• Having sex vs making love

    1280870349
    Gold class [sign in to see picture]
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    Me and my OH of 3 years have quite different views on this.... and it has caused a few upsets (its taken a while to explain my views to her, so sorry if it doesn't make sense here!!!)
    I have never drawn a distinction between the two, except that sex with her is in many ways better as we are a loving couple, not because we 'make love'. However I think it is possible for people to 'make love' (ie share an deeply intimate physical bond) outside of a committed relationship. I see sex as physical expression of emotion, and as emotions can change rapidly two people can have a deeply passionate encounter, but do not necessarily have to love each other in the stereo typical ‘committed relationship’ fashion.


    My OH however is a big fan of labeling it as 'sex' or 'love making' and will quite often ask me to make love to her (by which I know she means slow, gentle etc etc) or will say she wants sex (time to get freaky! lol)


    This is something that really annoys me,as any physical activity we do, to me falls under both categories, so why label it???

    1280870441
    RubberJin [sign in to see picture]
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    Definitely a difference between fucking and making love, both are great in their own way.

    1280870866
    Malteser81 [sign in to see picture]
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    Gold class wrote:

    Me and my OH of 3 years have quite different views on this.... and it has caused a few upsets (its taken a while to explain my views to her, so sorry if it doesn't make sense here!!!)
    I have never drawn a distinction between the two, except that sex with her is in many ways better as we are a loving couple, not because we 'make love'. However I think it is possible for people to 'make love' (ie share an deeply intimate physical bond) outside of a committed relationship. I see sex as physical expression of emotion, and as emotions can change rapidly two people can have a deeply passionate encounter, but do not necessarily have to love each other in the stereo typical ‘committed relationship’ fashion.


    My OH however is a big fan of labeling it as 'sex' or 'love making' and will quite often ask me to make love to her (by which I know she means slow, gentle etc etc) or will say she wants sex (time to get freaky! lol)


    This is something that really annoys me,as any physical activity we do, to me falls under both categories, so why label it???

    Making love with my OH and I can still be fast and furious, diff positions, oral and anal but is just us, no extra help and just feels more sensual and intimate =). Everybody is differant though and no thoughts on the subject are wrong.

    1280872868
    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
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    For me we have incredible love making..the difference in my mind if the amazing level of intimacy...the eye contact, the fact he knows my body so well and I now his and we know what turns the other on and off...there is so much communication between us it is amazing...even a quickie before the kids wake up has that extra thing..this is the difference between love making and a shag to me...

    After empty sex i feel I now value real love making...Oh i am so soft lol

    1280902172
    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    I do sort of see a difference in styles of sex and I like the previously mentioned threeway (steady!) definitions of making love, sex and fucking! However for me the biggest difference isn't in the type of sex - even if I'm riding my OH like a rodeo queen, or he's spanking me till I cry, it's all done with love!

    I think the real difference is who you're in bed with. Having slept with another woman I can say that, for me, going slowly with all the kissing and hand holding in the world doesn't add up to love-making. It can still feel sexy but my personal feeling is that love-making is a state of mind (I sound like such a pretentious hippy twat sometimes). I consider that I have only made love to my current partner and making love with him covers a whole range of bedroom antics. Me being able to say "I want you to come in my mouth/slap my face/fuck me in the ass" etc, being confident enough to wear a bodystocking/get out my vibrator during sex, being comfortable enough to allow him to bind me or brave enough to bind him....It's all from shared love and passion!

    Having said that there is a difference in the types of sex we have. A lot of the time I'm completely consumed by desire and get a bit bouncy and carried away during sex. However, on the rare occasion where I'm not so ridiculously horny I do love the intimate and tender sex that has a slow, gentle intensity to it...lots of kissing on the lips, fingers, forehead, intertwined bodies and whispered declarations of affection. Bliss

    Damnit I wan't some slow lovin' now!

    xxKPxx

    1280905996
    Ampeli [sign in to see picture]
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    Agree with GoldClass. 'Love' to us is a thousand things that bind us together as a couple. So from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to sleep we 'make love'. My wife is literally my other half without whom funcyioning would be very difficult. Sex, when mixed with the heady romance of a new relationship is an emotional high that I think 'making love' in the physical sense encapsulates. My wife and I are always looking for new ways to have sex either solo or together - and that is one element of the many many others that make us a happy couple

    Maybe it's because of our age and maybe its because we have been together a long time, but we have sex, as part of a whole life that 'makes love'. Does that make sense?

    1280909612
    Kinkyfish [sign in to see picture]
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    For us there is a definate diffrence between sex and making love.

    Normally when making love we will have candles, music a massage and it will last 2 or so hours, its a very sensual bonding of ourselvs, there is lots of kissing it kinda relaxes us both witch the actual act of intercourse is only a very minor part.

    On the other hand when we play i.e. have sex just about anything goes there can also be lots of pssionate kissing etc. but its alot more focused on the play also if ther was a third or fourth person involved its still sex. i suppose its more for pure physical pleasure in any form that feels right.

    I hope that makes sense.

    1280912599
    Gold class [sign in to see picture]
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    Ampeli wrote:

    My wife and I are always looking for new ways to have sex either solo or together - and that is one element of the many many others that make us a happy couple

    Maybe it's because of our age and maybe its because we have been together a long time, but we have sex, as part of a whole life that 'makes love'. Does that make sense?

    I think that last line sums it up for me, our physical relationship is just one aspect of many, which I don't feel needs to be defined/labeled according to its form (ie making love vs just having sex, as they are one and the same). I guess I'm just not a fan of putting sex into categories according to an emotional tag.

    1280915216
    DrtyBoy [sign in to see picture]
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    I am with GC on this one, when i am with my OH whether it be rough sex or passionate love it is all the same bag with us...we have been together forever as well so i guess that makes the difference

    1281052540
    Sam66 [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh yes - and for me it remains a very great distinction

    I've had sex with lots of women but made love to 2 - one is my OH and the other I miss to this day - and always will I think.

    Sex is just an act - no emotion before, during or after. Nothing and no one to miss

    Making love is better by a measure that cannot be measure

    1281053571
    Bear1 [sign in to see picture]
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    Sex is sex, but gentle love making is heavenly! We thoroughly enjoy being passionate, orally pleasing each other, letting our fingers explore everywhere we desire. The pleasure we both share for each other is delicious! Kama Sutra makes our adventures so much more pleasurable....I love her passionately and desire to pleasure her as much as possible

    Now then there's just raw sex when we both desire the same thing, sweaty, heart pounding raw, wham bam Thank You Maam/Sir sex.......

    1283849014
    sweetcherry24 [sign in to see picture]
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    Aimee wrote:

    There Deffo is a disctinction between the two!

    I love sex, the dirtier the better, but i enjoy Sex with my OH so much because im in love him (sorry for the cheese lol) and im so comfortable around him i can do anything :)

    All the guys before seem kinda dull compared to him! Guess they were missing an important something!

    Totally agree,

    When me and my Oh make love, it sends tingles all over my body, the passion when we both look into each others eyes. taking it slow and deep, stroking and kissing each others bodys to sheer delight. i cum very very quick during making love, and saying you love each other, while were at it. Oh! my its s good.

    but then there the other side. wow our wild sex life. which is also mindblowing but maybe because i love him. the sex is ten times better than a quick shag on one night stand.

    1283852960
    telemachus [sign in to see picture]
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    Gold class wrote:

    Me and my OH of 3 years have quite different views on this.... and it has caused a few upsets (its taken a while to explain my views to her, so sorry if it doesn't make sense here!!!)
    I have never drawn a distinction between the two, except that sex with her is in many ways better as we are a loving couple, not because we 'make love'. However I think it is possible for people to 'make love' (ie share an deeply intimate physical bond) outside of a committed relationship. I see sex as physical expression of emotion, and as emotions can change rapidly two people can have a deeply passionate encounter, but do not necessarily have to love each other in the stereo typical ‘committed relationship’ fashion.


    My OH however is a big fan of labeling it as 'sex' or 'love making' and will quite often ask me to make love to her (by which I know she means slow, gentle etc etc) or will say she wants sex (time to get freaky! lol)


    This is something that really annoys me,as any physical activity we do, to me falls under both categories, so why label it???

    I agree with you. I don't divide the two, sex is sex. It means something because we are committed and we love each other - not because we do it slowly.

    1283853577
    GHxx [sign in to see picture]
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    Sam66 wrote:

    I've had sex with lots of women but made love to 2 - one is my OH and the other I miss to this day - and always will I think.

    Sex is just an act - no emotion before, during or after. Nothing and no one to miss

    Making love is better by a measure that cannot be measure

    I agree with this, however when in a relationship 'making love' can be fast and furious, I don't see making love as just slow sensual sex although thats great too.

    xGHx

    1283855100
    Sam66 [sign in to see picture]
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    GHxx wrote:

    Sam66 wrote:

    I've had sex with lots of women but made love to 2 - one is my OH and the other I miss to this day - and always will I think.

    Sex is just an act - no emotion before, during or after. Nothing and no one to miss

    Making love is better by a measure that cannot be measure

    I agree with this, however when in a relationship 'making love' can be fast and furious, I don't see making love as just slow sensual sex although thats great too.

    xGHx

    I agree that 'speed' has notihng to do with the distinction between the two. For me the distinction comes in the emotional content of the act. And so 'making love' can be fast and furious and 'sex' can be long and slow. It depends (for me at least) on the amount of emotional investment you have in the other person

    1283891263
    Pinkilious [sign in to see picture]
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    Well i like to think me and my OH make love but that does sound slow, soft, gentle, sensual and loving which is nothing like what we do most of the time!

    When we talk about it we always talk about having sex (something which i say myself) but i think this makes it feel very distant and detached almost like a one night stand thing.

    There is definitely a distinction but i think it is the feelings you attach to it too!

    1283892496
    telemachus [sign in to see picture]
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    I think that having sex slowly, in a gentle, caring manner is not making love. It's just having sex slowly, it's just a different style of sex. Whether we have sex facing each other looking into each others eyes <barf> or have a quickie on the stairs, we still love each other the same amount. No extra "love" is being made.

    1283892540
    Ilovemyman [sign in to see picture]
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    creativewriter1985 wrote:

    When you're not with someone, sex is just sex.

    When you're in a committed relationship, you can have the best of both worlds. You can have a nice loving session which I'd class as making love, or if you're really gagging for it, you're shagging, or fucking, whatever terminology you want to use.

    I definitely still make the distinction, and both are nice dependent on what mood you're in!

    Exactly what i was going to say! x

    1283894282
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    telemachus wrote:

    I think that having sex slowly, in a gentle, caring manner is not making love. It's just having sex slowly, it's just a different style of sex. Whether we have sex facing each other looking into each others eyes <barf> or have a quickie on the stairs, we still love each other the same amount. No extra "love" is being made.

    I think I'm in this camp. I think an unnecessary distinction between the two makes sex much more impersonal and less intimate than it often is. Can you make love fast? If you have sex but slow down does it become making love? Do you have to love to make love? If there's a contradiction or problem(s) as above then you have an issue concerning the logic of the idea.. but then I'm a philosopher!

    It seems a purely semantic issue for an act that is pretty much the same in my opinion. I also don't take to the term because I think it takes some of the lust and passion away by describing it as making love.

    So for me... No. Not really a difference, I find the term making love pretty redundant.

    1283895399
    CurlyCoupleWife [sign in to see picture]
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    I used to have major arguments with my ex about this. He wouldn't do the deed with me if he thought it was born out of need rather than love. Which led to more need & hence months without (and I didn't even have toys in those days).

    I don't think my exasperated exclamations of "Well, I haven't gone out & fucked anyone else, have I?" particularly convinced him of my love and devotion.

    Luckily CurlyCpl understands I love him at all times & needing sex doesn't mean I love him any less - it just means I'm randy. I am immeasurably more happy these days - married a great man.

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