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  1. What does your blue say about you?

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    There are certain responses and behaviours some people apparently show in bed, some people are really selfish, some are completely submissive etc...

    Do these relate to the world out side the bedroom or do they say something about your character? I'd consider myself rather unselfish and I think that matches up in the bedroom, likewise I usually like making decisions and I'm rather decisive and take charge and it's similar in bed. There are those people who love to submit after a hard days work bossing people around but I'm unsure how common that is.

    So do you have any traits that collaborate in and out the bedroom and does sexual behaviour accurately reflect how someone is as a person? Can someone be an excellent lover (beyond stroking their own ego) yet still be a complete bastard?

    Over to the masses!

    1286125604
    MissTerryCleavage [sign in to see picture]
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    Hmmm, not sure how to answer this really, I think I fall into the "those that submit" category, although this is only something I'm learning about myself recently...

    Previously I had always thought I was a dominant type, both at work etc and in bed, but now am realising that in actual fact, whilst I am dominant etc in work, in bed I am much more submissive and actually thrive on a "man being a man" if that makes sense? I think I know why this is, but not for sharing on here just yet...

    Pffft I'm waffling and probably not even answering your question.... Must be the thought of us being above youse.....

    *Apologies for the "in-joke" to anyone else reading....

    1286125974
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    Personally I switch.

    Sometimes I wear the trousers, At other times I let J wear the trousers. In and out of bed, Mostly out of bed at the moment as most of you well know lol!

    But I like to think that in either role, I too am unselfish, And considerate.

    I do when the circumstances require it, Ie in an emergency etc, Become very decisive and will take control of a situation, This is more to do with the preference of those who know me well inc my loved ones.

    I seem to excell in those kind of situations.

    Anyway, Irl, And hopefully soon in the bedroom, I like to switch to a submissive role quite a lot as it is nice to hand over 'power' or control to those who I trust and love.

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    It's not an in joke if I refuse to read it, it just sounds like thinly veiled sexism actually...

    I do think sub/dom is a bit different to other traits though, it's often more a response to situations rather than a character trait it seems. I like to dom things because I don't often trust other people to do it properly or don't like giving people my responsibility. I think if someone is selfish they are selfish regardless of the situation... There must be more examples I can't think of...

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    pyjamaparty [sign in to see picture]
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    hmmm interesting question!

    For me I'm one of the rare, bossy flossies who submits completely in the bedroom. I'm always the sub in quite a sub dom relationship. My OH is a control freak! Both in and out of the bedroom! Occasionally it's more equal but I never dominate. I think it's true that after a day spent in charge it's nice to relax and let someone else make the decisions and be in control.

    As for bastards who are good lovers, well there was one a few years ago. Used to be a complete arse in public and pretty horrible to me, but we had fantastic sex. Thinking back though he was selfish and the sex was purely good because of the size of his cock and the role that I took in taking over a bit more!!!

    Will be interesting to see what other people are like and have experienced.

    Good one WandA

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Great points Paul and I hope you have fun experimenting.

    As an aside can anyone think of any other character traits on display in both the bedroom and wider world? I'm a struggling...

    1286126403
    xxxxchelzsxxxx [sign in to see picture]
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    I think i wear the trousers out of the bedroom... But husband wears them inside, and i suppose i like it that way!! I like things done 'my' way in everyday life but then i love the hubby to take control, i tend to always let him lead, so to speak.

    I think being a wife and mother im a very unselfish person.. i do alot for them both and make sure all there needs are seen to before i take time for myself!!! And i t the same in the bedroom i love to please the hubby first and for as long as he likes!! xxx

    1286126740
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    You have me confused Wanda, I think, But I also think I may know what you mean....

    Othe traits.....

    Well, J is the more diplomatic one in our external relationships, Ie if there has been a family feud etc, She is very good at building bridges. Whereas within our bubble, I am moreso the one that does all the diplmatic work.

    In situations like councel meetings or anything professional/gp appointments for D etc....

    I tend to do the talking, As J prefers me to do it as I am more specific, And remember all the details.

    J is great at remembering dates/appointments and keeping us organized. Whereas I am hopeless!

    Does this help or even make sense???

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    MissTerryCleavage [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    It's not an in joke if I refuse to read it, it just sounds like thinly veiled sexism actually...

    I do think sub/dom is a bit different to other traits though, it's often more a response to situations rather than a character trait it seems. I like to dom things because I don't often trust other people to do it properly or don't like giving people my responsibility. I think if someone is selfish they are selfish regardless of the situation... There must be more examples I can't think of...

    Well you knew I would just have to make some comment, the opportunity doesn't come along too often

    But my brain is still refusing to cooperate and think of anything useful to add....

    In response to the selfish thing.... My ex can be hugely selfish in real life, or perhaps it's just more thoughtlessness, but in the bedroom he is the exact opposite of selfish, totally giving and unconcerned about his pleasure, altho I suppose that could be because he knows what I'm like and that whilst I'm happy to take for a while, I will always give much more in return... Good job I don't have selfish characteristics, otherwise he'd have been scuppered....haha!

    I suppose aggression could a characteristic that crosses over? Beyond that my brain is mush... Blame the Rose wine over the last two days...

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    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    I could add more but am suffering from a mental block lolz

    1286126848
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Good question!

    I think for me, the way I am in bed, is because of how I am IRL. I'm about the most indecisive person you'll ever meet and I think it's in part because I'm a worrier - I hate making mistakes and would hate to make the wrong decision so I prefer if other people make decisions for me. Though I'll only award this responsibility to people I trust - I allow my dad and my OH to make my decisions for me as I know how well thought out they are and they research everything and also know me well.

    In bed I'm very submissive and like to award complete control to WandA - I know I'd be nowhere near as submissive if I had another partner, it's more that I trust WandA completely to make all my decisions for me because he's the type who will work out the best option for both of us, or just me depending on what the decision entails, and will even put himself in a detrimental position if he feels I will gain more benefit than he will detriment.

    I think, in part, my desire for submission is because I put a lot of pressure onto myself, I'm a high acheiver and as a result have ridiculously and often unacheivably high expectations of myself, so handing over control is a way of relaxing and a way of taking the pressure off.

    I can be very decisive when helping other people and there are occasions when I can also be very dominant, but I think on those occasions, removing my personal self from the situation is the only way I'm capable of it.

    I'm very caring and unselfish, so I find the times when I'm dominant is when WandA is feeling down and my caring side takes over and I can take charge to make him feel better.

    But definitely, my real life self and sex life self are very much linked!

    The only thing that doesn't link up is that in my relationship, I am a highly emotional person. In "real life" I'm very much more guarded to the point where people think I'm emotionless because I just don't ever show my true emotions.

    Adx

    1286127423
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Good question!

    I think for me, the way I am in bed, is because of how I am IRL. I'm about the most indecisive person you'll ever meet and I think it's in part because I'm a worrier - I hate making mistakes and would hate to make the wrong decision so I prefer if other people make decisions for me. Though I'll only award this responsibility to people I trust - I allow my dad and my OH to make my decisions for me as I know how well thought out they are and they research everything and also know me well.

    In bed I'm very submissive and like to award complete control to WandA - I know I'd be nowhere near as submissive if I had another partner, it's more that I trust WandA completely to make all my decisions for me because he's the type who will work out the best option for both of us, or just me depending on what the decision entails, and will even put himself in a detrimental position if he feels I will gain more benefit than he will detriment.

    I think, in part, my desire for submission is because I put a lot of pressure onto myself, I'm a high acheiver and as a result have ridiculously and often unacheivably high expectations of myself, so handing over control is a way of relaxing and a way of taking the pressure off.

    I can be very decisive when helping other people and there are occasions when I can also be very dominant, but I think on those occasions, removing my personal self from the situation is the only way I'm capable of it.

    I'm very caring and unselfish, so I find the times when I'm dominant is when WandA is feeling down and my caring side takes over and I can take charge to make him feel better.

    But definitely, my real life self and sex life self are very much linked!

    The only thing that doesn't link up is that in my relationship, I am a highly emotional person. In "real life" I'm very much more guarded to the point where people think I'm emotionless because I just don't ever show my true emotions.

    Adx

    I like that you wrote this Adx, I mean I love the entire post but this section stands out to me...

    I am a very emotional person too and am easily affected by those around me and the vibes too.

    However, I am the opposite to you in the way that I am very emotionaly 'open'

    I actually think I am way too open for my own good/liking and would love to have the strength and intelligence to be more guarded outside of my bubble ( family and close friends )

    There have been a ton of times when I have regretted being so, As I have been shite on from a very great height by people I thought I could trust.

    This I know stems from my younger years when I bottled absolutely everything up. I ended up having a minor breakdown when I was about 17 ( 1st time round )

    Anyway, Ive gone off on a tangent again haven't ~I? lolz.

    Other traits I just thought of.

    J is very very quick to trust people, Whereas I take my time, And people usually have to earn my trust over a period of time.

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    I find emotions would help me more, since I never let anyone in, I struggle to cope on my own, or push it all on to WandA - I've only just learnt to admit when I'm struggling and ask for help. I coped very badly with long distance at 6th form since I had to move school and didn't have any one to open up to. I put myself in a pretty bad way, and apart from the friends I made there, I have very few good memories other than it made me stronger and taught me I have to recognise when things are eating me up and work to improve things.

    It's important to strike the right balance - open up to the right people. But I'm sure this is another topic ;)

    Adx

    1286128140
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Good question!

    I think for me, the way I am in bed, is because of how I am IRL. I'm about the most indecisive person you'll ever meet and I think it's in part because I'm a worrier - I hate making mistakes and would hate to make the wrong decision so I prefer if other people make decisions for me. Though I'll only award this responsibility to people I trust - I allow my dad and my OH to make my decisions for me as I know how well thought out they are and they research everything and also know me well.

    In bed I'm very submissive and like to award complete control to WandA - I know I'd be nowhere near as submissive if I had another partner, it's more that I trust WandA completely to make all my decisions for me because he's the type who will work out the best option for both of us, or just me depending on what the decision entails, and will even put himself in a detrimental position if he feels I will gain more benefit than he will detriment.

    I think, in part, my desire for submission is because I put a lot of pressure onto myself, I'm a high acheiver and as a result have ridiculously and often unacheivably high expectations of myself, so handing over control is a way of relaxing and a way of taking the pressure off.

    I can be very decisive when helping other people and there are occasions when I can also be very dominant, but I think on those occasions, removing my personal self from the situation is the only way I'm capable of it.

    I'm very caring and unselfish, so I find the times when I'm dominant is when WandA is feeling down and my caring side takes over and I can take charge to make him feel better.

    But definitely, my real life self and sex life self are very much linked!

    The only thing that doesn't link up is that in my relationship, I am a highly emotional person. In "real life" I'm very much more guarded to the point where people think I'm emotionless because I just don't ever show my true emotions.

    Adx

    Very well explained and answered my question perfectly! Although my question is a bit all over the place and subject to change..

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    xxxxchelzsxxxx [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    I find emotions would help me more, since I never let anyone in, I struggle to cope on my own, or push it all on to WandA - I've only just learnt to admit when I'm struggling and ask for help. I coped very badly with long distance at 6th form since I had to move school and didn't have any one to open up to. I put myself in a pretty bad way, and apart from the friends I made there, I have very few good memories other than it made me stronger and taught me I have to recognise when things are eating me up and work to improve things.

    It's important to strike the right balance - open up to the right people. But I'm sure this is another topic ;)

    Adx

    I no its another topic... But im compltly different! I let people in easily (makes getting hurt much more common) I trust easily and i never let things build up... i tend to explode straight away... which often stands against me... I sometimes think i shouldnt say anything and keep it inside but never can!! I think i would like to be half like myself and half like you in the way you dont show your emotion and keep certain things inside.. My closest friend is the same, i often say what i would give to be more like her in that way!!

    I find being open and not hiding things can often make things worse... i upset people easily and tend to think later, if somethings bothering me i cannot for one second keep it inside... I envy you... Ixxx

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    CurlyCoupleWife [sign in to see picture]
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    Ooh... Interesting thread. I do think that your personality traits come through in bed.

    Ex No1 - not worth a mention.

    Ex No2 was selfish in public & was selfish in bed. The world revolved around what he wanted (I never got oral sex in that relationship because "he'd tried it & didn't like it")

    Ex No3 was quite controlling & he liked to be admired, the lack of sex in that relationship was part of the control thing & to be fair on the man, if he was in the mood, he was quite capable, I have a feeling this was more to do with his need to be "the man" rather than thought for me.

    CC is kind, generous, hard working, open minded, clever, inventive and loving. (He's not bad out of the bedroom either )

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    CurlyCoupleWife wrote:

    Ooh... Interesting thread. I do think that your personality traits come through in bed.

    Ex No1 - not worth a mention.

    Ex No2 was selfish in public & was selfish in bed. The world revolved around what he wanted (I never got oral sex in that relationship because "he'd tried it & didn't like it")

    Ex No3 was quite controlling & he liked to be admired, the lack of sex in that relationship was part of the control thing & to be fair on the man, if he was in the mood, he was quite capable, I have a feeling this was more to do with his need to be "the man" rather than thought for me.

    CC is kind, generous, hard working, open minded, clever, inventive and loving. (He's not bad out of the bedroom either )

    Ah! More traits!

    Working hard, perceptiveness, generousness, open mindedness and how sensual/intimate a partner is?

    Ad fits all those bills perfectly, except perceptiveness... She can be rather 'ditzy' out the bedroom but the reason I think she is such an exquisite cock sucker is because of her enthusiasm and some super amazing bat like senses of perception she has that makes it really easy for her to find out what works!

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    Vampyrewillow [sign in to see picture]
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    I've never analyzed mine or my partners personality traits in or out of the bedroom so off the top of my head i couldn't say... i will have a little think and get back to this however as it does seem rather interesting!

    VW x

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    Ad fits all those bills perfectly, except perceptiveness... She can be rather 'ditzy' out the bedroom but the reason I think she is such an exquisite cock sucker is because of her enthusiasm and some super amazing bat like senses of perception she has that makes it really easy for her to find out what works!

    Yes - good point actually, I've never considered that!

    During sex, particularly of the oral variety, I'm very perceptive, the slightest positive noise, negative noise, change in breathing, slight movement or slight muscle tense, hand clasping, eye closing, whatever - I'll pick it up, register it, analyse whether it means "that's good carry on" or "left a bit" or "not as good as before, go back" and adjust accordingly.

    Outside the bedroom I'd struggle to notice things even with big, neon, flashing signs. Weird huh!

    Chelz I definitely think striking the balance is important - I wouldn't want to cry my eyes out to all and sundry when things upset me, but it'd be nice if I could let people in more often and show that I am a real human being! Bizarrely, and I think it's because of my lack of emotions which can be read as a lack of judgement, people will tell me their life story and open up to me very easily, even if we've only just met! Strange...

    Adx

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    BashfulBabe [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm very empathic, I'm good at reading people and knowing what they want or need. In 'normal' ways, this usually just helps me to convince people to do what needs to be done, or generally get on with things smoothly, but in bed it's handy because I'm pretty solidly submissive, and have tended towards guys who were unsure of their Dom tendencies, so being able to interpret what they want from me and offer or just do it makes it easier to please someone who's not confident about openly ordering you yet.

    Guess it's the same with the submissive thing: outside, I take control and get things done, completely independant and a little bolshy, and in bed I'll give up all control. But they both come out of a need to make sure people feel cared for and satisfied, and generally happy. By taking the lead with things that have to be done, I'm sparing other people the pressure and hassle (and the bedroom-sub thing is fairly obvious). Think there's a bit of a martyr complex going on, too, because I always take everything onto my shoulders, and almost enjoy everything being my fault and refusing help, and having people blame me fully when things go wrong if it spares someone else blame and keeps them happy. Kinda ties into the mildy masochistic element, not just taking it on the chin to make or keep someone happy, but even encouraging that punishment and setting myself up for it.

    A negative trait is that I'm a bit of a show-off, I can be a bit of a dancing monkey seeking approval. It does mean in bed I'll push my own limits to try and get that smile of approval, too, which can be positive, although I have been accused of "trying too hard", sometimes forgetting completely about myself to the point that the other person feels guilty that I'm rejecting any attempt to pleasure me. Selflessness is good, but a partner can take it personally if you start looking like you're trying to beat some personal goal and not enjoying it any more than you would a session in the gym. I have been trying to get better at that in every aspect - even silly things like taking a compliment without rejecting it and then pushing myself to do something so that I would be deserving of even more - but I have trouble accepting that I'm good enough as I am, and still find myself trying to push harder and reach higher targets and forgetting to actually enjoy what I am doing right.

    So what's that so far: empathic, caring, hero-slash-martyr, show-off/over-ambitious, selfless but to a bad extreme at times. It's weird, because I am two completely different people in and out of bed (more if you count how I behave with friends/lovers/strangers/colleagues/everything else), but they do all center around the core principles of wanting to care for and satisfy everyone, often to the detriment of myself, and enjoying pushing myself too hard and taking the punishments when I fail. Probnably sounds a lot worse than it is, to be honest.

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