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  1. sex life and a baby

    shy perv [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 27
    • Joined: 3 Sep 2009

    how? we have a young daughter who currently sleeps in a crib in our room and who also has a tendency not to be sound asleep till about the same time we head to bed, combine with a wife whos sex drive seems less than mine. what can I or.we do to improve things?

    crazy4U [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 90
    • Joined: 13 Oct 2012

    Move the baby to another room. Should not sleep in the same room as parents.

    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
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    • Joined: 15 Aug 2010

    They can do for a while Crazy, We did the same with our boy until he was a year old.

    choclover [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 92
    • Joined: 27 Oct 2012

    We still had sex even though she was in the same room as us :o, sometimes she'd wake up but would be quite happy just laying there, although we moved her out of our room when she was 6 months. It's not like they can remember it or anything, so don't be worried about that although I can understand it being a bit off putting, but it didn't bother us!

    mrs average [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
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    • Joined: 18 Oct 2012

    I'd suggest moving the baby to another room anyway, the sooner they get used to it the easier the transition.

    Also I found that when they're in your room not only do they wake you up, without them actually waking up themselves, but you will sometimes wake baby up just by movements, snoring or talking in your sleep. You will all sleep better in separate rooms anyway.

    MrsJade [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 21
    • Joined: 8 Jun 2007

    We had our boy in our bedroom until 6 months, as the guidelines suggest for preventing SiDS, we didn't have much sex in the bedroom, stuck to the sofa or the spare room.

    At first I struggled with husband trying to get it on with baby in the room, so we had a few nights away without him to bring the spark back, could you wife just be a bit weirded out by having the baby in the room & having sex?

    Could you set up a double bed/comfortable spot to have sex in what will become babies room?

    If she's not breastfeeding, could you leave the baby with someone overnight?

    How does your wife feel about it all? Best advice would be to talk to her & see why her sex drive is low.

    Hope you get the spark back soon.

    shy perv [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 27
    • Joined: 3 Sep 2009

    we've done the living room floor but an upset little one ruined the mood. that and the lounge floor isn't the most comfortable

    BDSM [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 188
    • Joined: 14 Feb 2009

    if you suggest moving baby to another room so you can have a better sex life, you may find yourself sleeping on the sofa, on your own!

    Babies need a lot of time and attention and that means sex takes a back seat for a while.

    help with baby, let her have a lie in sometimes, look after baby so she can have a bath, then when she feels a bit more human, she will be more open to a bit of lovemaking in the lounge. put a quilt on the floor, give her a massage and see where that leads.

    alterman [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 15
    • Joined: 5 Feb 2013

    I agree with BDSM; it's your OH who needs a bit of time and TLC. Babies - and we had four - always demand attention and taking time to cherish the OH will pay dividends. Being a mother and a lover is a tough challenge and a bit of time and patience from you will work.

    dh [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 306
    • Joined: 8 Dec 2009

    I'd agree with all of the posts about moving the baby out of the room; not just for the benefit of your sex life, but also your sleep (besides; a lack of sleep may be a contributing factor to the lack of sex). All 3 of you will sleep better with the baby in another room; if the baby's room is quite far from yours you could get a monitor. Make sure you're doing your equal share of the feeding, changing etc; including nights (if your wife is tired then sex will be the last thing on her mind) and don't just think that if you're working but your wife is on maternity leave then she should do all the night time feeding because believe me, she won't be thinking the same!

    Don't try to force the issue of sex, it will happen again when your wife is ready, however the suggestions of massages etc may ease things along.

    If you're lucky enough to have one of your parents close, or someone else that can have the baby for a night once in a while then this could be a big help. A night out (or even just a cosy night it) to yourselves can be a big help for your relationship and your sex life

    Ruby1878 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 18
    • Joined: 19 Aug 2009

    We have a one year old now so things have gone back to normal. In the early days when she was in our room, we would take advantage of her daytime naps, or have sex downstairs while she was asleep upstairs. We never had sex in the same room as her. She went in to her own room at 12 weeks and she also spends most Saturday nights at her nan's, so we're lucky in that respect as we get time to ourselves. Is that an option for you? How old is the little one? I would ignore the 'they shouldn't be in the same room as you' posts, as I find that quite narrow-minded, however there are ways of getting round it, particularly if you can use another room while the little one is asleep in your room, especially if you have a baby monitor you can use to keep an eye on them. I think you need a bit of a sense of humour, they may wake up just as you're getting in to it, but as long as you can laugh about it and go back to it later, it will help. Also, it's important to give your other half time. Talk to her and find out if she's ready to go back to a normal sex life at this point. I was ready when our daughter was 5 weeks old, but I know some women who haven't had sex 6 months after their baby was born!

    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 522
    • Joined: 26 Sep 2010

    shy perv wrote:

    we've done the living room floor but an upset little one ruined the mood. that and the lounge floor isn't the most comfortable

    Tried this, ended up with baby no 2


    protectyournuts [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 151
    • Joined: 19 Jan 2009

    The best time is not to wait to bedtime, if our LO drops off for an hour or two during the day or evening we sneak to the room and leave the door open some we can hear, it's about timing more than anything else. Sometime if the LO is out of it in the room we'd have a go, they sleep through most noises which makes it easier (trying to vacuum clean would be horrific if they didn't!)

    Perhaps take time to explore each other and remember how our bodies felt before if mood isn't at it's best

    Goo [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 21
    • Joined: 20 May 2010

    It takes a while after a baby comes along to get things back to where they were. Generally things start to improve once the baby has moved into its own room, but it is also dependent on energy levels so make sure you both get enough sleep and things may improve.

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