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  1. Annual negotiations - need help

    Lovehoney - Rachel [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 35
    • Joined: 12 Aug 2010
    I haven't seen anyone mention day-to-day intimacy. Stepping away from the sex issue, how often do you kiss or cuddle each other without sex being the aim? Little moments together every day may help bring some physical intimacy into the relationship. Try doing something moderately intimate every day and slowly build up with perhaps a gentle stroke of her bottom or waistline. Giver her a hug from behind without warning while she is doing the dishes and that sort of thing. Make sure she knows that you find her attractive.
    twinkle154 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 26
    • Joined: 9 Mar 2011

    Staying together can be worse than splitting up. You say it's not an option but believe me it is manageable.

    I've been separated and divorced after being together 20 years with 3 kids. I'm happier now than when we were together.


    mrs average [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 687
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2012

    Great advice from LH Rachel, I would also suggest relationship councelling as she needs to know it's a big part of your relationship.

    I do feel for you and I must admitt I went through a phase of not being interested in sex. I've been married 13 years and at first sex is always on the cards,then we got used to eachother and it's not so new and exciting, then there was the baby making stage, when it's all back on again, then the baby being born stage when it's all sleepless nights and all off again. Now that's all behind us and we've rediscovered how great sex is again. So hang on in there all is not lost!!

    The last 10 months we got more adventurus due to me borrowing the 50 shades of grey book from a friend. At first I didn't understand what all the fuss was about and had no interest in reading it or buying it, but a friend lent it to me and said give it till you get to chapter 7 and if you're not hooked give it me back.

    Well i finished the book and read the next 2 and my hubby loved the affect it had on my and he read them too. The link on the facebook page lead me to this site and we've both been hooked on LH ever since.

    I'm sure with workiong on other aspects of your relationship as well as councelling and regular compliments, affection, taking her out and giving her a reason to dress up and look and feel special things could turn around. All the best... Mrs A

    jaycloth [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 71
    • Joined: 22 Feb 2010


    Hi all, and thanks for the continuing replies and suggestions.

    Like I said, things were up for a few days - although I was deeply skeptical of a false dawn.

    Sure enough, last week she reverted to type. It was my birthday, we went out - came home, she undressed and then put on so much clothes, I thought she was going to war in outer space; then dived into bed and forced herself to sleep as fast as possible. The next night we had a pretty serious row. She just couldn't come up with any answers as to why she does what she does. I asked her over and over why she can't just do the easiest thing possible? I wasn't asking her to do anything - I just wanted her to act like we were actually lovers. Come to bed undressed - is that too much to ask?

    She cried a lot (that's happened before a lot) said she was sorry and would change (she's done that a lot too). Finally, she came out and said it was all because she was basically lazy.

    Over the last week, she's been ok. I'm not trying to turn her into a a nymphomanic or anything - it's not even explicitly about sex any more; I would never put a blowjob quota on our marriage (although she has done exactly that in the past).

    See how it goes. All I can say is, this is an illustration that marriage isn't a TV episode or a rom-com. There's no silver bullet, no secret formula. You might think you've cracked it with a particular event or agreement or experience - and nothing stops someone reneging the next day. What made me despair was that there was no insidious dark secret in the past. Thank god no abuse or mental disorder - this was just basic laziness. "I can't be bothered to have sex with you."

    WildThing [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1363
    • Joined: 22 Aug 2012

    Aww, really feeling for you jaycloth.....

    Hoping that things really do improve for both of your skaes, sex is a fab thing and I hope you both enjoy it more in 2013.....

    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2736
    • Joined: 10 Jul 2012

    Well keep at it baby steps .Like everything things need to be worked at and hopefully you will get to beig back to lovers and not fighters x

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