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  1. Lost My Mojo!

    alfjaf [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 4
    • Joined: 29 Sep 2012

    I'm 33 and have been married for over 9 years, with my wife for 14 years. Our sex life has never been red hot, and I have always been the one wanting more, but just recently I have lost interest completely. To the point where she is going to a party on Friday, a rival one to this site unfortunately! And I am dreading the thought of her coming home horny and wanting a bit!! (Which is rarer than rocking horse doo doo!)

    She isn't the adventurous type and isn't willing to try new things. I suggested a sex toy recently and she said only if I want it in my arse because its not going in her! Thats what I'm up against!! Sex is very much the same every time and its always me doing the chasing.

    I have been under a lot of pressure financially recently, as well as being miserable in my job. She also questioned my love for her recently which hurt somewhat.

    I believe my loss of mojo is due to an uninteresting sex life with an undercurrent of stress. My real question is, how do I liven something up when I'm working with someone who is completely unwilling to entertain the idea of anything outside of massage, missionary/ doggy!! Or am I doomed sexually?

    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 999
    • Joined: 26 Mar 2010

    Hm, this sounds like a bit of a dilemma.

    I find it odd that your wife will be going to the party (a sex toy one, I'm presuming) but has no intention of trying this out with you..

    I'd suggest trying to communicate with your partner about all the stresses in your life just so that she can somewhat understand how you're feeling. Also, with her asking about your love for her might be an indication that you might be treating her differently (like your lack of libido or feeling miserable) unintentionally rather than her thinking other wise. Again though, I'd talk to her about why she felt the need to ask that.

    Have you tried investing in some male sex toy solo toys for your satisfaction? As for being doomed sexually- I find that many people lose that intimacy and affection and focus solely on the sex aspect. How about having a date night where you spend some time together, watching a movie, cuddling up. Also, just hugging and kissing more may bring upon that sexual desire/need. You can also give eachother seemingly innocent back/body massages to bond and slowly get explicit this way.

    It's never too late to explore and experiment together but for some it's not always so easy as bringing up the topic of a sex toy.

    Hope that helps and let us know how you get on.


    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2667
    • Joined: 16 Feb 2012

    first question is do you still love her and is that love returned?

    whatever you say make it clear it isnt an ultimatum.

    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 706
    • Joined: 7 Jun 2009

    It's not surprising that you've lost your mojo if you're constantly the one having to initiate and not getting a good response, it wears you down! If having sex is "rarer than rocking horse doo doo" (haha!) then you grow to expect it less, it becomes a burden and a stress.

    I also find it strange that she's going to a sex toy party when she has no interest in using one.. but the fact that you're dreading that she's going to come home and want sex shows that you're in a bit of a rut. If she does come home and want sex then banish your bad mood and just go for it!

    I'm sure you've already done it but don't underestimate the importance of romance, having a long talk about your feelings, telling her you love her, going out for dinner and having time just the two of you.

    You're not doomed x

    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 621
    • Joined: 22 Apr 2010

    My 1st question is if she is really not interested why would she go to the party on Fri?

    Sounds like lots of communication is needed....sounds like life is stressful for you but what about your wife to?

    A good sex life really does only come from honesty, trust and time....

    Date nights are fantastic and maybe leave sex off the menu but just go and enjoy sometime together, reconnect and have fun.

    Wish you all the best x

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