When do couples with kids find the time?

Me and my Wifey both work, (her 4 days a week) and there rarely seems to be time to get sexy. Our daily routine is:
up at 6:30, feed the baby and get ready for work. Drop him off at childcare (or grandma!) and get to work.
Do a days work, then pick little-un up at 5:30pm, get home for about 6pm. I then cook dinner while wifey plays with the boy. He goes to bed at 7pm, and we sit down to eat dinner.

After dinner, we sort things for the next day, make lunches and wash up etc, then sit down and chill out for an hour, maybe watch a tv program. Then its bed time, and energy levels are low, so we rarely get to be sexy.

Repeat this 5 times a week, and thats my life really. Weekends are similar, with the 1 year old up by 7am, and put to bed at 7pm, so that only leaves the evenings. We usually try and go out and do things to keep him entertained, so we are usually tired by then too.

Just wondering how other couples cope with finding the time to be intimate?

I empathise totally, coz this is the situation I found myself in. We didnt make enough time to be sexy, and I wish we had. So I'll be interested in all the replies you get. :)

I guess were lucky really...we also put our 2 year old to bed at 7, then do the usual tidy up have a shower etc.... But we always manage to find time!! i think he key is to 'make' time.... include sexytime into the routine! Its always worked for us, but then hubby only needs 6 hours sleep at the most so is willing to stayawake for however long!

Nap time was always one aswull the little one was that age... on days off and weekends at naptime we sneaked off for abit of fun! never under estimate a quicky!!!

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Hi Toycar. I have two kids who are 18 daughter and my son whos 12. My OH is a foster parent who has two kids, brother and sister 8 and 6 and we have our own houses. I work shifts plus weekends and am on call too! What we do is even if it's a solitary hour, meet up at mine or hers and just strip off and get down to it! I often book a half or full day holiday off work and get to hers when she's put the kids in school so we can have a good few hours together to chill, eat together and do the jiggy! Can't you and your wife book the same day/s off for when the baby is being looked after? I'm actually in bloody work right now! SG

Hi SG, lol, yes, I'm in work too!

We usually try to book holidays off at the same time, but it doesn't always work out that we get time alone together.

We both had the other week for example. It was little'uns 1st birthday on the monday, so we took him out for the day, along with some family and friends. On the Tuesday he was supposed to go to childcare, but Wifey decided not to take him, as he'd been invited to another 1st birthday party. Wednesday, he would have been at Grandmas, except it was inoculations in the morning. He went to Grandmas for the afternoon, but Wifey didn't have the energy or inclination. Thursday is Wifey's normal day off, so we had baby all day. Friday he went into childcare, but was home again by 10:30, as they thought he had a bug (nasty nappies).

Obviously this was a particularly bad week off, but there always seems to be something to stop the fun. Probably doesn't help that Wifey's sex drive isn't particularly high too.

We both have another week booked off next month, but I'd really rather not wait till then!

Hiya Chelzs, yes, nothing wrong with a quicky, except that occasional quickies are all I've had for the last 3 months.

Currently we have most of our sex late at night, usually early hours (but without the tiring kids).

As much as I want kids they are time consuming little sods!

toycar69 wrote:

Hi SG, lol, yes, I'm in work too!

We usually try to book holidays off at the same time, but it doesn't always work out that we get time alone together.

We both had the other week for example. It was little'uns 1st birthday on the monday, so we took him out for the day, along with some family and friends. On the Tuesday he was supposed to go to childcare, but Wifey decided not to take him, as he'd been invited to another 1st birthday party. Wednesday, he would have been at Grandmas, except it was inoculations in the morning. He went to Grandmas for the afternoon, but Wifey didn't have the energy or inclination. Thursday is Wifey's normal day off, so we had baby all day. Friday he went into childcare, but was home again by 10:30, as they thought he had a bug (nasty nappies).

Obviously this was a particularly bad week off, but there always seems to be something to stop the fun. Probably doesn't help that Wifey's sex drive isn't particularly high too.

We both have another week booked off next month, but I'd really rather not wait till then!

Hiya Chelzs, yes, nothing wrong with a quicky, except that occasional quickies are all I've had for the last 3 months.

Bless you! Like i said we make time! hubby works shift work and works full time... never no where he is from one week to the next... and now i have my buisiness... but we seem to make the time in the early hours, sometimes being tired the next day is just totally worth it!

Your routine is very much in your favour.... Maybe leave a job or two untill tomorrow on the odd occasion! When we first had our little one it was very much the same for us.. oftn we were in bed at the same time!! I think it very much gets easier with time!! xxxx

hey guy's if your tired the next day your doing it right ..what's a little tiredness worth for a whole(hole) lot of fun yum yum

My other half works 12hour days 7days a week and somes evening work too, he quite often goes for over 3months with out a single day and is usually fast asleep on the sofa within minutes of getting home, im a full time mum and run a small (tiny) craft business from my kitchen, so between running around after a 2year old make painting threading beads etc we quite often dont have the time/energy/frame of mind to have sex. we were actualy discussing this not too long ago and have done the following-

In bed before you go to sleep, have a nice long kiss and a sroke of eachother, it doesn't have to be arousing, just appreciative, so you know you both still feel desirable and loved, some times you might find that from know where the kiss has got you ripping eachothers pj's off! but if not, it doesnt matter!

We are rather lucky in that my boy is very good in the mornings, and will quite happily play in his room with toys untill around 9am sometimes! only calling to us, if he's wet, so if the other half has a late start, or even better a day off, il quite happily leave him playing while i get him a cup of milk and make a cuppa for me n OH then get back in to bed for a morning quickie. Obviously at 1 maybe he's still in a cot? but it works for us. some people may be uncomfortable with this but i leave him to play in his room while i get a shower after breakfast most mornings.

There are various little things too, get a babysitter, maybe a family member? to come over once lil one has gone to bed, ask them if they would mind making packups for the next day too? go out, have a drink (vodka and redbull works a treat!) walk home!! hold hand, stop to kiss every now and then, its amazing what it does for us.

Does you boy have an afternoon nap still? Make use of the time at weekends if he does, yes you could use th time to catch up with the ironing but soon will be a day he wont nap any more, so you'll have to get used to it at some point, the time would be better used with a quickie .

i hope at least one of these is do able for you, if i think of some more il be back, and like some one else said, schedule sex is fine when your busy! and its fine to ask for sex too, you both might go in to it tired or grumpy but that soon dispears once you get going, you dont have to be jumping around the house doing it on every surface

Things are alot better with us because my oh's shift patterns have changed...hes a policeman so on the old shifts we used to literally not see each other for days...or just pass each other in the mornings.....and when we did finally get together..one or the other was too damn knackered to do anything. Thankfully all that has changed....and we at least get time together 4 nights a week. We have two boys one aged 9 and one 4......so luckily we can send them both off to bed at the same time and they pretty much go to sleep quite quickly.

For us as well...if we know my other half is going to be doing crap hours in the week.....we try and make time in the day.......like sometimes ill nip home for lunch...and have a very steamy quickie.....or if i know im not going to see him for a while ill make sure that i make him up in the morning for a nice slow morning sesh!!

Basically we try and make time as often as we can.....its harder when the kids are young and it seems like everyday is groundhog day.....doing the same routine with no couples time.......it will get better. If you have support from family and friends take up offers of them having the baby an just plan a nice sexy evening in together.....will do you the world of good......even if its for just a few hours!! ....

i have two kids aswell and we struggle to find the time to have fun im up at 4.45 6days a week so normaly early to bed all we seem to do is have a quick fummble now and again witch doesnt become much fun when your always listening for the kids.we just dont seem to find the time argggggg

We're up at just gone 4am every day of the week, sometimes Hubs doesn't get in til 7.30pm (though I'm here earlier), so can appreciate where you're coming from.

Long, slow sessions are reserved for the weekend, and the rest of the time it's a case of multi-tasking! We might share a shower or bath and I love to have him wank all over my breasts or for me to give him a blow job, or get a waterproof toy out, we'll dry each other down with lots of kissing etc... Sex doesn't have to be penetrative, and in many respects I love a weeks build up of oral and masturbation (solo and together) before a jolly good sesh on the weekend.

You say you sit down and chill out for an hour after washing up and getting things ready for the next day - why not turn the telly off, and put some music on instead, maybe light some candles etc... Doesn't have to lead to sex, but your far more likely to feel sexy in that situation than if the Corrie theme-tune is going! Talk and connect with each other... Or spend half an hour together in the shower and the rest of the time infront of the telly if you must! A massage, a bath or some candle-light (or indeed an orgasm!) is the perfect way to chill out!

It is really hard but as others have said you have to make time for each other. You do have a great routine going there with bedtimes which helps a lot as they get older. How about leaving a couple of non urgent jobs untill first thing and head off up to bed early, you wont mind having to get up early after a fun night together. You will find something that works for you both eventually so hang in there xxx

Thanks for all the ideas guys. Getting a relative to look after the little one is pretty much out, as only my MiL (his Grandma) lives close enough, and she already looks after him one day while we are at work.

I think I'll just have to work on my Wifey to turn the TV off and come upstairs early. I tried that the other night, but she was knackered and not in the mood. I think that may be part of the issue. I'm wanting to have sex, but its much lower down on her priority list. Kind of says it all when she says "sorry we've not done it much recently", as if she feels she owes it to me, not that she wants it too. But hey, thats a post for another day!

Why not offer her a massage and insist it's 'no strings attached'... Keep your side of the bargain, but you never know, she might feel more 'in the mood' and relaxed afterwards and may initiate something...

If my Husband offers a massage, I know it's not a ploy to get into my knickers - show her that you just want to make her feel relaxed and important, and that you just want to be close to her. Sometimes I just gratefully receive the massage and feel like a very lucky Wife... Other times, I'm left gagging for those hands of his to be elsewhere and it goes further...

I know you must feel exhausted yourself, but spoil her with the type of pampering only a Husband can give... Massage her thighs, her stomach etc... All the while making sure she knows it doesn't have to lead anywhere.

I know how you feel. It can be a minefield finding the right time. It also depends on how much of a priority you both make it. It's always been much more important to me than the OH. Recently it's harder than ever. I work full time, he works evenings. He can't relax until he's done everything he needs to prepare for the next day. Over the years we've had conversations. He makes the effort and I don't ask for as much as I might. I'd just say, make the most of predictable bedtimes for little one or wake up early. A thoughtful sensual bath, massage etc can always win me round on the very few occasions I'm not straight up for it. We now have a new issue. Our eldest is a teenager and so doesn't go to bed early. It's made it way more difficult than when they were all younger.

it's like a catch 22 situation....the less you have it the less you want it, the more you have it the more you want it...usually!

Some of the suggestions on here are brilliant to start things off - no strings massage, long kisses with just stroking (not necessarily sexual) etc

She probably feels guilty about it but sees that the "adult" needs are lower down the list as opposed to your child and house

Does she show you affection in other ways - ie hugs, kisses etc? if not, then it could be that she may see this as a come on.

use to be easier when they where little, you could get them im bed, now the problem is my kids are teenagers you cant put them to bed lol ,,,have now to have fun in the bedroom only unless when they stop out,, and i have to laugh when they say to us in the morning ,,can you keep the noise down please xx

lickmadick wrote:

hey guy's if your tired the next day your doing it right ..what's a little tiredness worth for a whole(hole) lot of fun yum yum

It's not that you stay up a bit late and feel tired the next day - it's 2 years of not quite enough sleep each and every night, with maybe a lie-in for me one day at the weekend, and one for her the next. This does not sort out a week's tiredness! And we both work, splitting childcare so she's out in the mornings and I'm on duty at home, then we have lunch together and I go out to work until midnight.

We try to make the most of weekends, but it's after 8 only (like the mints!) by the time he's well asleep. And two sessions a week is a maximum, when sometimes we don't have the energy or the space, or one of us isn't in the mood. We're both fairly tactile people, me more than her, to be honest, but we barely even get time for a hug in the week.

Also, Mini Monster is very posessive and demanding. He tends to suggest very loudly that we stop hugging each other and hug him instead! (What Oedipus complex? )

Would all the parents of teenagers please keep quiet about it, I don't want to hear how its going to get worse!

Some interesting points back again.

Honeytongue's OH can't relax until everything is sorted for the next day. My Wifey is the same, which can be most annoying. I'd rather stop everything and have some sexy fun, then get to work on all the other things feeling less stressed, but it doesn't work like that.

Minxbaby, she definitely sees the adult needs as lower priority, but then she always has. It's just that now there are way more other things to worry about. We do show each other affection, always make sure we have a long sexy kisses when we both arrive home.

MrMonster, I think you have described the tiredness perfectly to those without kids. If you're managed up to two sessions a week, I guess you're not doing too badly. I've had one quicky in the last month at the moment.

Last night was another fun one. Got baby to bed, ate, then put on a TV program while waiting for Tesco Home delivery, which came early at 7:45 yay! By the time we'd packed everything into cupboards, freezer etc, the doorbell went again. This time its the Kleeneze man, who stops to chat for 15 minutes. We finally finished the TV program at 9:20 (this was only a 30 minute show) then went to bed, with wifey already too tired to want or do anything.

OMG, I'm such a moaning git!