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  1. i have never comed? can any one help??

    hearthun [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 23 Sep 2011

    hello, i am 25yrs old and have never come, my friends tell me about their experiences, and they say i must have but i never have. i have had great sex before but my current partner get me all horny and then he comes, then i feel frustrated. whereas my ex used to go for a long time and it was very pleasurable but i never comed? i can get sore down below easily, i like it hard but then it sometimes scars, i suffer from a condition that makes scarring tissue there and have to use lots of lube. i do really enjoy sex and want to be able to come and reach that point were i feel satisfied but i dont know what to do? when hes inside sometimes he sometimes touches a point where in feels amazing for a momont? ive never touched myself, and my friends have said i should but i dont really like that, my partner bought me a vibrator but it was too big and uncomfortable, ive got so many questions, i just dont know what to do??

    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1795
    • Joined: 1 Dec 2008

    Hiya Hearthun and welcome to the forums. I'm not familiar with your condition but. . .I'm sure some of the lovely ladies on here will be of some help to you! :) in regards to that point you touch that feels amazing, that is called the G-spot. It's an area inside the vagina that when stimulated can give great orgasms which is exactly what you want! There are loads of vibrators of different sizes and shapes that can easily stimulate your g-spot and you can purchase one here at Lovehoney!

    I'm sure you'll get some helpful replies to your questions from the girls hearthun.

    Best wishes and good luck! SG x

    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    wanted to reply earlier, but the forum was showing error.

    Firstly, why you dont want to touch yourself? I am asking as I used to have this problem and the reason was I thought its disgusting and not propriete. And to be honest, when you dont like those parts... You are far less likely to really enjoy sex and to get an orgasm. Maybe exploring yourself is good idea. Use a mirror, touch yourself after a shower etc. Get used to your body. And find out what you like.

    Also internal stimulation is not the only way. Does your partner finger you or uses mouth for external stimulation? Most women dont come from internal stimulation only, but need clitoral stimulation, although we do enjoy penatration and Gspot stimulation. Did you try clitoral stimulation? I dont react strongly to my own fingers, so I use vibrator. I would suggest something small. Maybe one of the bullet vibrators:

    Or if you want to try bit of penatration

    That was my first vibrator which gave me my first orgasm almost a year ago. There is also waterproof version.

    I would suggest something multispeed as you dont know how strong vibrations you like.

    Both small. Just look at lenght and girth when choosing to avoid too big. Also LH has great return policy.

    In the beginnings when I was getting used to my body I found it a bit easier to play with the vibrator as I did not have to use my fingers, maybe just start with external stimulation before attempting internal. And the spot when it feels very pleasurable inside you is likely your Gspot. I love the feeling mine gives me but alas did not make me orgasm, yet. I need clitoral stimulation. You can get Gspot vibrator too. Or a dildo to stimulate it.

    Alternatively when playing with yourself and finding it hard to orgasm, you can try one of the orgasm boosters, which are balms you put on your clitoris, in few cases on your G spot.

    I have the Bombshell balm and it is great! But they can be bit tricky, what works for one woman may not work for another.But if you are in the UK you can use LH returns for free.

    My last advice is to use gentle lubes if you have any issues wit your female parts. Maybe the Sliquid range would be good idea. Or silicone lubes, but they can be bit tricky to wash away, can sometimes stain and you need to do test on silicone toy to avoid damage.

    Hope this helps a little.

    hearthun [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 23 Sep 2011

    Hello sorry its taken me so long to reply, had no internet connection for over a month. thank you very much to the both of you x will try what you have said Laveila.

    see i feel awkward thinking about touching myself, i think its just the way that ive made myself think, ive spoke to my friends about it in the past, but you've been really helpful. i want to start exploring like you did, as like you said, i think i will enjoy sex more once i know more what to do myself. its not that i think its disgusting, its just my own fngers touching myself doesnt arrose me as im too busy thinking about other things and feel awkward, but if i get something to use like you said then that might work :)

    yes my partner uses his finger to stimulate me, but to be honest he isnt great and its uncomfortable sometimes. quite a few years ago when i was with my ex, he used to be able to pleasure me that way, but as i dont do it to myself its not like i can even teach my partner what to do, so when we have sex im starting to feel horny and hes already cumed which is really sexually frustrating?? ive learnt lots of different ways to pleasure my partner and he enjoys it more and more each time, but i feel unfullfilled, but its not his fault really if i cant help?

    do you know of any ways i can help him in touching and oral sex before we have sex?

    sexyget 69 to you have any tips on this?

    thank you xx

    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
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    • Joined: 15 Sep 2010

    Hiya, hearthun.

    Sounds like you're trying to go back to basics... (wow, I sound just like the Word Paperclip: "It looks like you're trying to have an orgasm. Would you like some help with that?" Anyway, as I was saying...)

    First of all, before you even get into different techniques or toys, I really think you need to get comfortable with your own body - learn what you have, where it all is, how it works and what it's called. The idea of using a mirror is really good, because it'll help you work out what your Other Half is seeing when he's down there.

    I think the main thing to remember when you're exploring your body is that you may not be mentally turned on, but you can still try to remember what feels good, which places you're most sensitive, and to which kinds of stimulation. How you touch can be as important as where - try light, deep, short, long, circular, straight, tickly, massaging, fast and slow movements. Some will work in some places, others will need something different. And when you are more turned on, that will begin to change, too. Follow you instincts.

    You say your OH uses his fingers on you, but how? Where? There are two main points where digital (= "with the fingers") stimulation tends to be effective - on and around your clitoris, or inside your vagina on the G-spot, which is normally found just inside on the front wall, tucked up behind the bone there. If he's not hitting either of those two spots in just the right way, then chances are you'll just get sore and frustrated. Again, knowing for yourself what feels good where will let you guide him to just the right motion.

    You've noticed yourself that it takes time and a slow build-up to get you feeling horny - practice by yourself once you're familiar with your body and you might find you start to recognise the stages of getting more and more turned on. Once you know how different types of touch can work at different times, you might find it easier to move quickly through the process of getting turned on, and be able to come at the same time as your OH.

    As for oral and using his fingers - he has to want to do it. The more feedback he gets from you the better. Keep encouraging him; tell him what you like, tell him what you want. The better he feels about it and the more enthusiastic you are, the longer he'll keep doing it . . . and that's a good thing, right? His technique may need some pointers, but you can give him hints such as "faster ... yes, right there ... now a little slower ... move to the side a little" while he plays with you, and maybe give more detailed notes afterwards; "you know I really love it when you (X), but I'm too sensitive for you to (Y), so next time could you try (Z) instead?" He should learn pretty quickly what you like and what to avoid.

    Laveila has already given some great advice about toys, so I'll leave it there.

    I hope you have fun discovering more about your body, and teaching your OH.

    All the best,

    Mr Mr

    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 8 Nov 2010


    when I had this problem I found using a toy made it easier in the beginning to touch myself. I think my problem started when I was young and was constantly told that good girl does not touch herself down there. You can see where it lead me. Not to the best situation. I used to touch myself, but very rarely. After I got the toy I started to explore myself more, and my body was giving me pleasure without the issue of touching myself. Over time I started to be very curious about my body and looked in the mirror, touched myself more. And over time I started to really enjoy that and now I can finger myself very easily and I like it, as I like my body and I do like my lady parts.

    But you can start without toy. I did find that after shower it was easiest to explore, as you did not have to worry about any musky smell, which can sometimes happen, but you are clean. Maybe just got comfortable on the bed, I found sitting on the edge worked the best for me to use the mirror. Use large enough mirror to get a good view. And when you are ready you can just look at it, you dont have to touch if you are not comfortable with touching. That may come later. Maybe do it several times until you are comfortable with what you are seeing. And then start to touch, and explore. Maybe you can use a toy to explore first, maybe while looking into the mirror if you are more comfortable with that one and then just use your fingers when ready.

    Its a slower process, likeing your body is not going to come overnight, took me about 3 months to really fully accept and like my body the way it is.

    Wish I could write more, but I have to leave for work in 25 minutes.

    SiaSaylor [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 9
    • Joined: 27 Apr 2011

    Hi Hearthun,

    I'm wondering if you might be having the same issue I had before I learned to orgasm. For quite a while after I was sexually active I despaired about never having had an orgasm, no matter how good the sex/oral was. All my friends had had them and were so surprised I'd never had one. It's especially strange because I've always been what you'd call a 'sexual being' - I thought my life would be filled with sexual experimentation, pleasure and lots and lots of orgasms. So I was confused and disappointed when my sexually shy friends were having them easily and I couldn't have one no matter what I did. I knew it was nothing to do with the skill of my OH, because he is pretty amazing in that regard (and others, of course). I tried to have orgasms both alone and when with my OH and I never even came close (apart from one time during sex, but we had to stop before I managed to reach the O).

    Everything changed when I evaluated the situation and bought myself a clitoral (not internal) vibrator. At first, though the vibrator felt good, I couldn't reach orgasm. Not really even close. I would often get bored while using it and start to think about other, completely unsexy things. But one day, I'm not sure why, but for the first time I started fantasizing. REALLY fantasizing. I imagined people at the foot of my bed doing very hot things. I stared at the end of my bed, pretending they were there. And all of a sudden my vibrator felt really good. I was turned on. Horny. For the first time, I was really INTO IT. I've always loved and adored sex, but I've never been good at getting into the 'headspace' of it all. It was just a 'oh that feels good!' without stimulating myself mentally.

    I remember telling a male friend once, when I was fourteen or so, that girls didn't need to fantasize when they masturbated, and mentioned that boys did. How funny that statement seems to me now! I thought just 'putting my fingers down there' and rubbing constituted as a successful masturbation session. I had that thought all the way up until I was eighteen or so. I was so very wrong.

    So I learned to fantasize, I learned about what turned me on psychologically, I watched porn and read erotica and had wild daydreams. I started using physical stimulation - my vibrator - to assist my mental stimulation, instead of the other way around. And then I started having orgasms. I used my vibrator because I WAS horny, not because I felt like being horny.

    However, it took me a longer time to start having orgasms with my partner. To this day, I can't have internal orgasms. But through lots of practising in my alone time, I've learned what feels good to me. What I like. What does work and doesn't work to have me reach orgasm. I hate being fingered. I love being rubbed. Sucked. Nibbled, even. I don't like light touches, I like heavy. I learned these things and then I taught my partner these things. I learned to say, "hey, it would feel so good if you did this". "I really like it when you do that". "Keep doing that". It's hard to instruct someone when you don't know what feels good yourself, and to really please another person, you do, at first, need them to instruct you. Because things feel different to everyone. As soon as I learned what I liked, I taught my partner what I liked. And THEN I started having orgasms with him. :)

    As others have mentioned, it's not uncommon for a woman to not be able to orgasm during vaginal intercourse. However it does sound like your G-Spot is very pleasurable and also accessible so it might be worth trying a dildo/vibrator design to reach the g-spot. It sounds like you'll certainly reach the big O if you learn to use it on yourself effectively :) However ultimately I would suggest beginning with stimulating your clitoris using a clit vibe, as it is a lot easier to do (for most) and a lot more immediately satisfying.

    Your partner sounds like another issue. You certainly sound unhappy with the amount of time he is able to have intercourse for, and this is a problem if it's upsetting you. I very much recommend you chat to him about it - it doesn't have to be a nasty, awkward discussion. If you can't think of a way to have a sit-down discussion, it's possible you might 'play the dominant role' - when you begin to get hot and heavy, tell him he's only allowed to cum when you tell him he's allowed to. If you sense he's getting to close to the edge, stop for a moment and kiss and give him time to settle down. Tell him you're not ready to be done yet. If he comes so fast that you don't have time to tell him, it might be a medical issue - I'm not sure if your partner goes for two minutes or ten or less or more, so I can't really say.

    Additionally, you can (and should!) try a cock ring - these are good at helping a man have sex for longer, and the orgasms tend to be more intense too. Plus they make a cock look very sexy. LoveHoney also sells a very, very good delay cream that should help you have sex for longer. There are definitely a few options for you there - it really depends on if the speed issue is based on the fact that he just wants to come and doesn't much care if you're getting the same satisfaction, or if he really can't help how quickly it takes him to come. Either way, it is an issue that DOES need to be addressed for long-term sexual happiness :)

    Good luck with everything!

    hotpussy [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree. The only way to learn to orgasm is through masturbating. Either with a vibrator or with your fingers. Relax and try lots of differant ways of stimulating yourself and even try being in differant positions whilst masturbating. My friend told me she cums more if she masturbates whilst on her back with her feet sole to sole. I like being in the girl on top position. I sit on my vibrator as i would a cock and fuck it that way. If you try different positions it will feel more like sex and it will be easier for you to fantacise. Once you've orgasmed alone a few times, try to relive the experience with your man. Tell him where and how to touch you because you'll know your own body. And don't give up. It will happen one day.

    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
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    • Joined: 22 Apr 2010

    The best advice I have ever been given regarding sex was "know what works for you then share what you know"

    I was bought up being told nothing about sex from my parents...even now my mum will not mention periods or sex.

    I was fortunate to have more open minded people around me one of these people gave me the advice and at 14 i experinced my 1st orgasm and have never looked back since...well not to much anyway..

    Findingout what turns you on and makes you feel god takes time and experimenting.

    When you discover what works for you you really won't look back.


    hearthun [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    • Joined: 23 Sep 2011

    thank you all so much for your advice, like you said i need to learn what to do myself before i can ask for that from my partner. i will let you know how it goes, ive sent for the toys that i was reccomended. also as one of you were asking, my partner only lasts a few minutes sometimes and isnt interrsted in foreplay alot of the time, will try what youve said thank you x x

    atlanta [sign in to see picture]
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    I used to feel terribly guilty about masturbation. Especially when somebody told me that every time I masturbated I was murdering thousands of babies.

    This of course is completely silly.

    Some time ago a lady called Betty Dodson ran workshops for women who could not orgasm.

    These ladies would sit in a circle and during the session they would be encouraged to examine their genitals in a mirror. The collective nature of the experience of course helped diminish the feelings of guilt. Each participant would then be encouraged to touch herself and describe the sensations.

    After this the participants were allowed to pick up their vibrators and were encouraged to follow Dodson's example in stimulating the clitoris and labia with the vibrator (a Hitachi).

    Dodson had considerable success with these workshops and many participants were able to experience their very first orgasm.

    Sexologists are divided about whether orgasm is entirely clitoral or can also arise from penetration.

    My partner experiences orgasm only a result of clitoral stimulation.

    Other women though do seem to experience orgasm as the consequence of penetration.

    Clitoral versus vaginal orgasm has been an area that feminists and psychologists have battled over for half a century.

    Speaking as a male who experiences non-penile orgasm as a result of deep penetration I think that both exist and are not mutually exclusive.

    Your problem is far from unusual and I think the advice given by others here is very good. Exploring yourself is the way to go. As for getting sore during sex, I warmly recommend using a good lube.

    Jo [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 23 Apr 2009

    Hearthun, a lot of good advice, I learned something too.

    I would suggest that you do something simple: start on your own with a finger on the clitoris, try to see what physical stimulation brings about sexual arousal. Concentrate your mind not on the goal of reaching an orgasm but on discovering your sensuallity. (There is nothing bad in touching yourself )

    When with your partner: ask him to lick your clitoris with the tip of his tongue, that's all, no eating, pulling, licking all over. Surely he can last a long time gently licking your clit. Take it from there in whichever way you feel like it, whether rough and fast or gentle and sweet!

    And don't get frustreted if nothing happens the first time!


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