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  1. Sex after a baby, episiotomy, tears etc....

    xpinksx [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 1
    • Joined: 8 Oct 2009

    I had my baby 3 weeks ago with episiotomy assisistance I had an infection for the 2nd week it is now one week on. I am TERRIFIED we have such high sex drives but the fear holds me back every time Im thinking what toys may help, and what are your experiences

    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
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    • Joined: 14 Jan 2009

    I stayed away from vibrators for a while and transferred to dildo use ( slimmer than my man and easier to face than vibes). Take your time and don't force anything. Maybe take a simple toy into the bath and have either a massage or take in some erotica. also, it helps if someone else has the baby for a bit as they have a sixth sense, but I'd try to give it another week to avoid a recurring infection and then having to go from the start again.

    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
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    • Joined: 22 Apr 2010

    i had 2 c sections so sex was out of the question for weeks...mind you at the time I can't say i was to sad...sleep was very welcome at the time.

    We made the most of kissing and cuddling.

    I agree with Rowan maybe worth waiting a little longer x

    hotpussy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    • Joined: 18 Oct 2011

    I had tearing and many stitches after both of my children and I was also very sore for a few weeks. We didn't attempt full penatrative sex for about 6 weeks, and I am glad we waited. Once I was ready, I experienced slight tearing every time we had sex, resulting in slight bleeding from the scar and me being sore for a few days afterwards while it re-healed. It took a good year before things were properly ok again but in that year, we found new ways of enjoying sex and it made us more adventurous. My advice is take your time, and build up to full sex again, and perhaps use lube to help things glide easier and reduce the friction. It does get better so don't dispair!

    BashfulBabe [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 716
    • Joined: 24 Apr 2010

    Yeah, I was told 6 weeks to let the stitches heal. The midwife did tell me after three that it looked fine and I shouldn't have a problem (not that I had the option then anyway!), but in the hispital they'd said six was the average. And I think it was about two months before I felt comfortable enough to even look, I kept being terrified I'd go for a wee and rip myself open! I have managed to recover fully, no ill effects aside from a slight skin tag by my anus and a line of scar tissue that's barely visible (third degree tear), neither of which affect my sex life.

    If you are desperate to get going again, maybe ask your midwife/doc to have a look and see if you're healing fast enough, or what they recommend. Everyone heals differently, and if you're lucky enough to be a good healer, then no reason for you to be sitting there humping your pillow in frustration when everything's good to go! Likewise, better to be given the official go-ahead than take a chance and make things horribly worse.

    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 8 Nov 2010


    I agree that 3 weeks may be bit early. But I agree with BB, let someone check to see if you are healed. I certainly would not go ahead on my own in this situation, as generally 6 weeks are recommended to wait to give it time to heal. Some do heal faster, some much longer depending on the extent of "damage" and how fast you naturally heal, but I think its better to wait than be sorry until you get youself checked. I think you can experience tearing if you go too soon which can lead to issues and it will make things much harder to fully heal.

    I guess external clitoral stimulation would be ok for you in the meantime, but I would personally give it more time to heal before trying penatration, with small toy or partner.

    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 706
    • Joined: 7 Jun 2009

    I would recommend waiting until 6 weeks after the birth, especially since you had an episiotomy which can often take longer to heal and can be sore and bruised for a long time.

    If you can imagine, when you tear during childbirth you naturally tear through the weakest points of the tissue which come together and heal more easily, however with an episiotomy it's cutting right through the different tissue layers and segments of muscle which need more time to heal completely.

    Concentrate on your gorgeous baby and just put sex to one side for a little longer. Take things slowly, allow your partner to explore your body slowly and gently with just some gentle clitoral stimulation. Masturbation may be better for trying penetration for the first time as you will know when to go slower or stop.

    Congratulations on your new baby :)

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