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  1. Tips to get the 'interest up'.

    bohohippy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
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    • Joined: 1 May 2009

    I think me & my partner are going through a slight dry spell in the sense we're both not interested and I want to get it back, we've had a talk about doing some changes maybe to give us a jult and excite us.

    We're a vanilla couple, 2 years together, I'm his first sexual partner and I gave up my 'kinky' stuff to ease him into sex as he can be very shy and didn't bother with seeking sex until he met me at age 23, I was 21.

    I haven't been on here for a long while, but i'm watching a doc about 50 shades and wanted to get a few light s&m items, maybe it's time to bring my alternative likes in and let him experience them. He likes slapping bum lol.

    Anyhow, if you have any tips, nothing extreme, just easy ways to get turned on for men and women (e.g things he can do for me, and what you men like out there). I know everyones different but he isn't even sure what he really enjoys to get turned on, so far we've only found two ways which is quite limited really lol

    Thanks! :D

    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 2 Feb 2008

    I'd echo what I said in another thread.

    Sensory play! Sensory play is a great way to experiment with kink. You can start with stroking with things of different textures and work up to tease and (mild) denial and gentle pain play (try the wartenburg wheel for a great tool that can be pleasurable and gentle but can switch to mild pain).

    You can experiment with wrapping rope or ties around his wrists and give him a flavour for submission. If you can teach him how pleasurable it can be, he would maybe be more inclined to return the favour.

    As for the question on interest - I would say a key thing for me is to start play sessions even if I'm not in the mood. Often by just dressing up, or starting kissing it's enough to get the juices flowing so to speak. You don't have to be turned on to instigate a session! As long as you're enjoying it of course!


    bohohippy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
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    Well it was around 1 month and we finally fell back in the mood, it was good, multi position, lots of foreplay and he let me touch him more than he usually does, the only thing is because we left it so long I felt uncomfortable to masterbate in front of him at the end (I can only cum by toy). When I'm paid going to buy some more things to help with teasing and such like sensory play.

    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
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    You said that you gave up your "kinky" side to ease him into sex. However, it's been 2 years and you're going through a "dry spell". How about exploring and experimenting that kinky side together? I think it's important to grow as a couple and try new things together. Communication too, is essential. Talk about your fantasies, and not just sexually. You can reignite the spark by doing romantic things like going on a romantic date as well as doing things like cuddling up watching a movie- and massages.

    Hope that helps!

    bohohippy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
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    • Joined: 1 May 2009

    Hey guys, long time since I posted but just thoguht I'd update you, we've settled into a once a month pattern. This doesn't make me unhappy, any longer than I say something but the last time about 2-3 weeks ago (I've had a water infection which i think i got from my toy damaging me in side) he started it, and we finished it with my rabbit... was a good session. I've just looked in my toy draw to find mostof my toys not working so done a big £40 order of new vibes and lubes, I think tbh it's both of us. I'm not that 'rathional' about sex due to past events which made me think sex was the be all and end all...

    Like someone said on here ageeees ago, it's what you feel is normal and is comfortable for you, many of you may be having sex daily, 20 years in but I guess for us, we're a once a month couple. We're both over weight and i wonder if this doesn't help the labido. I've tried the romantic thing, my partner isn't romantic, it flies right past his head and makes me angry so I'm stepping back with that, it's about give and take and if he really can't do it, I can't expect it from him unless it makes me desperately unhappy, which it doesn't. Not anymore...

    One of my friends had similar trouble with her relationship and agreed her past made her have a odd view on sex, although our sexual partners differ hugely we both saw sex as a focal point in a relationship and in life... I hope I'm making sense, it's late here lol.

    I'm going to try and lose weight, he is too, see if it improves and I'm swapping my pill to something else along with if I play with myself more, (perhaps get more comfortable doing it on my own) then perhaps my libido will pick up also. He has told me he still mastabates once or twice a month, although out of boredom at home and more often than not, inbetween our sex sessions. I don't masterbate outside sex. I grew up in a stiff religious household and although I don't really believe in it, for some reason I feel guilty which I guess is the backwashing that enviroment can do to you. :/

    Long post!

    spiceitup [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm am in a similar situation as yourself but am from the other side the fence. I could have sex every day, and although we are both overweight she still does it for me. Even my fantasies are about her, but her libido or whatever has wained. I have now bought some new toys, major purchases in my opinion and that has helped somewhat. But how long it lasts is anyone's guess. We are both in our 40,s and both overweight, although I still find her attractive and sexy. Hold on in there., things change unexpectedly, whether your on holiday or work becomes less stressful and kids play a major factor IMO. But things change and then change again. 20 years and trying to keep things fresh is hard, your not alone!. Being spontaneous helps a lot. Try doing something unusual, put dress on with no underwear (you get my drift) and pounce on him.
    If I'm rambling I'm sorry, drink included.

    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
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    Bohohippy - Well good luck on the changes you have planned enjoy the time you have together learning and enjoying yourself and it may help increase your libo.

    What pill are you on ? I am the Yasmin & I find that better than the microgam one doesnt effect my hormones as much , and my weight hasnt increase like it did on the microgam.


    [suspended user]

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    My sex life with my (overseas) partner died a death, even though it was really great when it started. Problems were both psychological and physical. I reckon that for your sex life to be running OK, your relationship needs to be reasonably happy.... you HAVE to talk about it if something is proving a problem for you..... but without giving your partner a hard time over it.

    Also my girlfriend was making it difficult for me because she would often cry after she came.... it was an emotional release, but it felt like I had upset her by my having sex. And it's incredibly important to be careful about the sense of smell. Unpleasant smells are a mega turn-off. Mouthwash for breath, and wet-wipes (back passage too!) are an easy solution. Remember that you don't really smell your own odours...... probably goes back millions of years, when we needed to blot out the smell of our own odour in order to smell that of prey and predators. The other thing is that porn usually has the effect of stimulating your sexual appetite. But if you have been indoctrinated as a child with the idea that sex is dirty, then this could be a problem.

    The other thing to bear in mind if you have become overweight, is that your partner might not find you as much of a turn-on as the athletic-young-thing who lives next door. So don't be too demanding. That said, your partner does need to be careful to keep your sex life ticking over (even if it's only once per month). Because it does keep the relationship a little bit special, rather than it becoming 'just companions'. But it sounds like he understands that and he's making the effort.

    I would discuss with him what sort of toys might be of interest, rather than springing a surprise that doesn't really do it for him. My own recommendation would be a mains powered Magic Wand vibrator. Get him erect by rolling his glands SLOWLY with the heel of your hand, pressing softly it against his stomach, your fingers lying along the shaft. Then replace your hand with the head of the vibrator and continue the slow rolling process. You might find that a tissue folded over the glans works better if the vibrations are too intense. The Wand will be really great for you too!

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