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  1. Cheaters Anon

    1286994593
    xxxxchelzsxxxx [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 249
    • Joined: 9 Sep 2009

    MasqueradeMinx wrote:

    Tupperwareheart wrote:

    Well we all knew this would turn heated..

    Lovebunny as you're new you might not be aware of the official rule of the OA, when a difference of opinion happens the two people have to battle it out in mud. In their underwear.

    Lol!
    Not sure about mud myself, but perhaps in a hot tub....

    Tupper, fancy joining me?

    Im all for mud myself xxx

    1286994667
    Tupperwareheart [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 199
    • Joined: 2 Jun 2010

    MasqueradeMinx wrote:

    Tupperwareheart wrote:

    MasqueradeMinx wrote:

    Tupperwareheart wrote:

    Well we all knew this would turn heated..

    Lovebunny as you're new you might not be aware of the official rule of the OA, when a difference of opinion happens the two people have to battle it out in mud. In their underwear.

    Lol!
    Not sure about mud myself, but perhaps in a hot tub....

    Tupper, fancy joining me?

    Absolutely! Skinny dipping, of course?

    Sorry for the mini hijack, it's just in my nature to divert arguments with nudity.....

    Indeed, cant have any ripped clothing in the passion... fight I mean.....

    I am tempted to start an argument with you...

    Hehe.

    MM darling, you can have the nudity without the arguing.

    *hangs 'make love not war' sign on side of hot tub and gives all heated people a back rub* I think all our opinions are based on personal experiences but we do need to make sure we're not being closed minded and judgemental of other people regardless of how we feel ourselves...

    1286994899
    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
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    • Joined: 14 Jan 2009

    It does also seem that there are discrepancies between what one person considers cheating and another. I consider kissing another man with passion of any sort to be a betrayal of Mr R, however I do consider sex to be a more serious breach of trust and when deciding whether a relationship could be saved I would take into consideration whether or not there were genuine feelings there. Cheating is selfish, hurtful and deceitful, however I now actually recognise when a man is looking/ noticing me and respond adequately rather than being totally numbskulled about innuendo, flirting, chat-up attempts etc which helps, am not in a great fuzzy cloud of emotion having been taken off doses of meds that would calm wild tigers (seriously, zombie-rowan for about 5 years)

    Complications do not excuse one's actions but they can provide a basis of understanding.

    1286995029
    Lovebunny12 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 12
    • Joined: 10 Oct 2010

    very very true that.

    i cheated in my last relationship, i wasnt happy, there was no love nothing left but i couldnt see how life would be better been alone. im glad i ended it and moved on because im so happy with my OH now been together 14 months i would never even think about cheating again xx

    Exactly my point there was no love there

    1286995269
    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 999
    • Joined: 26 Mar 2010

    My thoughts on this are quite clear. My OH and I have talked about this topic. He's been cheated on. After that incident he's had a bit of an issue with trust which is understandable.

    I don't think I could ever cheat on anyone because a relationship to me is sacred. It is a mutual union of trust and commitment. I would never want to break or threaten that.

    I agree things are never black and white- but I personally couldn't put myself in a situation like that. I know some people view affairs like a bit on the side; just meaningless sex and no emotional ties. However it's the breach of trust that's the real problem.

    I think my parents' relationship deeply affected my view on relationships which is why I took my time to find MY OH who I know I can rely and trust.

    xXx

    1286995819
    BashfulBabe [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 24 Apr 2010

    Lovebunny12 wrote:

    Its my opinion and I feel it cheating is always selfish. Others may feel different. I just hope I never go out with them

    I'll agree with that anyway. With me, there was an element of selfishness: I wanted to be happy, but I didn't want that at the expense of someone I still cared about in some way. In retrospect, there was no way it was going to end well, but at the time I thought I was handling it the only way that would keep everyone happy (and alive!). I should have kept my own needs out of it until such time as I could safely end the relationship, but when you're young, it's not always that easy to be that unselfish. I think my actions are excusable, but not right by any stretch, and certainly selfish.

    1286999647
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 2 Feb 2008

    I have never cheated and I never would.

    I don't agree that all cheating is selfish though - a lot of the time it is, but there are occasions when it's understandable....never acceptable, but understandable.

    I'm lucky to be confident, secure and strong enough that should we ever have problems I'd first attempt to work on it with my partner, then (if it got that far) split with him before I let it get to that stage. But many people fear for very many reasons that they can't behave in an appropiate manner and may cheat because the relationship is in a very bad way. I don't think that's selfish but I don't think it makes it right either. It's never right.

    I also think it is forgiveable in very, very certain circumstances.

    And yes Rowan, I think cheating doesn't have a hard and fast "rule" - it's dependant of each person and it's the responsibility of both members of a relationship to discuss what they class as cheating early on and establish those boundaries so later down the line it can't be said that "I didn't know that was cheating, I don't class that as cheating" - this thread may interest you http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/orgasm-army/sex-talk/7666-what-would-you-class-as-cheating/

    Adx

    1287001729
    Malteser81 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
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    • Joined: 2 Aug 2009

    Now I was going to quite proudly say ive never cheated but then remembered in truth I had. My first marriage was awful and my confidence was at an all time low after years of being mentaly abused my then husbands uncle, took advantage of me, although I let him and loved the attention he devoted to me and the compliments he gave. We only got to the point of kissing and touching but thats just as much cheating in my eyes as having a sexual relationship.

    To this day I will never let myself feel so low and crave attention like that from anyone.

    1287001823
    MissTerryCleavage [sign in to see picture]
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    My own opinion on this is you never know, it is impossible to say how situations change or things develop, things happen that maybe on this day would seem unlikely or impossible but in a month or a years time who can say and no-one should judge anyone until they have walked a mile in their shoes...

    This is not me saying it's acceptable to do, it's just me saying that if all the circumstances are right, the planets align, the moon jumps over the spoon, whatever, anyone is capable of anything given the right provacation or desire...

    1287001906
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 18 Apr 2010

    MissTerryCleavage wrote:

    My own opinion on this is you never know, it is impossible to say how situations change or things develop, things happen that maybe on this day would seem unlikely or impossible but in a month or a years time who can say and no-one should judge anyone until they have walked a mile in their shoes...

    This is not me saying it's acceptable to do, it's just me saying that if all the circumstances are right, the planets align, the moon jumps over the spoon, whatever, anyone is capable of anything given the right provacation or desire...

    Exactly my point! You nailed it completely.

    1287002130
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    MissTerryCleavage wrote:

    My own opinion on this is you never know, it is impossible to say how situations change or things develop, things happen that maybe on this day would seem unlikely or impossible but in a month or a years time who can say and no-one should judge anyone until they have walked a mile in their shoes...

    This is not me saying it's acceptable to do, it's just me saying that if all the circumstances are right, the planets align, the moon jumps over the spoon, whatever, anyone is capable of anything given the right provacation or desire...

    Hmmm, I see your point. But I don't really agree - I know because of the type of person I am that I'd never cheat, simply because I know there are always alternatives to any scenario and I'd rather choose those....obviously there may be cases where it'd happen (I'm almost completely agreeing with you!) but for all intents and purposes it's a never from me because it's so, so unlikely that I'd take that option that I might as well say "never" - it's like calling myself atheist despite technically being agnostic - I'm 99% sure I believe there's no god, and I'm 99% sure I'd never cheat.

    Adx

    1287002383
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks, Guys, I did say myself, There is no excuse,

    However, There are always a ton of factors to consider. I'm not going into it as it was a previous relationship, And because myself and *K* are now very good friends I won't talk about her un-neccesseraly because I respect her, Also because it's unfair on J and I respect her even more so!

    But I will say that I am not in the least bit a selfish person, And don't appreciate being labled as such, Wether aimed at me personally or as a general tarring with the same brush as others!

    Paul

    1287002666
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    MissTerryCleavage wrote:

    My own opinion on this is you never know, it is impossible to say how situations change or things develop, things happen that maybe on this day would seem unlikely or impossible but in a month or a years time who can say and no-one should judge anyone until they have walked a mile in their shoes...

    This is not me saying it's acceptable to do, it's just me saying that if all the circumstances are right, the planets align, the moon jumps over the spoon, whatever, anyone is capable of anything given the right provacation or desire...

    It's like most moral choices, we never have our tolerances pushed far enough to get beyond words that are all too easily proved hollow. Being a philosopher though, I obviously have more respect for morality than you plebs so never would! Hah!

    1287007746
    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
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    never cheated...though after a recent night out with friends I was amazed to hear how many people do. I was quiet taken aback from by some of my friends who have or are doing...Almost seems the way of relationships for many people now.

    1287008093
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 18 Apr 2010

    Tupperwareheart wrote:

    MasqueradeMinx wrote:

    Tupperwareheart wrote:

    MasqueradeMinx wrote:

    Tupperwareheart wrote:

    Well we all knew this would turn heated..

    Lovebunny as you're new you might not be aware of the official rule of the OA, when a difference of opinion happens the two people have to battle it out in mud. In their underwear.

    Lol!
    Not sure about mud myself, but perhaps in a hot tub....

    Tupper, fancy joining me?

    Absolutely! Skinny dipping, of course?

    Sorry for the mini hijack, it's just in my nature to divert arguments with nudity.....

    Indeed, cant have any ripped clothing in the passion... fight I mean.....

    I am tempted to start an argument with you...

    Hehe.

    MM darling, you can have the nudity without the arguing.

    *hangs 'make love not war' sign on side of hot tub and gives all heated people a back rub* I think all our opinions are based on personal experiences but we do need to make sure we're not being closed minded and judgemental of other people regardless of how we feel ourselves...

    Ohhhh when?

    1287010532
    Lovebunny12 [sign in to see picture]
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    Get over it Paul,with the little sly digs in my 'welcome' note you left. It seems you can be very pathetic and id rather just stay out of each others way shame seen asthough I have just joined but I hate confrontation and being jumped on cause of MY opinion.

    1287010683
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    Fine by me

    1287011289
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Tupperwareheart wrote:

    MM darling, you can have the nudity without the arguing.

    *hangs 'make love not war' sign on side of hot tub and gives all heated people a back rub* I think all our opinions are based on personal experiences but we do need to make sure we're not being closed minded and judgemental of other people regardless of how we feel ourselves...

    I think this is a very good point. It's important on a public forum to make sure we refrain from being overly judgemental and using too harsh words. Opinions are perfectly valid...it's all about striking the balance - trying not to get offended by "opinions" even if they seem personal, and trying not to offend people by choosing words carefully.

    Adx

    1287011328
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    But just to be clear...

    1. I did not *jump* on you.

    2. I can be silly at times, Everyone here knows that. But please don't call me pathetic.

    3. I did not leave sly digs. I stated what I felt and wanted to start a clean slate. I was actually genuinely welcoming you.

    4. I actually hate confrontation myself, And to be honest you've probably caught me not on one of my best nights.

    5. I see two options, Yes we can stay out of each others way, If that's what you want then I will respect that. However, We could wipe the slate clean, Right here and start a fresh. What do you reckon? * Hands olive branch! *

    p.s. I am sorry if I did come across as pathetic or * jumping * on you. It is definately not in my nature to be either of those!

    Have a genuine and friendly and I'll leave the ball in your court!

    1287011858
    BashfulBabe [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 24 Apr 2010

    It's also worth bearing in mind that just because someone did something selfish that does not make them a selfish person. I'm sure that not one of us here would claim to having been perfect in every way from the moment they were born; we've all made mistakes, or bad choices, or let the negative side slip out.

    The important thing is always to be able to recognise and own up to those bad moments. Holding your hands up, saying "yup, I screwed up, and I regret it and won't do it again" is about as good as you can ask for from a mere human being. And from the other side, it's just as important to let the person have a chance to prove that they are worth more than one action from their past. Different if someone was coming here saying that they cheat all the time and they don't care because it'sd their fun that matters, that's an ongoing selfish attitude, which is entirely different to one moment of lapsed judgement that is regretted and over with.

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