehoney few months ago and had only worn once!!! plese continue to send in your tips for improving my life now im off to order something to cheer myself up with and maybe give hubby a little lift as well.

    1242138472

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    The all over quickly bit sounds very familiar!

    That's how it was until we were back having regular sessions, now it lasts as long as we have the energy for ( usually).

    Although last night was a bit quick, it was my own fault for getting hubby all excited with a lot of oral teasing after a week of no sex , so when I finally climbed on top he was ready to pop within a few minutes, (especially when he was digging his nails into my bum and I was loving it ) I had only just got going - I had got some tingle lube and it only kicked in when he had already come! It's my turn for some oral attention tonight I think. I could have slowed him down but he was loving it so much I would have felt mean - I'd already threatened to stop sucking him if he didn't stop thrusting into my mouth and gagging me!

    I'm ready for some hard and deep doggy style tonight, only after he's made me come at least once though, as it gets him going more than anything else.

    I remember the 1st time I climbed on hubby in lacy black boy shorts and a lacy black push up bra, his face was a picture - I'm a bra vest and sloggi girl normally. My basque and stockings was very well received too, they do bring out the whore in you!

    1242140823
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    I had no sex drive at all for about four years. During that time, I simply avoided any and all erotic activity. I also remained partnerless by choice. I didn't want the hassle of having to resist being pushed and prodded into anything I just didn't fancy.

    I imagine that if I had a partner during that time, I would have played with them to get them off every so often, whilst abstaining myself. I mean, since I can demand erotic servicing whenever I want it whilst denying my partner an orgasm, I'm sure I can offer some erotic fun and games without participating sexually myself. I can well imagine some people making a fuss about this, and demanding my full participation, and that's probably most of the reason I chose to remain partnerless during that time.

    I just waited it out until I felt sexual again, I think that's all one can do.

    Suppose some of you who feel little or no libido discussed the idea of abstaining from the sexual part yourself and playing with your partners for their enjoyment. Do you think your partners would be able to accept that this is how you're feeling, and accept an offer like that? Do you think they could refrain from hassling you for more, and make and keep a promise to let you abstain?

    Would such a thing work for you?

    Nowadays, whenever I feel the slightest bit below par, the very first thing to go is my libido. So I'm thinking that if some of your sex drives are low for longer than you think is normal for you, and you want it to be higher, then visiting your GP might be a good idea.

    It can't hurt, anyhow. :)

    Just some of my thoughts on the topic. Ok, ramble over. :)

    1242141944
    rnsyorks [sign in to see picture]
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    hello again....thanks for all the replies, i have gone out and booked a weekend away in London for this weekend with my man without the kids and i ahve also treated myself to some goodies off the LH site! lets see how it goes.......hopefully it will kickstart me back into action!!!!

    1242144570

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    My hubby and I never really discussed our lack of a satisfactory sex life, I suppose it happened so gradually that it was just the way things were. He simply thought that he was a rubbish lover and that I just wasn't very interested.

    If I had said to him that I felt no desire for sex l but I would "pleasure" him, he would not have gone for it at all, he would have seen it as using me for his own gratification I think. I've never even seen any evidence of him masturbating, although he did get "nocturnal emissions" frequently, in the 3 months we've been having plenty of sex, he hasn't at all. If he did masturbate, I don't know when or where he did it, so most probably in the bath.

    I felt so low for such a long time that it was as much a surprise for me as him when the green light suddenly came on and my libido fired up, if we hadn't have finally got all our issues out in the open, we probably would be going through a divorce right now - being a parent will always be a priority and it's all too easy to ignore your partner and let the intimacy vanish.

    t's a constant source of worry to me though, every month after my period I wonder if it will come back, I even worry that his impending vasectomy may change things, in reality it can only make sex better as my periods with a coil can be horrendous.

    I feel an enormous amount of guilt for letting things get the way they did, lack of sex was just the very tip of the iceberg and I really can't understand why both of us didn't bring it up sooner, rather than very nearly letting our 25 year relationship end in heartbreak.

    1242148199
    Sexy?Pink [sign in to see picture]
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    I also lost my sex drive for a bit, for a good year and a half we were lucky if we had sex once every few months.

    I was getting the contraceptive jag (to help with my horrendus periods) and it really really killed my libido, aswell as that it made me feel really low and anxious oh and the 2 and a half stone in weight I gained didnt really boost my confidence either !!

    My poor hubby, he has an amazingly high sex drive, I felt so guilty. We were newly wed and I just wasnt up for it :( So I choose to stop getting the jag and just deal with the periods. It took a good 8 or 9 months after stopping the jag before I felt like "me" again.

    I found what didnt work for me was pre arranged sex e.g, organising a cosy night in with a bottle of wine, hubby telling me what he wanted to do me etc etc. Id start panicking and thinking about it and it just put me off in the end!

    What did work for me was just getting used to being intimate again - during our dry period, there wasnt alot of physical contact, so having a kiss and a cuddle or a back massage and even just leaving it at that for a bit, began to wet my appetite.

    Hubby was very good at not pressurising me, I told him all my worries, my saggy belly, stretch marks etc etc and he told me he still thought i was very sexy and loved my body etc, he worked on really boosting my confidence. I used to look in the mirror and think eugh!! How on earth could anyone get turned on by me? Slowly but surely I began to accept myself warts and all and believe what my hubby was telling me.

    After that I became like a woman posessed!! I couldnt get enough of it and as I became more confident, I wanted more......Thats where Love Honey came into it! I wanted to experiment and feel different senstions and try different things etc etc so I ordered some toys.

    The toys really spice things up for me and they also make our play time last longer, some times my hubby is rather quick in coming, especially if hes not had it for a few days, so its good to mix it up a little.

    And now I have my sex drive back, I take great pleasure in using my toys when hes not here!

    1242156579

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    Lady Lara wrote:

    My hubby and I never really discussed our lack of a satisfactory sex life, I suppose it happened so gradually that it was just the way things were. He simply thought that he was a rubbish lover and that I just wasn't very interested.

    If I had said to him that I felt no desire for sex l but I would "pleasure" him, he would not have gone for it at all, he would have seen it as using me for his own gratification I think. I've never even seen any evidence of him masturbating, although he did get "nocturnal emissions" frequently, in the 3 months we've been having plenty of sex, he hasn't at all. If he did masturbate, I don't know when or where he did it, so most probably in the bath.

    I felt so low for such a long time that it was as much a surprise for me as him when the green light suddenly came on and my libido fired up, if we hadn't have finally got all our issues out in the open, we probably would be going through a divorce right now - being a parent will always be a priority and it's all too easy to ignore your partner and let the intimacy vanish.

    t's a constant source of worry to me though, every month after my period I wonder if it will come back, I even worry that his impending vasectomy may change things, in reality it can only make sex better as my periods with a coil can be horrendous.

    I feel an enormous amount of guilt for letting things get the way they did, lack of sex was just the very tip of the iceberg and I really can't understand why both of us didn't bring it up sooner, rather than very nearly letting our 25 year relationship end in heartbreak.

    Lady lara after my vasectomy .my wife had her coil removed life after that became more comfortable for my wife.And my sex life got better knowing no more pregnancy worries for my wife either and no mre painfull heavy periods.sex got better .i was back to having sex within the week too ,very carefully at first and within 2 weeks all was back to normal and n o foriegn bodies to worry about .So don't dispair things can get better

    1242159667

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    lickmadick wrote:

    Lady Lara wrote:

    My hubby and I never really discussed our lack of a satisfactory sex life, I suppose it happened so gradually that it was just the way things were. He simply thought that he was a rubbish lover and that I just wasn't very interested.

    If I had said to him that I felt no desire for sex l but I would "pleasure" him, he would not have gone for it at all, he would have seen it as using me for his own gratification I think. I've never even seen any evidence of him masturbating, although he did get "nocturnal emissions" frequently, in the 3 months we've been having plenty of sex, he hasn't at all. If he did masturbate, I don't know when or where he did it, so most probably in the bath.

    I felt so low for such a long time that it was as much a surprise for me as him when the green light suddenly came on and my libido fired up, if we hadn't have finally got all our issues out in the open, we probably would be going through a divorce right now - being a parent will always be a priority and it's all too easy to ignore your partner and let the intimacy vanish.

    t's a constant source of worry to me though, every month after my period I wonder if it will come back, I even worry that his impending vasectomy may change things, in reality it can only make sex better as my periods with a coil can be horrendous.

    I feel an enormous amount of guilt for letting things get the way they did, lack of sex was just the very tip of the iceberg and I really can't understand why both of us didn't bring it up sooner, rather than very nearly letting our 25 year relationship end in heartbreak.

    Lady lara after my vasectomy .my wife had her coil removed life after that became more comfortable for my wife.And my sex life got better knowing no more pregnancy worries for my wife either and no mre painfull heavy periods.sex got better .i was back to having sex within the week too ,very carefully at first and within 2 weeks all was back to normal and n o foriegn bodies to worry about .So don't dispair things can get better

    That's very good to hear, we should find out tomorrow how long he'll have to wait - if it's longer than a couple of months then we'll go private as we have a holiday at the end of August and I want rid of my coil before then, I could have ripped it out myself over the weekend, the pain was so bad.

    Men wonder why women go off sex - try dealing with horrendous periods that last for a week every three weeks, plus pain that feels like your insides are being ripped out by a corkscrew and see how sexy they feel! Or conversely, pumping your body full of hormones that make you fat or kill your desires.

    I can't wait to give him a hand providing a sperm sample after his snip, any suggestions on the sexiest way to do it? I don't really want to be spitting it out into the tub - I much prefer to swallow. No fleshlight suggestions or similar please, not for us thank you. He didn't even fancy one of the tenga egg thingies and my boobs are too widely spaced for a tit-wank. I could blindfold him I suppose..

    1242165538

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    you might like this and you may not but get him to come down the crack of your arse and catch the drops in a glass placed between you legs ...have fun

    1242225735
    sunroof [sign in to see picture]
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    i am going around the house to day wearing a lovely lacey thong and lacey nipples out bra that i purchased off love honey months ago and never put on me. wishing that my poor hubby would come home from work and do me good and hard will i be able to hold on to this feeling till tonite? doubtful. sleep will prevail. roll on a friday nite no teenagers a bottle of chardonnay and a log fire!!!!! im getting hot and bothered already. what about these chinees balls that i see would they keep me in the mood for longer. reading the book cassandras conflict which is an excellent horny read i might add they seem to do the trick for her. any one try them

    1246042060
    jmtaylor [sign in to see picture]
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    Help, my sex drive has gone up and left and I think I know why. Bloody antidepressants on my part and things that may or may not be excuses on my husbands part. Tiredness, sore hip (he's only 47). I've put on some weight, but am not huge by any means and he's loved me through thick and thin (pardon the pun).

    Our sex life was phenomenal way back, but once I started introducing toys and asking for a bit of light bondage, spanking, massages, anything a bit out of the ordinary, he cooled off. He assures me he still loves me, but loves me like what a sister? a pet dog? a roomate? I am only 47 as well, far too young to stop having sex. The anti-depressants stop me from having an orgasm. I've tried all my toys, mastrubated until my wrist is sore, all to almost reach climax but not quite. Very frustrating.

    I read that Viagra is helpful in helping women who are on SRRI antidepressants, but they are not not licenced for clinical use in this setting. Bloody great eh?

    Anyone else had the same problem and what did they do? This is making an already shaky situation worse.

    1246043647
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    jmtaylor wrote:

    Help, my sex drive has gone up and left and I think I know why. Bloody antidepressants on my part and things that may or may not be excuses on my husbands part. [...]

    I read that Viagra is helpful in helping women who are on SRRI antidepressants, but they are not not licenced for clinical use in this setting. Bloody great eh?

    Anyone else had the same problem and what did they do? This is making an already shaky situation worse.

    Have you been to your GP with this? I've heard from many places that testosterone can boost a woman's sex drive, perhaps that would help you. I'd recommend asking your doctor about it.

    1246105632
    jmtaylor [sign in to see picture]
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    Nexas, it would appear to be a trade off between being depressed and having no sex life (which depresses me more) or just coming off them, which my doctor seems keen that I don't do. I am not suicidal or anything, I just think she wants me to take the pills and never address the underlying issues.

    That leaves point two, how do I get my husband to become a bit more experimental in bed? I am seriously thinking an affair would spice things up (for me at least)!

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