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  1. Frustrated - We want different things

    Miss V [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 14
    • Joined: 21 May 2013

    I have just turned 43 and found my libido!!. Basically I want to try new things and realise I like a bit of Kink/pleasurable pain, but my OH is not interested.

    I have only slept with my OH and he had a previous marriage and girlfriend prior to me (He got married young), I never have an orgasam via Intercourse and often end up finishing myself off as I struggle to come even with my OH touching me. Sometines I do wonder what it would be like with another man.

    Over the years I have realised that I have never got much from sex and have liked it a bit rough and enjoy pleasuable pain the odd time my OH has instigated it, but I now realise, that I need more!!

    I Started making the odd comment about being Bitten\spanked etc and he just laughed it off, with saying 'right' & ' ok' but over the last few months I have indicated I need\want more, often joking about it but the last few weeks I have had more indepth conversations with him. I have sent him various links via this site, bought a few toys etc, but he just isn't interested!!

    We do have anal now and again which we both enjoy, but I can't explain the 'Need/Desire' for more and even after having a orgasam, I'm just not satisfied, I can't expalin it really. I know I can't go on with this need that isn't being satisifed.

    Last night when I brought it up after a few glasses of wine and said 'you can always spank me to alleviate your frustratuion at work', he told me I was turning weird. I sent him a link via e mail from this site about spanking saying I would like to try this route, but if he wasn't comfortable and didnt want to do it, I would not mention it again. I have said he can respond via text, leave a note, e mail, if he feels awkward, but just ignored that I even sent it to him.

    He has mentioned his odd fantasy and I have said I am up for anything, my hormones must be raging, I am just so worried that I am at my prime, up for anything within reason and need to do\try more and satisfy my needs. He doesnt even like kissing, which I find so frustrating as this does turn me on and I know that along side being bitten/dominated etc, I could reach an orgasam.

    We are quite an open couple, so I dont think he's shy, just not into it. I know he looks at porn sites, what man doesn't and I dont mind at all. I just dont know what to do and perhspa there isn't anything, I just feel sad. I now feel I may have made it even worse by mentioning it, perhaps pushed him away, but then I feel if I dont mention it, he will think I dont want it any more and we will end up back where we were, me not satisfied!!

    I love my husband, have teenage children and would never leave him but I dont know what else to do......sorry for the rambling, long winded post, just need to vent out my frustration!!

    FrozenAngel [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1292
    • Joined: 20 May 2011

    Aw Miss V, I'm sorry to hear that and you shouldn't be sorry for venting sometimes we need to get it out.

    Maybe it's something that he doesn't understand and then can't get his head around it. It must be very frustrating for you to want to try something and not be able to get through to him to try it with you.

    Im not entirely sure what to suggest to you to try and help him see your way.

    I hope things work out for you, and maybe he'll come around and you can both enjoy that stuff.

    Latexslutboy-lh [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 14
    • Joined: 14 Mar 2013

    if he is looking at porn why not watch it with him and act out what he watches, and see if that helps.

    i dont see the point in watching porn when you are with someone unless you watch it together.

    unless is is addicted to porn and then your sex life will suffer.

    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 416
    • Joined: 11 Feb 2013

    Look at it from his PoV, after what, 20 years? of marriage and infrequent sex, you woke up one morning and told him you want sex every day, and also him to hit you.

    You have just been knocked out of a rut, but he hasnt, and knocking him out of it isnt going to be easy.

    Rather depends what he wants out of sex.

    spiceitup [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 69
    • Joined: 27 Oct 2010

    Us men in long term marriages and relationships don't know where we are half the time. One month it's rampant and we can do nothing wrong. The following few month or years as the case may be we feel like we have been put out to grass and can do nothing right even when we go out our way to make things special.

    i excpect he is fed up with it all to be honest. And probally is thinking what's the point tomorrow it will be back to normal again. A lot of men turn to porn although its not ideal it serves it purpose. I would rather watch porn with the oh, but finding something more romantic and without the woman looking degraded is a pain, although it is out there. And my oh isn't that into unfortunately for me.

    Hope you get things sorted.

    trailerguy61 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 57
    • Joined: 9 Jun 2013

    shame he cant/wont go along with your new found libido, desire to try different things.

    at 63 if my partner kinda woke up in similar vein i`d be only too happy to oblige lol, lead the way kinda thing, not being able to talk properly or get him to help try satisfying your new found needs must be frustrating you to heck and back.

    you sound like you have the bare bones of satifying sex with occasional anal etc but having to finish yourself off more times than you care to remember because youve not been satisfied cant be good in any relationship let alone a long term one.

    if it were apropriate i`d say look up some s and m clubs or post on fetish sites where you can fulfill your desires to be bitten and/or spanked but if you do then of course be very careful, as with all things in life theres something/someone somewhere who`ll oblige and if/as/where its do-able can be sorted on a no-strings, satisfy you till the next time you get the itch or urge lol.

    people get no strings satisfaction in all walks of life, you need a no strings, once in a while friend with benefits you can use and abuse and walk away from till next time.

    its whether your frustrated enough to do something about your situation that will be the key to whether your relationship might survive because from the sounds of it, his awkwardness and unwilling attitude in spite of the fact you love him and have had a great relationship up to now its driving you crazy and will only fester with ongoing frustration.

    pity he cant be more compliant. youve from the sounds of it tried to put across how you feel. i`d have half expected a neat and orderly queue to have formed to give you what you want lol.

    he has a sexy woman who obviously loves him but cant see how much you want him to give you what you now want.

    as a guy i suppose i can see the point that others have tried to make, ie waking up one morning to a wife who now desires to be bit, spanked, given rough uncomplicated sex that will satisfy her as being something totally alien but being in a relationship is or should be about communication, compliance, sharing and lots of other stuff,

    personally i`d be happy as larry my partner was still sexually adventurous, he`s loss.

    hope you sort things out before it drives you bananas.

    Somerland [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 38
    • Joined: 16 May 2013

    I think perhaps your partner is missing the point or not really understanding your needs.

    I'll give you a little background detail on my own experiences that may possibly explain. My wife and I are both in our early 40's and to be honest, our sex life had hit a bit of a wall after I suffered a couple of years of stress related ED. Without going into boring detail, things had become a routine for us and got to the point where we really didn't even speak about our sex lives very much. As my recovery from ED finally started to happen, we had a more open chat than we had in many years and decided to go to our local store (don't know If I can/should mention the store name, but you can probably guess) and see if we could spice things up a bit.

    When my wife picked up a riding crop and give it a swish saying 'this is quite good', I though why not give it a go. Occasionally I'd give her bum a slap during sex which she never complained about, but I hadn't really considered anything approaching spanking before for two reasons. Firstly I'm a large bloke and my wife is as petite as they come (I'm over twice her body weight) and so the thought of me being physical in that sense terrified me in case I accidentally hurt her, something I'd never want to do. Secondly, it can be a very tough subject to bring up. I actually quite like being spanked/dominated myself, but never really got to a point where I could feel comfortable to discuss it.

    Anyway, we've both found that we do enjoy it as an addition to our fun. The pleasure for me in spanking my wife comes mainly from seeing her enjoying it and her orgasm intensifying as a result, rather than from me actually doing the spanking, and it's perhaps that point that he doesn't understand fully.

    If you haven't already, my suggestion would be to let him take you doggy style and encourage him give your bum a few smacks along the way. If he cares for your pleasure at all, he should notice your response and enjoy it and then perhaps open up to your needs.

    sexynurse09 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 740
    • Joined: 21 Sep 2009

    Aww Miss V, you must be so frustrated. I don't really know what you can do. You've already said you love him and would never leave him, so that's out.

    This leaves a couple of options. You could sit him down and have a proper discussion about it. Find out why he's not comfortable, is there anything 'softer' he'd be willing to try to start off with. As others have said, he's probably bewildered about where all this has come from. Important thing is to have this discussion WITHOUT the wine. He needs to know you're serious.

    If you dont feel comfortable saying it to him, you could always write him a letter explaining exactly how you feel.

    As others have said, fetish/ s&m clubs are an option. Maybe you could get him to go with you, just for both of you to watch, and this will give you the opportunity to explain why it turns you on. It might help him understand or it might frighten him to death, it's a risky one.

    Youve said he likes porn, how about finding some porn in the genre you like and watching it together, gives you a chance to show him what you'd like. He may not feel comfortable because he doesn't know where to start, maybe watching others will help.

    Your last resort would be to use a fetish club alone, with or without your husbands blessing, depends how much you need it.

    I think the first thing to do would be to establish why he's not comfortable and go from there.

    chunkyg [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 193
    • Joined: 28 Dec 2007

    Normally I would say communicate but you seem to have exhausted that completely. I'm struggling to help you with relevant advice but definitely sympathise with you. Have you tried date nights using a random fetish selector for each of you (draw one or two out of a hat and act them out).......I really hope you start to get the joy you want! I think if you can get him to start a little roleplay you are halfway there.

    Blokes who don't / won't communicate give us all a bad name :-)

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