Threesome, yes? No? Maybe? Your opinions please

Hi

I have posted this elsewhere but thought it should pob have its' own, I know this is a fairly popular topic but I would none the less appreciate some opinions

My OH and I have recently looked to set up a threesome (2 guys, 1 girl) this has always been a fantasy for him but he had not looked to do anything about it and it was me that pushed it. I have had lesbian 'experiences' in the past and confidence is not something I have a problem with, so those sorts of problems I just can't imagibne being an issue as I've seen on here for other people.

So here's my issue, he signed us up to a site in order to find someone (I don't actually know what this site is) this is something he did without my knowledge or permission. On said site he found someone he thought suitable (female dom) and has sent her pictures of me, again without my knowledge or permission. I assume that these were explicit picture but I don't actually know, pictures were always something I was concerned for the risk of them being shown to others and he always promised he wouldn't. Additionally his mantra has always been that he would never talk specifcs about our sex lives with others but surely he must have done as this site was given to him from one of his friends.

So my question is: having spoken to the previously mentioned woman who does seem lovely (I'm sure I shouldn't say that about a dom =p) should I go ahead with this or should I hold off?

What do you feel you should do at the end of the day are you comfortable doing it ? Do you feel you have been treated unhanded ?

Actually doing it I'm perfectly comfortable with, I just really don't like the way he's gone about it, I just don't know if I'm being unreasonable

I would be pretty pissed off if my OH did this, but if you were pushing it then maybe he thought you would be ok with it.

Have you told him how you feel about how he went about it?

Go through with it if you feel comfortable :)

I've told him that I was less than pleased that he put us on the site his response being "I'll make it up to you", but no explanation and he won't let me see this site or tell me what it was etc.

If I was in your position I would put a halt on everything, I think to even consider a threesome you need to be 100% trusting in your partner and in the feelings you both have for each other and bringing someone in on your sex life, I know personally I dont think I could cope with having someone else in my relationship.

The fact you state that he didnt ask permission and has sent photos of you to someone else would send out huge alarm bells for me, if you was to go ahead surely you choose the person together? no secret convos and set up, 100% honesty and planning should be shared not hidden away from partners.

I'm confused when you say you were looking at a MMF threeesome but then talk about finding a girl when you are a girl so it is a FFM threesome?

However, I wouldn't progress things any further until you see the site and what he has said/sent to the girl concerned, you need to be fully aware of everything before you start down that path, it's unfair and unbalanced otherwise. I'd be extremely concerned if a partner of mine was on some kind of contact site setting me up without showing me what he was doing or what it said, that's a big alarm bell for me...

Good luck getting everything sorted and only do something you feel comfortable with, not something you feel obligated or pressured to do.

Yes you pushed the subject as he's never made the first move even though you had spoken about it but......

He has signed you up to a site and won't tell you which one

He hasn't told you what pics he has shared

That isn't nice of him (an understatement I know)

It sounds as if you need to have another frank discussion with him and set bounderies and rules that you will both abide by ie...what you will/will not do in respect of talking to people, what pics can and can't be shared - non face shots are ok to a point in my opinion as they could be anyone.

How often you/he will spend on the sites or talking to people and he must not give out any personal information bar maybe first names (again, could be anyone)

How has he accessed these sites? By phone/ipad or pc/laptop? Could you not search the history?

It seems a bit strange that you had chatted about a MMF but then he's found a woman.

You just need to sit down calmly and discuss this all - it's all very well him saying that he'll make it up to you, but he has now made you not trust him especially given his lack of information on it all.

I am not saying that he's up to no good or anything, but he needs to be more open and honest about all of this.

I had a go at my oh the other night as we had received emails from someone and he had replied to a few but then deleted them without me seeing them and also had been emailing a single woman and again had deleted them - it wasn't done to hide anything he just didn't think them important enough to show me.

Communication is the key when you're heading in to the swinging scene

Ok my bad I meant to put two girls one guy, apparently typing quickly is not something I'm good at =/

Having spoken to him i think we've cleared things up and it would appear he went ahead and did because having discussed it was something he thought I would be ok with (this has been corrected =p)

Thank you for the opinions it really helped me in how to put it across apart from anything as I have a habit of not being very clear with what I'm trying to say.

So Thank you everyone who has commented

xx

Good luck with it x