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  1. Need help pleasing my wife (men or women answers)

    TheUnknown [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 21 Aug 2013

    Okay, well i have been with my wife for 3 years and she was a virgin before we met.

    I knew her for years before an she had never been a real horny person.

    We have sex occasionally but i think it feels like a chore for her an less like fun, i bought her a dildo to explore herself as she may feel more comfortable there.

    She does like the dildo although she will only use it when im present an doing it to her.

    She does not really like oral or touching of her clit as it is really sensitive an makes her feel uncomfortable no matter how soft i am.

    i am a average size man an well expierenced have had sex before an cause many orgasm from previous girlfriends although this is completely different.

    After a short while in doggy she will say the pleasure is too much to hand an want to stop.

    I know she likes me to finger her while playing with her g spot but my hands get tired, i also bought the g spot vibrator but that also is to much pleasure for her

    Is there anything anyone could advise me todo to her or buy to help her enjoy sex


    lillithlibby [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 340
    • Joined: 7 Aug 2013

    You could get some massage oil to help set the mood, lots of compliments, a nice set of underwear or a body suit, maybe a real feel g spot dildo might help, experiment with the glass toys, some erotic books to help give her ideas,
    Good luck :-)

    LetsTryThis [sign in to see picture]
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    Does she masterbate? On her own? And if she does - does she climax?

    From where I'm sat she is enjoying sex with you, and may be afraid to 'let go'. She may be a squirter who has never squirted. As she was a virgin she may have no clue what that feeling is and be worried that she is actually going to wee rather than just squirting. (It is a bizzare sensation and does take some getting used to).

    I would say back off with the sex, build up the intimacy and communicate. For a 'newbie' masterbater, I'd recommend a good lube and fingers rather than necessarily toys. Just until she discovers what she does like, and that it's okay to 'let go'. Once she's more confident in solo play she can they tell you what makes her happy when you're together. (Like if her clit is sensitive harder strokes may be needed rather than lighter tickly strokes).

    I certainly would avoid putting pressure on her to 'enjoy' it. :)

    blonde vixen13 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    Are you using lube? I find I don't get as sensitive with lube.
    I also think a big part of it is psychological and she needs to learn to relax. For years I found the build up before an orgasam too intense and as a result wouldn't let myself relax enough to have the full release.

    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
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    as Naughty Nurse has said, an ex of mine was like that and it was my first thought on reading your post. When we first got together she would literally jump of me because she couldn't let go and it freaked her out.

    Sounds like you're trying hard so not sure what more you can do, but for us it was some very open talking and taking things really slow, pausing if it got too much for her, and gradually building up to climax. And that wasn't first time after either.

    StarMan [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
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    • Joined: 6 Dec 2012

    Thanks for the reply guys no she does not really masterbate unless i ask her too

    TheUnknown [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 21 Aug 2013

    Thanks for the replies an no she does not masterbate unless i ask her too

    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    It sounds like she has not explored her own body in enough detail to know how to lead you in the right direction. Has she ever masturbated to orgasm in her life?

    I think the truth is, if she has never done this alone, she is going to struggle massively because A) She isn't sure what works for her, what the build up to orgasm feels like and how to keep that sensation going until she peaks and B) She is going to be quite nervous about her first orgasms on her own, let alone with someone there, if that makes sense?

    My clit is also extremely sensitive and if it gets brushed up the wrong way with a dry finger or tongue I could just shoot straight through the headboard. I recommend a good water based lubricant, (Silicone can be better for masturbation but be aware that it stains clothing and you cannot use it with silicone sex toys.) and only lightly brush your fingers over her clit with plenty of lubricant applied to the area.

    Consider getting her a vibrator rather than a dildo. Dildos are amazing and all, but 70% of women cannot orgasm from penetration alone. They need clit stimulation and most of us need it directly, not in passing, like a brush from a dildo as it slides past. A vibrator, preferably a small (But good) bullet will be an ideal first vibrator. I would advise also choosing one that comes with a few different speeds and settings, it gives her more choice and control.

    It is important that she does experiment alone, either with the lube, vibrator and dildo, or just with fingers. Finding out what feels good for her, is it up and down movements or circles, pressure or no pressure, directly at the tip or further up the shaft....etc etc. but I guess if your lady has never had an interest in this and does not feel that there is a problem, then you must be careful not to upset or pressure her by the way you suggest things to her, like this.

    When you are together, the most important thing is to communicate and for her to be relaxed and comfortable with what is happening (Negative thoughts need to go out of her mind and justt focus on the nice feelings). At first, when I was with my partner, I felt too shy. I was okay telling him "Gentle" but his version of gentle was still twice as hard as I liked it. Eventually, as time went on, I told him even more gentle, so he tried that and I said "About half again" and he was shocked, he said "But I am barely touching you" I said I know but just do that....and I had my first orgasm with him. Just remember that someone saying "Gentle" or "Slow" gives you little information. There version of slow and gentle could be entirely different from yours altogether and this is why you need to talk to each other. Ask her questions. "Is this slow enough, hard enough, soft enough, shall I go even slower, gentler, does it feel better if I go in circles or up and down....etc"

    It wont happen overnight, if she has never had one, she is probably just a little unsure and I think once she has a couple, she will learn about what she likes and may have a stronger urge to experiment more to chase that good feeling.

    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    You didn't say anything about her nipples? Does she enjoy that?

    LetsTryThis [sign in to see picture]
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    Fluffbags wrote:


    Great post Fluffbags.

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