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  1. I think my husband is being unreasonable

    bemmyscot [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 48
    • Joined: 27 Dec 2010

    Thats good advice from Laveila, but if the OH doesnt see it as a problem, its difficult. If I raise it etc then Im deemed to being pushy. Its so so difficult at times

    Mistress Morticia [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 14 Jan 2010

    Sorry yes OP is original poster.

    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 8 Nov 2010

    bemmyscot wrote:

    Thats good advice from Laveila, but if the OH doesnt see it as a problem, its difficult. If I raise it etc then Im deemed to being pushy. Its so so difficult at times

    I can imagine. I know both sides have to be willing. My friend lost his patience with his wife and is divorcing, because she first cut their sex life to non existent and now ignores him most of the time and he is fed up and leaving.

    kinky str8 [sign in to see picture]
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    Already been said i know but you do need to talk to each other and be totally honest about everything before you can even start to find a solution. My wife and i went through this and a few times, you see im an idiot who expects my wife to be a mind reader half the time. lol. (i must say this is not the case anymore). Now we talk about everything and i dont bottle things up until i explode.

    I have a high sex drive and my wifes is a little "below average" if you like, it is not anywhere near non existant, but for me it was a little different as it wasn't so much the quantity as that i can deal with. It was more the fact that if i wanted to do something sexually then i could do without having to wait until my wife was also in the mood. I have never had a problem spending some time by myself for play and that is how it is now, i am very open minded and like to use toys and dress up and my wife understands that this is who i am and why would she deny me enjoyment in my life when all it does is like you said "make me (hubby) very grumpy". Me and my wife still have lots of fun together but i can tell when she isn't in the mood, i will not pester her but if im horny then i will ask if she would like me to try getting her in the mood, but if she says no to that then i go off upstairs for some me time.

    Just to mention also that i think you need to nip this in the bud so to speak, asap. If your husband is always asking for a handjob or BJ everytime you arn't in the mood then i think this will just make you A) feel like an object for sex (masterbation station), B) make you associate sex with this alone, and not see it for the fun, sharing enjoyable time it should be. And on the other side it will make your husband feel you cant even be bothered with a 5 minute handjob etc. and he will start to feel very unwanted and alone. (trust me)

    Dont forget that marriage is meant to be enjoyable and it is the coming together of two people who love each other, it isn't the enslavement of one person to another. Hope it all works out for you and you both find a happy balance.

    -Chelsea [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    • Joined: 24 Jul 2012

    I am not sure if this is a case of anybody being unreasonable- it's more of a case that both your bodies and minds are a little bit out of sync at the moment.

    I can totally relate to this as I have moved in with my OH and it is just so easy to fall into a routine and be mismatched- as it has already been suggested, communication is the key!

    Also, I know it is a bit cliche, but the typical 'date nights' are REALLY useful, especially in this sort of situation!

    I will be writing about this topic in my new blog so please keep your eyes peeled on

    C :-)

    morefun [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 134
    • Joined: 14 Dec 2010

    Unless you have issues your not mentioning other than being tired then tbh it sounds like you are both being unreasonable and selfish.

    Why should he go without because you cant be bothered? and why should you be pestered into doing it everyday? There is a road down the middle you know, its called give and take and making compromises to keep each other happy, not 1 happy and 1 miserable.....That is how a relationship is supposed to work IMO.

    Talk to him and try to work something out before you both get sick of the situation, maybe once a week?

    morefun [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 134
    • Joined: 14 Dec 2010

    Sorry if the word selfish is a bit strong. Having been on both sides of the fence in different relationships and now I'm in one where medical issues are getting in the way its a subject I feel strongly about.

    jaycloth [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
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    • Joined: 22 Feb 2010

    I don't know if the OP is ever going to come back, but this is my take if anyone else had the same experience:

    From a man's perspective, the problem is that he cannot understand how this can be too much effort. Some people go out to work, do housework, look after children - and then go to the gym or go swimming or play tennis. Physically, he cannot understand why this is too much effort.

    The man will be suspicious that you are just not into it, and the tiredness is an excuse to avoid intimacy. I can guarantee you one thing with as much certainty that the sun will rise tomorrow morning - and that is that no matter how tired he is, or how much he works, if you were to say "I need help, and I'm too tired. If you get the ironing done, I'll have the strength to give you a blowjob every week," there is not one quantum of doubt in my mind that within 24 hours he will either have hired an ironing person or done it himself. If this is about genuine time/energy management, he will jump at the chance to do some horse-trading.

    Secondly, I've said this before, but a man will see this as an awful rejection, and on some level a betrayal - as this is something that he can't get anywhere else.

    That's how a man will see it.

    For my own opinion - I would ask the following: are you genuinely so physically exhausted that you cannot manage 15 minutes of sex once a week? If so, then that is a separate issue as you will be nearing the limits of human endurance.

    If this is more a question of just not wanting to have sex, then I would ask: I get that you may not be into it, but this is your husband. Is it too much to ask to get some spunk on your boobs once a week?

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