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  1. when is the right time to tell your partner your kinks/fetishes?

    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
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    Hm, despite the general consensus I agree somewhat with Mr M.

    I am, well was, rather reserved about the sex stuff and kinks/fetishes. If my OH was to bring all that up when we were first initially getting to know eachother I think I'd be rather put off. We were friends first and him being suggestive- I did get a gist of his interests but nothing really to say- I have X and X fetishes/fantasies etc.

    I think that aspect can be explored together with your partner. I became more open minded with all that stuff because I wanted to try all that with him. Communication is always key so you know should what the barriers/limits are within a particular fetish/fantasy. If it's something personal and one-sided- the way I see it is if you love someone you love all of them; even their weird and kinky side. ;P

    I'm grateful to have an amazing and understanding OH. He has quite a few fantasies that are a bit out there. I'm rather demure in my fantasies but he encourages me to share it all with him. He is very willing though to try anything I'd ever want. (I think he knows I'm not that kinky to do something really surprising lol)

    JonnyBeBad [sign in to see picture]
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    I think life is about priorities, if you can't be in a relationship where your OH won't tie you up then, I guess it's important to be upfront about that, on the other hand, discovering each others naughty secrets can sometimes be as much fun as living out your own fetishes.

    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm in the all in good time camp.

    It depends on the kink, perhaps you may be able to 'convert' them if you don't scare them off early on! Some are also easier to cope with for many people, the average non-kink might find shoes a bit odd but 'meh' while scat may be a no go full stop.

    Best not to wait too long though or it may be difficult explaining why there is a shoe heel down your cock.

    Sweet-kitten [sign in to see picture]
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    I suppose that because I am not seeking a long term relationship I feel the need to be fairly "upfront". I am not saying I go in for one night stands (I don't) where it is all " Right, quick, drop them, tie me up then I'll tie you...............oh wait..............I have an instruction leaflet, follow it to the letter please!" It's more about trying to give and get as much enjoyment from a sexual friendship as possible so it needs to be clear what we both want from the start.

    BashfulBabe [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm quite shy about it generally! I do tend to find ways of sounding them out, just things like watching reactions to discussions or jokes or references, maybe letting these slip myself if they don't happen naturally. To be honest, if the guy was baulking at anything 'basic', I'd be a little put off just because I don't like judgemental-ness. Being shocked or surprised or embarassed or whatever, that's fine, because not having encountered somethign (or not being sure how you're expected to react) isn't a sign of anything bad, or nicely saying "yeah, not my thing" without seeming like the notion of anyone doing it is inherently wrong, but reacting with disgust or condemnation will turn me off even if the kink in question isn't one of mine.

    I have also had a tendency to run with rather vanilla-to-start-with guys, so taking it slow was a necessity. After all, if you know your partner has never done anything more hardcore than going down on a girl (and yes, I have met a guy who thought oral was 'extreme kink', bless his ikkle cotton socks), then it'd be a little insensitive to jump out of the closet with a gimp mask and strap-on. Most that I stuck with long enough to start pushing things were keen and at least willing to try things, but again I guess that comes down to me being more attracted to folk who are open-minded and willing to experiment a little if they don't understand something outright. One rejected it flat out, but was at least ok with the idea of me being interested, and that was a train wreck of a relationship anyway, we only really went out that long to spite one another! I do like that Hedonistic came clean with me about some of his interests beforehand, and I did start to share a lot earlier than I would normally. Much more fun having the pressure off right from the start! Total change of pace, and I couldn't be happier.

    boredhousewife [sign in to see picture]
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    I was with the ex for 10 years + and although I thought we had a really open relationship and a healthy sex life (at the time) SInce we split a number of years ago, I have since realised I could never actually bring myself to tell him what did it for me.

    Ive known my new partner for less than a 6 months and the discussions about what works and doesnt work took place pretty early on.


    [suspended user]

    suspended user
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    good move a clear and good start

    Bakewell [sign in to see picture]
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    Don't tell them, just surprise them by walking into the bedroom with a leather suit and a whip while telling them they are in for it!

    occhiverdi [sign in to see picture]
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    I met my OH via a site so he knew i was a total horn ball. As for the kinky bits they have kind of grown with him as time has went on. We will discuss things and go yeah lets try that.

    As for the bi curious side... that was there and well funnily he doesnt argue about the fact i like the idea of playing with a girl ... funnily enough!

    Carousel [sign in to see picture]
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    I waited til I was married to my man before revealing my deepest fantasies! I knew he couldn't run away then! Haa Haa!

    But also, some of our 'kinks' have been discovered as we've experimented, so I would never have known I was into *x, y, z* if it'd been discussed when dating as things only really kicked off once we moved in together and didn't have parents or siblings in the same house.

    My Husband jokes that I was a sweet, innocent little creature when we met (I was very in-experienced) but I've now turned into a sexual monster!

    Even when I was young, I knew I was aroused by anal and man-on-man porn, and I used to fantasise about fucking a man with a strap on. From the start, I've always paid particular attention to my Husbands gorgeous bum and have gone as far as I've been allowed (play wise) so he knew bums were 'my thing', but it was only after about 3 years of marriage did I have the balls to tell him about my desire to 'do him' with a strap on!

    Still never happened, and I doubt it ever will, but the topic is used for sexy story telling! And I am glad I shared that fantasy, even if it was met with a terrified look and giggles!


    OperationFilth [sign in to see picture]
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    I sometimes feel a bit sorry for my OH as in the time we've been together (approx 2.5 yrs), I've grown considerably kinkier! He knows that's not a requirement from him though as while I would like more kink in my life I recognise and understand he is less kinky than I am.

    slavek [sign in to see picture]
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    I would agree with most of the posts that its best your kinks etc out into the open as soon as possible. In my relationship i was embarrassed to discuss my need to be submissive for over four years, that was a mistake and looking back in general making me unhappy. I suppose that i was lucky that when my need was discussed with my other half D she was suppressing the need to be a dom, we now have a relationship made in heaven. We now practice BDSM and im more or less her slave in the sexual part of our lives.

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