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  1. orgasm

    1282213262
    me [sign in to see picture]
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    I have recently taught myself to orgasm (i think) as I get a small build up of pressure then my vagina muscles contract for between 10-30 seconds but I don't get any great feeling that goes with it.

    I am not sure I am able to build up the sensation long enough perhaps to get the true orgasm?

    Any advice?

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    toxycat [sign in to see picture]
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    From what your saying.....that is an orgasm.......however if you do want a more intense feeling.....the best method is the stop start............basically start out slowly.....as soon as you feel yourself getting to that really pleasurable point where you think may be going to orgasm soon.......slow down or stop............let the feeling subside slighty......then start again slowly.....building yourself up.....and then again stop.......keep doing this until the feeling is that intense you have to carry on........you should then get a more intense orgasm.

    I love doing this...........plus you learn to understand and get to know your body more......its all about experimentation....and trial and error really..........perhaps try some toys out as well!!

    1282216017
    me [sign in to see picture]
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    I do the stop and start but I normally find that i get to a point where I cant touch any more as even if I touch at all I go over the edge and ruin it with no orgasm. I struggle to build it up properly, maybe i need to wait longer when i get to that point, I don't know.

    I have tried toys and have a few but I do normally find them a bit too much and prefer manual stimulation.

    My sex drive is rock bottom at the moment and I really need to do something about it and I thought if I could learn to cum properly I may feel like having sex more as I find sex extremely stressful at the moment and it is ruining our relationship :(

    1282216571
    Firewolf [sign in to see picture]
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    If you come to that point where you cant touch any more, you should just stop and give yourself some time to relax, and start over again - Youll get more sensitive over and over until you cant hold it

    And not sure if you are using your hands or any toys?

    1282216816
    toxycat [sign in to see picture]
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    that may be why your having a problem orgasming.........if you stress over it too much..........ie focus on the climax as the be all and end all.......i find i struggle to get there.

    You need to relax.........and enjoy the sex and play.......if you dont orgasm.....dont let it stress you..........i think thats where your issue lies

    You need to make things fun again.........have you tried a bit of light bondage play....perhaps he tie you up and blindfold you....have a fun teasing session..................as the unexpected can heighten sensations.....arouse you more.......

    1282217291
    Ilovemyman [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello, i agree with the others, i think you need to forget about trying to orgasm and just do what feels good, have you rtied having a session where you can do anything to your partner but he can't tough you? I find i get so turned on just giving him pleasure and by the time he gan touch me i'm so horny my orgasm comes really quickly. I also find if i'm dired or i've had a drink it takes longer.

    Have you tried using a bullet on your clit while you are having sex or while he is giving you oral?

    Do you have vaginal dryness? I find if i'm not wet it takes longer too xxxxx

    1282219410
    Laana [sign in to see picture]
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    I find to have a nicefeeling orgasm instead of just an "okay I've cum, now what" type, you have to be in the mood even before you touch yourself. Maybe try to relax aswell. I would personally take a long bubble bath with candles that smell nice, you can even get some nice massage oil ones from love honey that smell soo good they turn you on. Then once you are nice and relaxed in the tub, try reading some erotic fiction that can slowly get your mind in the mood and only start playing when you feel horny, not to see if you can cum. hope that helps.

    1282219625
    me [sign in to see picture]
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    yeah I don't really get wet at all no matter what and my boyfreind gets annoyed that I ask to use lube as he says it reduces his pleasure. We have gotten to the point where we only have sex once every month if that!

    I have tried using a bullet during sex (we dont do oral as i find it annoying as he is stubbly and not very good at it) but I think I find the whole process too stressfull to relax enough, although I enjoy manual stimulation on my own its not enough during sex but then he often gets annoyed at me using the bullet during sex too as he says it gets in the way. He also takes too long to cum so I am normally very sore and swollen after sex which puts me off anyway.

    I used to go down on him a lot but I actually haven't done it for at least 6 months as I kind of resent how it is always about his pleasure and how he ignores mine, no matter how much we discuss it he doesnt seem to understand that not everything he does is going to feel nice and gets upset and sulks if I even move his hand during sex and will often stop mid session to sulk if I do that.

    We get on so well and I really enjoy his company, but sex is a major problem for us and he has even got to the point now where he would rather have a wank than have sex with me as he says it is too much effort.

    I am not sure how to get through this, I really want to as we are so good together in other ways but this is driving us apart.

    1282220038
    Ilovemyman [sign in to see picture]
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    Hmm, maybe try it the other way round, he has to pleasure you without PIV sex for the whole night, it could just be massaging cuddling whatever you want, explain it's not all about the orgasm so the focus it son other things, just so you are relaxed. It sounds like he needs to explore your body and find out what is good for you xxxx

    1282220083
    Ilovemyman [sign in to see picture]
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    as for the lube, have yout ried a water based one? If you use it before he would never know! x

    1282222684
    me [sign in to see picture]
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    we use water based lube but I am allergic to a lot of them or develop an allergy to them after a while, I used to like KY liquid but developed an allergy to it, now we use Durex 2 in 1 which seems weird as its supposed to be for massage as well (not that I would use it for that as it is quite sticky) and I am not allergic to that one plus I find it lasts a while which is good as some just seem to dissapear after a few minutes and since he lasts at least half an hour it works well.

    I like the idea of just exploring our bodies with no pressure of sex as I have started resenting him kissing me as I know he only does it as he wants sex.

    I am not sure he will like the idea though as he will probably just say we don't have sex enough to warrant the effort, I will try though, I really want to get our sex life back on track so I can enjoy sex again rather than it be a traumatic experience, I have even burst into tears after sex before when I felt I had to have sex when I didn't want to.

    1282223057
    Ilovemyman [sign in to see picture]
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    me wrote:

    we use water based lube but I am allergic to a lot of them or develop an allergy to them after a while, I used to like KY liquid but developed an allergy to it, now we use Durex 2 in 1 which seems weird as its supposed to be for massage as well (not that I would use it for that as it is quite sticky) and I am not allergic to that one plus I find it lasts a while which is good as some just seem to dissapear after a few minutes and since he lasts at least half an hour it works well.

    I like the idea of just exploring our bodies with no pressure of sex as I have started resenting him kissing me as I know he only does it as he wants sex.

    I am not sure he will like the idea though as he will probably just say we don't have sex enough to warrant the effort, I will try though, I really want to get our sex life back on track so I can enjoy sex again rather than it be a traumatic experience, I have even burst into tears after sex before when I felt I had to have sex when I didn't want to.

    You shouldn't have to feel like that, he SHOULD put the effort in! If he was my OH he would be getting a sex ban until he grows up! He should respect your feelings and not just want to please himself, no wonder you don't want sex, what's in it for you? 1/2 hour of thrusting and just ending up sore! I think you need to sit down and talk to him. I hope i don't sound too harsh but from what you have said he seems really selfish sexually. xxxxx

    1282223904
    me [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes I agree he is selfish sexually, in everything else he is brilliant and puts me first but in the bedroom I guess he has got to the point where he feels useless as he can't make me cum and because we have sex so little i guess he just wants to get his pleasure rather than still focus on me too. I haven't even told him I have managed to cum by myself either as I worry he will then get upset if I can't do it with him.

    We do have chats but it normally ends in tears (on my part) and him wondering if it will ever get better.

    He just says he has never had trouble with any of his previous partners and how sex is not natural with us.

    I would love sex to last between 5-15 minutes really so I don't get swollen and sore and I might look forward to it more if I knew it wouldn't leave me feeling terrible for a day afterwards. Sometimes I even get ripped a little and its because I can't relax. He is really proud of his staying power though and enjoys prolonging the experience and good feeling.

    I guess I will have a chat with him today and see if we can start a fresh from tonight and begin by just having massages and enjoying touching each other without it having to end in sex and re learn about each others bodies. I would like to be able to show him what I enjoy without him getting upset.

    It doesn't help that he is really big as previous boyfreinds have fitted in much easier but as he is so large and broad, he cant get in easily unless I am truely 100% relaxed which is rare.

    I hope we can get through this, I would be devastated if it was simply sex that broke us apart as that is why my parents separated!

    1282258445
    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    I was originally told this before I first had sex, and it was a brilliant piece of advice. I've told it to many other people since, as it is completely true.

    If you THINK you've had an orgasm, you probably haven't. There's no way you can have an orgasm and not notice it.

    1282258913
    Malteser81 [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh hun..... y first partner was like yours when I came to sex, would never use lube and i didnt enjoy it enough to keep myself lubricated and dried up making it painfull and sore. I never told him it hurt as "I" though it was me there was somthing wrong with. U can damage your body if you continue and its no wonder u dont feel like having sex or giving him oral as he's not even willing to help make the act of sex easier for you.

    For him to say "he has never had trouble with any of his previous partners and how sex is not natural with us" is unfair. Every person is differant and thats what makes it so exciting. U need to stand your ground and tell him what u NEED hun as it will make it more pleasurable to you and therefore mean more pleasurable for him too hun.

    Hope all will be ok babe. *hugs* Xxx

    1282262625
    Ilovemyman [sign in to see picture]
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    Malteser81 wrote:

    Oh hun..... y first partner was like yours when I came to sex, would never use lube and i didnt enjoy it enough to keep myself lubricated and dried up making it painfull and sore. I never told him it hurt as "I" though it was me there was somthing wrong with. U can damage your body if you continue and its no wonder u dont feel like having sex or giving him oral as he's not even willing to help make the act of sex easier for you.

    For him to say "he has never had trouble with any of his previous partners and how sex is not natural with us" is unfair. Every person is differant and thats what makes it so exciting. U need to stand your ground and tell him what u NEED hun as it will make it more pleasurable to you and therefore mean more pleasurable for him too hun.

    Hope all will be ok babe. *hugs* Xxx

    Yes i totally agree, i'm sure there was a lube on here that you use every day to prevent the dryness and tears i'll have a look and see if i can find the link x


    1282262804
    Ilovemyman [sign in to see picture]
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    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=19226

    At least if you are lubed up It won't hurt as much x

    1282262939
    Ilovemyman [sign in to see picture]
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    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=362

    Or this one, some of the reviews say it feels natural and you wouldn't know it's there x

    1282262974
    jackador123 [sign in to see picture]
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    I think its a time thing for you you need to slow down and enjoy yourself and dont expect the orgasm you seem to be expecting the mother of all sensations it'll come but you just need more practise at it.

    1282297839
    me [sign in to see picture]
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    I will have a go with those lubes and see if they are any better, thank you for the links.

    I have heard that you KNOW if you have had an orgasm too but I wondered why I got the muscle contractions but no sensation to go with it. I don't get an increased heart rate or anything, maybe I am not relaxed enough to feel it properly even when alone or maybe I am not building it up enough.

    I did actually go see a sex therapist but it didn't help at all, she was an older lady which for starters made it seem weird to talk to her anyway and she didn't give me any advice for things to try with my boyfreind to help us relax etc which is kind of what I was expecting. Considering I waited about 9 months to see her it was quite dissapointing. I know there are other sex therapists but I don't want to have to go to my Dr to ask for help. I have no sex drive but I presume if I can learn to relax and enjoy it that it will come with time.

    I really appreciate all your responses guys :)

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