• How Long Does Love Take...

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    After seeing a couple of people mention "maybe it's because we've been together so long" as a reason for a loving and strong relationship it got me wondering what the general consensus is.

    I loved my partner aged 15, before we even got together. In fact, WandA waited 'til he was ready to tell me he loved me, before we "officially" got together - although it had to be worth the effort of long distance so that's the reason. I love him more now, but I know I loved him then, I know because the love is the same, it's just increased. I knew I wanted to marry him about a year or so after we got together. We're now engaged after 5 years together.

    My mum and dad met at 19 and 21, they got engaged a year later, married 6 months after that and are still together and love each other 24 years on.

    I don't think love is dependant on the time you spend together, but I think spending a long time together can highlight the difference between lust and love. If you don't still "love" your partner once the initial rush has worn off, you probably didn't love each other in the first place. Equally, you may grow into love....I don't believe in love at first sight, I loved WandA after I knew him well enough, my love for him grew from friendship.

    I also think love grows over shared experience - you can love a person more, the more you share your life with someone which can equate to time, but also, you may experience a lot in a short space of time.

    I'd love to know what others think on the matter!

    Adx

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    DrtyBoy [sign in to see picture]
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    i fancied my wife when we are at school, we were friends since we were 6, then she moved away and came back to my school aged 14. We became friends again and then started dating aged 18. 11 years of that and we got married.

    Not that i wanted to wait that long specifically but all i can say is that over time i loved her more and more every day, and sex now is so wonderful and passionate, and we still lust after each other.

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    Kitty_McPlunder [sign in to see picture]
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    I pretty much agree with everything you said! Its different for everyone, of course, but love grows in so many ways and if it wasn't real or if it never rally had the potential, then its probably safe to say it was more 'lust' than 'love'.

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm sure there is a complex physiological answer that very much depends on the persons involved.

    I think it depends on the type of people too... Some one who never gets enjoyment from doing things for others is likely to struggle loving in my opinion because they won't get that love buzz from pleasing their partner... Complex matter indeed!

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    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    It only takes a minute girl

    to fall in love, to fall in love

    Thanks Take That, we were wondering.

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    toycar69 wrote:

    It only takes a minute girl

    to fall in love, to fall in love

    Thanks Take That, we were wondering.

    The same also applies to hate.

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    headsouth wrote:

    As I probably say too much, I'm a real geek, and I think too much and over-analyse everything I do. Over the years I've often had conversations in my head about wondering if I am in love, and with the abscence of some sort of equation or coded function to evaluate I've never had an answer I've been able to accept. I wish I didn't think like that so much, but I can't see it changing any time soon.

    What I have come to appreciate though is how I feel when something I'm used to is removed suddenly, and that has shown to me a lot more about how I really feel inside. I mean, I've been with my wife now for a decade and as you get to know someone it just fades into being and you miss it, like your hair growing or something. But when she's not there, when I'm away from home and feeling lonely, that's when I really feel what love is like. With those feelings, it's so clear that there's no one else in the world I feel anything like that about (apart from Adam Hart Davis of course), and would do all those things like jump infront of a speeding car for her without a moments notice.

    I guess that's love. I half expected to aquire rose tinted corneas when I fell in love, but that's not real life.

    I think you make some good points here, love evolves and it isn't always that giddy love from the beginning, it becomes more important than lust and excitement and moves in to a special friendship love.. One that can still stimulate the lusty and giddy bits mind.

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    headsouth wrote:

    As I probably say too much, I'm a real geek, and I think too much and over-analyse everything I do. Over the years I've often had conversations in my head about wondering if I am in love,

    About a year into our relationship, WandA got terribly upset because he thought he didn't love me anymore.

    I laughed....because the fact that he was so upset about it just proved more than "I love you" needed too.

    I think you would like Tim Minchin's "If I didn't have you" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYQWAdAbdfA

    and "You grew on me" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frNpdG4F9mw

    Adx

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    Kitty_McPlunder [sign in to see picture]
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    When I first went out with the OH, and we were away from eachother as we lived 3 hours drive away, I was always looking forward to the amazing sex when we got to see eachother again. But now when we're apart I look forward to his cwtches and kisses, and just being in his company. (And of course, the amazing sex.)

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Ad always has a Tim song for every occasion... I think she loves him...

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    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    I fell in lust with my OH went I first met him. We got on really well, had a high chemistry level and chatted for ages. A few days later we started dating, which moved on to going out offically about a week later. After being with my OH for about 2 months (offically) he had to go into hospital. He has a condition which also affects his legs, they had deep ulcers on them and he couldnt walk. What he has is a life long thing and I know its probably going to get worse, though not death. I knew then when I wanted to be with him, for better or worse type of thing that I truely loved him. 14 months on and my love for him feels stronger but its still the same love.
    It took him around a month to be able to walk with crutches and then about 6-7 months until it properly healed up even on steriods.

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    Ad always has a Tim song for every occasion... I think she loves him...

    But it's relevant!

    Adx

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    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    WandA wrote:

    Ad always has a Tim song for every occasion... I think she loves him...

    But it's relevant!

    Adx

    I agree some songs are relevant to the situations. Some are very. However my ex tried and wanted to play heavy metal when we first had sex. Not good! Lol

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    DrtyBoy [sign in to see picture]
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    First CD i had sex to was Lenny Kravitz.....works great!

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    suze9 [sign in to see picture]
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    My OH told me he loved me 6 days after we first met but it took a bit longer for me to admit that I loved him. He would not belive I loved him the same for ages but he was insecure after his ex fiance dumped him out of the blue. It has surprised me over the years that I get a wave of love for him wash over me. The biggest being on an operating table having gone into labour 7 weeks early with twins having him try to reassure me that everything would be ok. Now he had good reason to be off with me as I could not bear him near me or even touch me for most of the pregnancy but he was the one that got me through the most terrifying experience of my life. He bugs the hell out of me at times but I would never change him.

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    DrtyBoy [sign in to see picture]
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    oh Hella.....i am sad for you now...

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    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    I think love takes as long as it takes it depends on the people and the circumstance! I definately don't believe in love at first sight but I did feel something different when I looked at my OH for the first time, I think it was probably just shock at being attracted to a man though tbh!

    I don't really know how long it took for me to be in love with him because we were friends frist and there was no official start to the relationship. First time I realised though was when after about 6 months or so another friend was teasing me that I was in love with DD and I realised I was lying when told the friend to shut up because I wasn't!

    xxKPxx

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    DrtyBoy [sign in to see picture]
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    well in that case huzaa!

    though some of the consequences are fun too.

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    Vampyrewillow [sign in to see picture]
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    I Fell in love with my boyfriend about a month after we got together when i was 16 and he was 15,

    alot of people scoffed at that because we were just "kids" how did we know what love even was.

    we have now been together for three years and couldn't be happier.

    so i really don't think it matters how long you have been together, or how old you happen to be when you meet. because when you know... you know!

    we still have people scoffing at us even now because we are 19 and 18. well yes we are, but we have been together for three years and gone through so much together!

    and there are adults who have been together a few months and have a woeful relationship who look down upon us!

    VW x

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Vampyrewillow wrote:

    I Fell in love with my boyfriend about a month after we got together when i was 16 and he was 15,

    alot of people scoffed at that because we were just "kids" how did we know what love even was.

    we have now been together for three years and couldn't be happier.

    so i really don't think it matters how long you have been together, or how old you happen to be when you meet. because when you know... you know!

    we still have people scoffing at us even now because we are 19 and 18. well yes we are, but we have been together for three years and gone through so much together!

    and there are adults who have been together a few months and have a woeful relationship who look down upon us!

    VW x

    That annoys me!

    We took a while to get the same acceptance when a similar age. Getting better now though due to time, living together and engagement.

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