I can relate to the "good girl" facade issue. We are very open and happy with each other in all aspects, but at times I find it hard to comunicate just how naughty I want to be... so one of the tricks I used is make my own "truth or dare" game. I came up with 50 or so questions (that I wanted to answer or ask) and the same amount of dares I wanted us to try. Printed on regular A4s with truth in black on one side and dare in red (or vice versa) on the other, cut the paper to stripes and placed them in a tall glass. We had a game night in using them and discussing them. We also use other (board) games. Or watch porn (either together or individually) and then discuss that. But chat helps too. He is often away on business and we always chat a lot and are actually often "remotely" sexual online. I find it significantly easier to write down how I feel / what I want instead of having to say it in his face. Failing all that, I've been known to be very explicit and daring when drunk. ;)
And yes, the app or web based questionaires help too. You don't have to agree on all that they propose, but we actually discussed also the questions we both answered with "hell, no"s! :) They are still good conversation-openers even if certain things are not for you.
I would be really tempted to say that you posted this and then that I suggested you read what you had to say! I think that the love and respect you show your wife when you talk about her is just gorgeous, it shows not only how much you think of her but also how you want to get things right and take her feelings into account!