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  1. Being tired and sex!

    louxlou [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 1
    • Joined: 31 Dec 2011

    Hello to everyone!

    I've just been reading through a few posts before I posted here just to make sure that my "question" wasn't listed already.

    Anyway, I'm having a bit of a problem like a lot of people on here. Me and my other half have been together for over 4 years and since my mum passed away in 2010, our sex life has gone out the window pretty much! It has affected our relationship quite a lot and my other half feels quite lost and frustrated I think. But towards the end of last year, it had started to pick up again. Not a lot but we were actually doing like foreplay and then sometimes had sex afterwards.
    I personally don't think that my mum's passing is what is causing the problem I'm wanting advice about which I'll tell you about in a minute. I was greiving her for quite a while due to personal problems and I do agree that it affected my whole body but I now think that I am past that. I feel happier and I don't feel so depressed.

    I started a new job in August last year, I do 41 and a half hours a week and I work with elderly people who have Dementia. Since I have started my new job, I have been shattered all the time! I do 12 hour shifts and the day is not ever easy. By the time I get home, I am barely holding my eyes open to eat my dinner that evening. Now the problem is that it's now affecting my sexual life. I think my other half is getting very stresed with the whole situation because we were talking about doing sexual things yesterday through text but we didn't do anything last night because by the time I got home I was shattered.

    I still feel horny sometimes, mostly throughout the day but he is either working or I am working. If I do feel horny at night then he is most likely already asleep himself. Now I'll point out that I don't like to talk dirty through texts with him lately due to it not being fair that he's hoping to get something but then ends up not getting anything. He is the one that is always lately wanting to talk dirty but then gets quite frustrated at me when I end up telling him after a 12 hour shift that night that I would just like to sleep. If we do things or if I offer to help him masturbate then I normally end up falling asleep towards the end, not because I am bored and don't want to do it but because I can't physically stay awake any longer due to exhaustion.

    I am stuck as to what to do now because so far, we haven't been able to have sex at all so far this year :( Before now, I had suffered from a UTI and Thrush, it wouldn't clear up and it was quite sore for some time so that is part of the reason for us not doing anything too! I get sore really easily so we can't just have "quickies" and I can't just be touched without any prior lubing or teasing due to the risk of getting sore. It's such a pain but I don't know what to do about it all.

    Any help would be appreciated and sorry for the post being so long!

    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2018
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2011

    Some suggestions I can think of:

    I guess you get 3 or 4 days off work a week. (Just doing the math. 12 hour shifts and 41 hours) Can you plan something together on those days when you are rested?

    Is there a way you can "do less" work? If this isnt possible with your actual work, what about at home? Can you forego the housework or cooking and let him do it some nights to conserve yourself some energy for sex?

    What about both of you waking up half hour or an hour earlier than usual once or twice a week?

    Do you suffer really badly with tiredness? The average work week is about 40 hours and it can be tiring but if it is exhausting you this badly that is it effecting your out of work life, have you condired any medical reasons?

    Clearly you still have a libido as you do feel horny when you are fresh during the day. But work, kids, stress, families etc etc all get in the way of peoples sex lifes and I guess its only a problem if one partner is starting to get stressed and angry or moody about it. I think this is so common (It has effected me too) and all you can do is compromise with each other.

    So you need to be willing to give something up at some point during the week. Maybe the tv show your watching, or the gym or finishing that book you are engrossed in. Whatever. You need to find some time for intimacy for both of your sakes. He needs to accept that after a 12 hour shift all you wanna do is sleep and not make you feel awful for that.

    Hope that helps

    Honeytongue [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 242
    • Joined: 13 Jun 2009

    If you are tired it is tricky, but being motivated can make a big difference. I work 50 hours a week and then have to add travelling time on top. My current sex life is limited to when I can see my new man, but prior to the break up with my ex, I still found time for sex. Prioritise the days that you don't work or have sex earlier in the evening.

    If you are suffering from complete exhaustion, it might be worth getting your iron or thyroid levels checked.

    Janny [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 584
    • Joined: 17 May 2011

    Think this is part of being an adult really. I used to work late, get home about 4am, and have one hour in bed with my gf asleep, before she had to get up for work. And agree with the ladies above, 41 hours is not excessive, you should be able to find the time - think about when you have kids...

    Jimi Duro [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 521
    • Joined: 5 Apr 2012

    I am never too tired for sex!

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