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  1. Anal....do you think it's a big deal...???

    mrbumps [sign in to see picture]
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    ive been with my girlfriend for going on 8 years and we started having anal almost straight away (my influence)
    i had had anal before and she hadnt. she considered it a big deal at the time but over the years as weve done it with more and more frequency she has come to relax about it. its not a special thing anymore and is simply apart of our normal sex life.
    we do it very regular a few times a week and when she was pregnant and didnt fancy normal sex but because of the hormones wanted sex every ten minutes thats pretty much all we did.
    and now its got to the point she will just offer anal randomly as well as doing it as much as we do. she says it can be pleasurable but not all the time, can also be uncomfortable and sometimes hurts (when her bum isnt really in the mood but i am ) she would say she doesnt enjoy it in a truly sexual way well, sometimes she does and sometimes she doesnt but for the most part its something she does and/or puts up with because i enjoy it.
    but now we have started using dildos on me and f&%king me seems to of changed her attitude of it and is able to get more satisfaction out of me f&$king her than she did before.

    so yea, it is a big thing if its your first time but after that its nothing. its just a part of a healthy sex life.

    JakeH [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    BashfulBabe wrote:

    The 'needing to go' thing is mostly psychological: your bum would normally only feel stretched if it was filled with poo, so your brain links the sensation to the about-to-poo alarm.

    Being a pedant - is it physiological or psychological if stretch receptors in the walls of the rectum are stimulated by the stretch and relay the information across the nervous system giving that sensation?

    'Oooh look at me, I'm a 1st class science graduate!'

    Hehe just joking Alicia, although hopefully that statement is/will be true!

    This thread just makes me sad that I've never found someone (in real life) as into the idea of anal play as I am. There's so much potential!

    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Good post BashfulBabe!

    I think the use of a butt plug to help overcome the overwhelming 'full rectum = urgent need for the bathroom' response that we all have to start with is worth considering. Initially I found that having a plug the size of the Tantus Ryder inside was something I could stand for only a few minutes before the urge to 'go' got too much but this gradually improved with use until I could wear it all day if needed.

    I'm sure this was a help in being able to relax and enjoy being penetrated although the difference between a butt plug that allows the anus to partially close and a dildo that doesn't adds another dimension to the learning curve.

    As for doing yourself harm I must say my experience has been quite the reverse. I used to suffer from the dreaded 'Chalfonts' until we took to reasonably regular pegging and I have to say it has solved the problem completely (I know the old Lord's dilatation has become somewhat discredited but perhaps regular modest dilation is the answer)

    phabandphoxy [sign in to see picture]
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    what's pegging?

    easy_tiger [sign in to see picture]
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    Me and my wife love it we do it to each other

    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Mr Clumsy [sign in to see picture]
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    sorry chaps, it's just not for me!

    I've listened to what you've all said on my thread and others but, no, I don't do brown!

    But if you enjoy it, you enjoy it!


    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    Not everyone enjoys it and thats fine, after all we are all different.

    Personally I don't like receiving anal, I find it just makes me feel full. However, I love giving anal stimulation to men, their prostate is awesome. Makes me wish I had one!

    MM xx

    temptress00 [sign in to see picture]
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    Well my other half and i tryed anal afew years ago without lube and it was painful, so we never tryed again, that was until the other night. I started using an anal toy and lube by myself to get comfy with the feeling of penetration, and then we tryed again and it was fantastic. Just use lots of anal lube and take your time. Never rush, try to relax, and just take it slowly. :))))

    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    temptress00 wrote:

    Well my other half and i tryed anal afew years ago without lube and it was painful, so we never tryed again, that was until the other night. I started using an anal toy and lube by myself to get comfy with the feeling of penetration, and then we tryed again and it was fantastic. Just use lots of anal lube and take your time. Never rush, try to relax, and just take it slowly. :))))

    Glad you found anal to be a good thing and hope you enjoy it in the future.

    MM xx

    nnv [sign in to see picture]
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    I personally absolutely love it. It's become a must have for me when I have sex as it leads to much stronger orgasms when I have some stimulation there too.

    But it's a process to get to this point..
    Baby steps first.. I'd advise a little solo (or assisted) practice with a thin vibe on the entrance to relax you and then get used to having something penetrating you there.. Go slow and use LOTS of lube..

    You need to go against your instincts a little and 'push out' against the object as it's inserted - which will actually help you open up instead.
    The vibe action helps your muscles relax a bit but you also have to train yourself to relax and (hopefully) enjoy the sensations.

    Once you get used to the feel of having something in there, try working it in and out slowly, maybe while your partner performs oral or uses a vibe on your clit.
    See how that feels for you and just try and let go.. enjoy the sensations (and this doesn't need to be one session by any means.. do as much or little as you want then try a little further next time..)

    Try having an orgasm while being played with - you may be pleasantly suprised ;)
    You can then try over a number of sessions, try bigger items to work up to the size of your partner's penis..

    But THE most important thing is that they have patience with you.. You absolutely need to do this at your own speed. They need to listen to you and do as you say, else it'll hurt and you'll be put off, possibly forever.
    Once you are ready to try their cock, they still need to go slowly, insert inch by inch and let you relax as you need to.. Once you are acustomed to it though, they can work up to a very pleasurable speed with it just feeling good :)

    Good luck xx

    LadyTrixxy [sign in to see picture]
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    We too are working our way to anal.. Im ok with fingers inside me, but i clam up as soon as the cock goes near it! My lads always had a massive fantasy about it, so hes dying to do it, although he never gets the huff, or gets pushy about it. He knows ill come to him when i feel ready for his cock up there. Other than anal, im not shy about anything. Lol

    atlanta [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm an anal adept (how's that?) In fact I love it so much that I consider my backdoor to be my main source of sexual pleasure, at least much more so than the unreliable piece of wiggle at the front!

    I'm am now 65 and I had my first anal experience when I was 17, when I was seduced by an older crew member on the ship I was working on.

    I have pretty bad memories of that first time, but I liked the idea of being attractive to other men and so one way and another I had several more anal experiences, although none of them were really super.

    Only when I was 23 (and married) did I meet somebody who made it really good for me. That was in 1970 when AIDS was not a problem. Alas he and me never managed to hook up again and it was that memory that kept me going for 35 years until I met somebody who did me nicely.

    He taught me all kinds of things about how to enjoy anal, introducing me to toys, poppers, and eventually fisting.

    Since then I've developed my techniques and one day my partner (my wife) succeeded in giving me an anal orgasm with her hand quite deep inside me. Nowadays this is for me the highpoint of our sex life. (And if you're wondering I repay her with massages and cunninlingus).

    These are my tips for good anal sex:

    1) Prepare in advance: clean out, lubes ready, toys ready next to the bed

    2) Take your time: once you're for anal play start by relaxing, and gradually relax the anal sphincter. Start with a vibrator playing around the anus. Once the anal sphincter relaxes apply lube and try with a thin toy. Gradually work up in size. Anal sex should not be painful. If there is pain, withdraw, apply lube and retry.

    The anus has an external and internal sphincter. You can learn to control the external one but the internal one has to be persuaded to relax.

    Anal enjoyment comes with practice.

    Dildos (I recommend using double enders) are more effective for learning than plugs. Use dildos with a base, although flexible double-ended dildos are safe to use as well. I've been in casualty with a vibrator stuck up there and I can assure you it's not an experience I want to repeat.

    Lube should be applied inside as well outside and on the toy/penis. Use a syringe or a "lube shooter" to get the lube inside.

    Anal Orgasm

    People have different ideas about anal orgasm. I experience it as an overwhelming wave. It causes my entire body to shake, I have spasms and may even faint. It's nothing at all like ejaculation. You are not limited to one anal orgasm. You can have several one after the other. I do not ejaculate and my penis does not even get stiff.

    For other men the pleasure seems to come from the stimulation of the prostate.

    Whereas it seems that most women who find anal pleasurable enjoy the indirect stimulation of the G-Spot.

    My feeling is that the sort of anal orgasm I experience comes from the stimulation of the nerves of the pubo-rectal sling. This is such a difficult concept that sexologists often say that there's no such thing. I personally believe its related to the "vaginal" orgasm that Freudians used to talk about and which was subsequently discounted by Master's and Johnson and many feminists. Dangerous ground here I agree, so this is all I have to say for the time being.

    Umm perhaps a bit long ... Sorry

    pimpstress [sign in to see picture]
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    wow the guide was excellent! I was very nervous my 1st time and was convinced it was going to be soooooooo painful but you are right, if its done correctly & safely then it can be an amazing experience! If its something you are not comfortable with then dont do it, butexperimenting is a massive part of the fun! Im glad its not as taboo a subject as it used to be!


    [suspended user]

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    take you time, easy your ass and mind.....lube and patience and erotic mood.

    have fun, from a guy point of view.


    SiaSaylor [sign in to see picture]
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    As others have said, if you feel something is a big deal, then it is a big deal.

    I do think it's important to analyze why the idea of anal sex is scary to you. I think people can be divided into a few different camps in this issue - there are the people who find the idea erotic but are scared of possible pain or hygiene issues, there are people who don't find the idea of anal sexy in the slightest and would never consider it if they didn't have someone bringing up the issue every so often, and there are those who think anal sex is wonderful. A huge number of people now in the latter camp were once in that first camp - we've all heard horror stories about anal, or made up stories in our heads about it all on our own. Those who found the idea enthralling enough to experiment with anal have often found that in reality those horror stories are far from the truth - anal sex can be a wonderful, erotic and highly pleasurable experience - as long as you have the mindset and the right partner. Oh, and a lot of lube ;)

    It's important to work out which camp you're in. If the idea of anal doesn't turn you on AT ALL and you are only considering it because you don't want to be bugged about it - it's really not for you. But it's important that you've though open-mindedly about the issue - imagine having anal sex, but imagine there is no pain, no hygiene concern, and it feels good. Is the idea palatable? Sexy even? Then you probably want to reconsider your stance on the subject. However if even imagining clean, pain-free anal doesn't turn you on at all, then I wouldn't bother thinking any more about it. For some, the anus is an erogenous zone, for some, it's not at all. Both are fine! Just make sure you know which you are.

    If the idea of anal sex does turn you on but you have serious concerns about aspects of it, I certainly encourage you to try. I was always attracted to the idea of anal sex because of the 'taboo' of it - it seemed so very naughty. The first time was pleasurable although my partner and I had a few mishaps due to being extremely unprepared - we had no idea what we were doing. Forewarned is certainly forearmed. Since then we've had anal sex many times and it's gone from something that was a huge turn on though not particularly physically pleasurable to something extremely hot and extremely pleasurable. For many, just anal sex is enough - but I prefer to use a vibrator on my clit for added sensation for the both of us, and often I'll use a dildo in my vagina while he penetrates me - double penetration, I guess - very hot and feels amazing to have all your erogenous zones 'down there' stimulated all at once. Definitely makes for amazing sex.

    Anyway, if you are attracted to the idea of anal sex but have concerns, here are my tips.

    First and foremost - make sure you trust your partner implicitly and make sure that he will STOP when you tell him to stop, go when you tell him to go, and pull out completely when you tell him to pull out. The first time I had anal my partner got halfway in four times before we made it 'all the way' - I kept asking him to pull out because it was painful - keep in mind we used KY Warming Jelly that I'm allergic to, so the pain was mostly from the horrible burning sensation I was experiencing. Odds are you'll want your partner to pull out completely too before he gets all the way in, you might need to keep relaxing your muscles like I did - you might tense up too much as he's pushing in, and I've found for some reason it's difficult to relax your muscles while something is inside there. If your partner doesn't pull out as soon as you ask him to, I imagine it will be a recipe for pain and panic. Be sure to talk to your partner before you attempt anal and make sure he's aware that he'll have to take it very slowly to let you get used to this new feeling. My partner was extremely careful not to hurt me, constantly asking if he should go slower or stop or if I was okay to continue. Your partner needs to be the same, it will make the process a much more enjoyable process.

    Concerns about cleanliness are understandable, but generally you should have zero issues. I have never had the condom come out even slightly dirty, something I was amazed at the first few times (I think others sometimes experience a tiny speck or two - as long as you're prepared to see it it's really not a big deal). Just make sure you haven't 'number 2'd' at least three hours before - personally I wait at least eight hours or a whole day (I'm not the most 'regular' of people when it comes to bowel movements). I also won't do anal if I feel I might need to go anytime soon.

    Take a shower if you have had a movement that day - probably not strictly necessary, but I figure that's the respectful thing to do. Some people use an anal douche for ultimate peace of mind - they're quite cheap and very effective for giving you peace of mind about the absence of 'material' in there. I've never tried one myself but they come highly recommended, and some find them pleasurable to use. Other than all that, I don't think you should have any problems. I've heard stories about 'a friend of a friend' hitting a particular 'button' in the anus that didn't end well - or cleanly - but I'm pretty sure those are ridiculous old wive's tales. I've had plenty of anal and know others who have also and have never heard of such a thing happening. I don't think there's anything to worry about.

    Now pain.. it's something that's different for everyone. Some experience none at all, some experience quite a bit. It does depend on the person/the anus but I think moreso it depends on preparation and situation. The first time is always the hardest, because you're not sure what to expect and it's hard to relax entirely. Most find after a couple of times the pain upon entry completely goes away. I can't speak for anyone else, but in my experience, even the first time, the ONLY pain experienced was the very time my partner pushed in - once he was all the way in, it went away completely. No 'residual pain', and thrusting in and out was completely painless also (and he went quite hard!). Nowadays, I experience zero pain, and I certainly don't do it every day (or week or even month). It's generally a trick of learning how to relax the muscles so there is no resistance. Relaxing the muscles comes with relaxing the mind, so it's good to be horny and prepared.

    Two major things when it comes to avoiding pain. Like I said above - be as relaxed as possible. It's normal to be nervous, but as much as you can, trust that your partner won't do anything to hurt you and that if it hurts, you can stop. Don't let yourself clench or try to bar entry as your partner is pushing in - if you do, stop. Relax as much as possible. It's okay to be a little bit 'clenched' - you probably won't know how to completely relax (I was probably about as relaxed and trusting as I could possibly be and my muscles still weren't entirely relaxed) but if you're doing it big time it won't end well. You need to want it and be prepared for it and be excited for it, or it won't be a good experience, as so many others have found. But if you're happy and horny and rearing to go, despite the inevitable nerves, you should be fine.

    The second thing ensuring as little pain as possible is LOTS AND LOTS OF LUBE. Lots. Put way too much on. Put it on the penis, put it on your butt. People often recommend 'fingering' the area a bit to prepare you, and also to lube up the entrance. I never do this, but certainly it's a good idea. They make lubes specific for anal that I highly recommend - you can definitely have great anal without an anal-specific lube, but as anal-lubes are thicker, they ensure less friction and therefore less pain. Again, I recommend them. If you do what I did and stop-start-stop-start (push in partway, then pull out, then try again), then re-lube every time. You'll be glad for it. Also, don't under any circumstances use any kind of sensation/tingling/heating lubricant. I learned that the very hard way. It is not a good idea.

    If you can keep as relaxed as possible and make sure to go slow and use plenty of lube, you should be just fine. I highly recommend using at least a vibrator against your clit (if that's something you enjoy) as it ensures you're feeling pleasure and being distracted at least a little from the new feeling of anal. It's something I wish I had done the first few times, I'm sure I would have been much more relaxed that way. I find it's even better to use a vibrator and a dildo, as instead of clenching my ass mucles, my vagina clenches the dildo instead, which just feels good (haha). And again, it ensures you are being pleasured and have something else to focus on other than 'oh my god there is a penis pushing into my ass'. Anyway, those are my personal recommendations, and something I wish I'd done my first few times.

    But again, if anal isn't a turn-on for you - that's totally fine! Some people like their toes sucked, some think that's gross. Some like to be spanked, some don't. We are all different and it's okay. Never do anything you don't want to do, no matter how much someone else would like you to do it. But also, try to be open-minded about new experiences, because sometimes things society conditioned you to be afraid of turn out to be quite awesome instead. :P Good luck! :)

    SiaSaylor [sign in to see picture]
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    Hahah thank you. I was very embarassed when I hit 'submit' and saw how long it was. Oops! I am good at accidentally writing short novels, it seems. Thanks for lessening my shame a tad <3

    hotpussy [sign in to see picture]
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    My husband and I have only had penatrative anal sex once. It was actually myself that wanted to try it. I love being fingered in the arse during sex, so to me it was just the next step. After we has discussed it and R agreed that he'd love to try it to, we bought condoms and lube and just put them away until we thought the time was right. A few weeks later we were showering together and R was fingering my arse with a soapy hand and I knew I was ready to try full penatration. We went into the bedroom, He put on a condom and I got onto all fours. He lubed his cock and fingered my arse with lube, while I fingered my pussy. When I was ready to go further, he slowly slid inside me. I am pleased to say that it didn't hurt atall, though R was very slow and gentle as he glided in and out of me. I couldn't really feel much. I love the sensation of being touched at the rim and just inside my arse, but after that, I can't really feel anything, so as R fucked me gently, I masturbated to orgasm. R said that my arse was nice and tight and that it felt good. I am really pleased we took that step together. I wouldn't like to just do anal as I wouldn't get any satisfaction, but it has made me interested in perhaps trying an anal vibrator or a vaginal vibrator whilst R fucks my arse, for double penetration. I would say to anyone trying it for the first time, to do what we did. Have lots of lube and condoms ready but don't feel pressured to use tham straight away. Get used to being touched in the arse first then work up to full anal.

    excuse spellings. i am typing quickly!


    [suspended user]

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    no just niceeeeeeeeeeee

    atlanta [sign in to see picture]
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    Most men approach anal too quickly.

    Ideally the receptive partner should practice with a dildo before trying a real penis.

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