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  1. Dealing with a fetish that you believe is unhealthy and scares you.

    Solestial [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 9 Jan 2013

    Hi, this is my first post :)

    Since I was very young (And I'm talking 5 or 6 here) I noticed physical and mental reactions to certain stimuli. Its only with age and research that I have come to grasp with the extent of my fetish.

    Without intending to offend anyone here, I have a great appreciation for the human body, any size so I do not mean to cause insult.

    I'm a straight 22 year old female in a long term relationship. I would say my type in men is lanky and scruffy, I like a bit of facial hair.

    Despite all this facts, I believe I have a feeder fetish, and my imagination is directed mainly towards women.

    I find this hard to deal with as it has an uncontrollable effect on me, and can be triggered from anything on TV, in the media, seeing people walk down the street. I remember as far back as reading Hansel and Gretel as a child.

    Frankly, it embarrasses me, feederism as a practice I believe is unhealthy and does not attract me at all, I lead a very healthy lifestyle myself and encourage my partner to do the same.

    This does not change the fact of how much it turns me on though.

    I just wondered if anyone else had similar experiences, maybe not with the same fetish but maybe with the same confusion.

    Georgina71 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 124
    • Joined: 11 Nov 2012

    I completely agree with Avrielle. This is probably something you'll have to live with, but if you enjoy regular sex you can avoid that your fetish conditions your life. I personally would not insist so much on trying to understand "where it comes from", I don't think this is very productive (of course I may be wrong).

    I have masochistic fantasies that I would never want to carry out in real life. In particular there is one of them that I hate, as it makes me feel bad, but I am trying to accept it, and as long as it's limited to my masturbation sessions, I don't believe it can actually harm me.

    I have a close friend who has biastophilia (rape fetish). He is one of the mildest, nicest men I have ever met, very happily married with a lovely woman, with two great kids. He is a deeply moral person, and would never harm anyone on purpose. For a long time he would masturbate to rape porn, but managed to shake that; his fantasies are still with him, but the turmoil that they caused him has subsided.

    If I were you, I would also try to watch that I don't get obsessed with a healthy lifestyle, as a reaction to your fetish. Being overly preoccupied with healthy eating and exercise is not so good either, and strain a relationship. Balance is the key word.

    ZombieCpl [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 264
    • Joined: 19 Nov 2010

    Its never good to try to work out why you have a fetish or beat yourself up over it, as long as you can harmlessly enjoy it then there is no problem. I have a fetish which I despise and would never EVER tell anybody about as id probably be linched lol but you learn to live with it and accept it as part of your life. I agree with what Georgina has said about being obsessive over health- obsessivness can lead to depression and thats not nice for anyone.

    Sharing your thoughts with your partner can help, if they are understanding then they will help you to either enjoy it or to accept it :)

    Solestial [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 9 Jan 2013

    Thanks, those are all really nice comments. :)

    Tracey3x [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 204
    • Joined: 27 Nov 2012


    I have not long come to discover (literally like a month ago) that i LOVE the idea of being someones Slut . . . I want to be used by a man sexually, demeaned and controlled, (obviously all with mutual consent!) which coming from me and my past relationships with men is soo unbelievably confusing! And im still embarassed to say i want to be called a Slut etc

    I've never had a guy be nice to me, i've had the shit beaten out of me by most of them, i've been abused mentally by the others and i've never had a guy 'want' me . . . yet i want to be treated like this! I haven't acted upon it just yet, but im looking into it and really considering it

    I completely get where you say your confused because its not a part of your life style, I would never thought i could be with a guy who could do things like that to me. Yet here i am finding the idea a serious turn on!

    I have found however that accepting that i like that kind of thing, talking about it and listening to others who have had experience or are in that lifestyle now has really helped me understand what im feeling and how to accept it. Im not saying you need to go out and embrace your fetish and do it, but maybe go online, look up some websites where that kind of thing happens and try to speak to people there who do it, maybe even those who have it done to them!

    Not everyone understands why or where their fetish comes from (god knows i dont!) but maybe trying to learn more about it and how it makes you feel will help you come to terms with it and accept it. Then maybe you can figure out how to deal with it in everyday life

    I personally didnt want to discuss things too much with someone who didnt understand the fetish (at first anyway) because i knew they wouldnt be able to give me the initial help i needed. Someone who doesnt do/know about it couldnt give me personal opinions, experiences, details on what to expect happen, how things could make me feel, advice on how to deal with it, etc, etc

    It's just a suggestion, but so far it has worked for me. Hope its helps



    lilmadam92 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 85
    • Joined: 2 Apr 2010

    There are many things that, although I am willing to practice, have taken me a while ot admit to my OH because I was panicky about how he'd react.

    This is different with you though because you are adament you do not want this in your sexual relationships.

    I think like everyone has said, the important thing is to not think about how/why you have this fetish, and just to take a deep breath, accept it, and leave it alone. When you feel turned on, take a deep breath and let it pass. It's probably worse because you're wishing yourself not to.

    There are a couple of things my OH has admitted to me turn him on greatly, but he would never do for fear of my safety etc. So don't feel you are abnormal :)

    Miss-Nomer [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 150
    • Joined: 28 Mar 2007

    First off, and most importantly: Do not punish yourself over this!
    All sorts of people have all sorts of kinks for all sorts of reasons. It's important to realise that they do not define you as a person unless you choose to let them. There is nothing in this world that can turn a person on that makes them a bad person; problems only arise when people practice unsafe or non-consensual activities.

    Personally, I say if this is what gets you off, learn to accept it. Fantasise and masturbate to your heart's content. As long as it doesn't over take your life (sexual or otherwise), it will harm no one. Obviously, as you disagree with the practice on moral grounds, don't go out and start shoving cake down people's throats. You seem like an intelligent lady with self-control, so I'm sure you'll be fine.

    I understand that certain fantasies and kinks can come with a lot of guilt -- I have my fair share that conflict with who I am as a person, but fighting them and feeling like a 'bad person' if they cross my mind helps nobody. As long as you let them out in a healthy way (either personal fantasies, or roleplaying them out with a trusted partner), and you keep balance in your life, everything's peachy. I've noticed that trying to repress things out of shame tends to lead to obsessive tendencies in people.

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