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  1. Am I wasting my time?

    malamute [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 2 Jan 2013

    Hi, I've been dating my man for 11 months now. He is affectionate and sensitive, dedicates his time and energy to our relationship but has not told me he loves me.

    We live about 50 miles from each other and spend every free weekend together. Everthing has gone so well in every respect, except he studiously avoids talking about how commited he is or is not to us. We have had two great holidays together and the time we share is relaxed and fun. He phones me every day and texts me several times a day, even when he is working abroad, which he does on a regular basis. He has also given me my own keys to his flat.

    When I have tried to discuss how he feels about me and if he loves me he has said that when he does say it he will truly mean it and be ready to commit forever. He is in the final stages of his divorce at the moment and has said until that is finalised he will not be in a position to know how he truly feels, and additionaly he does not want to make a mistake again.

    I love him very much, and have know this for several months. I feel that nearly a year into our relationship he should know if he loves me, and being emotionally intelligent,.should be able to tell me so. Is he just stringing me along?-

    MissTerryCleavage [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 893
    • Joined: 1 Feb 2010

    It doesn't sound like he is stringing you along, it sounds like you have a great relationship. Don't beat yourself up over 3 little words, remember they say actions speak louder than words and his actions seem great to me. If I was in a relationship, I'd love the guy to behave like that, yes I can see why you think it'd be nice to hear it, but as he is just going through a divorce I imagine he has some very raw emotions inside him so can understand his reticence right now.

    Just enjoy what you have and don't stress about it. As I said it doesn't sound like he is stringing you along but I guess we can never know, even someone who says I love you doesn't necessarily have to mean it do they? Some people just say it without meaning it cos they know the person wants to hear it or cos they think it will get them somewhere...

    Personally I'd look to the behaviours as opposed to those 3 words...

    malamute [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 2 Jan 2013

    Thank you both for your reassuring replies. My OH is loving in his actions and behaviours and as you say missterrycleavage, men can say it and still need to mean it anyway.

    And as you say bumblebee, he could easily say it just to placate me, but he is honest enough to tell me he is not ready to.

    I will relax, enjoy our great times and great sex and live for the present.

    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 706
    • Joined: 7 Jun 2009

    I wrote a thread similar to this not too long ago and got some lovely replies which you might like to read... here's the link :)

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months and he still hasn't said I love you. However, he takes me away on lovely holidays, sends me flowers, is sweet and generous and has introduced me to his family and friends.

    I do not take saying "I love you" lightly, but I guess to some people it means a lot more! Like your boyfriend said, when he says it it means he's ready to commit for life... basically like a proposal.

    You say you're dating, are you actually official and monogomous? He's likely to be working through some difficult emotions because of the divorce. It doesn't sound like he's stringing you along, just that he doesn't want to make a mistake again.

    I have told my boyfriend I love him but only whilst drunk, I've now set myself a date. If he hasn't said it by then I'm saying it to him- soberly!

    Happy new year :) x

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