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  1. Too Experimental?

    AddictedToSex [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 10
    • Joined: 25 Jul 2013

    This is my first post here to be gentle! :D

    Ok so slight back story. Me and my partner have been together for around 4 years, and have a very healthy sex life, we used to live together but due to financial difficulties now live with our families, and spend one night a month together in a hotel to get out all our sexual frustrations haha!

    We've experimented alot. We love bondage, and he loves being submissive, anal play etc. And i'm constantly trying to think of new things for us to try, but it's getting to the point where i'm running out! We've considered involving a third party/swingers clubs that sort of thing. But what "out there" stuff have you guys done to spice things up and experiment?

    HappilyExperimenting [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1635
    • Joined: 14 Feb 2012

    Hi there, welcome to the forums- nice profile picture! :) As you can see from my name, I love experimenting with different types of play. Being single there's only so much advice I can give you though :P

    First of all, how do you and your partner feel about swinging or threesomes? Have you spoken about it in length? I would err on the side of caution when considering involving another person as it can often lead to jealousy or tears or isn't what you expected the first time.

    Have you tried sex toys? You say you've experimented with bondage, how about investing in some handcuffs or a silk blindfold? Robbing your partner of his sight heightens other senses ;) Start out small if you've not played with sex toys before, use a cock ring, lube or small bullet vibrator. All of these items are on LoveHoney's 3 for £10 offer at the moment. Yay for LoveHoney! ! :D

    If you are a sex toy hoarder though, (like me!) Why not try pegging? (This is where the female wears a strap-on and plays with her partners ass!) You say your guy likes bondage and anal play; why not incorporate these, tie him up and begin to play with his ass a bit. There are plenty of butt plugs and anal dildos suitable for beginners on LoveHoney. Don't forget to use the lube! Sliquid is a very popular brand and they are quite big bottles too :) Have you ever tried using glass toys? They are great for vaginal or anal penetration as they feel so smooth and hold their temperature. You can have great fun with a cooled-down glass dildo.

    Well I can't think of much else, I'm sure other forum members will want to contribute too though and will have more info on swinging or threesomes for you! :) Good luck!

    Mr Socks [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 123
    • Joined: 25 Apr 2013

    Too experimental? — how much is too much? If you both like what you're doing then you can't have too much of a good thing, can you?

    At this time in the morning I can't think of any suggestions re new things to try in the vain you were hoping for. However, have you also considered that you may have spread yourselves a little thin? Can appreciate the financial problems are asphyxiating your chances of a regular sex life, so you're possibly tending to squeeze everything in to your hotel stays…without considering the inevitable consequences. Too much in a short period of time, as opposed to simply having done too much.

    Idea: this may not be what you want but…would you consider going the other way and opting for a more sensual time, toning it all down?

    What about one of you (poss. alternately) spending the whole time blindfolded — completely without light or even a hint of for hours, whilst the other does entirely whatever they please? It would certainly appeal to your chap's submissive tendencies. You could go to the next logical step and use a pair of attenuating or complete-noise blocking ear plugs. Sensory deprivation when in a safe place is rather exhilarating and more so when other stimuli are in effect. Likewise when the senses are regained. Even the simplest things in this scenario can be staggering.

    Too often, I believe, the first option people turn to when they've exhausted their ideas, is to introduce a third etc. party — and it doesn't usually work out, maybe even causing a host of other problems. Similarly people also tend to think "I need more, bigger, better" of the same instead of stripping back to the essentials.

    Hope that's of help.

    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 4073
    • Joined: 4 Dec 2012

    Have you thought about meeting in the bar of the hotel as "strangers", maybe pretend to be someone you're not. You could go high-brow or gutter-dirty, an executive on a business trip, or a call-girl waiting for her client (or both!), some small talk, leading into who knows what!

    I know its not especially experimental, but could add excitement, a chance to dress-up, and if you can retain the persona of who you are pretending to be all day/night, you could tell each other what you got up to last night over breakfast/lunch.

    I was in a similar situation a few years ago, and although it was great fun, there was self-imposed pressure to do something more exciting each time.

    Also don't forget, a relationship is about intimacy as well as sexual satisfaction, and sometimes those intimate moments lead into new ideas you hadn't thought of or tried before. (which I think is the last point Mr Socks is making)

    MissChar [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 992
    • Joined: 3 Nov 2011

    Totally agree with mr socks in that perhaps you should try stripping it partner and I are very experimental, but went through a phase where we were only having crazy sex and it became disastrous as there was so much pressure to do something MORE and DIFFERENT and for it all to go no hitches.. So be wary of that because the pressure leads failure (whether its in a funny way or not). We stripped things back and had really romantic sensual sex for like a whole 2 months. No toys, no bdsm, no crazy contraptions, no role play etc etc. and it was amazing :) xx

    swingcouple [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 161
    • Joined: 29 Jan 2008

    We were very experimental right from the start of our relationship (probably because our exes had both been against trying anything out of the ordinary). A few weeks after we first met, we tried swinging by visiting our first swinger club, and we have been very glad we did. We moved from sex together in a crowded playroom, surrounded by others having sex, on our first visit, through interacting with others for soft-swinging, and a few months after that, to full swapping. Since then we've tried large groups, both types of threesomes, home swinging, separate rooms and bisexual play. Swinging has given us the chance to push our boundaries and keep sex interesting.

    It's not for everyone however, you both have to want to do it (rather than one making the other participate) and have to put any jealousy aside. If you can do these, then it's truly liberating.

    AddictedToSex [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 10
    • Joined: 25 Jul 2013

    Thanks for all the replies!

    To HE, Thank you (: andyes we use quite a variaty of sex toys and bondage gear, our underbed restraints are our absolute favourite, we even turned them into dor restraints by using the top half and jamming then im the door :D I've actually just bought my first strap on, and our next hotel night i plan on putting it to use. We have spoke about involving a third party, but we are still undecided about it, which is why we decided against it for now, until we are completely certain (:

    To Mr Socks and Miss Char, that is kind of whats been happening, these hotel nights have been once a month so by the time we see eachother, it's all we want to do! We have considered the more sensual side of things, but to be honest that doesn't really appeal to either of us, i've always prefered the rough type, rather than the romantic. But i do like your idea of having him blindfolded throughout!

    To Barkerson, We did explore that idea, but found out pretty quickly we couldn't take it seriously haha! It acts out well in my head and seems really hot, but putting into practice we both just felt abit silly, roleplay isn't one of our things i guess, but thank you for the advice!

    To Swingcouples, We have talked about it at great length and we know what our boundaries would be and how we would go about it, but for now we don't think we are ready. Hats off to you, a relationship has to be rock solid to be able to enjoy swinging i think (:

    Topper (UKSF) [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 15
    • Joined: 14 Jul 2013

    A couple of things that we have found a lot of fun are role-play, where we set up a scene based on either partners preferences. The scenes can involve spanking, domination or anything you like. Also exhibitionism (having sex while someone watches us), a bit of light watersports and also going to sex clubs - you don't have to have sex with other people if you don't want to, but you can same-room or indulge in a bit of voyeurism if the others don't mind.

    Personally, full swapping is off-limits for us as we want to remain monogamous, but if your relationship is strong enough and you are mentally prepared I should imagine that there's a lot of fun to be had.

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