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  1. Do I tell my husband about my toy?

    1282592804
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Welcome to the world of sex toys!

    I'm sure you have many purchaes yet to make!

    1282595810
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    I would first bring up the subject of sex toys without mentioning the fact that you have one. Just ask him his opinion on them, would he like the idea of you having one etc. If he flips out and hates the idea then don't tell him that you own one, keep it a secret and use it as you wish.

    If he doesn't show a severe dislike for the subject then maybe go ahead and tell him that you're going to order one, not that you already have done, and you can experiment together.

    I just don't think it's a great idea to bring up the subject with no idea how he's going to react. Do what feels best for you though. Good luck! x

    1282623920
    Bear1 [sign in to see picture]
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    My lady enjoys it when I use them on her. I've bound her up with cuffs and straps, tied one of her larger vibrators in on high and walked out of the room for 20 minutes at the most. I thoroughly enjoy her cumming repeatedly. We do use a safe word and I respect her for wanting to stop. But man is it hot to lick her clit and "vibe" her!

    1282642924
    Kinkyfish [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Sally

    First of all well done for staying married for 27 years, that in itself is an achievment.

    it comes down to communication you dont have to say 'you dont satisfy me so ive got this', you could start by telling him the truth, that your libido has sky rocketed and now youre intrested in exploring things with him.

    Im sure his reaction will be of interest.

    1282649564
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    I agree with Kinkyfish. I wouldn't bother not telling him about the vibrator and putting it off, incase he does find it. If you ask him his views on a vibrator and he tells you 'No way, thats awful' what will you do then? Hide it forever and risk him finding it and end up with an argument that might be a lot worse then than getting it over with now?

    Just tell him the truth. Miss out the amazing attributes of the lady lustfinger, but tell him that your libido is through the roof at the moment. Tell him that your worried that he is losing interest in you so you bought the vibe on a whim, thinking that maybe it could spice things up in your relationship again. If he hates that, then you can say you got the wrong idea, apologise, but still mark the point that you need some satisfaction from him.

    This. It has as all the right things said in it.

    1282814483
    sally 54 [sign in to see picture]
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    pusseypleaser wrote:

    I think that you should tell him but I'm concern that he seems to be quite selfish in his treatment of you and your needs. Why doesn't he want more sex with you?

    I don't know why he's lost interest as he has no trouble getting and maintaining an erection, has no health problems and isn't stressed or depressed as far as I can tell, though he does work too hard, but the whole business seems to have become a chore for him, and I get the feeling he'd rather be doing something else. I've tried suggested different things: positions etc but he's not interested. I asked him why he won't give me oral any more, which he used to do a lot, and he said it's because he doesn't get anything out of it.

    Is there a male menopause so his testosterone levels are falling? He's only been lie this for a couple of years. I'd very much like to hear rhe opinion of any men in their fifties on this. Perhaps you know where he's coming from?

    One thing that does upset me is that he never even kisses me nowadays. When we say goodnight, or he's going to work or when he gets home he offers me his cheek or forehead like I'm his sister! If I kiss him on the lips in bed he just lies there and doesn't respond at all. I asked him why he never kisses me, and he insists that he does, but he doesn't - it's me kissing him.

    I've bought some "Smart balls" as I want to tone up my my pelvic floor muscles, and as I've bought them for "medicinal" purposes I have showed them to him and explained they're to help my bladder control. He rolled his eyes, tutted and said, "I don't want to know about them, they look well kinky to me!"

    All your advice has been most helpul, thank you everyone! The great majority of you have said that it's better to tell him, and I agree as I don't want to keep secrets from him, and I'd love him to use it on me, but I've got to build up to it slowly. in many ways I've given myself something extra to worry about!

    I have a feeling that he'll just shake his head at me, say that there must be something wrong with me, and refuse to discuss it any further.

    Once again, I'm pleasantly surprised at the number of replies I've received, and thank you all for taking the trouble.

    1282817910
    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Sally,

    sorry its not going so well for you and hubby. I can't say I can understand a man not wanting to have much sex, as I want it all the time, much more than my wifey! I guess part of the problem in long term relationships is its easy to take the intimate stuff for granted, and then forget what you used to do. Especially if kids are involved, as they take up so much of your life (I am just starting to find this out, as my little boy is nearly 11 months!).

    I think also, people on here have noticed that often when you are not having a lot of sex, your libido can drop off so you don't want or need it.

    As your hubby seems not to want to know about your toys, have you thought of doing anything else to spice things up in the bedroom? Maybe you can find something he really enjoys to remind him what he is missing out on. You mentioned him not wanting to perform oral on you, so maybe you can convince him by doing it for him (assuming you aren't already!).

    Good luck with it, and if you feel you want some more toys to play with when he's not about, there is a "crazy random grab bag" on special at the moment. The ladies here seem very happy with them.

    1282828248
    Kinkyfish [sign in to see picture]
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    sally 54 wrote:

    pusseypleaser wrote:

    I think that you should tell him but I'm concern that he seems to be quite selfish in his treatment of you and your needs. Why doesn't he want more sex with you?

    I don't know why he's lost interest as he has no trouble getting and maintaining an erection, has no health problems and isn't stressed or depressed as far as I can tell, though he does work too hard, but the whole business seems to have become a chore for him, and I get the feeling he'd rather be doing something else. I've tried suggested different things: positions etc but he's not interested. I asked him why he won't give me oral any more, which he used to do a lot, and he said it's because he doesn't get anything out of it.

    Is there a male menopause so his testosterone levels are falling? He's only been lie this for a couple of years. I'd very much like to hear rhe opinion of any men in their fifties on this. Perhaps you know where he's coming from?

    One thing that does upset me is that he never even kisses me nowadays. When we say goodnight, or he's going to work or when he gets home he offers me his cheek or forehead like I'm his sister! If I kiss him on the lips in bed he just lies there and doesn't respond at all. I asked him why he never kisses me, and he insists that he does, but he doesn't - it's me kissing him.

    I've bought some "Smart balls" as I want to tone up my my pelvic floor muscles, and as I've bought them for "medicinal" purposes I have showed them to him and explained they're to help my bladder control. He rolled his eyes, tutted and said, "I don't want to know about them, they look well kinky to me!"

    All your advice has been most helpul, thank you everyone! The great majority of you have said that it's better to tell him, and I agree as I don't want to keep secrets from him, and I'd love him to use it on me, but I've got to build up to it slowly. in many ways I've given myself something extra to worry about!

    I have a feeling that he'll just shake his head at me, say that there must be something wrong with me, and refuse to discuss it any further.

    Once again, I'm pleasantly surprised at the number of replies I've received, and thank you all for taking the trouble.

    Im Really sorry sally but to me it sounds like your fella is a bit of an arse.

    saying why should i do somthing which i dont get anything out of seems a bit selfish to be, surly giving you pleasure should give him pleasure. i mean i give my wife massages which take upto 1 1/2 hours i could say well i get nothing out of it, but if i was honest i enjoy it to. as for eating pussy well next to breathing would do it all the time i love it. it sounds to me like he need a good slap with a wet haddock. hes your husband does he love you? if the answer is yes he should want you to be happy.

    i would never adocate playing away but a relation ship has to have 2 active partners.

    1282843197
    Starlight* [sign in to see picture]
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    Aw- everyone in the OA offers such fab advice!

    I can only echo what everyone else is saying- speak to him and introduce sex toys into your relationship, to use together! Best of luck xx

    1282850838
    *Emma* [sign in to see picture]
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    Id definately discuss it with him, relationships should be open and honest at all times in my opinion and if he randomly found it he could be upset or a little offended. Just tell him that you wanted to get a little something for yourself and that if he wanted he could watch or use it on you, like others say it may get him going and improve the sex life x

    1282905320
    sally 54 [sign in to see picture]
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    headsouth wrote:

    Kinkyfish wrote:

    sally 54 wrote:

    pusseypleaser wrote:

    I think that you should tell him but I'm concern that he seems to be quite selfish in his treatment of you and your needs. Why doesn't he want more sex with you?

    I don't know why he's lost interest as he has no trouble getting and maintaining an erection, has no health problems and isn't stressed or depressed as far as I can tell, though he does work too hard, but the whole business seems to have become a chore for him, and I get the feeling he'd rather be doing something else. I've tried suggested different things: positions etc but he's not interested. I asked him why he won't give me oral any more, which he used to do a lot, and he said it's because he doesn't get anything out of it.

    Is there a male menopause so his testosterone levels are falling? He's only been lie this for a couple of years. I'd very much like to hear rhe opinion of any men in their fifties on this. Perhaps you know where he's coming from?

    One thing that does upset me is that he never even kisses me nowadays. When we say goodnight, or he's going to work or when he gets home he offers me his cheek or forehead like I'm his sister! If I kiss him on the lips in bed he just lies there and doesn't respond at all. I asked him why he never kisses me, and he insists that he does, but he doesn't - it's me kissing him.

    I've bought some "Smart balls" as I want to tone up my my pelvic floor muscles, and as I've bought them for "medicinal" purposes I have showed them to him and explained they're to help my bladder control. He rolled his eyes, tutted and said, "I don't want to know about them, they look well kinky to me!"

    All your advice has been most helpul, thank you everyone! The great majority of you have said that it's better to tell him, and I agree as I don't want to keep secrets from him, and I'd love him to use it on me, but I've got to build up to it slowly. in many ways I've given myself something extra to worry about!

    I have a feeling that he'll just shake his head at me, say that there must be something wrong with me, and refuse to discuss it any further.

    Once again, I'm pleasantly surprised at the number of replies I've received, and thank you all for taking the trouble.

    Im Really sorry sally but to me it sounds like your fella is a bit of an arse.

    saying why should i do somthing which i dont get anything out of seems a bit selfish to be, surly giving you pleasure should give him pleasure. i mean i give my wife massages which take upto 1 1/2 hours i could say well i get nothing out of it, but if i was honest i enjoy it to. as for eating pussy well next to breathing would do it all the time i love it. it sounds to me like he need a good slap with a wet haddock. hes your husband does he love you? if the answer is yes he should want you to be happy.

    i would never adocate playing away but a relation ship has to have 2 active partners.

    I don't really have much advice to give, but mainly because I'd think the issues here are too complex and subtle for me to comment about. I wouldn't personally say that it necessarily reflects anything bad about him. You've been married a long and you've not really suggested anything about him beating you with a stick at any regular interval, so it sounds like you are generally a pretty good fit and love each other.

    I'd just look to be as open as possible, without trying to make him feel like he's being blamed. He's perfectly entitled to not feel like sex, and whilst that's clearly having more and more of an impact on you, he's not doing anything specifically wrong. What I would say is wrong though is if he is not willing to listen to how you feel, or to take on board your ideas and wishes for what could improve. He's entitled to disagree and all, but he shoudl be open to at least listening in the first place.

    Insofar as toys go, I wouldn't think he should be able to have a negative position about you owning / using them. If he objects to you using them privately then that would, inline with a general take on social expectations, be somewhat unusual and innappropriate. You should be able to tell him. Moreover though, you should already know if you can or can not tell him this, based on your understanding of him over 30ish years. It doesn't sound like the toys are really the issue in any of this though.

    Headsouth is right. I've focussed on the toy aspect and his possible prudishness, but I do fear that our relationship is dead/dying as he has been treating me as a houskeeper rather than a wife for some time, and has no time for me.

    It's hard to think this way, and after spending half my life with him it hurts to think that he doesn't want me any more.

    So the vibrator will stay hidden until I can pluck up the courage to try and get him to talk about our marriage.

    Thank you all for your kindness.

    1283253396
    sally 54 [sign in to see picture]
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    Well, you could knock me down with a condom!

    Can he read my mind? Last night HE suggested getting a dildo for me that we can use together. I can't believe it. That has to be the most amazing coincidence of all time.

    Maybe it's his way of saying that he does still want me, but can't measure up to my needs. I'm really happy, as this has happened just as I thought it was all over for us, as we've barely communicated for years.

    I know he hasn't seen the vibrator, so don't know where this idea of his has come from. It's downright spooky!

    1283253571
    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow, thats really good news Sally. Are you going to shop online with him helping you choose something? Hope it goes well for you.

    1283255305
    Lady Lillith [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow, congrats Sally. Maybe this prudishness was just psychological, and you suggesting the chocolate body paint sparked something which caused him to look into it. Just be gentle with him at first because he is probably going to be quite shy. I hope you have lots of fun together hehehehehe :)

    1283260329
    Kinkyfish [sign in to see picture]
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    Great news sally i hope things continue to get better for you

    1283262359
    sally 54 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks all! More research required now I think...

    1283264493
    sexy little minx [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow great news Sally! If we can be of any more help, just say so. x

    1284638057
    sally 54 [sign in to see picture]
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    Well, I bought a pink clitoral jelly vibrator. My husband refused to look at this site or take any part in deciding what to buy, or pay for it, but that's fine.

    I chose it because it's NOT very realistic to look at. The pictures of the lifelike dildos just gave me the creeps and made me feel quite squeamish. They look like some man's been dismembered. Ugh!

    I was amazed ay my husband's reaction. He absolutely loved using it on me! This is such a complete character-change that I wonder if he's been taking advice from his mates as he was against using this kind of thing once. Someone must have convinced him that people who use sex toys are not weirdos after all.

    I'm hoping our life together, not just our sex life life, will improve now. He enjoyed using the dildo on me so much that it went on for much longer than I'm accustomed to and I had to ask him if he was ready to stop so I could do something for him. One reason he likes using it is because it can keep going longer than him!

    Life is full of surprises sometimes isn't it?

    1284638717
    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Really pleased for you Sally!

    1284641849
    sexynurse09 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thats brilliant Sally i'm glad things are working out for you! xx

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