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  1. on being BI

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    Thin One [sign in to see picture]
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    I've gone through periods of bi-curious and whilst I can get-off on say bi-porn or get aroused by looking at dicks, I know deep down it's women I'm most attracted to. If you are looking for a good, safe and sympathetic web site check out shy-bi

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    Thin One [sign in to see picture]
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    Shy-bi guys that is obviously (there is one for women as well).

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    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    i came out to most people i know when i was 15. my mum isnt particuarly keen and only kind of mention men as partners and stuff ( like " when you married with a husband" kinda thing)

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    BashfulBabe [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm always curious about the need to 'come out'. Not saying hide it or anything, but why do gay or bi folk have to make a massive announcement to the world about something so personal when straight folk don't? After all, I think most people go through that curious or confused phase, so it's still a discovery of your sexuality when you end up switching back into the mainstream at the end of it. And it's something that can be so full of grey areas that I don't like the idea of declaring yourself a certain way, like that's it, I'm now bi, not allowed to change my mind later on.

    I went through phases of being very confused, because I have always been attracted to women sexually, too. But then I realised that I never wanted to date any of these girls, and I could never see myself falling in love and settling down with one: that was always a man. So clearly I was straight...but how did that gel with lusting after women (and being willing to follow up on it, not just a fantasy)? It's easier now, because I'm done with the slutting around thing, so I'm looking for relationships, and thus men, so I can live with the straight label, but I can still know that if I was out and tempted for a quick shag, I wouldn't say no if a hot chick came up (and would still identify as 'straight' afterwards).

    Point is that no matter what, I never considered how I should let other people know. Sure, when I needed to talk, I'd talk to folk who knew me and cared (and wouldn't explode at the idea that they could be close to someone who'd infect them with The Gay), but when I finally got comfortable with what I was and wasn't, I never felt like I should go back and tell the people who had decided I was bi that I was straight, and to be honest I don't think they'd care if I did, it'd be all "and..? so what?".

    I still remember the first friend I had who came out, and apparently my lack of caring actually helped him. He'd decided, at 4am, that he was going to tell his parents that he was bi. Obviously not right then, but they'd be up at 6, so he was going to head home for breakfast and tell them then. So, 4am, and he's wandering the street up from his house, trying to work out how to do it, and he decides to ring some mates to tell them first, like a test run. No one answers, except me, who's a light sleeper. He starts jibbering away, quite nervous, and eventually blurts out "I'm bi". Few seconds silence. "So?". "What do you think?" "Do I have to do anything?" "No..." "Great, now f- off and be bi at a real time." Hung up on him, went back to sleep. He apparently cracked up laughing and realised just how little it mattered to anyone but him: even when his parents freaked out, he could only be indignant because what right did they have to get wound up over something that had nothing to do with them. He actually thanked me later when I came round to apologise (when I wasn't half asleep I realised he might have needed more support than swearing and a brush-off), because he'd built it up into such a big deal in his head that all he could think of was how it was the end of the world and when he told his parents life as we knew it would end and dragons would eat baby ducks and so forth...whereas really, it was just another part of him and in no way affected anyone else, and people would still pass him on the street without sensing the dreaded gay-vibe.

    Obviously if your parents are going to be muppets about it, then that makes things harder, but as long as you keep it in your mind that you're still you, and if they love you, they can still love you no matter who you love, it's not insurmountable. Remind them of that, you haven't been swapped for some deviant twin, you're still their child, who they should love and support unconditionally: no parent should be able to tell their child "I love you...but only if you breed".

    Sorry, bit of a ramble there. :)

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    Doug [sign in to see picture]
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    that is some really good advise there

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    What a lovely story BB - thanks for sharing!

    I think you're 100% right (as you so very often are!), it doesn't and shouldn't matter!

    Ax

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    telemachus [sign in to see picture]
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    BashfulBabe wrote:

    I'm always curious about the need to 'come out'. Not saying hide it or anything, but why do gay or bi folk have to make a massive announcement to the world about something so personal when straight folk don't? After all, I think most people go through that curious or confused phase, so it's still a discovery of your sexuality when you end up switching back into the mainstream at the end of it. And it's something that can be so full of grey areas that I don't like the idea of declaring yourself a certain way, like that's it, I'm now bi, not allowed to change my mind later on.

    This has been through my mind several times - the oddity of having to make a declaration about your sexual status. People are just people, I'm not sure why we seem to have such a fascination with who other people are fucking.

    With regard to your family OP, anyone who does not accept you for who you are and love you just the same is not worth thinking about. My children are my children, no matter if they have sex with men or women (or both). I would hate to think that they were struggling with something like this.

    Concentrate on yourself, deal with everyone else later.

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    Noon [sign in to see picture]
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    I cant really add much, apart from a bit of virtual support.

    I am bi, started out gay in my teens in fact and then found that women are ok. :)

    Never felt any need to come out, the only difficult bit was being in a relationship and trying to hide from my nature. Not healthy, obviously.

    My OH knows and my closest friends have worked it out, that suits me just fine.

    You will encounter a bit of prejudice for sure, but he worst it for me is the assumptions:-

    a) All bi men are cross dressers,

    b) All bi men are promiscuous,

    c) All bi men are sexual predators

    Of course the fourth one is true, we are all great in bed. lol

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    Artel [sign in to see picture]
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    I have always believed that we are all bi to one extent or another.

    Some may 10% gay, 90% straight, some 99% gay and 1% straight etc.

    I suspect our own views and those of others have a great deal to do with nurture rather than nature and cultural/social norms have a very significant impact on how each of us perceives ourselves. Looking back through history, what it regarded as "normal" sexual behaviour has changed many times. With perhaps the ancient Romans being the best known example of a culture where sexuality was less clearly defined. It mattered less whether it was a male or female sexual partner a man had, as long as he was giving rather than receiving (so to speak).

    One of things that has always struck me as amusing is that the vast majority of pornography aimed at "straight" men has, as an essential element, a fit guy with a large cock, having an orgasm. Suggest to the viewer that he may be aroused by this and many would freak.

    So I'm sticking with my view of a sliding scale as far as sexuality is concened.

    It is, after all, a sexual preference.

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Artel wrote:

    I have always believed that we are all bi to one extent or another.

    Some may 10% gay, 90% straight, some 99% gay and 1% straight etc.

    I suspect our own views and those of others have a great deal to do with nurture rather than nature and cultural/social norms have a very significant impact on how each of us perceives ourselves. Looking back through history, what it regarded as "normal" sexual behaviour has changed many times. With perhaps the ancient Romans being the best known example of a culture where sexuality was less clearly defined. It mattered less whether it was a male or female sexual partner a man had, as long as he was giving rather than receiving (so to speak).

    One of things that has always struck me as amusing is that the vast majority of pornography aimed at "straight" men has, as an essential element, a fit guy with a large cock, having an orgasm. Suggest to the viewer that he may be aroused by this and many would freak.

    So I'm sticking with my view of a sliding scale as far as sexuality is concened.

    It is, after all, a sexual preference.

    Good post.

    I agree with almost all of it but I do agree about the big cock bit. I personally don't find watching man goo splurging out a nice thing but loads of men love cum shots!

    I'm not sexually attracted to cocks but in porn find the sight of a cock, well I'm not sure of the word, to me a hard cock doesn't mean I want it anywhere near me but it can signal pleasure is about to occur and pleasure is good. So I guess cocks can arouse me, even though I'm straight and I don't find them attractive.

    I've been Pavlov'd dog cocked!

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    I'd think, not as a hard and fast rule, that biC was 'Oooo maybe I do like men and women' and biS was 'I do like men and women'. Perhaps just being unsure?

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Nexas wrote:

    But then that would mean people that have never tried don't really know?

    I'm just curious ^_^' I mean, in the cosplay world you get a whole lot of 14 year old girls running around claiming to be bisexual etc. And while some of them may well be, some of them outright admit they do it for attention.

    Well I'm sure you identified as straight before you 'tried'!

    I think a bisexual diesn't need a go on both to say 'I'm bi'. I guess some people may never be sure but I'd assume feelings of potential attraction in biCs can change to more definite feelings or move away...

    I'm just guessing and assuming all this of course!

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    Artel [sign in to see picture]
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    Nexas wrote:

    No I mean, I'm not bicurious. I never really was LOL Drunkenly kissed one of my male mates (who's on here somewhere...LOL) and it was nothing, a peck. And even that was enough to make sure I was CERTAIN I was straight LOL

    Curiosity satisfied then. lol

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Nexas wrote:

    No I mean, I'm not bicurious. I never really was LOL Drunkenly kissed one of my male mates (who's on here somewhere...LOL) and it was nothing, a peck. And even that was enough to make sure I was CERTAIN I was straight LOL

    Maybe he just wasn't very good?

    "Come here big boy... " *Come hither motion with finger*

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    Futa_deep_fisting [sign in to see picture]
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    i was sure i was straight up until i wasnt sure any more - it was a gradual process of me knowing but not being willing to accept it through to looking at gay porn and thinking this isnt so bad to accepting it but feeling conflicted then to being good with it

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    Artel [sign in to see picture]
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    As far as telling your family about your sexuality is concerned Futa, that is a pesonal choice.

    I have never had a sexual relationship with a man and have no desire to do so. So I can't really offer any personal views on your situation. What I can say is that I have never felt the need to tell my family about every woman I ever slept with, only the ones I have had relationships with.

    If you are not planning on having a relationship with a guy, then why would you tell your mother you wanted to have sex with one? Have you ever felt the need to tell her you want to have sex with a woman? If you were to have a relationship with a guy, then that would be a completely different set of circumstances.

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    Thin One [sign in to see picture]
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    I have no intention with going with a man but like I said I can watch bi-porn and visit bi-sites. I don't really label myself though and that's probably the best way to go about it...

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    Noon [sign in to see picture]
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    I like Artel's sliding scale very much.

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    telemachus [sign in to see picture]
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    headsouth wrote:

    Nexas wrote:

    You love it :-p

    I'm not against it. Gay people are fine. In fact, I met a gay man once.

    [hopes no one is taking this seriously...]

    Are you David Hameron?

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    telemachus wrote:

    headsouth wrote:

    Nexas wrote:

    You love it :-p

    I'm not against it. Gay people are fine. In fact, I met a gay man once.

    [hopes no one is taking this seriously...]

    Are you David Hameron?

    He once even met a real life common man who had a genuine ancestor from the coal mines, well before The Lord Princess Maggie of Thatcher saw to that...

    And he once smelt the smell of pigeon on a Northerner lost in Kensington park... Or maybe it was just a pigeon...

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