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  1. Women and their Toys

    1282620628
    Heart2Heart [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 198
    • Joined: 21 Aug 2010

    Most female's i know are against pleasuring themselves, they say it is wrong, even with vibes and the like. A few weeks ago an old girlfriend of mine came to me asking me for a release, and she said she doesn't have a boyfriend, so i suggested to her to Pleasure herself with toys or herself... Didn't really know what to suggest really, any ideas that i can tell her?

    Also do you and why do you think woman masterbating / using toys is worse then men doing the same thing?

    1282623017
    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 533
    • Joined: 14 Jan 2009

    You're unlikely to find many people on this forum that will post about it's being wrong for women to pleasure themselves. Personally I'm against double standards in general so whether the person masturbating is male or female doesn't come into it. I find some toys strange or off-putting such as 'realistic pussies' in bizarre colours that smell strongly however it's at least as weird using something modelled after an insect with a smiley face in bright primary colours. I think it is less common for women to masterbate frequently, particularly in a relationship and this may encourage an implicit belief that this somehow makes the practice weird or taboo.

    It is entirely possible that the girl in question has tried using fingers and simply doesn't find it pleasureable in any way- I don't. consider giving her the link to LH , if she's an old girlfriedn also consider what her 'kink' factor and respective 'ick' response level was. Also bear in mind that toys and self pleasuring takes the edge off and can mean you are less distracted but it does not replace or compare to a real person at all.

    1282623162
    Heart2Heart [sign in to see picture]
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    Rowan wrote:

    You're unlikely to find many people on this forum that will post about it's being wrong for women to pleasure themselves.

    Im not against the act, i support it if anything, i just not sure why people do think this is a horrible disgusting act when they also think its okay for men.

    1282628485
    dontav1 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 21 Aug 2010

    I think it's because unlike penises a womans vagina can/does change over time like too much penetrative phallic (penis) shaped toys or fingers will "ruin" things... Whereas at least in sex you can scream at your OH for all the damages lol.... I would suggest she get something like a bullet or lelo nea/lelo siri or something of the clitoral massage type if she's really worried about something like that.

    I think it's great you care to ask on her behalf... whether to save your behind or to genuinely help her (if yous are still actually friends) but at the same time if she asked you for a release I'm betting she was talking about penetration so maybe suggest a rabbit or something... If you feel uncomfortable with her asking you can always say something like I'm sorry but the past is the past (lousy excuse but my mind went blank just now maybe someone can help) or point out she has no right to ask that of you and you are not just her toy for when she "needs". If she was really guilt tripping you or something point out that you think that a lot more people would probably think less of her IF they knew she asked her ex for a sexual release over if they knew she had a toy.

    Or am I maybe the only one who has that opinion?

    P.S I think it's probably more most women are against telling "everyone" they masturbate as opposed to them actually thinking it's wrong.... (with the exception of like religious beliefs and upbringing etc)

    1282628989
    dontav1 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 21 Aug 2010

    Rowan wrote:

    It is entirely possible that the girl in question has tried using fingers and simply doesn't find it pleasureable in any way- I don't.

    I also second that statement as well... I have REALLY small hands and fingers and arms and am also on the plus size and lack flexibility too so reaching as far as I like and can probably only manage about an inch (if that!) of my finger reaching in so while I am not judgemental on sizing it doesn't feel as awesome as even a slightly smaller than average penis could lol! Even if I could fit the length of my middle finger (longest) it's probably like only about 10cms long and possibly an inch round at only the base.

    1282637077
    Wizzie86 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 759
    • Joined: 19 Jan 2007

    I think most women masturbate but they just don't admit it openly like men. It's a natural thing to do. I would recommend a bullet vibe like the ammunition 80mm. If she is looking for something penetrative then a rabbit is a good shout. There is a lot of choice! x

    1282638446
    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 574
    • Joined: 13 Jul 2010

    Allaboutthebedroom wrote:

    A few weeks ago an old girlfriend of mine came to me asking me for a release

    I don't think she was asking for a sex toy recommendation!

    Seriously though, my Wifey has absolutely no interest in pleasuring herself, which I think is a great shame. I think she would gain a great deal of understanding about what works for her. I am her only partner ever, and I'm sure there are things I do wrong etc, that she could show me how to do better, if only she learned for herself.

    1282638743
    sweetcherry24 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 93
    • Joined: 11 Feb 2008

    I think some women seem to think its wrong, because they have been brought to be told that touching your bits is dirty or something.

    Which sometimes i dont understand why, its only natural to touch your body wether in sexual manner or not. you then realise that touching yourself down there feels good. Its the feel good factor. I think this country still has alot to learn we are far to prudish.

    I think if she's never actually pleasured heself then she should start with her own hands and fingers, get to know her own body see what she likes. then maybe a small vibrator with one or two settings that its not to powerful. Or then again maybe she wants a super powerful one. there are alot of toys on here and everyones choice would be different. The more settings on the vibrators i choose the better. they got to be powerful, ive been using them for years. and they are very addictive,

    1282639436
    telemachus [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 314
    • Joined: 10 May 2010

    Well...after watching Mad Men last night where Sally Draper is found playing with herself in public company and the reaction that it creates.....If we take the 50's and 60's as an example - this is something that women just did not do. The reaction of Sally's mother (though not totally stable herself) is shame and deep embarrassment, it is just not something that women do. "You don't do it in private and you especially don't do it in public!" was the line (after she slapped her across the face).

    We seem to have mainly moved on from this attitude, but it's realistic to assume that some hangups still exist, they have carried through generations and that there are still people out there that believe it is not something that Nice Women do. These attitudes have been watered down a lot, you probably won't find someone sending a child to a psychiatrist for doing similar these days (at least not in this country) but little bits of the overall idea stil hang around.

    1282640739
    Tigerlilies [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 12 Jan 2010

    dontav1 wrote:

    I think it's because unlike penises a womans vagina can/does change over time like too much penetrative phallic (penis) shaped toys or fingers will "ruin" things... Whereas at least in sex you can scream at your OH for all the damages lol.... I would suggest she get something like a bullet or lelo nea/lelo siri or something of the clitoral massage type if she's really worried about something like that.

    I

    But this just isn't the case and has no science to back it up.

    The fear of being 'stretched out' by too much sex is bandied around in our culture because we sure do love to scare women out of enjoying sex. It's a key part of 'slut shaming.'

    A vagina is a muscle. Strong, equipped with kegels and every time you use it, every time an orgasm sends spasms through those muscles: it gets stronger. Child birth can change things but proper kegel exercises after birth has given many women a level of 'tightness' that they had before birth.

    When you work up to larger toys it is not indicative or how tight you are. It's indicative of lube, practice and relaxation.

    Your quip about screaming at an OH for the 'damages he has done to you has really disturbed me. Kinks and safe words aside, sex isn't meant to hurt. And if it does, people stop and talk about it because sex should be pleasurable for both genders. They don't shout and consider it normal.

    A lot of women in our society are still told that enjoying sex, solo and otherwise, is dirty and not what 'ladies' do. We can't base all our theories on how much women masturbate on the women we know, there's usually a bias that's influenced by common factors of culture, upbringing yadda yadda yadda.

    What we can say is that everyone is different. Some men masturbate a lot, some men don't. It's the same with women and everyone has different technique. Women, theoretically, should masturbate more because we are less influenced by a 'recovery time.' It's easier for a woman to spend all day pleasuring herself than man.

    Keep in mind that women who report a lack of interest says as much about our society as it does a woman's sex drive.


    1282641205
    Tigerlilies [sign in to see picture]
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    Allaboutthebedroom wrote:

    Most female's i know are against pleasuring themselves, they say it is wrong, even with vibes and the like. A few weeks ago an old girlfriend of mine came to me asking me for a release, and she said she doesn't have a boyfriend, so i suggested to her to Pleasure herself with toys or herself... Didn't really know what to suggest really, any ideas that i can tell her?

    Also do you and why do you think woman masterbating / using toys is worse then men doing the same thing?

    I think your friend was requesting a night of passion, so she may not appreciate a LoveHoney catalogue. If she hasn't requested any advice on self pleasure, it would be strange advice to give.

    Men and women belong to human race. Human beings thrive on pleasure and sex and more times that not it's a question of how our culture influences attitudes than a difference in biology.

    One last, picky point. I find it's always better to think of women as women. Calling them 'females' has a whiff of zoology about it.

    1282641399
    Tigerlilies [sign in to see picture]
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    And a final point on vaginal 'tightness'

    http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/a_few_choice_words_about_tightness

    To quote:

    Being relaxed and well lubricated means that you're into whatever sexual activity is going on. It is important wih this as well to understand that the vagina is a muscular tube. This means that the vagina will conform to whatever is inside it. So when there is nothing in a woman's vagina, it is closed in on itself (in other words, the walls will be touching). Essentially, it goes back to exactly the way it was prior to penetration. Immediately after sex, the vagina may remain relaxed for several minutes, but it will return to its prior state very shortly. Certainly, like any muscle, there are variations in muscle tone, but for most women, especially younger women, there's just no reason to worry about a lack of tone with the vagina and the surrounding muscles, and having had sex doesn't decrease tone: in fact, that'd be a pretty backwards thing to think about the use of any muscle, since use increases tone of the muscles. You could have intercourse everyday for a year and it still wouldn't change a thing. Similarly, you could abstain for a year and it wouldn't change a thing either (assuming that when you do have sex again, you are aroused and relaxed).

    It's a great article from a fantastic website that I urge everyone to browse.

    1282645426
    Wizzie86 [sign in to see picture]
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    Great stuff TL, was hoping you'd pop in :-) Always equipped with the right quotes x

    1282650433
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Allaboutthebedroom wrote:

    Most female's i know are against pleasuring themselves, they say it is wrong, even with vibes and the like. A few weeks ago an old girlfriend of mine came to me asking me for a release, and she said she doesn't have a boyfriend, so i suggested to her to Pleasure herself with toys or herself... Didn't really know what to suggest really, any ideas that i can tell her?

    Also do you and why do you think woman masterbating / using toys is worse then men doing the same thing?

    Worse is a poor choice of words. It's unlikely anyone here would subscribe to such a view. If you mean less acceptable then I think it's a strange situation.

    Male masturbation is considered more acceptable than female masturbation but strangely female sex toys are considered more acceptable than male sex toys which are often perceived as being a bit pervy. I do however think masturbation is seen as normal now by a relatively large section of the population. The wankers.

    1282650812
    Ilovemyman [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    Allaboutthebedroom wrote:

    Most female's i know are against pleasuring themselves, they say it is wrong, even with vibes and the like. A few weeks ago an old girlfriend of mine came to me asking me for a release, and she said she doesn't have a boyfriend, so i suggested to her to Pleasure herself with toys or herself... Didn't really know what to suggest really, any ideas that i can tell her?

    Also do you and why do you think woman masterbating / using toys is worse then men doing the same thing?

    Worse is a poor choice of words. It's unlikely anyone here would subscribe to such a view. If you mean less acceptable then I think it's a strange situation.

    Male masturbation is considered more acceptable than female masturbation but strangely female sex toys are considered more acceptable than male sex toys which are often perceived as being a bit pervy. I do however think masturbation is seen as normal now by a relatively large section of the population. The wankers.

    I agree i have boxes full of toys but when i got my OH one he thought it was weird. I have 2 friends that admit using toys the others think it's disgusting and wouldn't dream of maturbating Poor things

    1282652100
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    There's a quote Woody Allan or some like him that goes something like this:

    "There are two kinds of people in the world. People who masturbate. And people who lie about it."

    1282668518
    shellyboo [sign in to see picture]
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    It's a horribly sexist double standard, really. Men are seen as the oversexed animals who have to control their urges by fapping viciously, otherwise they'd be a danger to the innocnet, pure women who wander around the place. Horrid backwards attitude, really.

    1282668588
    Wizzie86 [sign in to see picture]
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    shellyboo wrote:

    It's a horribly sexist double standard, really. Men are seen as the oversexed animals who have to control their urges by fapping viciously, otherwise they'd be a danger to the innocnet, pure women who wander around the place. Horrid backwards attitude, really.

    Especially when I know in my relationship, I am the oversexed animal lol x

    1282668785

    [suspended user]

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    WandA wrote:

    There's a quote Woody Allan or some like him that goes something like this:

    "There are two kinds of people in the world. People who masturbate. And people who lie about it."

    i tell you no lies i think its great and very neccesary too

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