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  1. Mental block???

    1284931405
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    I could find similar thread so here goes...

    Well those of you who know me, Know I've been a good boy and backed off from my OH

    and I'm giving her loads of time to come around to my libido level.

    Things are progressing slowely and thats cool...

    We had a lovely touching session yesterday afternoon, And I couldnt fault it one little bit.

    Anyway, Re - My query...

    I attempted through miss-communication, ( I had something in my pocket which My OH knew was there. )To use a small massager/vibe externally after J reached for said pocket. ( She was reaching elsewhere but misscalculated - she had her back to me. )

    Well, For what I would say was about 45 seconds she seemed fine and didnt say/do anything.

    As soon as I switched it on she pushed it away and told me to stop. ( Not what we were doing, Just the vibe ) After in the afternoon I asked why she wanted me to stop with the vibe and she stated she didnt like it. I didnt press with the topic after that as well, We're going slowely slowely. ;) No pressure from me.

    So anyway, I was a bit confused as she was obviously enjoying it... Plus my fingers cant feel the same as something thicker and smoother surely? But then stopped dead! It feels almost like she has some mental block that won't allow her to oppen up sexually, Even when we are in the throws of passion, As soon s I try something new and non-vanilla, Everything comes to a grinding hault!

    I will add, That these kind of 'extra's' are very gently, slowely and considerately offered ( imagine a park ranger approaching a wild wolf with a steak in his hand, I know - Bad annalogy lol ) And they almost always begin ok for a few mear moments, Then the big RED LIGHT comes on.

    Has anyone experienced this, Or have any idea what may be going on, Or indeed that Im being a bit to hasty again and need to forget about toys altogether for the moment?

    Paul ;)

    1284931833
    pyjamaparty [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey Paul

    I dont know anything really about your situation but from what you say above it sounds like you'e being very considerate and going slow.

    I assume you've talked about stuff with J? and there is an 'agreement' about what happens and when?

    I have to say my hubby (now separated) didnt go for anything non-vanilla - wouldnt consider straight sex a lot of the time let alone anything else!

    part of the reason we've separated unfortunately, coz the communication didnt happen properly and I couldnt handle the sexual desert - ten years married and about ten shags in that time!

    Good luck

    Not much help to offer, but you have my every sympathy

    xxxxxxxxxxxx

    1284931993
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Sweetie,

    Glad you are going very slowly, its much better.

    Sorry you are still having problems.

    As you have said, it may be due to anything non-vanilla. There could have been a lot of stigma for J and she just may be a bit wary of them.

    I'd say try for the moment at playing without toys up to sex. If this works ok, try and introduce some toys slowly. This could be bondage (a blindfold) or a small vibe. If this doesnt work, I'd say its best to try and talk to her.

    Have you discussed fantasies or anything sexual?

    I know you said that J had an operation, perhaps she is still scared of it hurting?

    I hope this helps you a little.

    MM xx

    1284932482
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi,

    I too don't know much about your situation and it would seem that the best advice has already been given . Just wanted to stop by and wish you luck.

    x

    1284932626
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    Sounds like a good plan of action MM! And thankyou as always for the sound advice!

    It could very well be a fear of it hurting or likewise. I didnt actually intend on inserting it, Just Cliteral stimulation. Though she probably didnt realise that as she cant read my mind ( Duh Paul! )

    PjP, I think the 'Agreement' thing is a great idea, Though this may encourage J to stay in her 'comfort' zone.

    Which is ok, But One of her councelors has actually said its something she needs to do - Step out of that zone.?! I dunno, The mind is a complex thing when it's not wired right! ( I mean that nicely ;) )

    The thing that stands out though is the fact that she feels to be enjoying something, But then stops dead. Like there's a little alarm that goes off in her head telling her she cn enjoy herself or let go.

    Come to think of it, Something else thats happened before that I think is closely related, -

    In the past when I've been pleasuring her with my fingers or hand, I'll have her nearly 'there' but then she stops.

    Im going to show her this thread in a mo to make sure I havent got any of it wrong or upset her, But its almost like she's sub-conciously not allowing herself to climax... That make sense??? I mean she does cum, But It's like her body is giving all the signs of wanting to go over that edge but her mind won't let it...

    Paul ;)

    1284933332
    chipNroll [sign in to see picture]
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    What if you treated her to a toy to play with by herself first? Maybe getting used to vibrators alone first would make her more comfortable, especially if she picked the vibe out herself.

    And I don't know if you have already, but have a conversation about it! Try to find out how she feels and why (in a non-sexual situation)

    1284933431
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    Seduced wrote:

    Sounds like a good plan of action MM! And thankyou as always for the sound advice!

    It could very well be a fear of it hurting or likewise. I didnt actually intend on inserting it, Just Cliteral stimulation. Though she probably didnt realise that as she cant read my mind ( Duh Paul! )

    PjP, I think the 'Agreement' thing is a great idea, Though this may encourage J to stay in her 'comfort' zone.

    Which is ok, But One of her councelors has actually said its something she needs to do - Step out of that zone.?! I dunno, The mind is a complex thing when it's not wired right! ( I mean that nicely ;) )

    The thing that stands out though is the fact that she feels to be enjoying something, But then stops dead. Like there's a little alarm that goes off in her head telling her she cn enjoy herself or let go.

    Come to think of it, Something else thats happened before that I think is closely related, -

    In the past when I've been pleasuring her with my fingers or hand, I'll have her nearly 'there' but then she stops.

    Im going to show her this thread in a mo to make sure I havent got any of it wrong or upset her, But its almost like she's sub-conciously not allowing herself to climax... That make sense??? I mean she does cum, But It's like her body is giving all the signs of wanting to go over that edge but her mind won't let it...

    Paul ;)

    Thanks sweetie, glad it helped.

    Stepping out her zone a little is a good thing, remember just talk to her.

    The stopping before she climaxes thing I can sympathise with. For me I stop myself or the OH for 2 reasons, 1 it usually feels like I need to pee. Yes I know you dont but I am still terrified of it. 2, it will get to a certain point and it becomes painful I am that sensitive, no idea why. Those 2 things usually stop me, kinda hence the reason I havent orgasmed for almost 2 years.

    They may not be her reasons but there could be reasons. I am not sure how you get her to open up sexually. I just slowly introduced things with the OH and talked to him. Hes quite open minded though.

    Good luck!

    MM xx

    1284933519
    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Paul, Sounds like you are doing the right thing by giving her time and mental blacks like this can be caused by a whole variety and complex reasons... Giving her time and stopping as soon as she asks you to will build up a deeper trust and hopefully help things to move on. The mind is a powerful thing and will override the body if there is a remote chance of fear or doubt so keep going with the talking and take this one step at a time hun...Together you will be able to sort this but it takes time and the both of you. Sorry I know this sounds preachy and I don’t want it to come across as this but this really is the best advice I can give to you.

    The best of luck to both of you

    1284933649
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    chipNroll wrote:

    What if you treated her to a toy to play with by herself first? Maybe getting used to vibrators alone first would make her more comfortable, especially if she picked the vibe out herself.

    And I don't know if you have already, but have a conversation about it! Try to find out how she feels and why (in a non-sexual situation)

    Thanks cNr! We've already started communicating better, We're just taking things really slowely.

    As for toys, Ive already bought her a varied collection of new ones recently, Also have my eye on yours. Would be ideal for 'quiet bathroom just her time' you know?

    I think for now, I just need to forget about the whole toy thing as after just talking to her about it and this thread she has said that she just didnt enjoy it.

    Last thing I want to do is upset her!

    1284933803
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    Seduced wrote:

    chipNroll wrote:

    What if you treated her to a toy to play with by herself first? Maybe getting used to vibrators alone first would make her more comfortable, especially if she picked the vibe out herself.

    And I don't know if you have already, but have a conversation about it! Try to find out how she feels and why (in a non-sexual situation)

    Thanks cNr! We've already started communicating better, We're just taking things really slowely.

    As for toys, Ive already bought her a varied collection of new ones recently, Also have my eye on yours. Would be ideal for 'quiet bathroom just her time' you know?

    I think for now, I just need to forget about the whole toy thing as after just talking to her about it and this thread she has said that she just didnt enjoy it.

    Last thing I want to do is upset her!

    It may be a case of vibes dont do much for her. Have you asked her whether she likes them or would prefer a dildo?

    It also be that she finds you stimulating enough and doesnt want or need any toys. That being said you can still try bondage and what not.

    MM xx

    1284933816
    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
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    Toys are not for everyone... maybe jsut spending time touching and kissing with no pressure and take it from there in time.

    1284934040
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    smirnoff09 wrote:

    Hi Paul, Sounds like you are doing the right thing by giving her time and mental blacks like this can be caused by a whole variety and complex reasons... Giving her time and stopping as soon as she asks you to will build up a deeper trust and hopefully help things to move on. The mind is a powerful thing and will override the body if there is a remote chance of fear or doubt so keep going with the talking and take this one step at a time hun...Together you will be able to sort this but it takes time and the both of you. Sorry I know this sounds preachy and I don’t want it to come across as this but this really is the best advice I can give to you.

    The best of luck to both of you

    And -

    "Thanks sweetie, glad it helped.

    Stepping out her zone a little is a good thing, remember just talk to her.

    The stopping before she climaxes thing I can sympathise with. For me I stop myself or the OH for 2 reasons, 1 it usually feels like I need to pee. Yes I know you dont but I am still terrified of it. 2, it will get to a certain point and it becomes painful I am that sensitive, no idea why. Those 2 things usually stop me, kinda hence the reason I havent orgasmed for almost 2 years.

    They may not be her reasons but there could be reasons. I am not sure how you get her to open up sexually. I just slowly introduced things with the OH and talked to him. Hes quite open minded though.

    Good luck!

    MM xx

    ____________________________________________________________________________________

    Smirnoff, Much appreciated, Understood and certainly NOT preachy!

    MM Sorry you have difficulty with orgasming! I can imagine that being pretty damn frustrating?!

    J says Im wrong, So I may just be reading her body all wrong - In which case, I have some major homework to do!!!

    If not, Or maybe if we're both right/wrong in a way... We just need to keep communicating.

    1284934308
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    I think maybe yet another issue lol is this...

    One of the things behind my wanting to use toys is this * Que embarressing moment... *

    I suffer with P.E. and although I am working hard to deal with it, I can't last long enough to get her there through penetrative sex. ( No she wont let me rub her clit whilst making love?! )

    So being the silly man that I am, I don't want her to lose out, So I want her more than anything to orgasm and have that mind-blowing climax I can't give her. Hense the toys, That way Im still part of the process. Plus a lot of the toys on here are just awesome and beautiful!

    1284934353
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    Smirnoff, Much appreciated, Understood and certainly NOT preachy!

    MM Sorry you have difficulty with orgasming! I can imagine that being pretty damn frustrating?!

    J says Im wrong, So I may just be reading her body all wrong - In which case, I have some major homework to do!!!

    If not, Or maybe if we're both right/wrong in a way... We just need to keep communicating.

    Wrong about what sweetie?

    MM xx

    1284934454
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    Wrong about the mental block, And that she starts off by enjoying it.

    1284934748
    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
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    8 years ago I left a dreadful relationship where I was badly hurt and my first sexual partner after it was at times terrible. I had so much baggage but with time and a lot of talking and honesty along with space I was able to work it though and deal with my fears and worries . Now I have a amazing OH, great sex life ( fitted around 2 kids, full time work and a crazy dog lol) I can truly say I am happy.

    I guess all I am trying to say is things can change it just may take a lot of understanding and time whatever the reasons are for the issues.

    1284934820
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Smirnoff ;)

    1284935509
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    Seduced wrote:

    Wrong about the mental block, And that she starts off by enjoying it.

    Ok, so she doesnt have a mental block, thats good. What do you mean starts off?

    1284935693
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    I though that she was enjoying it to begin with ( the toy i tried to introduce ), But she says she wasnt at all. Hense I think I may just be reading her all wrong!

    1284935831
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    Seduced wrote:

    I though that she was enjoying it to begin with ( the toy i tried to introduce ), But she says she wasnt at all. Hense I think I may just be reading her all wrong!

    As her what it was then.

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