wildflower wrote:
How does she feel about her own body? If she has body confidence issues it might be that she feels self conscious in other positions. It can be hard to relax and let go if you don't feel attractive in certain positions
Is the oral problem that she does't like to do it to you or does't like it done to her?.
Very valid points here!
First of all it's very positive that you care enough to share this with LH readers to seek a solution, and there is some great advice here so far.
As StHubbins says you need to find out what her needs are. You've said when you have sex it's all about her, however if it was all about her and she was really happy she would be wanting more. Something is not working for her right now and it's just a matter of finding out what and putting her needs above your own for now.
Does she enjoy you giving her oral sex? Not all women like it, and as Wildflower says some women have body hang ups that don't allow them to relax to enjoy oral sex fully.
Is she a working Mum? If so that can put a lot of strain on a marriage/relationship as often Mum's don't stop running about whether it's work or kids, so she may find it difficult to switch off and relax.
If she's wanting to avoid sex then being told she's sexy may not be what she wants to hear, she may find it irritating.
You've said you have discussed things with her and 'talked to her loads' - what did she say? This is where you want to be doing more listening than talking.
However pick your moment for discussing such matters, don't have this conversation when you are wanting sex, it needs to be when you are both 100% relaxed, with no distractions and when you are expecting nothing from her but open communication.
When a partner make the focus on what they want from the other person it can cause friction especially if the other person doesn't feel they are getting what they want. Expressing sexual needs is a very touchy subject (excuse the pun) and needs to be handled delicately. Both parties need to be willing to compromise.
For example...
1. Start with complimenting her - How about a compliment that is a positive way she makes you feel?
2. Tell her you love her
3. I'd love to spend more time being intimate with you, what can I do that would allow you to enjoy more intimacy? ** You may find the answers she gives in StHubbins list**
4. Why it's important - It's important to me because I need to feel connected to you. I love you and I want our marriage to work and for us both to be happy.
Let us know how you get on :)