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  1. Sworn to silence? -_-

    Butters,notallsweetandinnocent! [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi guys haven't posted in a long time, sorry if this has already been discussed, I have searched and searches but cannot find anything.

    Was just hoping for some tips or advice on, not an issue but something that could become one in the future.

    I'm currently seeing someone, who I absolutely adore! We've known each other for about 4 years and been together for 5 months, I was currently with my ex for 3 years, during that time I became more confident, especially
    In the bedroom, I have a very kinky side to me, and my current partner is aware of that and accepts it. Although. He is very new to the whole thing, he's had 2 partners before me that treated him like shit, hes told me his sex life was very bad, his first gf would never let him finish, as soon as she was done that was it, and she had a 6 month afair behind his back, they didn't do any positions other than him on top, and the same for the second one, I was his first blow job! I am a very open person when it comes to all things sex, a variety of friends always come to me for advice, by no
    Means do I say I know everything but I'm open minded, my OH on the other hand. Finds it very difficult to talk about sex, don't get me wrong, we have an amazing sexlife, but I'm like the queen of tease! I've been called it a couple of times from past partners, my OH has said to me he hates teasing, because it gets him
    Too riled up, I've explained that's sort of the purpose, he's attempted to let me tease him more as it benefits me and him! He even said sex was more intense and fulfilling, but there's still a limit as to how much, from what uni can gather, he doesn't like to spend too much time on foreplay either, he will give and take, but tends to stil to doin the same thing every time, yes it works but it's like he won't explore me, and that's all part of the fun with new partners, exploring each other.

    What advice I'm looking for really is how to get him to open up more, and to talk about sex instead changing the conversation, I try and get him to be playful, sending sexts, pics etc, he doesn't respond, how can I break him in to it? In a matter of speaking lol

    He is willing to try things but it's the talking about stuff and initiating things, it always is usually me initiating sex, I'm a girl who loves to be dominated, for him to just take control once in a while, is that too much to ask?

    Sorry for the long windedness!

    I hope it makes sense and I'm not babbling lol

    Any help would be appreciated!

    Butters x

    xrd_man [sign in to see picture]
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    People can all be very different and so the safest thing would be to take things slowly and introduce things one at a time. Talk about things, mention that you would like to be dominated and later ask him to do it and surprise you.

    So long as he is willing to do things to make you happy then there should be no problem if you talk things through


    [suspended user]

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    just keep talking and guiding him which is easy for me to say my OH and almost never talk about it ha ha ha

    Looksgoodinheels [sign in to see picture]
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    I know what you mean but i would say take things slowly, dont tease text, or send him pics all the time or he will become overwhelmed and just back off, keep talking and asking what he would like but again slowly, he'll get there but try for a while at his pace, maybe he doesn't know how to respond to the pics or tease texts.

    Hope this helps


    [suspended user]

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    every one is different....getting sexy texts and e mails wouldnt do anything for me...it doesnt work for everyone

    MrsKitty [sign in to see picture]
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    my oh doesnt like pics or texts either he moans about when hes at work as he cant do anything about i can send them when we are both home ie me upstairs and he is downstairs

    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    I think as everyone else said take it real slow. Like you said the fun is experiementing with someone new. There will be things he may never like and things he hasnt tried, and things that make him think "why did I ever leave that out"

    Maybe when your together, start small but ask him to do what it is you want. (Again start small) If he does, and it feels great, let him know how amazing it was and show him how much you love/appreciate him after. (A lot of people work off their partners reactions in the bedroom, and if he see's he has just blown your mind I think he will be more likely to want to do that again!) If he doesnt want to, or he tries it and hates it then you can't force it on him and if you want to stay together you will have to find a compromise.

    Just wondering as well: Do you think he has been "Conditioned" by his exes? I mean if they were very selfish and didnt let him even finish and made him do all the work, he could very well be in the mindset that you teasing him is just "mean and frustrating" He might not realise the joys of teasing and prolonged foreplay like that, and it might take him a while to get his head round it.

    Best thing I can say is keep communicating like you are, compromise and take it slow. Hope all goes well x

    lilmadam92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with what everyones said. But on top of it I would try ego massaging for a little while. It sounds like his exs have really crushed his sexual desires and ego so to speak. When you have sex try telling him after (or even during ;) ) how much he turns you on, "i love it when you did this". I'm bad at thinking off the top of my head but you get the idea. Make all talk of sex about him for a while. Let him know he's the sole focus and maybe he'll feel better about opening up.

    That said I definitely agree with taking it slow, he may feel that he's inexperienced compared to you and so therefore can't give you what you want and have had before. My bf was like this when we first got together. He was nervous that he couldn't live up to my ex because he wasn't as experienced. Needless to say, I told him different :P

    Butters,notallsweetandinnocent! [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks guys for the replies, sorry its taken so long to get back.

    i agree with what everyones said, ive tried taking it slow, surprisingly, he is opening up abit more now. and like was said, he explained that his exes were absolutly terrible at it, hence why he says he doesnt like it...but it hasnt gone un-noticed that he has started teasing more and so ive tried things such as...dressing up waiting for him to get home from work...done it quite a few times now and it works wonders :) i straight out asked him if he like the sexts and pictures id send him, he said he loved them and they get him riled and he enjoys it...aparently he didnt recieve some, which he proved, stupid technology ruining peoples fun! aha

    i massage his ego constantly, i always have done, because thats just me, i like to be grateful and appreciative! and thru him finally opeing up more, its obvious he had a shit sexlife before and he admits he never enjoyed it and most of the time he was aparently drunk, because he didnt enjoy it.

    he said he loves our sexlife, although he does call me a nympho, because i have a high sexdrive....but he pretty much matches it, so i dont complain. Plus, alot of things with me have been a first for him, but vice versa, ive done alot of firsts with him...

    well we'll see how things go! the only way is up :)

    thanks again guys!

    theCarnalCouple [sign in to see picture]
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    Great news Butters, really pleased things are moving in the right direction for you. Sounds to me like you just need to keep doing what you are doing and everything will keep bouncing along nicely.


    [suspended user]

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    hey apositive well done to Butters and partner enjoy your bodies have fun

    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
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    Thats great xx

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