• Right we need a lesbian (weird i know)

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    Keri and dave [sign in to see picture]
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    right we sat discussing and we dont have a clue about lesbians.

    i think it started by flicking through channels and on sexcetera there were two girls having sex with a strap on and it brought the discussion are you a true lesbian if you got to use sex toys for pleasure?

    just because a cock is part of the male body so if you like cock then you arent a lesbian be it real or fake?

    however i think that being a lesbian is more about the person and being attracted to them as a person and personality rather than whats down their pants.

    we dont want to sound shallow or owt just without being a lesbian we cant really comment on stuff so an explanation would be nice :)

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    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    Keri and dave wrote:

    right we sat discussing and we dont have a clue about lesbians. [...] are you a true lesbian if you got to use sex toys for pleasure?

    just because a cock is part of the male body so if you like cock then you arent a lesbian be it real or fake?

    Hello Keri and dave, welcome to OA. :)

    I tend to feel suspicious about questions if they include asking if somebody can be a "true" anything. I wrote a bit about this on my blog:

    http://ladylubyanka.wordpress.com/2008/05/20/one-true-way/

    I don't think this is a question about lesbians - I think this is a question about who you think is allowed to use sex toys, and assumptions you may be unconsciously making about sexuality and inclusivity.

    My feeling is, that if a person identifies enough with a term to use that term about themselves, then who am I to argue? If a self-identified lesbian chooses to fuck a man, then so what? As long as everybody is consenting, I don't see how that can make any lesbian any less lesbiany. Can your ideas about sex toys and lesbians make you a fake heterosexual? How is it even possible to be a "fake" lesbian?

    And you might want to consider that no matter what sexual orientation a woman happens to have, she still has a vagina. Does being a lesbian mean that a woman cannot enjoy having her vagina penetrated? Does penetrating a vagina automatically turn that penetratey thing into a penis? Is a penis the only thing which is allowed to penetrate a vagina? Is using sex toys limited only to heterosexual, monogamous couples? Is physical enjoyment of one's body and sexuality limited only to heterosexual couples?

    I hope you've got some stuff to think about there. :)

    Best regards,

    Lubyanka. :)

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    Keri and dave [sign in to see picture]
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    i dont believe that it makes them a fake lesbian but i do believe that if they enjoy cock shaped sex toys or real cock then they can not be lesbian they have to be bi sexual as they like a bit of both.

    not once did the post say any thing about not being penetrated it was about being penetrated by any form of cock.

    so i still believe that if a self proclaimed lesbian enjoys cock or cock shaped things they must be bi sexual.

    if any one else has anything else to share on this topic please feel free as it is still not clear to us

    Keri & David

    xx

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    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    Since a vagina has essentially evolved to accommodate a penis, then vaginal penetration is likely to feel more pleasurable to the vagina's owner if the object is at least vaguely penis-shaped. Also, fucking a penis-shaped dildo is not the same thing as fucking a man, obviously. :)

    If you choose to identify other people's orientations for them, based on your opinions of how you think they have sex, then I hope you won't let me cramp your style. :)

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    Keri and dave [sign in to see picture]
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    we dont mean it like that just we dont really know much and would like people to shed the light for us. we're really open minded about sex and like to know lots

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    Keri and dave [sign in to see picture]
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    Lubyanka wrote:

    Since a vagina has essentially evolved to accommodate a penis, then vaginal penetration is likely to feel more pleasurable to the vagina's owner if the object is at least vaguely penis-shaped. Also, fucking a penis-shaped dildo is not the same thing as fucking a man, obviously. :)

    If you choose to identify other people's orientations for them, based on your opinions of how you think they have sex, then I hope you won't let me cramp your style. :)

    obviously but you seem to be missing the point so if there is any other people out ther please reply

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    sxe_couple21 [sign in to see picture]
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    Keri and dave wrote:

    Lubyanka wrote:

    Since a vagina has essentially evolved to accommodate a penis, then vaginal penetration is likely to feel more pleasurable to the vagina's owner if the object is at least vaguely penis-shaped. Also, fucking a penis-shaped dildo is not the same thing as fucking a man, obviously. :)

    If you choose to identify other people's orientations for them, based on your opinions of how you think they have sex, then I hope you won't let me cramp your style. :)

    obviously but you seem to be missing the point so if there is any other people out ther please reply

    Don't worry, it wouldn't be the first time.

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    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    Keri and dave wrote:

    Lubyanka wrote:

    fucking a penis-shaped dildo is not the same thing as fucking a man, obviously. :)

    obviously but you seem to be missing the point so if there is any other people out ther please reply

    I'm sorry that the answers I offered weren't the ones you wanted.

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    Horny Pony [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm not so good with words as Lubyanka but I'll have a go.

    The majority of women have a pleasure point inside their vagina that can only be reached by fingers/cock/vibe etc so to have this stimulated by the strapon brings pleasure. If we're talking about a 'lesbian' then to have a bloke on top would probably do nothing for them but a woman with a strapon would. I don't think it's the cock she would be after - it's more the sensation.

    Perhaps it's best not to pigeon hole people. We all have our unique triggers and turn ons don't we.

    Not sure I helped much.

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    sexymel88 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have to agree with Lubyanka and HP I'm afraid, everything they've both said is what I was thinking

    xxx

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    Bingo Caller [sign in to see picture]
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    I guess if it was the case that if a lesbian was really bi-sexual or repressed straight if she used a penis shaped dildo, then if she used a cucumber or banana instead, that make her a vegetarian?

    My more serious take on this is what is going on in your head when using a sex toy? and it is THAT much more then whatever physical object that is being used determines orientation (just my 2 cents worth)

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    sexymel88 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Bingo, where have you been? Missed you xxxxxx

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    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    Bingo Caller wrote:

    I guess if it was the case that if a lesbian was really bi-sexual or repressed straight if she used a penis shaped dildo, then if she used a cucumber or banana instead, that make her a vegetarian?

    lol, omg, if cucumbers and banana dildos would make me a vegefruititarian, what would using this make me?!

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=9536

    A siliconiswirlitarian?

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    sxe_couple21 [sign in to see picture]
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    My feeling is, that if a person identifies enough with a term to use that term about themselves, then who am I to argue? If a self-identified lesbian chooses to fuck a man, then so what? As long as everybody is consenting, I don't see how that can make any lesbian any less lesbiany. Can your ideas about sex toys and lesbians make you a fake heterosexual? How is it even possible to be a "fake" lesbian?

    This is where your argument falls down. Some things are clearly defined for instance (continuing on the fruit and veg theme); If I defined myself as a vegetarian but yet decided to eat meat now and again I could still regard myself as a vege but it wouldn't actually be true.

    Now I realise that its a lot harder with sexualities as applying clearly defined labels isn't easy (and potentially wrong). Carryng this one:

    lesbian

    • noun a homosexual woman.

    therefore if she in question chooses to have sex with men (and not in, hmm i'll try meat just to see if I still don't want to eat it kind of way [more vege theme] ). She therefore no longer fits within the definition. In this instance we're not at liberty to question her actions but I'm pretty confident we can question the way in which she defines herself.

    I'm now expecting a torrent of questions regarding what we should and shouldn't define and what the definition of a lesbian ACTUALLY is.

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    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    sxe_couple21 wrote:

    [lots of well-reasoned stuff]

    I like this reply much better than your previous one. :)

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    sxe_couple21 [sign in to see picture]
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    the last one should have been teamed up with a big fat especially at late'o'clock.

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    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    Heh, late o'clock certainly does have a way of colouring what you meant to say with a different marker. :p

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    GrayMatter [sign in to see picture]
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    Surely you're a lesbian if you have sex with women and you're a women.

    I think it was Freud that said anything longer than it was wide is symbolic of a penis and anything wider than it is long a vagina. Unless they bring out a dildo called "THE STUMP" then lesbians will obvs be using phalluses.

    If you carved a vagina onto a non descript smooth non-penis looking dildo would this somehow make it more saphic?

    Am I Bi because my girlfriend gives me a blowjob but both men and women have mouths?

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    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    GrayMatter wrote:

    Am I Bi because my girlfriend gives me a blowjob but both men and women have mouths?

    Oh yes, I was just thinking, if a gay man uses a vagina shaped masturbator, does that make him bisexual? Because aren't most male masturbators at least vaguely vagina shaped?

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    punky_lez [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello Keri and Dave, I started to read all the replies to your original post but got a smidge confuddled at all the bletherings :D

    From my point of view, (of a gay female who uses strap- ons, dildos, blah de blah, you name it, with my girlfriend) I think that when we use sex toys it is purely on the basis that we want to fuck in a different way than just using tongues, fingers etc.

    To be honest, I have never thought of the "toy" inside me being a penis. It is more like (not to sound mystic or stoned) an extension of my girlfriend in a kind of way.

    For example - using a double ended strap -on (is curved) so I can go on top, while the other end is inside her, means that we can fuck while being face to face, having both hands free etc. So when she moves her body, the toy moves inside her and inside me.

    For us, it's just another (fantastic!) way to have sex - is by no way like introducing a rubber willy into our bed lol! So yes, we are still gay females, but no we don't want cock hehe.

    Does this make sense? I'm glad you guys asked these questions actually as a lot of people are soooo ignorant about lesbian sex. Tis nice to clarify, or at least try to!

    xxx

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