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  1. Instigating Sex

    bemmyscot [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 27 Dec 2010

    Minxbaby wrote:

    It's usually me that makes the first move on him - I have at times, kept track of it all....he denies it of course and says does it matter.....but yes, it does.

    It makes you feel rejected and unloved and unwanted (as others have said)

    During the times I have kept track it's been like me making the first move for 2 weeks every night then I just stopped and he didn't do anything and we ended up falling asleep night after night as I wasn't going to give in (until the next time)

    He then turns it on me and asks what's wrong as I haven't initiated sex!

    Can't bloody win.

    Sorry....rant over

    I think that both parties should make the effort and first move - it makes both of you feel appreciated and wanted

    Very True, Both partners should be willing to instigate sex, starting however you want, cuddles etc or just a quicky etc, Unfortunately my OH never seems to be horny, and Im finding that wanking is so much easier as there is only so many times that you that you will ask if the answer keeps coming back as NO.

    So thanks for letting me realise that Im not alone in this situation.

    xrd_man [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
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    I probably instigate 80% of the time, and when she does its always just before bed which gets a little predictable.

    But she is making an effort to more and has deffinetly improved

    S&M sexy times [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 6 Oct 2010

    I have to say after being with my other half for over 12years I usually make the first move 90% of the time, I do wish she did sometimes though, but still sex is all good whoever starts it I guess.

    waitingformagic [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    • Joined: 21 Dec 2011

    Something no one has asked that I'm curious about before I can reply properly -

    Has it always been the way that she expects you to intiate things?

    The one very long term relationship I've been in, in the first 12-18 months, we were always 50-50, perhaps even 70-30 with me initiating more often. But the sex got dull, we were very mismatched in the bedroom and no amount of talking and trying to work out a solution could help. So I stopped. It became more like 90-10 with him being the 90. (And trust me, with those I'm matched to, I'm a total sex pest and it's 95-5 to me hahaha)

    So I wonder if perhaps something (could be anything) has changed from her side which now makes her feel this way?

    Obviously I may be very wrong but it was an idea that no one had yet mentioned :)

    bemmyscot [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 27 Dec 2010

    When we first got together sh definetly seemed wo want sex moe, but I wonder whether that was just the initial "lust" of the relationship. Now she tells me its my responsibility to turn her on. I mean last night we were joking about things and mentioned oral again, She has never licked putting my cock near her mouth, but really it was the fact that she said that nobody made me go down on her, even though i love the look and taste of her pussy and I want to pleasure her, but now there is now not even any point of that.

    Thanks again for all your comments

    la83 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 4 Oct 2012

    Been married 29yr, it was always hubby who instigated it but a lot of the time I wouldn't. I wish we could turn back time but that's gone now. Only just got my libido back and can't get enough now but he has probs now. We are prob 50/50 now.

    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    waitingformagic wrote:

    Something no one has asked that I'm curious about before I can reply properly -

    Has it always been the way that she expects you to intiate things?

    Good point!

    When my wife and I were first married, I was almost always the one to initiate sex. After several discussions, I discovered that this was partly a confidence issue with my wife and also because she regarded her role as one of responding to my needs. We then entered a long phase of me encouraging my wife to become more aware of her own needs and more active about getting them fulfilled -- whether with me or on her own.

    Nowadays, we're about 50/50. My wife particularly likes it when I warm her up gradually -- say with little cuddles, kisses and whispers when we're together, or suggestive texts while we're apart -- so that we're both raring to go when the time comes. She has her own ways of letting me know that she's in the mood for sex, ranging from subtle hints to more blunt tactics such as letting me discover her playing with a vibrator and wanting some extra assistance. We don't always get it right (sometimes our hints miss the mark when the other person is a bit stressed or distracted) but we're certainly a lot more tuned in to each other than we used to be.


    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    first time we made love she started the ball rolling so its a half half thing.

    Emmzi [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 12
    • Joined: 12 Oct 2012

    been with my boyfriend almost 2 years and most the time he makes the first move but i sometimes do :) i would say its

    75% of the time him and 25% of the time me if you get me heheh xD

    SamBat [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 24 Nov 2010

    After only three short years i, as a female make all the first moves. :( I have asked the OH to try more but this is short lived as it always revert back to me to iniciate sex. I think this is because i have a higher sex drive than him but hey! Ho! What can i do?

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