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  1. Share Your Best Ever Sex Tip!

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    lavelia when faced with getting your house repossessed or serious criminal charges with no basis, how to massage the g spot and where my semen goes, becomes a very very minor issue

    I am sorry for these problems you had, but how many people face that? I have faced a lot, not that serious, I went though hell for months. I psychically broke down not so long ago, because of stress and my health took a huge hit too. and I know that lot of people here have serious problems, but I do release that everyones life is very different and their choices too. So I stand behind what I said. For some people sex differences and lack of talk about that can be breaking point.

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    . So I stand behind what I said. For some people sex differences and lack of talk about that can be breaking point.

    I respect your point of view, for me however if Mrs G was to say we never have sex again it would not neccessarily be the end, there is a huge volume of water that has passed under our bridge

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    ladies I think you are agreeing with my point of view while thinking you are differing with it. People routinely confuse "sex" and "relationship" my relationship is of paramount importace and sex has a part in that relationship.

    But so does love trust loyalty and commitment. Being uncertain how you can pay the bills is a wrecker for any couple. There are some things i would love to try as far as being dominant and submissive but Mrs G doesnt want to. She is neither dominant or submissive outside the bedroom and cant just turn it on inside the bedroom. I take the whole person I cannot ask her to change at my bidding.

    Of course if there is a huge disconnect in sex drive then that would be a problem but surely that should be sorted before you become committed. When sex was not possible Mrs G still did her best to keep me satisfied, we believe it is part and parcel of the marriage contract.

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    ladies I think you are agreeing with my point of view while thinking you are differing with it. People routinely confuse "sex" and "relationship" my relationship is of paramount importace and sex has a part in that relationship.

    Yes and no. I'm not confusing the two - sex is crucially important to me and the fella and that we are on the same page is important.

    That said, often a good combination in terms in personality can salve any sex problems. That both myself and WandA know sex is important makes our sex life run smoother - we don't underestimate how confidence denting a dry spell can be and communicate well with one another.

    Sex isn't important unless there's something wrong. Once your not having it, or there's a complete disconnect between too people it can be symptomatic of other problems, or in itself it can cause problems.

    Things are never simple and of course all relationships are a combination of things but I think it's naive to think sex isn't an important aspect of any relationship. I think actually the reason it can often lead to big problems is that people are under some impression that they're not allowed to be upset if they are sexually unsatisfied....it doesn't seem to be a "justified" reason to feel there is something wrong with a relationship and that is what can lead some parties of relationships to cheating (in some occasions, certainly not all.

    Adxx

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    Justlikerabbits [sign in to see picture]
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    My sex tip would be to act confident even if you do not feel it. I think the biggest turn on is when a women is comfortable with their bodies and confident in what they do. Being negative about oneself is the biggest turn off. As a male I don't think we worry about asthetics as much as what a women do, so drop the insecurities and start feeling good about yourselves and have great sex. Hope this doesn't sound too patronising!!! :s

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Justlikerabbits wrote:

    My sex tip would be to act confident even if you do not feel it. I think the biggest turn on is when a women is comfortable with their bodies and confident in what they do. Being negative about oneself is the biggest turn off. As a male I don't think we worry about asthetics as much as what a women do, so drop the insecurities and start feeling good about yourselves and have great sex. Hope this doesn't sound too patronising!!! :s

    But a little bit patronising is ok :P

    Hehe I'm kidding, I knew what you meant....I love word play so it makes me chuckle to reinterpret what a sentence can infere.

    Good post some men can be just as susceptible to aesthetic insecurities though, maybe it's a smaller proportion of men (or maybe it's just talked about less) but it's something we could all do with remembering!

    Adx

    1334516934
    Justlikerabbits [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Justlikerabbits wrote:

    My sex tip would be to act confident even if you do not feel it. I think the biggest turn on is when a women is comfortable with their bodies and confident in what they do. Being negative about oneself is the biggest turn off. As a male I don't think we worry about asthetics as much as what a women do, so drop the insecurities and start feeling good about yourselves and have great sex. Hope this doesn't sound too patronising!!! :s

    But a little bit patronising is ok :P

    Hehe I'm kidding, I knew what you meant....I love word play so it makes me chuckle to reinterpret what a sentence can infere.

    Good post some men can be just as susceptible to aesthetic insecurities though, maybe it's a smaller proportion of men (or maybe it's just talked about less) but it's something we could all do with remembering!

    Adx

    Haha, thanks for making me feel bad :)

    I think that you're probably right, the fact is I won't know how men are insecure as I don't have any experiences with men :/

    But as you said it's not well documented like it is for females and the media doesn't portray a perfect body for a man as much as it does for a women.

    However, be confident is my underlying tip :o

    By the way, nice bottom ;)

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    ladies I think you are agreeing with my point of view while thinking you are differing with it. People routinely confuse "sex" and "relationship" my relationship is of paramount importace and sex has a part in that relationship.

    But so does love trust loyalty and commitment. Being uncertain how you can pay the bills is a wrecker for any couple. There are some things i would love to try as far as being dominant and submissive but Mrs G doesnt want to. She is neither dominant or submissive outside the bedroom and cant just turn it on inside the bedroom. I take the whole person I cannot ask her to change at my bidding.

    Of course if there is a huge disconnect in sex drive then that would be a problem but surely that should be sorted before you become committed. When sex was not possible Mrs G still did her best to keep me satisfied, we believe it is part and parcel of the marriage contract.

    I think I know why we are bit arguying. You are strictly talking about marriage or really long term commitment, while I am talking relationships as a whole. From when you become couple. For people who dont have commitment it is very possible to break up because of sex in relationship. Plus some people dont start with sex early in relationship. I know pairs who started after 6 months or longer. So there was a bit of commitment there, yet you can find afterwards, you just dont match. For whatever reason.

    Yes, sometimes the partners dont match up completely in sex tastes. Me and my partner have few differences and I can live with it and just imagine it when masturbating, but for some it can be breaking point. or cheating point if prefered. See? I understand that sex is part of relationship, but not the relationship. Yet I understand that sex can become a major issue in relationship.

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Justlikerabbits wrote:

    However, be confident is my underlying tip :o

    By the way, nice bottom ;)

    It's a good tip :) and sorry if I made you feel bad, that wasn't my intention.

    Thank you very much, the compliment is returned - very professional looking photo.

    Adx

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    Justlikerabbits [sign in to see picture]
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    Haha, I was only joking I can take it!!! You didn't really make me feel bad at all.

    Thanks, I took that picture all on my own. I have a whole album of them so might change it every now and again :)

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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    but I think it's naive to think sex isn't an important aspect of any relationship.

    Dunno if I am naive then. we have faced many issues which have affected our love life the problem isnt what happens in the bedroom but out of it.

    My wife recently lost her mother, every special day like christmas mothers day birthdays easter is a first without her and she is grieving she isnt feeling particularly sexy because she is sad....nothing i can do is be there and help her through it.

    At times we didnt know where our daughter was which affected us both, neither of us felt like swinging from the chandeliers but we did need what most call vanilla sex warm and loving like a soft embrace.

    And again when you have the police and social workers endlessly knocking at your door, sex is a minor issue the major issues need sorting and then a good love life follows. Multiple orgasms dont pay a mortgage or sort out a wayward teenager.

    My wife came here for a week earlier this year, sex was off the menu because our daughter was with her and my flat is small, still had a wonderful time and started bonding with our daughter again. Daughters are even better than wifes at making a man feel masculine she loved me translating from english to german and italian and beating germans at pool.....All part of a couples life and only tangentially connected to sex.

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't really agree with the idea that because there are worse things to deal with it shouldn't be an issue.

    I prioritise my happiness, if that's affected by something minor, or major, it doesn't matter...it still affects it and that's important to me.

    Sure sex isn't the *most* important thing in a relationship but that doesn't mean it's not important.

    I just find your approach a little dismissive of people who *are* affected in a big way by the quality of their sex life. Look at each situation you mention and think how much worse it would be to be dealing with those situations alone, or in a situation where you feel rejected, unloved or unwanted by your partner....all feelings which can arise from problems in the bedroom.

    Sex in itself isn't an issue but it's the implication that can have on a relationship as a whole. As I said, if you're lucky to feel confident despite a lack of sex then that's fantastic, but many, many people use sex as a way of feeling good about themselves and their relationship. As I said, an unsatisfying sex life can be indicative of wider problems in a relationship.

    I'm not expecting you to agree with me - I'm simply asking you to consider how things vary between relationships. Just because sex isn't important to you, does not mean it is not important in other relationships and neither way is "right". Each relationship is personal to the members of those relationships.

    Adx

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    alicia sex is important to me and I keep it as good as possible as part of our life I am not being dismissive just I have a different perspective

    dunno where you got the idea it wsnt important to me its just not the most important thing, even from posts on here it is clear that many people who are bored with their sex life are actaually just bored with their life , their whole life has a routine, their sex life just crystalizes and focuses their boredom

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    alicia sex is important to me and I keep it as good as possible as part of our life I am not being dismissive just I have a different perspective

    dunno where you got the idea it wsnt important to me its just not the most important thing, even from posts on here it is clear that many people who are bored with their sex life are actaually just bored with their life , their whole life has a routine, their sex life just crystalizes and focuses their boredom

    It largely stems from your use of the phrase "not serious" - there was another post I read that seemed a little dismissive too but it was in another thread and I've forgotten now...maybe it wasn't your intention but perhaps it's a reminder to just keep an eye on how you phrase things :). This is a great place for open discussion - as you can see, members challenge each other, not to cause arguments but to provide stimulating thoughts and to give the "other side of the coin" so to speak if they feel a fellow member hasn't thought of that side.

    There are many members here who I call friends, and I'd still (and have) challenge them if I felt they hadn't thought of something - not to chastise or correct, but as a reminder of something they maybe hadn't considered. I'd hope people would challenge me constructively if they thought I'd not considered something so I could either correct myself (if I had considered it but not got my point across very clearly) or think about the other side if I'd genuinely missed it. I like to learn and consider other points of view :)

    Adx

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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Sex in itself isn't an issue but it's the implication that can have on a relationship as a whole. As I said, if you're lucky to feel confident despite a lack of sex then that's fantastic, but many, many people use sex as a way of feeling good about themselves and their relationship. As I said, an unsatisfying sex life can be indicative of wider problems in a relationship.

    Of course sex makes me feel good about myself but many other things do too, My wife is now my company secretary and as such is independantly wealthy. It also gives me a kick transferring her company dividend. I was amazed how having investments in her own name has changed her whole demeanour, she had a hard childhood and we were skint for years, recently things have turned around and life is a breeze but I remember our dark days. We didnt solve those problems in the bedroom we solved them outside of it and we have used sex to encourage support and comfort as well as give pleasure.

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    Alicia I was taught some latin by an Italian barmaid " simmilus cum simillibus non disputandem est.

    "two people with the same mind can have no conversation", I think that applies to us Ive enjoyed the exchange thanks

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    daretobeme [sign in to see picture]
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    I'll put in my two cents on this one!

    I see exactly where you're coming from gunther... but you're married. It's totally different when you're in a relationship and comfortable with each others limits, boundaries, expectations and turn-ons. Enjoying yourseld, having a laugh, and being yourself is all really important, but sometimes there's more to it than that.

    I'm new at having 'actual sex' (i.e. I'm pretty experienced in everything bar intercourse), and my current (and only partner) is very much not my boyfriend. If I was to dismiss it as not important, I'd kind of be destroying the point of the 'relationship' that we have. We keep our friendship, and our benefits, completely separate so to speak. We're learning about each other, which is like the most important thing imo, and it's really 'serious' in that sense as we both want to know about each others boundaries and new stuff we can try out together. So, I see where you're coming from, but I think it's a little more than trivial.

    And, in another note, I'm not sure I'm really qualified to have a best sex tip... but I'd say "if you don't ask, you'll never know the answer", and communication (albeit not Dr. Phil style), is mega important no matter what stage of a relationship you're in. Sex is always better if you know what you want, and what your partner wants imo.

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Sex in itself isn't an issue but it's the implication that can have on a relationship as a whole. As I said, if you're lucky to feel confident despite a lack of sex then that's fantastic, but many, many people use sex as a way of feeling good about themselves and their relationship. As I said, an unsatisfying sex life can be indicative of wider problems in a relationship.

    Of course sex makes me feel good about myself but many other things do too, My wife is now my company secretary and as such is independantly wealthy. It also gives me a kick transferring her company dividend. I was amazed how having investments in her own name has changed her whole demeanour, she had a hard childhood and we were skint for years, recently things have turned around and life is a breeze but I remember our dark days. We didnt solve those problems in the bedroom we solved them outside of it and we have used sex to encourage support and comfort as well as give pleasure.

    Sex makes me feel good in different way than my achievements. University makes me feel confident in my field and at work, working achievements doing the same. Sex makes me feel attractive, wanted and also protected. Something no university achievement or job achievement can do.

    And be aware that you are not the only one who went through a lot. I have my own dark story, AA has her own, but we stand behind what we said, that every relationship is completely different, what is all right for you may not be right for someone else.

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    Laveila wrote:

    And be aware that you are not the only one who went through a lot. I have my own dark story, AA has her own, but we stand behind what we said, that every relationship is completely different, what is all right for you may not be right for someone else.

    I completely agree but I can and will only speak from my experience I am not trying to impose a point of view just to express my point of view.

    In the early days of our relationship I was racing a motorcycle my wife (to be) was watching, my engine didnt start. My wife was surrounded by a bunch of bikers in the grandstand laughing at me, but eventually I got it started and set the fastest lap to finish eighth place..the guys who were laughing quickly "held their man hoods cheap" and my wife (to be) realised she had a man who will fight to the end. She had seen me win before but never seen me in such a difficult situation, those things live with you through your whole life.

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    Laveila wrote:

    And be aware that you are not the only one who went through a lot. I have my own dark story, AA has her own, but we stand behind what we said, that every relationship is completely different, what is all right for you may not be right for someone else.

    I completely agree but I can and will only speak from my experience I am not trying to impose a point of view just to express my point of view.

    In the early days of our relationship I was racing a motorcycle my wife (to be) was watching, my engine didnt start. My wife was surrounded by a bunch of bikers in the grandstand laughing at me, but eventually I got it started and set the fastest lap to finish eighth place..the guys who were laughing quickly "held their man hoods cheap" and my wife (to be) realised she had a man who will fight to the end. She had seen me win before but never seen me in such a difficult situation, those things live with you through your whole life.

    I think that you seem bit pushing because everytime when someone starts that everyone is different, you start about all the problems you had in your life, which to me seems like "I am going to show I am right". I completely respect your relationship. You dont defeat yourself over and over again. Trust me, we respect how it is in your relationship. But with all respect, your relationship is one of the millions of relationship just in Europe, not to mention US, Canada, etc. Some people will share your view and others will not.

    But everyone in the forum does respect your view.

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