99p Next Day delivery! Hurry ends in ...
  1. Hugs all around...

    1286399225
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 289
    • Joined: 2 Jan 2010

    MasqueradeMinx wrote:

    *hugs to both LH and LY*

    * Hugs back *

    1286406013
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 994
    • Joined: 15 Aug 2010

    Lovin the boobie shnuggles....

    * Gives some well deserved moobie Shnugglie cuddles *

    1286453858
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 289
    • Joined: 2 Jan 2010

    I am in need of some hugs of any kind. Just had some news I would rather not have heard, especially with the way things are for me at the moment ....

    ~ Offers out hugs to anyone to wants them from a Moaning - Minnie ~

    1286453994
    xxxxchelzsxxxx [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 249
    • Joined: 9 Sep 2009

    LY! im a moaning minnie!! Heres one mahoosive *CUGGLE* here if u need a chat xxxxxxxxxxxx

    1286461279
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 994
    • Joined: 15 Aug 2010

    Lookin - Yummy wrote:

    I am in need of some hugs of any kind. Just had some news I would rather not have heard, especially with the way things are for me at the moment ....

    ~ Offers out hugs to anyone to wants them from a Moaning - Minnie ~

    Awww, * Extra specially big tender hugs for you today ! * xxx

    1286461476
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 289
    • Joined: 2 Jan 2010

    xxxxchelzsxxxx wrote:

    LY! im a moaning minnie!! Heres one mahoosive *CUGGLE* here if u need a chat xxxxxxxxxxxx

    Seduced wrote:

    Lookin - Yummy wrote:

    I am in need of some hugs of any kind. Just had some news I would rather not have heard, especially with the way things are for me at the moment ....

    ~ Offers out hugs to anyone to wants them from a Moaning - Minnie ~

    Awww, * Extra specially big tender hugs for you today ! * xxx

    Thanks both of you, can't tell you how much I appriciate them at the moment.

    1286461529
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 289
    • Joined: 2 Jan 2010

    I know this probably isnt the right place and I am sorry if I am wrong, but do you think if I posted what is happening it would be ok ?

    1286462085
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 994
    • Joined: 15 Aug 2010

    By all means hunni-bun, Poor your heart out!

    * Reserves the next few post slots for off-topic *

    1286462341
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 289
    • Joined: 2 Jan 2010

    This is quite long and maybe confusing in places. I am sorry about that and sorry if you would prefer not to read the rubbish I am experiencing , but if you could help , I would appriciate it so very much.

    My partner and I have been together for 3 years, although I have known him for 13 years.

    I am in my early 20's and met him when my older brother started high school , they became friends and in a short while, we became friends also. I guess I did have a "Crush" on him, but due to the age gap and him having a girlfriend from the age of 14, I didn't ever think anything would happpen. Not to mention that I was in the midlands and he was in the south (My bro lived with his Dad, but we spoke daily on the phone, I would speak to his friend regually too as they were always at each others houses and had as many visits as we could ) We had a great "Big brother / Little sister" type of relationship over time which continued well .

    At the the age of 16 I became involved in a relationship that eventually became nasty and unpleasent. I was in a horrible place, too scared leave but too scared to stay. On a visit to the midlands, to see me and also my bro who had moved up there, my friend took me out for a meal. I was silly and had a bit too much to drink . When it was time for him to take me back, I got upset and blurted out everything that was happening in the relationship I was in. He was great and supported me and offered me an escape. I had the thought of "It's now or never" and I did leave my then partner, taking our 18 month old daughter with me. We ended up staying in the south in my (Now partner) 's parents caravan, with him coming to see me every day and staying over a few nights a week , sleeping on the sofa bed. It was a huge relief to be away and I spent a lot of time thinking how to put my life back together again.

    After a month or so, my friend and I were just watching tv in the caravan when out of the blue, he turned it off and said that he needed to talk to me. It turned out that although he had been with his then partner since they were 14 (He was now 32 and I was 20 ) he had actually liked me since I was 18 and hadn't said anything because he assumed I was happy in my relationship (As anyone who has experienced DV knows, you dont tell people what is happening and you do your best to hide it.) All of a sudden , the feelings I had tried to ignor for so long came staright back to me. He made clear to me that he wasn't expecting me to begin a relationship with him and that he would understand if I felt offended. He was apologetic and didn't put any presseur on me. He just wanted to tell me. I explained to him how I felt and he said that if I was sure about it, then he wanted to be with me and was prepared to end it with his then partner (I must add here, she had cheated on him twice and each time he forgave her. She wasn't too upset over the split and was soon with someone else.)

    As the sight I was living on was due to close soon, he suggested we go back to the midlands so my daughter & I could be near friends and family. But it wasn't meant to be. I gave what money I could - which admittely I didn't have a lot to give and he used his savings to pay 6 months rent in advance on a property and furnish it. Also to cover living costs such as bills and shopping etc. I was not in a mental state to cope with going back to work , so he searched for work. But was unsuccessful. I think it may have been due to him having a London accent and the small village I came from had a theory which I am ashamed of, that being "City folk coming to take our work." By the end of the 6 months, I had no money left and his savings were falling fast. We decided the best thing would be for him to go back to the south, live with family, try and get work and then my daughter and I would move back with him. In the meantime, my daughter and I lived with various family members. OH and I saw each other fornightly and it was hard. I won't lie. Before anyone does happen to mention about "Why didn't we live together and get benefits to help until he got work ?" The answer is because he has long term savings which he cannot touch for a very long time and there is proof from the bank that he cant touch it, but the benfits woudn't even look at us because of the amount.

    2 years ago my daughter and I did move to the south. We lived alone , as his wage wouldnt cover the rent (£650 per month) and I couldnt find anywhere cheaper . He visited evey day and stayed occassionally. To cut this story short; we are still in the same situation. I haven't been able to find work. And we still are not living together due to finances. Recently he had issues at work for around 8 months where they changed his shifts, making it hard for him to see us regually and when he did see us he was always (Understandably) tired. I feel like a couple still in the "Dating" stage , not a serious relationship. The affection has dwindeld out , which I find hard as I am a very tactile person. The sexual side of things have faded too. He just doesnt satisfy me anymore ... In June I did a very stupid thing and kissed another guy whilst on holiday with my daughter, my friend and her child. (And no, my daughter was nowhere near me when this happend) it gave me a huge wake up call that if I was happy , I wouldn't have done that. I was so gutted at my mistake that I cut the hoiliday short and came home. I told OH everything and eventhough we had spoke before about me being unhappy I did make clear that this was really serious. He understood why it happend and we came up with ideas of how to make things better and have more time together. But these don't seem to be going to plan and I am still feeling "single" in my mind. I feel distant from him as a partner, as I said , the sexual side has suffered too, it's rare and has become scripted and routine like when we do actually do it. I still feel I have to initiate the affection like holding hands etc. I just want quality time together and a home together. We sat and worked things out only a few weeks ago and there is no hope of it happening until I can get a job.

    He still makes me laugh and I still care for him with all my heart but I am not sure if I am in love with him now ? I don't find him attractive any more either ....

    I can't imagine life without him, but I can't see me carrying on like this. I don't feel contented in the relationship and I admit I am scared I may cheat on him if given the offer. I know I am going to be judged for saying that, but I need to be honest . I have asked him if he would consider seeking help through Relate but he is quite old fashioned in that way and thinks a relationship is private.

    Please help, I want to save this and make it work. We have both suffered over time and put so much into it to get this far. I dont want to give up now.

    Also, just when I am feeling quite rubbish, my Mum has told me she is moving 4 hours away from me .... I am very close to her and alothough she is a grown woman and perfectly entitled to do as she pleases. Selfishly , I don't want my Mum to be further than where she is now (2 hours from me)

    1286463317
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 994
    • Joined: 15 Aug 2010

    I have to pick my boy up from school, But I will come back to this in the next few hours hun! Better than a rushed reply ;)

    Sounds like you're feeling a bit similar to how I was a little while ago....

    Chin up lovely, And don't do anything hasty, I shall leave you with the girls and will be back in a mo.....

    xx

    1286463541
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 289
    • Joined: 2 Jan 2010

    Thank you. I too have to go now and pick up my daughter .

    Speak soon x

    1286467680
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 994
    • Joined: 15 Aug 2010

    Right...

    I am back, I hope I make sense as currently off my noodle on codeine and amytriptaline :(

    It sounds to me like you're already doing something good by approaching him and by talking about it.

    I'm a bit concerend about his 'old fashioned' approach though. It could well be that he's scared of admitting there's a problem that needs seeing to. My J bless her was the same.

    Ii too was scared I was going to cheat, But Being scared of it, Just means that you are already concious of the fact that it would be silly to do so, And it also means that he does mean a lot to you.

    It is very very difficult when you love someone that much when they don't show any physical/emotional attention to you. No sex isn';t the be-all, But it IS an important factor.

    Me and J haven't been intimate for 7 months due to our housing situation ( living with parents again and sharing a room in seperate beds aswell as our 6yo son being in with us. ) and due to a lot of problems she has had over the past.

    We're recieving couple counceling and it is starting to help.

    I will warn you, If on benefits Relate will give a discount, But it's still £20 per session.

    I'm unsure if they are in your part of the UK but look up an organization called 'Family Matters' Your schools liason officer may be able to help??!

    As for the benefit thing, If he has savings, But cant touch them and has physical proof... Then you should be entitled to claim, Job centre are well known down this end for fobbing people off and not giving them the proper advice etc. Go higher up, If not, talk to your local mp!

    If he cares about you and your relationship and loves you, He should meet you half way and at least listen to you about the councelling. Would he come on here? With an open mind???

    Will come back in a moment. Want to see what others say!

    Paul ;) xx

    Oh, And...

    * HUGS *

    1286469336
    xxxxchelzsxxxx [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 249
    • Joined: 9 Sep 2009

    I dont think i could give better advice than that paul!!

    Thats pretty amazing advice really lol....

    I will say that, If it were me i would keep asking to go to relationship councelling... he may come round to the idea!!

    I really feel for you and sending loads of *hugs* your way!

    Sorry i cant help more, but i feel like Paul said everything i would have said xxxxxxxx

    1286469510
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 289
    • Joined: 2 Jan 2010

    Seduced wrote:

    Right...

    I am back, I hope I make sense as currently off my noodle on codeine and amytriptaline :(

    It sounds to me like you're already doing something good by approaching him and by talking about it.

    I'm a bit concerend about his 'old fashioned' approach though. It could well be that he's scared of admitting there's a problem that needs seeing to. My J bless her was the same.

    Ii too was scared I was going to cheat, But Being scared of it, Just means that you are already concious of the fact that it would be silly to do so, And it also means that he does mean a lot to you.

    It is very very difficult when you love someone that much when they don't show any physical/emotional attention to you. No sex isn';t the be-all, But it IS an important factor.

    Me and J haven't been intimate for 7 months due to our housing situation ( living with parents again and sharing a room in seperate beds aswell as our 6yo son being in with us. ) and due to a lot of problems she has had over the past.

    We're recieving couple counceling and it is starting to help.

    I will warn you, If on benefits Relate will give a discount, But it's still £20 per session.

    I'm unsure if they are in your part of the UK but look up an organization called 'Family Matters' Your schools liason officer may be able to help??!

    As for the benefit thing, If he has savings, But cant touch them and has physical proof... Then you should be entitled to claim, Job centre are well known down this end for fobbing people off and not giving them the proper advice etc. Go higher up, If not, talk to your local mp!

    If he cares about you and your relationship and loves you, He should meet you half way and at least listen to you about the councelling. Would he come on here? With an open mind???

    Will come back in a moment. Want to see what others say!

    Paul ;) xx

    Oh, And...

    * HUGS *

    Thanks for coming back ....

    I think you are right about him being scared to admit there is a problem. I notice when we talk he is always up for ideas to improve things but he won't delve into the nitty gritty of what is wrong.

    I must say thank you for not judging me when I said I am scared I may cheat.... I was (And still am) half expecting to get juded and jumped on (Not in a good way) I am so pleased someone understands what I mean.

    Someone did say we could get help through the GP for free. I am going to search down this route. Good to know Relate do give discounts though.

    I had not thought of chatting to the MP regarding the help from Job Centre. Will look into that one too ....

    He doesn't know I come on the forums . Don't think he would initially be too chuffed woth the idea. However, I think if I explaine how supportive and helpful the OA's are then he may hopefully come round to it. .... At least it is still private in some aspect rather than face to face.

    xx

    1286469798
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 994
    • Joined: 15 Aug 2010

    On a side note and im not judging you sweetie... Cheating would only make you feel worse. Put it this way, After a while I realized its not the actual sex i miss, but the intimacy and closeness with my oh that comes as part of lovemaking. So yes I would have got sex in the end, But I still would have felt empty because the emotional and tender part would be missing still. Hope that makes sense?

    Just treat yourself to one of LH's nicer toys to help out in 'the physical part for now.

    1286470101
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 994
    • Joined: 15 Aug 2010

    As for your OH coming on here...

    I had the same prob with J...

    At first when I told her she went mental, She thought I would be swapping pics, chatting everybody up and recievin the same...

    I literaly plonked the laptop with the site open in front of her so she could see for hrself, Maybe not best for everyone but in our situation it was the only way at that moment lol!

    And now she has joined and is just starting to get active on here.

    Its just the initial, " I am a member on a sex toy forum " that kinda sounds worse than it actually is lol!

    I should imagine, saying " Im a new member of the Orgasm Army " would probably sound worse hehe.

    Hope that makes sense too!?

    * HUGS *

    xx

    1286470166
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 289
    • Joined: 2 Jan 2010

    Seduced wrote:

    On a side note and im not judging you sweetie... Cheating would only make you feel worse. Put it this way, After a while I realized its not the actual sex i miss, but the intimacy and closeness with my oh that comes as part of lovemaking. So yes I would have got sex in the end, But I still would have felt empty because the emotional and tender part would be missing still. Hope that makes sense?

    Just treat yourself to one of LH's nicer toys to help out in 'the physical part for now.

    What you say does make sense. A lot of sense ....

    I guess a bit of retail therapy does us all good , in more ways than 1 sometimes x

    1286470268
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 289
    • Joined: 2 Jan 2010

    Seduced wrote:

    As for your OH coming on here...

    I had the same prob with J...

    At first when I told her she went mental, She thought I would be swapping pics, chatting everybody up and recievin the same...

    I literaly plonked the laptop with the site open in front of her so she could see for hrself, Maybe not best for everyone but in our situation it was the only way at that moment lol!

    And now she has joined and is just starting to get active on here.

    Its just the initial, " I am a member on a sex toy forum " that kinda sounds worse than it actually is lol!

    I should imagine, saying " Im a new member of the Orgasm Army " would probably sound worse hehe.

    Hope that makes sense too!?

    * HUGS *

    xx

    That would probably be my OH's reaction too . I guess I would end up doing something similar.

    ~ Hugs ~

    x

    1286471137
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2581
    • Joined: 18 Apr 2010

    Looking Yummy,

    As I was saying on chat, try and tell him straight. Dont say I am unhappy and have thoughts of leaving you as that isnt a great place to start.
    Try wording like, I feel as though we arent spending enough time together and I miss you type of thing. See if you can work out something where one of you moves closer?

    Really hope it works out sweetie.

    x

    1286471995
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 994
    • Joined: 15 Aug 2010

    MasqueradeMinx wrote:

    Looking Yummy,

    As I was saying on chat, try and tell him straight. Dont say I am unhappy and have thoughts of leaving you as that isnt a great place to start.
    Try wording like, I feel as though we arent spending enough time together and I miss you type of thing. See if you can work out something where one of you moves closer?

    Really hope it works out sweetie.

    x

    This is also brilliant advice! Any form of " I'm thinking of leaving or I want a break " can cause insecurity and maybe a greater lack or willingness to talk.

    I remember J did this onceyears ago, and instead of me listening I became paranoid and clammed up.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.