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  1. what is acceptable for you?

    1279749809
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    AdnaW wrote:

    tallboy247 wrote:

    So how many have fessed up to online chats or more with others and what were the consequences? Think this has to be two sided and if not why not..... but always eager to learn more.

    Not sure what you mean, how exactly *wouldn't* it be two sided?

    Adx

    'Cos you need to people to chat?

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    telemachus wrote:

    yes - I think hugs and pecks are fine, in a friendly context. I wouldn't even think twice about these.

    I think with the cheating - it is hard to know what you would do until you are in that situation. I suspect that many people would do something different in reality to what they think that they would do. If I were to ever forgive anything, it would be a one off shag, rather than an emotional affair (but then I have thoughts on emotional affairs) but I don't think I could even stretch that far.

    Agreed here too I've always told WandA if he fucks someone and regrets it completely and realises it's the stupidest thing he's ever done and will never, ever, ever do it again - then I'd rather not know...in truth there are a few more stipulations than those but I trust him not to put me through the heartache and confidence crushing if he knows for sure I would forgive him.

    Adx

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    AdnaW wrote:

    tallboy247 wrote:

    So how many have fessed up to online chats or more with others and what were the consequences? Think this has to be two sided and if not why not..... but always eager to learn more.

    Not sure what you mean, how exactly *wouldn't* it be two sided?

    Adx

    'Cos you need to people to chat?

    So why *wouldn't* it be two sided?

    Adx

    1279750481
    diamonds [sign in to see picture]
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    AdnaW wrote:

    WandA wrote:

    AdnaW wrote:

    tallboy247 wrote:

    So how many have fessed up to online chats or more with others and what were the consequences? Think this has to be two sided and if not why not..... but always eager to learn more.

    Not sure what you mean, how exactly *wouldn't* it be two sided?

    Adx

    'Cos you need to people to chat?

    So why *wouldn't* it be two sided?

    Adx

    is it that, i was looking at it from the side of the person catching the OH doing such things and TB is saying what about the person who did such things? whats there view?

    :S

    im not doing fab with words in this thread though so i could be wrong"

    Dxx

    1279751827
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    I did consider it may be that point - think you might be right D!

    Adx

    1279752802
    tronic [sign in to see picture]
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    spiky topic this, in a way, but it does seem very personal or at least boiling down to the values / boundaries of the people and significant others concerned at least. So potentially spiky then, not spiky by default...

    So back to the OP's topic as I understand it:

    For me, in my situation currently, any physical cheating is game over. Dirty texting, I mean proper balls out dirty texting, of anyone not me is game over. Dirty talk (as dirty as the texting just mentioned) with anyone not me is game over. This is because I am not getting any at the moment and if any of this were to happen between my good lady and another person it would be a final nail in an almost sealed coffin.

    I can't say how I would feel about these things if our relationship was otherwise ship-shape. Tricky to guess.

    My gut feeling is honesty is crucial. Sneaking around and pretending and so on really gets my back up and would make me less reasonable than I otherwise would be about something like chat/text stuff - it's a sort of once-removed-ness which allows boundaries to become dangerously blurred and people can make errors of judgement at the best of times. IMO one should realise that this is wrong or at least questionable and do whatever the relationship demands to clarify matters, be that own up and talk it over or whatever the particular voodoo is that your coupling requires to assuage a bruised ego and upset of this kind.

    I'm not one to shy away from bawdy conversation and a bit of light hearted flirtation, but I do keep in mind that helpful decree 'what if mrs. tronic was looking over my shoulder as I write this' If it doesn't feel right I take steps to steer conversation back to a safe place and there we go. My OH is well aware that I spend time on these forums and that the discussions sometimes involve my sex life or ours, and our relationship sometimes. She's even decided you'll all somehow convince me to leave her, which I have heartily refuted, inviting her to have a read herself from time to time, but she still resists. It's certainly no secret though, and I prefer it that way.

    So in summary, I won't tolerate any tomfoolery, and for what I consider good reasons. I also try to avoid anything my OH would consider unfair or cheaty in any way. So I guess that makes me a proper prude then, eh? ;-)

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Nota prude at all - I agree pretty much hole heartedly

    Adx

    1279757084
    Starlight* [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it obviously depends on what kind of relationship you and your partner share: everybody has different views of what is/isn't cheating, and I know for most people this is a mostly physical aspect. But, my own personal view is that if you are satisfied in your relationship, then why would you need to find pleasure from elsewhere?

    Now, in my wonderful relationship, I would definitely class dirty texting and flirting as cheating. When I 'signed up' to this relationship, it was because I was willing to stay loyal to this one man, and I think that dirty texting or flirting would definitely be a break of trust, and also a break of commitment.

    On the other hand, I see a lot of flirting on these forums, which I understand is nothing more than harmless banter! It's a sex toy discussion forum, and sharing such views results in flirtatious banter, which in my eyes, there is nothing wrong with. Sexual innuendos are used all the time for comedy value, and I understand that it is meant completely innocently. I personally think that it is when other people's words/actions are used for personal pleasure behind their OH's back, then it has gone too far. There is nothing wrong with a bit of harmless flirting/banter, as long as it doesn't lead to more, and everybody on these forums tend to 'flirt' in a cheeky, lighthearted manner; i.e. not at all for their own sexual advantage.

    In my relationship, dirty texting would break my trust and commitment with my OH, and he feels the same way. I guess it wouldn't be the end, but broken trust in my eyes, would take many, many years to mend. I just don't think that I could justify any type of cheating, albeit physical or not, as acceptable, but I know a lot of people differ in their views.

    xx

    1279758153
    Tigerlilies [sign in to see picture]
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    Everyone's different. One person's relationship dynamic will not be a perfect fit for someone else.

    I know couples who have open relationships and what they do would be 'cheating' for another relationship. This said, there are still scenarios for them as an 'open' couple, that would class as cheating. I think the idea, for anyone, is that it's unacceptable when deception is afoot and you do something that puts your partner's emotions, health or stability at risk.

    In other words, it is best to adopt the Google mantra: Don't be evil.

    My take on it? Cheaters always, but always, get caught. So I don't worry about it. Flirting is different. Again, you have to feel it out. There's a difference between someone using their sexuality when they communicate and using that communication to serve their sexuality.

    I wouldn't be over the moon if I found out my OH was sending sexy messages to another person. It's either an indication that they're cheating, or doing something that they know would upset me. Either way, they're not someone I want to be with. For another person, this may be ok.

    I know couples for whom talking to the opposite gender at a party results in punishment. I couldn't be like this. Sure, I don't want a lover to be all over another, but I do like the idea of going somwhere, being free to charm the pants off other attractive people and then come together at the end of the night. In fact, I find it kinda hot. But then it's almost physically impossible for me to be jealous. I always figure that someone has chosen to be with me and if they don't want to be with me, they'll leave. Naturally, there's the cheat factor but this comes back to cheaters-are-always-caught and therefore, it's better to not worry about it and congratulate yourself for having a good relationship.

    But then, perhaps I have little authority on the subject because I've had little experience of sketchy behaviour. I put this down to the fact that no one in their right mind would dare.

    You know in your gut when what you're/they're doing is wrong in the relationship. Other people may have different boundaries but they're relationships have nothing to do with me. So why would it matter?

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    telemachus [sign in to see picture]
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    tronic wrote:


    I'm not one to shy away from bawdy conversation and a bit of light hearted flirtation, but I do keep in mind that helpful decree 'what if mrs. tronic was looking over my shoulder as I write this' If it doesn't feel right I take steps to steer conversation back to a safe place and there we go.

    I agree with this. It's important to keep in mind that what you are writing is not private. It can feel like it, and it can feel like you are anonymous and as such, you might say things that you wouldn't IRL. Best to think if you would want your OH to read what you are writing.

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    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
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    One of the reasons I don't do Fakebook, twatter and such other bollocks (in my opinion of course!).

    I see no problem engaging in a bit of humour and freindly banter but draw the line at that! It goes no further. Everything I say on here is accessable by my OH always has been and she has no problem at all. I will always comment on someones pic if it's rather fetching (even the blokes!).

    All harmless fun as long as your partner agrees that it is too.

    SG x

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    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Wickedgirl wrote:

    That's right SG We might banter or tease a little or discuss things that we couldn't discuss off site with strangers

    We can discuss things we do because we are all blessed with similar natures but we still have to live our normal lives and not worry about what we have written being upsettin to BF or OH if we are lucky enough to have them

    Does this make sense Writing is not my main talent

    Sense it does make Wicked!

    Yes.

    SG x

    1279788149
    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Wickedgirl wrote:

    missed talking to you over the last few days

    Ditto Wicked one!

    I've been quite busy in the garden planting loads of things I've been growing in the polytunnel. Magnolia's will hopefully flower next year (3rd year) just transferred from pots into the ground and I've been sorting all the hanging baskets out, shrubs and general tidying up the borders, pruning trees, making birdhouses and all that kind of thing! Plus, on tuesday I had our new summerhouse erected! Made up with it. It's one of those octangonal ones with electricity in it! Kids and OH are happy with it too! I'm having a big weathervane put on it today. My Grandad passed away several weeks ago and left me some money so I've used a little bit of it to buy the summer house thingy.

    Thanks Grandad!

    Hope you are well Wickedgirl and still enjoying the job and are happy with your life at the moment

    SG x

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    SEXYGET 69 wrote:

    One of the reasons I don't do Fakebook, twatter and such other bollocks (in my opinion of course!).

    I see no problem engaging in a bit of humour and freindly banter but draw the line at that! It goes no further. Everything I say on here is accessable by my OH always has been and she has no problem at all. I will always comment on someones pic if it's rather fetching (even the blokes!).

    All harmless fun as long as your partner agrees that it is too.

    SG x

    But I thought you loved me...

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Wickedgirl wrote:

    WandA wrote:

    SEXYGET 69 wrote:

    One of the reasons I don't do Fakebook, twatter and such other bollocks (in my opinion of course!).

    I see no problem engaging in a bit of humour and freindly banter but draw the line at that! It goes no further. Everything I say on here is accessable by my OH always has been and she has no problem at all. I will always comment on someones pic if it's rather fetching (even the blokes!).

    All harmless fun as long as your partner agrees that it is too.

    SG x

    But I thought you loved me...

    OOOh but I do problem is I love all of OA (with one or two exceptions)

    That'll have to do then!

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    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    But I thought you loved me...

    Unconditionally.

    It's a love that needs no mention!

    1279802601
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Loves huni wrote:

    WandA wrote:

    I know me and Ad engage with other members in ways that could be considered flirting, but as far as I am aware, for both of us it is not a sexual thrill but more a little humourous kick. It can also be a way of complimenting someone you like in a context relevant situation, I know I'll only comment on the pics of members I feel I have a good relationship with who will take it as I meant. i.e. that trait is certainly desirable but that doesn't imply I want a go of it!


    first of all i know you were only being curious but you did make me feel a little on edge and that i should watch what i post :/

    I thought that applied to my post in bold!

    Thought I'd been some form of virtual sexual pervert then! Well, the bad kind of virtual sexual pervert...

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    SEXYGET 69 wrote:

    WandA wrote:

    But I thought you loved me...

    Unconditionally.

    It's a love that needs no mention!

    Oooo you smooth talker!

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    LH I don't think D had you in mind - iat least I can't see why she would since, as long as all parties involved know where they stand then there's no harm done.

    Adx

    1279804964
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    xxbrown-eyed-kittyxx wrote:

    OK I'll try and explain as I'm one of those your post is about.

    A lot of you on here are a lot younger than me and may or may not be married. I have been married for nearly 20 years to a man who shows me no affection. Why not leave you are probably wondering, well the simple answer to that is that we have children so I put my unhappiness with my marriage aside for them.

    I make an effort with my marriage, I do everything I can to make sure our children have a happy home life despite my husband not reciprocating but the affection and attention I get from someone online (particularly the man I'm involved with right now) gives me a buzz, makes me feel as though there is someone out there that appreciates me and finds me attractive and gets me through each day when I feel that the one person that should love me really doesn't seem to like me very much let alone love me.

    Communication is the key I know but when you have a husband that won't talk it is very difficult to get anywhere. I've tried having conversations about how things are but he will not discuss it with me.

    It might give you a buzz but you seem to know that buzz is a poor substitute for love and affection. I personally wouldn't/couldn't be in the situation you are, I don't think happiness is a matter of either/or. Your children don't need a father around the house to be happy and you could happily go about another relationship that gives you the love you need. I'm not telling you what to do only explaining my take.

    The reason most people find it unacceptable is because it is a breach of trust, confidence, commitment, love and other things. Sadly you are already missing many of these.

    I do hope you consider your position, I find it really sad you're sacrificing your own well being for your children, when I beleive, you don't have to.

    Good luck!

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