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  1. orgasm

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    MissTerryCleavage [sign in to see picture]
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    Great points Ad, I agree.

    From what's been said, this guy seems very immature but equally quite clever in making what appear to be his issues seem like your problems. As has been said several times, in a caring committed relationship, your partner should be supportive and should want things to improve for your mutual benefit.

    Selfish doesn't really seem to cover his attitude to you, and I can totally understand why you feel the way you do and I truly hope you can find a way out of this that works for you, not him, but you, you are the most important person in your life and you deserve to be happy.

    If your OH is obsessed with just having sex every night without caring about the quality of it or how you feel through it, perhaps he'd be better off with a Tenga or similar, as from what you've said he doesn't seem to deserve a partner like you.

    Sorry if this appears harsh or judgemental, it isn't meant to, but I think perhaps the problems run a lot deeper than you seem to want to admit to yourself.

    I hope you find a solution *hugs*

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    Vampyrewillow [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 26 Jan 2009

    I don't mean to sound nasty but i think your boyfriend sounds like a bit of a tool!!

    i think you need to talk to him because you are having sex when you don't even want it just to please him, even though it is hurting you and making you cry.

    the OA isn't here to judge we are here to give advice and my advice would be to talk to him, and if he isn't listening you might be best being without him and finding somebody else.

    i know a lot of men who value their girlfriends sexual satisfaction before their own and that is what is needed, each person should value their partners gratification above their own so that excellent sex can be had!

    i hope you can talk tpo him and find something that works for the two of you, but if he continues to treat you like this i would advise you to find somebody else who will treat you good and maybe then your sex drive will come back!

    VW x

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Sorry if we sound a bit harsh Me, we just want the world to be happy and think no one should settle for 2nd, 3rd or 4th best let alone some one who treats their partner as you mentioned.

    Don't let us scare you away! We're a useful bunch if you need to chat.

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    me [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
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    • Joined: 21 Jan 2009

    Thank you for all the kind words, it has really made me feel better about myself knowing it is not entirely my fault and given me hope that things can get better. I will try to make him see the light and let him know it is important to me that he tries to make an effort to pleasure me also, even if it doesn't result in orgasm as that is not the be all and end all, its the whole process that feels nice (or rather should feel nice).

    I now feel I have the confidence to talk to him again frankly and hopefully the next time we have sex can be a more positive experience for both of us.

    I have actually never had a guy care about my satisfaction and my current partner is the only person who I have slept with whom I have actually wanted to sleep with which is why it has upset me more that it has become like this.

    Thank you so much for all your advise, it really has helped me sort things out in my head :)

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    I hope you resolve your situation Me! Good luck and happy sexing!

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    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    me wrote:

    I have actually never had a guy care about my satisfaction

    That is so wrong! Lets hope you can get your current OH to change that. Not all men are like this, there are those of us that love giving pleasure as well as receiving.

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    wettongues [sign in to see picture]
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    Me, I have been in a similar relationship in the past, where the relationship was "ok" and the sex was extremely selfish, with him satisfying himself, not thinking or caring about me, or my pleasure, often finishing myself off with toys, to avoid complete frustration. Tears were another feature that I can understand, he would comfort me, but then keep going anyway.

    Only on leaving, did the rose tinted glasses get removed and I realised that he was an extremely selfish person in our relationship, inside and out side the sex part of the relationship. He wouldn't listen to me, what I wanted or what things would make me happy.

    In the end I left him, because he expected too much of me, with very little in return. Relationships are meant to be about sharing, not only the mental, and emotional, and physical but the every and and the once in a life time,body heart and soul.

    Id does sound like your bloke doesn't want to listen, that you have tried, and tried hard. Personally I'd give him one more chance, and stick to your guns. If he doesn't try to move in the right direction, I think I would be moving in the opposite direction.

    I know its scary making big decisions, but if he is not making you happy, then you need to move on and find someone who can. I have found a man, who has completely opened my eyes to life with a bloke, and will do everything to pleasure me and takes pleasure from pleasuring me, before thinking about his own.

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    me wrote:

    Thank you for all the kind words, it has really made me feel better about myself knowing it is not entirely my fault and given me hope that things can get better. I will try to make him see the light and let him know it is important to me that he tries to make an effort to pleasure me also, even if it doesn't result in orgasm as that is not the be all and end all, its the whole process that feels nice (or rather should feel nice).

    Me, you seem to have a really good head on your shoulders, you know what sex should be about, you know it should be about mutual enjoyment and you should both be working for a positive relationship. You seem to be doing everything right apart from letting him have his way too much!

    Please, see all the good you are offering him and realise he is a very lucky man to have someone like you. He should be doing the chasing and the making up because it seems like he has an awful lot to answer for!

    You're always welcome here for impartial advice and I'm really glad that everyone has helped you feel a bit more positive

    Wishing you luck and the confidence to know what you need to do.

    Adx

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    jackador123 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 3 Sep 2009

    Hope the situation is resolved never should be left out to hang

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    dontav1 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 21 Aug 2010

    I agree with either all/most of the previous posters...

    I don't know whether to rant... or put it simple.

    Simple would be: Buy some lube (YOUR CHOICE!) a toy and lose the boy.

    Rant would be: Too long... But I know with my previous partner we too reached a he'd kiss me and expect sex point admittedly if i kissed back even the slightest or didn't "complain" when he played with my breasts for the billionth time it was probably the best sign he could pick up that i'd let him do anything so he'd really try my response if he would get sex or not.... it actually made me pretty miserable knowing that as long as I put out he'd be happy nothing was wrong in his mind if i could manage that and more often the better. Too many times I suggested he watch (or even google!) some sex positions because he didn't know many and I sort of didn't and the one or two more I did know than him well I've never really been a "teacher" so yeah. If your bf can't so much as be bothered about your sexual needs (ie LUBE for comfort) and wants (ie longer lasting sex or longer foreplay beforehand etc for to get your pleasure ride rolling along) which must obviously be his "favourite" pastime.... Is he going to care when it comes to the bigger things in life which probably aren't as high as a priority? I highly doubt it. I'd definitely talk it out properly. And if he can't listen and understand and at least try some of your requests (within his comfort zone too) then well I'd suggest leaving his behind.... Although its your choice of course.

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