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  1. reducing male sex drive

    1285513231
    solosax [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi I have searched the forums and found nothing to help me with this (not really surprised though).

    Can anyone recommend a SAFE product to help reduce a man's sex drive.

    My OH has lost all HER interest in sex and we (mainly me) have as much as we can to solve this but in the end i have to respect her position and not put any pressure on her. (we have had over 30 years of great sex so can't complain).

    the problem is i think i must have only just reached my peak cause i am randier than ever and far too much self satisfaction going on so for the sake of my sanity i would like to try and reduce this drive.

    The army was supposed to have put Bromide into the soldiers tea during the war to prevent them from getting randy but i don't think that's the right way to go.

    Any help please.

    1285513622
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm not sure there is a safe way is there?

    I know when I go without for a while I get less horny. I don't see the problem with wanking to be honest...

    1285514899
    solosax [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    I'm not sure there is a safe way is there?

    I know when I go without for a while I get less horny. I don't see the problem with wanking to be honest...

    It can become an issue when you realise thats all thats left for the rest of your life.

    1285515325
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    solosax wrote:

    WandA wrote:

    I'm not sure there is a safe way is there?

    I know when I go without for a while I get less horny. I don't see the problem with wanking to be honest...

    It can become an issue when you realise thats all thats left for the rest of your life.

    Ah. But I'd imagine that is better than looking for ways around something pleasurable.

    I think maybe it's a better idea to try and work with your lady, it doesn't have to be penetration. Mutual oral perhaps?

    1285515536
    solosax [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    solosax wrote:

    WandA wrote:

    I'm not sure there is a safe way is there?

    I know when I go without for a while I get less horny. I don't see the problem with wanking to be honest...

    It can become an issue when you realise thats all thats left for the rest of your life.

    Ah. But I'd imagine that is better than looking for ways around something pleasurable.

    I think maybe it's a better idea to try and work with your lady, it doesn't have to be penetration. Mutual oral perhaps?

    Sorry WA but thats been off the cards for a few years now.

    1285518717
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    solosax wrote:

    Hi I have searched the forums and found nothing to help me with this (not really surprised though).

    Can anyone recommend a SAFE product to help reduce a man's sex drive.

    My OH has lost all HER interest in sex and we (mainly me) have as much as we can to solve this but in the end i have to respect her position and not put any pressure on her. (we have had over 30 years of great sex so can't complain).

    the problem is i think i must have only just reached my peak cause i am randier than ever and far too much self satisfaction going on so for the sake of my sanity i would like to try and reduce this drive.

    The army was supposed to have put Bromide into the soldiers tea during the war to prevent them from getting randy but i don't think that's the right way to go.

    Any help please.

    In the beginning of this year, I asked my doc the very same thing...

    I cant find it, Maybe WandA would be gracious enough to find my intro thread, It explains a lot of why Im here in the first place.

    Anyway....

    My gp told me there is really no safe way to lower a mans libido, And I will add, She is a very very good Japanese doctor who has helped me a great deal over the years! She told me and my OH it is something natural and is as much a part of me as my OH's cerebral cortex is a part of her, Yep my gp is a comedien aswell.

    We were told to yes... COMMUNICATE and try to compromise.

    At the time it was a nuicence to say the least for my OH, But only recently, Although it annoys the hell out of her, 'J' has accepted that my very high libido is a part of who I am, It always has been. She has accepted that on the condition that I try my hardest to back off of the accelerator, Then at the same time, She will try to communicate with me more about our sexual relationship and if not become sexual and intimate with me, Then at least begin to try to understand my end of things.

    I put it to her this way.....

    If you were to fall in love with a very wize old person, And descovered that your loved one was once as dumb as an ant.

    Would you ask that person, Who had worked hard all their life to open their mind, To learn the un-learnable, To become an understanding, Caring, Compassionate and honest human being, To chuck it all away. To tear that part of themselves away and become that ant again?

    What would it do to the person you so dearly love?

    Now as obsured as this sounds, I asked her, So if you fell in love with someone, Who began as a very shy, Unconfident, Bumbling idiot, The most inconsiderate lover you could imagine, Someone who would treat you like a two second piece of meat.

    Then over the years that person became open minded, Considerate, patient, Understanding, Selfless...

    ( I could go on, You get the idea... ) Would you really want to take away all they have learned and become?

    Just to 'Make life easier'....

    She said no.

    Yes we have a long way to go, And it's going to take hard work on both sides. But its better than 'Changing' the person who you fell in love with, As you would be changing the very foundation of what you fell in love with in the first place.

    I know each situation is unique, But I hope that gives a little insite and helps in any way?!

    All my best, Paul

    1285519173
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Here is your thread paul:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/orgasm-army/introduce-yourself/247668-oh-lh-has-a-forum-lol/

    Insightful words!

    (I found it via your profile and then posts)

    1285520383
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks mate ;)

    Solo, This thread may also give a little insite to you both...

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/orgasm-army/sex-talk/113926-is-your-oh-as-horny-as-you/

    1285520657
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    Really great thread paul, very insightful.

    1285522366
    solosax [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    Here is your thread paul:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/orgasm-army/introduce-yourself/247668-oh-lh-has-a-forum-lol/

    Insightful words!

    (I found it via your profile and then posts)

    wow there's a lot to read there (and take it in) but i will have a go.

    Though your situation sounds upsetting Paul, and i too wish you all the best i'm afraid mine is even more dire.

    For one me and the OH are quite a bit older,

    Two our children left home quite sometime ago and we live in a detached house so we could get up to whatever we wanted, as often as we wanted and as loud as we wanted but she dose not want to.

    We don't talk about it any more because if i try too she immediately says "oh no not again" she really seems quite happy with the way she is now and cannot understand why i can't just accept it.

    As for joining in with this forum- i think she would kick me out if she knew i was on it.

    If i could become like her then maybe we would grow old gracefully together. I am a little worried that reading lots of different posts here is probably making me a little jealous as the female OA members come across as wonderful sensitive people well in touch with themselves and their partners.

    My advise to you all is enjoy every moment of good sex and the comforts that it brings because ALL people change over the years that will creep up on you.

    God that sounds so depressing !!! Throw me off!

    1285526788
    timid-adventurer [sign in to see picture]
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    Is it the actual sexual act you're missing solosax or the intimacy? If it's the former then if your OH really does not want to engage in sexual acts then talking/hinting about it isn't probably going to help, she needs to come round to it in her own time and in the meantime I don't see what's so wrong with masturbation. The fact that you want sex with with OH rather than just 'an orgasm' suggests you really miss the intimacy of being together in the way. In which case there are hundreds of other ways to work that intimacy back without her feeling you're after sex and her getting angry/upset. Just romance her the way you did before kids/before she became uninterested sexually. Try and remind her (and yourself) how fabulous it is to have intimacy and how lucky you are to have each other after so many years. If it just results in emotional closeness and cuddles rather than sex then I hope that would make you as satisfied as actual sex. Sorry if this sounds patronising/ignorant but sometimes people confuse their desire for sex with their desire for emotional closeness. Hope you find a workable solution for yourself and your OH some time soon. xxx

    1285538468
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    solosax wrote:

    WandA wrote:

    Here is your thread paul:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/orgasm-army/introduce-yourself/247668-oh-lh-has-a-forum-lol/

    Insightful words!

    (I found it via your profile and then posts)

    wow there's a lot to read there (and take it in) but i will have a go.

    Though your situation sounds upsetting Paul, and i too wish you all the best i'm afraid mine is even more dire.

    For one me and the OH are quite a bit older,

    Two our children left home quite sometime ago and we live in a detached house so we could get up to whatever we wanted, as often as we wanted and as loud as we wanted but she dose not want to.

    We don't talk about it any more because if i try too she immediately says "oh no not again" she really seems quite happy with the way she is now and cannot understand why i can't just accept it.

    As for joining in with this forum- i think she would kick me out if she knew i was on it.

    If i could become like her then maybe we would grow old gracefully together. I am a little worried that reading lots of different posts here is probably making me a little jealous as the female OA members come across as wonderful sensitive people well in touch with themselves and their partners.

    My advise to you all is enjoy every moment of good sex and the comforts that it brings because ALL people change over the years that will creep up on you.

    God that sounds so depressing !!! Throw me off!

    No, I utterly understand my friend! I could imagine if I were in your shoes it would be almost unbearable for me, Yet you have had 30 years of great sex, So thats a plus! However I can see that would make you miss it moreso.

    Really is a tricky one isn't it?

    All I can suggest is a relaxed heartfelt one to one and see where it goes. I know this sounds quite harsh, But next time she says 'Oh no, Not again' Maybe its time to say 'Sorry but yes, again, This is important, And we really need to talk about this! '

    Am I making sense?

    1285538469
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    solosax wrote:

    WandA wrote:

    Here is your thread paul:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/orgasm-army/introduce-yourself/247668-oh-lh-has-a-forum-lol/

    Insightful words!

    (I found it via your profile and then posts)

    wow there's a lot to read there (and take it in) but i will have a go.

    Though your situation sounds upsetting Paul, and i too wish you all the best i'm afraid mine is even more dire.

    For one me and the OH are quite a bit older,

    Two our children left home quite sometime ago and we live in a detached house so we could get up to whatever we wanted, as often as we wanted and as loud as we wanted but she dose not want to.

    We don't talk about it any more because if i try too she immediately says "oh no not again" she really seems quite happy with the way she is now and cannot understand why i can't just accept it.

    As for joining in with this forum- i think she would kick me out if she knew i was on it.

    If i could become like her then maybe we would grow old gracefully together. I am a little worried that reading lots of different posts here is probably making me a little jealous as the female OA members come across as wonderful sensitive people well in touch with themselves and their partners.

    My advise to you all is enjoy every moment of good sex and the comforts that it brings because ALL people change over the years that will creep up on you.

    God that sounds so depressing !!! Throw me off!

    No, I utterly understand my friend! I could imagine if I were in your shoes it would be almost unbearable for me, Yet you have had 30 years of great sex, So thats a plus! However I can see that would make you miss it moreso.

    Really is a tricky one isn't it?

    All I can suggest is a relaxed heartfelt one to one and see where it goes. I know this sounds quite harsh, But next time she says 'Oh no, Not again' Maybe its time to say 'Sorry but yes, again, This is important, And we really need to talk about this! '

    Am I making sense?

    1285543052
    solosax [sign in to see picture]
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    timid-adventurer wrote:

    Is it the actual sexual act you're missing solosax or the intimacy? If it's the former then if your OH really does not want to engage in sexual acts then talking/hinting about it isn't probably going to help, she needs to come round to it in her own time and in the meantime I don't see what's so wrong with masturbation. The fact that you want sex with with OH rather than just 'an orgasm' suggests you really miss the intimacy of being together in the way. In which case there are hundreds of other ways to work that intimacy back without her feeling you're after sex and her getting angry/upset. Just romance her the way you did before kids/before she became uninterested sexually. Try and remind her (and yourself) how fabulous it is to have intimacy and how lucky you are to have each other after so many years. If it just results in emotional closeness and cuddles rather than sex then I hope that would make you as satisfied as actual sex. Sorry if this sounds patronising/ignorant but sometimes people confuse their desire for sex with their desire for emotional closeness. Hope you find a workable solution for yourself and your OH some time soon. xxx

    Hi timid,

    no you are not wrong, if it were just sex i could probably get by (i do also worry how long i can keep up ignoring the offers i sometimes get when doing a gig with the band! i suppose i haven't been approached by someone who could compare to the OH)

    It has definitely a lot to do with the lack of intimacy and the general kiss and cuddles.

    Ever since i first had proper sex (i was 17 and she was a 31 year old widowed mother) i realised that 90% of my arousal has always come from experiencing the arousal of the girl/woman (that's why masturbation is never a substitute) and why i could never pay for it. My OH will sometimes will offer to give me a hand if she notices when i have a woody (usually first thing in the morning) the problem there is she does it like a robot and with no emotion so that results in a floppy.

    There was a time a few months back when i was kissing her goodnight (she never offers to kiss me as i know she thinks it will lead to me wanting sex) but on this occasion it was a very sexy kiss and i carried on to stoke her everywhere,this gave me a hard on and she grabbed hold of it this time with feeling. She began responding to my stoking and began little moans and wriggling her legs needless to say i exploded but i was more excited from the fact that she was responding and i was in for a real treat, unfortunately it turns out that the response i was getting was from her frustration at not moving of from first base so she asked me to stop.

    1285543990
    solosax [sign in to see picture]
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    Paul you are probably right i should insist we talk trouble is i really think that i am putting pressure on her and that would be the worse thing to do.

    I guess i was hoping to find a mature female member in OA who may feel the same way as my OH so i would know that it is possible to completely go off all physical sides of a relationship and still manage to keep a successful marriage but they would't be in this forum would they?

    1285544279
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    solosax wrote:

    Paul you are probably right i should insist we talk trouble is i really think that i am putting pressure on her and that would be the worse thing to do.

    I guess i was hoping to find a mature female member in OA who may feel the same way as my OH so i would know that it is possible to completely go off all physical sides of a relationship and still manage to keep a successful marriage but they would't be in this forum would they?

    The worst thing you can do is be unhappy. Short term unhappiness from confronting the issue is surely worse than being upset and missing something constantly surely?

    Perhaps not on this forum, but you may find people who have got hemselves out of that rut.

    It seems to require commincation, effort and desire to right things for both of you.

    1285544644
    timid-adventurer [sign in to see picture]
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    I feel so sorry for men, trying to read women's signals is a nightmare. Can't you have a talk with your OH and make it clear that your affectionate kisses/cuddles aren't attempts to initiate sex but are just you showing your love? I can understand why she's withdrawn from that sort of thing if she worries she'll be 'leading you on' almost. Just tell her you're happy to take it slow with affection and even if it just starts with hand-holding if it leads to you having a few cuddles every now and again and maybe sex once in a blue moon it'll still be a better situation than you have currently. I really hope your OH and you can sort it out, she just needs to know she's not being absurd and you're not being overly forward.

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