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  1. A little help please !!!

    Lanner [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 31 Jul 2013

    Hi am new to LH but thought u could help have been married for 8 years but since my wife has had children she seams to have lost all confidence in the bedroom and thinks she is ugly , I tell her all the time she is not and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder but she can't seem to get over this hurdle!!!

    tkc23 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    • Joined: 25 Jul 2013

    It's a really difficult problem as it's about what she feels rather than what you're telling her. It doesn't matter how often you tell her she's beautiful she won't believe it until she feels it. You could try showing her instead. I find that it helps my self confidence issues if my partner shows me how sexy he thinks I am...if you catch my drift! A romantic night in, maybe a relative could have you're children over night (I know it's difficult to have alone time with kids, I have 3 myself) and a bit of effort on your part - shave, shower, nice clothes ect- will show her how much you want her and the effort you're willing to put in to do this. I think romance is a big part of how attractive a woman believes she is, simple things like notes on her pillow, cooking her a meal and running her a bath will show her how attentive you're trying to be and should make her more confident in the bedroom.

    Good luck!

    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    buying her some nice lingerie might help - there's plenty of styles on lovehoney which will flatter everyone.

    Romance is most likley the key - make sure she's relaxed and not tired. things tkc23 has reccomended such as a meal and bath will help.

    having kids does change a person's body dramatically, but so long as you are reasurring and patient you can help her.

    blonde vixen13 [sign in to see picture]
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    For women sex is such a physiological thing. If we don't feel right in our head we can't get our bodies to be turned on.
    I reckon every women on here who has had children will have gone through what she is at some point after childbirth.
    Pamper her. How about a couple day at a spa. Romantic dinners, candle lot baths, send her a bunch of flowers when your at work and write on the card a message to make her realise how beautiful she is. Maybe something like " everyday you grow more beautiful " or " I you still turn me on as much as you did that first night we met!"
    If she is concerned about her weight, is there any way you could both start doing things like going for walks or bike rides or join a gym or fitness class together. Don't say it's to help her loose weight, but say you would like to do more as a hobby together. Then if she starts to tone up she might feel better.
    After I had my children I lost my libdo too and it too erotic fiction to get me back in the mood. From there we started experimenting with toys, I became more sexually confident because I could see how much my partner enjoyed it etc etc.
    I also found buying a whole new wardrobe of clothes and underwear helped. If you can financially afford It maybe offer to send her to the hairdressers for a new cut and colour or take her on a shopping trip. If you can leave the kids with a relative for the day to give you both some couple time it would be great. What im saying is that I think you need to start boosting her confidence outside of the bedroom before she will be confident inside the bedroom again. I hope this helps a little

    Lanner [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    Thanks for the great idears have been doing some of things u suggested as often as I can . Just going to take time me thinks !!!

    gingerbiscuit87 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 26 Aug 2013

    I was in the same boat as your wife recently... My husband is always telling me how attracted he is to me but it just didn't ring true to me as all I saw was fat and wobble when I looked in the mirror. What did help me out of this funk was spending more time together that didn't just include sex. Also the littlebtoughes like when washing up getting a little spank in the bum. Even things like stoking my back as I walked past just helped as the intimacy in those moments raised my confidence. Rather than saying things like "you are sexy", try saying stuff like "I find you sexy" as she can't argue your personal opinion

    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with naughty nurse! Every woman who has had children has gone through this at some point, even women who haven't had children will go through it to some extent, but I feel it's worse when you have to get used to your body changing so drastically.
    The only way she will get out of this is being 100% assured that you find her as attractive as ever. Women are a difficult bunch, you can tell us one day that we're really attractive, then next week we seem to forget and go back to being miserable! Haha! It's a constant battle having to see so many perfect women about on TV and newspapers constantly and it makes us want to conform to that and feel less than perfect. When in reality all women should love themselves no matter what they look like.
    I think buying some lingerie would be nice, nothing to raunchy just yet, something elegant and floaty that covers her tummy would be perfect. If she's concerned about her body after kids her tummy will be her worst feature in her mind, so something that covers it will make her feel confident.
    You could write her a letter or a card and just tell her what you've told her. Tell her that you can't believe she's so critical of herself when she looks so amazing. Buy her flowers for no reason maybe once every couple of weeks, it doesn't have to be super expensive, I would be happy with supermarket flowers! It's the thought that counts.
    Lots of touching, kisses and cuddles will help. If she's busy doing something just come up behind her and give her a cuddle, say in her ear that she's beautiful. There's nothing more I love than getting a nice unexpected cuddle, it really makes you feel special.
    I also agree with the erotic fiction, that definitely works for me!

    I hope these ideas, from me and others, give you a better idea of what she needs and I hope it works out for you :)


    [suspended user]

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    Maybe take her out or give her the money to have her hair done, new makeup, and new clothes. Then take hear out for a nice romantic meal then have the bedroom all romantic for when she gets back? With candles and roses on the bed with a nice bottle of wine. And give her a nice massage.

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