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  1. Sex help with my bf

    pinkknailss [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 29 Oct 2010

    Ah ok love honey I need your help!

    Me and my bf have been together for 8months, we moved in together at 5 months.
    Before that our sex was nice, and fun and exciting! Like rabbits as most new relationships are!

    However since we moved in we don't have sex as much and there's the HUGE problem that we like different things! I'm into talking dirty, spanking, anal and receiving head, and rough hard sex. And he's not. We spoke briefly about whateach others like and he told me he like bondage, he tied up my wrists having sex a few times which I'm not 100% comfortable with but I go with it because that's what he likes you know? But NOTHING else like that again after
    I am very self conscious of my body so I don't like doing different positions cos of how I will look! He doesn't really touch my body when we have sex, there's barely any foreplay with I've told him several times is what I need to get wet and not have painful sex!!!! But of course he wants me to wank him off and suck his dick till my mouth gives up.

    He has no interest in joining me when I use toys to the point where he says it doesn't excite him and I wait till he goes out to use them. He's never been too concerned about making me come and when I told him the other night I don't cum during sex he seem genuinely upset and pissed off because he thought I was every time we had sex and then told me I was faking it!!
    I suggest us watching porn together but he just got awkward and went onto the river island website lol!!!

    Please help, we are both 24 and need to sort out this awful situation, sex is sooooo boring and he's not making any effort to change it and what I've done has been dismissed!

    Noon [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 435
    • Joined: 15 Sep 2009

    Hi Pink and welcome to the forum.

    It sounds very complicated and your description makes it sound like your are not your boyfriend's biggest fan right now!

    pinkknailss [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 29 Oct 2010

    I'm not! We are having lots of problems, I cheated on him before and after we moved in together. It's not a healthy relationship right now sadly.

    lilac_vix [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 336
    • Joined: 9 Nov 2010

    Moving in with someone is definately not a good way to fix a broken relationship.

    Did he touch you before when the sex was good? Did the touching stop before of after you cheated on him? Do you think maybe he doesn't like you very much either?

    Lots of us have been there in a relationship that is sexually incompatible and you have to make a choice if you can get past the sex bit or not. I know I can't, and I have split up with people in the past because sex wasn't right.

    Just don't stay in a relationship for the sake of it, or because its easier than being single.

    If you want to fix your relationship you need to go back to the beginning, have dates, rebuild trust. Maybe even don't have sex for a couple of months.Start off just fooling around and getting each other off without penetrative sex and build from there.

    lippylola [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 13
    • Joined: 1 Apr 2013

    Are you sure you want to stay with your boyfriend? Because you don't seem happy

    Midnightlou [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 58
    • Joined: 24 Jun 2012

    Unfortunately it sounds like you both want different things.

    I'd be upfront with him about it discuss what you need from your side of the relationship both sexually and emotionally.

    Fortunately your still young and if its this tough now then it's unlikely to get better if you can't be open and frank about things, particularly if there has already been cheating.

    BDSM [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 188
    • Joined: 14 Feb 2009

    Outside your sex life, is the relationship good?

    I always think it's a shame to throw away a good relationship because of poor sex, because it is possible to work on the sex if the relationship is good. The problem is, when the relationship is not that great, then there is very little hope of getting it sorted out.

    Sex is a two-way thing. It takes both people to make the effort to make it good. Communication is absolutely vital and in a healthy relationship, there should be the desire to want to make the other person feel good. That doesn't mean that you will do anything they want, but the desire to give has to be there to some degree.

    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 706
    • Joined: 7 Jun 2009

    As BDSM said... are there good parts to this relationship or do you feel completely trapped? Is it just the sex that's the problem?

    It sounds like you want very different things and maybe he's not the most understanding of people when it comes to your feelings.

    Why are you self concious about your body? He is obviously with you for a reason and loves the way you look... be more confident about yourself and the way that you look and you may notice a dramatic difference.

    Eat healthily! I cannot describe the wonders that will do for your sex life! Talk to each other and get back to basics with sex. Grab his hands and make him touch you when you're having sex. If he likes bondage have you thought about tying him up?

    fistinglover69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 497
    • Joined: 25 Aug 2011

    Im gunna say the opposite! The majority of couples have different turn ons and so its a case od trying what each other likes and actually being bothered to make it good for each other. Im guessing its very rare for partners to both have the exact same turn ons. I.e i love extreme bondage but my boyfriend isnt really interested, i also use toys a lot but that doesnt really do anything for him. Speak to him. How about playing Monogamy? Thats a way of introducing the both of you to different fantasies/play. It seems that you expect him to do whatever you want in sex to turn you on and yet youve complained that you dont wanna do what he wants.. communicate! Communicate! :)

    chunkyg [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 193
    • Joined: 28 Dec 2007

    Incompatability in the bedroom is an issue that if allowed to fester will breed resentment and frustration (in your case it seems to have done already).

    If you feel the other elements of the relationship are worth rescuing then communication is the key......talk, talk, listen, listen...............and if there is no common ground then you both need to find what you want elsewhere.

    I really hope you can both find happiness.

    Janny [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 584
    • Joined: 17 May 2011

    This post confuses me a little, because you like 'spanking, anal... and rough hard sex' while he likes bondage?

    If you don't want to be tied up, why don't you just do the others. Just tell him you don't like being tied up but you like anything else.

    If he walks away from that offer, you are with the wrong man. x

    emma1989 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 17
    • Joined: 26 Nov 2012

    To me it sounds like its not a problem steming from the bedroom.. sounds like the 2 of you just arent compatible... Me and my OH have different ideas about sex but we always want to please each other in the bedroom so we have found things that we both enjoy. Like role play, sexy underwear, different positions, reading etc. So agreeing with some of the others in here.. is it just the sex thats getting you down or is it something deeper?

    Hope you figure it out though and have happy great sex from now on (whoever its with :P )

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