scarab9 wrote:
ok, the usual 'slow and lots of lube' is covered, but something that helped me understand what I was doing the first time me and an ex had anal sex is I read "there are two sphincters in your anus".
So basically, the first one might give way nice and easy so he thinks he's good to go, but the second one might not be ready and so it hurts you.
that's obviously very simplified, but have a read up and you might realise you've been rushing it
Hi everyone, Scarab9 you are totally right in what you said, there are two sphincters, i'm sorry i didn't think to mention this.
Once you have relaxed the outer sphincter enough and are confident with a tapered plug that you are in control, i think start then with a slim dildo (preferably one with some flex, maybe just personal but i dont really like totally stiff dildos for anal) and go shallow at first , you will start to know your own body and feel your way so dont be scared. If it feels good then go a little deeper, the slight (and it is only slight) pushing i mentioned also will help get past (so to speak) the second sphincter.
Its been said a million times but relaxation and lube are the key for you and patients from your partner. but also look up the best positions for you to be in to relax, when starting out this makes a big difference, as far as i'm aware, the missionary position is still the best for most beginners. I dont know if the ladies on here can shed any light on this one but when i have anal sex and my cock is touched my sphincter just clenches straight away, once i'm totally relaxed and have been going a while it doesn't happen, but as i say i dont know if this is the same for women, if it is however i would say just start out by concentrating on your anus.
PS, sounds silly but dont frown when first having anal sex, i think a lot of people do this because they expect it to hurt, you see it in a lot of porn actually. If you smile lots and have fun with it you will relax a lot more. Also try having a nice long soak in the bath beforehand.
Take care.x