dominatrix

i would like my OH to be more domaniring sometimes. i have told her i like this and even explaind what i would like, but although she trys to for me i feel that she's not as in controle as i'd like her to be and she still be's a bit to nice. does anyone have any advice on how she can be more domaniring and ues me as her sex slave for the night like i want her to?

Does she have a naturally dominant personality as she might not feel able to step into the role easily? You could possibly move towards that position gradually until she has the confidence.

Just because it's what you want, doesn't mean she wants it too, sadly. It's a big thing to expect her to be suddenly perfectly domineering if that's never been your dynamic. You need to first find out if it's something she really wants to do, and go from there.

If it is, watching femdom porn is a good place to start. You can point out things you like, things you don't like, and she can see what her own reaction is -- if she's turned on, turned off, interested or wanting to try some new things with you. It's a very slow process, creating a D/s dynamic with someone who's never explored that side of themselves before. I've been with my partner for 2 and a half years, and we're really only now getting to the kind of play that I really craved where he is fully in control and I am not guiding him. So be patient, communicate a lot, and don't push her further than she is comfortable with. She'll come to it in her own time, if that's what she wants.

A woman just have to have that dominant streak in her for me !

I sort of feel the same way but shelly's advice seems really good and I am going to see what the wife thinks.

The wife bought a book from LH recently that is something like 'how to be the perfect dominatrix' which she has read through and told me there are no decent tips or anything to help. To me this shows she is interested in doing it but I think she just doesnt feel in the mood for sex let alone being in charge 90% of the time (which I am not moaning about as I love her to bits and she gets depressed often).

It is very difficult for someone to step into this mindset. I agree with Chewy and shellyboo, if your OH hasn't had the experience then both of you will end up extremely fustrated. Would be a good idea to read up on this first before proceeding...an idea would be to gently introduce it in your lovemaking....as a foreplay like tying you up, blindfolds and gradually proceed from that and try and make out what your OH likes doing and build up on it. Good luck...I hope everything turns out good for you guys.

if she doesnt ...just live with it

I have to build up and work my self into a different frame of mind before I domme OH. I am naturally sub and find it quite hard....

A good ol' blindfold might be a good starting point for her- if she wants to take the challenge of dominating you. It's less pressure on her. If you wear the blindfold she can be able to give demands and instructions without having that pressure of you watching her or "judging" her.

There are also some very good advice in the Lovehoney blog on how to take control that she may find useful:-

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/s.cfm?term=dominate&department=blog

However, as stated before me- bear in mind that she does want to try this before going ahead. I agree, it can be hard for those that are naturally submissive (like me) to get into that mindset but it I think it can be done slowly.

Hope that helps.

how confident is your girl in real life? If she in not confident do not expect dramatic changes in a night. Make her confident and she will take the initiatve.

I suggest you buy yourselves a copy of "Come Hither" by Gloria Brame.

There are a number of kinky tests/challenges inside which are fun to do to determine your kink level in a completely fun and non judgemental way. If you are not familiar the author is a psychosexual counsellor and has been in the scene for most of her adult life.

You cant push somone in one direction, however you can lead them gently by the hand

Another good place to start is to have her read some femdom blogs -- Domme Chronicles (just google it) is a fantastic one, and she links to lots of other great Domme blogs too. It can really help when you're just starting out to read about other experiences :)