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  1. shall i stay single the rest of my life?

    1284846759
    firsttoymalefun [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 9
    • Joined: 1 Aug 2010

    Hello all, I love the LH products I've bought but something happened to me yesterday that makes me want to stay single the rest of my life!! I've only had 1 girlfriend before that didn't last to long (got to complicated) years back but i've had so many one night stands now it just makes me think I'm never ever going to get a girlfriend. Last night i had the most amazing sex (that I could actually remember cause usually i'm blattered). But with her I known her for a few years so it was weird in a way most other girls are just sorta randomers lol.

    I've now been to the gum clinic far to many times and I'm getting sick of it! I wear protection all times but I just want a girl to like be with me n not mess me around, I'm almost getting scared now after one night stands. I've been debating this for a while, both of my siblings are married and I am getting family pressure to find someone (I'm in my early 20's) but no offence to girls but I'm just getting sick of it is there actually any genuine girls out there that don't want to just have sex?

    Sometimes I feel like I'm just used as a sex object :(. Why can't there be any girls out there that like me for just who I am! ;( I've even thought about turning gay but I don't know. Never say never but I'm not looking for a girl but I just feel i never be with anyone and yes I can be a social butterfly if I want to be so socialising is not a problem.

    I feel completely lost sometimes with my self, all my friends are nearly all girls, I get on better with them and some jokingly say to me that I'm such a girly lad lolz maybe thats my problem I don't know but esp after yesterday and I haven’t' had sex in like ages and I thought maybe she might actually like me (not that the sex means that but u know what I mean).

    I feel absolutely awful, I'm just wondering if any of you are or have thought to your self, I'm staying single for ever!! but I don't know if thats a good view on life when I get in this crap though it makes me feel so restricted and just makes me feel sick.

    Thankgod for LoveHoney toys or i'd be lost!! thank you all for advice..

    shall i stay single the rest of my life?

    or maybe if someone wants to have sex with me for the sake of it shall I stand up to my self and just say no (it's hard though when you haven't had it in months)?

    1284847588
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2582
    • Joined: 18 Apr 2010

    I am sorry your having trouble but unfortunatley many people do. Most people dont have their true love plop into their laps.

    I would say that having lots of one night stands really doesnt help find a decent girl as it would put many off.

    Try changing where you are looking as well, try joining clubs, finding new hobbies.

    You shouldnt feel pressured to do anything just because 'everyone' else is or has, be it marriage in your case, if you are happy single or taking the time to find the right girl then do that. Someone I know didnt get married for the first time til their mid 30s as they had just never met the right person.

    Good luck!

    1284847615
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 2 Feb 2008

    When I read things like that - I don't know whether to hug a person or slap them!

    Sorry if that's harsh....let me explain - you're young, you're clearly open minded what's the hurry?

    Don't actively look for women, just go out, enjoy yourself and have fun. Look after you, and enjoy being single - make the most of doing whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it. Yes you might be meeting all the wrong sorts for now, but in the future, who knows. You know there are good women out there, you're friends are bound to be lovely otherwise you wouldn't be friends with them. You just haven't met anyone relationship material yet but who cares? Be positive, think of all the good things of being single and when you're not looking, you'll stumble across an ideal girl.

    As long as you're safe and respectful - do what's best for you, if you want a meaningless shag, have one (with safety in mind) and if you don't then say no!

    There's more to life than being in a relationship and if you can't be happy with your own company, you'll find a relationship hard too - take some time to learn to be happy with yourself, be confident and *then* get back on the dating horse!

    Being confident in yourself will make relationships better! Because you'll respect yourself and that's important.

    Learn to be positive, it makes life more enjoyable if you can see the good in your life!

    I hope you feel better soon and I hope you don't take my points as too harsh at all

    Adxx

    1284848242
    Wizzie86 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 759
    • Joined: 19 Jan 2007

    I agree with the above, particularly about where you meet people. If you meet people at clubs then many will expect no strings sex. Try going to places where you can share hobbies with people. When you do meet someone you like then date for a while before you have sex. Maybe that would make you feel more secure that they want more than just the physical side of things. You're still young, there is no need to rush into anything. I hope you feel better soon xxx

    1284848354
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2582
    • Joined: 18 Apr 2010

    Oh and my mum always said to me: marry your best friend, respect yourself and make sure others do and you find love in the most unusual places especailly when you stop looking.

    I met my OH at one of my friends parties, he is her brother. So I met him unusually and I had stopped looking. He is also my best friend.

    1284849166
    CurlyCoupleWife [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 641
    • Joined: 14 Aug 2009

    Firstly, you're young, I don't understand the huge rush, but it's something you're clearly feeling a need to resolve.

    How do you know that last night wasn't the start of something? If you've known this woman for a while is it a one-night-stand or a friendship that is turning into a relationship?

    With regard to "turning gay", as far as I've experienced it, sexuality isn't something you choose, it chooses you. If you need to talk to someone about your sexuality the London Lesbian & Gay Switchboard can put you in touch with a support group (no matter where you are in the UK). Their number is 02078377324.

    Whatever you decide you're looking for, if you carry on doing the same things, you're likely to get the same results. It might be worth looking for Mr/Mrs right elsewhere. If you're always looking in pubs/clubs, maybe try taking up a hobby where you'd meet other people (be that dancing, joining the gym, a night-class, a sport, or volunteering on your days off work)

    Anyhow, best of luck, hope you find what you're looking for

    CCW x

    1284850763
    Rugbyman [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
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    • Joined: 2 Sep 2010

    Just chill out it will all come to you if you relax and enjoy life, things can get taken away in an instant so just enjoy where you are and make the most of every moment.

    Sounds cheesy but after losing friends and dealing with the aftermath there is no where near enough time to beat your self up.

    1284854660
    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1173
    • Joined: 11 Jun 2009

    I got my first boyfriend a month before my 22nd birthday. Up until this point, I found love rather depressing. All the guys who had come after me had been rather strange and I had never felt anything for them. While I was okay on my own, the idea of a future living on my own was a rather sad one, and I was convinced that I was going to die a virgin. I'm a bit of a recluse in a way - I dont enjoy drinking and I just couldnt see where I was ever going to meet someone.

    As I said though, I did find myself a boyfriend, and we'll have been together two years in November. He was not someone I went out and sought. Funnily enough he was someone I already knew, but it took a long series of events before we started feeling things for each other. I'd spent years at school seeing all my friends having highs and lows, going through partner after partner after partner, none of them suitable for them. I never wanted to be like that, so I resolved that I wasnt going to get in a relationship unless it was the right person. The right person often isn't someone you can find. They will just appear in your life one day.

    You didnt say where you're meeting these girls you've had one night stands with, but perhaps it might be worth frequenting some different places. If you're stuck on ideas, use it as an excuse to do something you've always wanted but never done - join a club, take a class etc.

    I know there's a member on here who's current partner started off as a one night stand, so it's not like nothing ever comes of them. Hopefully other people will be able to offer their own similar stories.

    As for family pressure, never mind what they want. It's your happiness that's important. I've been there, done that. My younger sister had already moved out and in with her boyfriend of 3 years before I'd even had my first kiss, while my parents were wondering whether I was a closet lesbian!

    1284855265
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Ecksvie wrote:

    . I'd spent years at school seeing all my friends having highs and lows, going through partner after partner after partner, none of them suitable for them. I never wanted to be like that, so I resolved that I wasnt going to get in a relationship unless it was the right person. The right person often isn't someone you can find. They will just appear in your life one day.

    I was like that - I wouldn't say I made a concious decision - but I never felt ready for relationships before I met WandA and it wasn't for lack of offers. I got close to several boys before I met WandA but I never wanted to make that step of being in a relationship with any of them. It's not quantifiable because they were all nice boys, but just not for me...things seemed to click when I started speaking to WandA and it was clear we were just so similar!

    Adx

    1284883584
    telemachus [sign in to see picture]
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    I think that it is all in your perception. Having a lot of (safe) casual sex could seem (like it does to you) as being a sex object, or someone else could look at it as being carefree, having a great time, enjoying your single life. If you feel like you are not doing what you want to be doing, then stop. If you feel like a sex object, stop having one night stands.

    You don't have to be single forever, but it isn't a trade off. You don't have to only stop the casual sex once you meet the right person. You can stop the casual sex for a while and start dating, or even not - stop looking altogether for a while. If you are sick of going to the GUM clinic - give yourself a reason to stop going.

    EVERYONE who is single at your age has thought that they will be single forever. I felt this way at 19 (I've always been old!) - but I know how you feel, because when you say it, you really feel it. And everyone will say that it's not true, but you don't believe it.

    Take a step back from your lifestyle. It clearly is not meeting your current needs. Take a break - do something different. Go somewhere else, start a hobby, activity, go somewhere else and meet new people. If you don't want to be taking a different woman home every week then don't! It's that simple.

    1284893403
    firsttoymalefun [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 1 Aug 2010

    Thank you for all your ideas..I have a fulltime job interview next week so I'm looking forward to that, hopefully it can sort my life out a bit. I'm not trying to find a girl cuz i know what u mean and esp this just sorta happened i wasn't even looking lol and i go hiking lots thats one thing I enjoy the outdoors and I am in some good group activities but maybe ur right I finished uni last year maybe I need to get out of the uni life style and just grow up a bit. I've been buming around travelling europe the last year to, maybe I just need to stop travelling for a while to and just thinkin about what I want to do with my self. but thankyou for some thoughts, haha Alicia D'amore sometimes I do feel like I want a slap. People say I'm such a nice/caring etc person but maybe I just need to get to know the real world better lol.

    1284893623
    sexymel88 [sign in to see picture]
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    I had been with my husband since I was 15, I am now 22 and we have split up, its great if you can find someone but stop trying, thats when it will come to you, if I could do things again I would not have settled down so young, live your life while your young enough to. Change your ways a bit, go to different pleaces, neet new people, if you feel like your used for sex-put a stop to it, take cantrol of your life and good things will start to happen for you.

    Good luck! x

    1284897188
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    firsttoymalefun wrote:

    Thank you for all your ideas..I have a fulltime job interview next week so I'm looking forward to that, hopefully it can sort my life out a bit. I'm not trying to find a girl cuz i know what u mean and esp this just sorta happened i wasn't even looking lol and i go hiking lots thats one thing I enjoy the outdoors and I am in some good group activities but maybe ur right I finished uni last year maybe I need to get out of the uni life style and just grow up a bit. I've been buming around travelling europe the last year to, maybe I just need to stop travelling for a while to and just thinkin about what I want to do with my self. but thankyou for some thoughts, haha Alicia D'amore sometimes I do feel like I want a slap. People say I'm such a nice/caring etc person but maybe I just need to get to know the real world better lol.

    I know tons of boys like you - they say "maybe I need to be more horrible and then I'll find a girl" and it makes me mad - you're just not meeting the right people, you shouldn't change for anyone....people do like nice boys! I do, I think people who try too hard to be "bad boys" are idiots, I like a nice boy, someone who is considerate and cares about my feelings, it makes for a happier and stronger relationship.

    Don't change for a girl, just wait 'til you find one who likes you for you!

    And enjoy yourself in the meantime!

    Adxx

    1284904090
    sweetcherry24 [sign in to see picture]
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    If you want a women who will like you for yourself. stop putting yourself out for one night stands. yes you love sex and are very horny. but sometimes a woman will respect you a little bit more, if you stop being a player.

    Chill out enjoy being own your own and doing your own thing. once your happy just being you and not dating you will find the right woman who will not just want you for a quick shag.

    1284908293
    miss.s88 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 29 Dec 2009

    Hiya I know how you are feeling but then again you can't tar everyone with the same brush. I have stayed single since my last relationship ended for various reason the main one being I believed every man was going to be after one thing - sex! This is proving not to be the case at all and was mainly me being insecure. I have now met a lovely guy without having to worry about sex being the main thing on the list! Hang in there it won't always be the same xx

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    Starlight* [sign in to see picture]
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    Woahhh- you're really young to be talking like that- some people don't find love until wayyy older than you! Have you ever heard that stereotypial saying 'if you go looking for love you won't find it' or whatever it is!

    You should be going out, living the single life, and enjoying it, rather than wondering whether all these one night stands don't want anything more than a quick session... I don't understand you saying that you feel like you're used as a sex object- I'm not being harsh, or judgemental, but normally girls who are willing to go back to your house after a messy night out, and sleep with you, aren't normally looking for anything too long term... I think you should just go out and have fun: if you want to sleep around and enjoy it, go for it: use protection and keep safe. It's not just sexual safety that you have to be concerned about too!

    Don't put yourself down about not having a partner- just enjoy your life first! x

    1284935468
    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
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    Talk to some friends who are settled and have a chat about the good and bad of it...nothing is perfect.

    Maybe you could try meeting people in a different way there are loads of social things happening around where you can meet people and do more than clubbing and then going back to someone’s house for the night.

    Go out and maybe meet people just for the sake have having a good time and meeting new friends and see what happens.

    1285195157
    firsttoymalefun [sign in to see picture]
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    well i feel a lil better and we are still talking thankgod..i'm still totally undecided what to do but I'm going to the gum clinic on monday for one last time or at least a very very long time I haven't been feeling so well in my head but i think with if i get this new job if I get it it's maybe just all stress for me. I have lots of friends but I am kinda isolated and don't see many friends maybe i just need to make soome new friends and start over..i really don't know i just feel messed up but i'm just trying really hard to pull my self together..i'm just bloomin glad we are still talking at least..

    1285199622
    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    iunderstnd how you feel. i feel like this sometimes, especially the pressure because of your siblings. I have a twin and she's all settled with her first ever boyfriend, while im single and have never had a proper relationship.

    but relax. not everyone whos in relationships now will stay in them and not everyone whos single will end up single for life. putting pressure on yourself and thinking negative thoughts dosen't help, and as others have said people tend to find patners when they're not looking. as cliche as it sounds.

    one thing i dont understand though is how you think you are being used as a "sex object" you do have control and consent over when and with whom you have consent, as anyone does. if you feel your being used don't put yourself into that situation.

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