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  1. on being BI

    1278082742
    Futa_deep_fisting [sign in to see picture]
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    not sure if this is the right forum for this but here goes

    about 3 months ago i descovered im BI (im over the struggles with denying it and tbh i knew a while before that and just wasnt ready to face up to it) my problem is i cant tell hardly anybody about it (ppl ive told so far my sister (also bi) and 2 close girl-friends of mine) i cant tell my mum cus shes a homophobic biggot with a mind as narrow and the pen im staring at while writing the post.

    (my sister lives away from us and did when she came out - mum through a shit fit about it and is still very rude about my sister behind her back about it) my dad might joke about it but i honestly dont think he'd be bothered by it as much hes still homophobic but nowhere near as rabid as mum is. i cant tell my best mate cus he really wouldnt get it i dont think (hes not thick he just doesnt know any gay/BI guys) im very much single and right now im after a guy

    1278083049
    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm bi, but so far I've never had a girlfriend. There's no NEED to tell people unless it becomes necessary. You don't need to tell your mates or your mum, so don't. It's just easier that way.

    1278084773
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm bi and TBH when I came out, I found it to be a wake up call to see who my real friends were ,,,,

    Suddenly people who I thought were my "Friends" didn't want to know me and I found a lot of rumors and nastyness being said about me.

    It did pass with time though and the real friends who stuck by me, just supported me 100% .

    I was very lucky that my family are not homophobic at all and I knew they would understand.

    As you are unfortunatly in a situation surrounded by homophobic people, I think you would be better to tell them as soon as you feel confident enough to do so , so that any reaction can be dealt with. Whilst I do underdstand what http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/members/ecksvie/ is saying, I think such a reaction immediatly teamed with a potential new relationship would spell disaster for your love life.

    Anyway, it's just my opinion. You do what you feel best.

    Good luck

    1278085199
    Miss BoomStick [sign in to see picture]
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    I've known about being bi for a long time but don't feel the need to tell people as I'm happily engaged and it's got nothing to do with anyone else. I only told a few friends when I first came out and more then one stopped talking to me because of it. Like you, it took a while to believe that and after having my friends and the guy I was with at the time be "disgusted" with me, really hurt. I honestly think that it shouldn't matter if someone is gay, bi or straight. Why should people have to come out and say, "I've got something to tell you, I'm gay" when people don't say "mom I have to tell you, I'm straight". I haven't told my family just because I don't see why it matters but my partner does know and has no problem with it at all. As long as your happy with yourself then who care. I agree with Ecksvie, you don't NEED to tell anyone if you don't want too and it IS a lot easier for you not to tell people that you know wont like the it.

    Good luck if you do tell your parents and I hope everything goods well.

    1278085571
    Futa_deep_fisting [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks for the advice both of you - as much as i want to come out the resultant fight with mum wouldnt be worth it - my sister says shes about ready to kick her in the cunt over how she is - if i start a realtionship with a guy (if its serious) then i guess i need to tell them.

    1278085641
    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    That's exactly the way I feel. I'm not sure how my parents will react, but I'll deal with it when/if they ever NEED to know.

    1278086226
    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    Sounds like a difficult situation, I'm lucky in that my dad doesn't mind at all what I do or who with as long as I'm happy.

    Homophobia is a sad and complicated thing and while as a trait I find it completely wrong I do know some people who are homophobic but otherwise nice which is something I find very difficult. Strict religious people for example may have been brought up to be biggoted and just never known any different. I can totally understand not wanting to upset your relationship with your parents but at the same time you can't help who you are and how you feel and they need to respect your rights, feelings and views.

    Your sister came out to them and survived the experience. Maybe give her a call and come out to her, she'll probably be chuffed you chose to tell her will also be in a much better position to advise you on whats best to do with respect to your parents.

    Good luck and all the best

    xxKPxx

    1278086976
    Futa_deep_fisting [sign in to see picture]
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    i acctually told my sister already and yeah she was very happy i chose her as the first person to tell

    its not religion that drives it with my mum as were all very very atheist

    1278088788
    Doug [sign in to see picture]
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    I am bi, but haven't told my parents about it at all. What they don't know can't hurt them. I have only told a few people who I really really trust (all female as well, I think girls understand more than guys). I have been with a few guys (not relationships) who were bi-curious. I have talked about, in general terms, guys being bi and a few of my friends' reaction was not good, however, most were ok as long as they weren't being hit on.

    hope that helps x

    1278092499
    Nameless [sign in to see picture]
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    I've found this thread really interesting because I get the impression sometimes that some people assume that anyone that's bi has an overwhelming need to experience relationships with both sexes (not at the same time of course). Judging from some of the posts here, would I be right in saying that if someone that's bi met the right person of (e.g.) the opposite sex quite early in life, they could potentially quite happily go through life without ever having a relationship with someone of the same sex?

    Sorry if it sounds a stupid question but I'm genuinely curious.

    1278094301
    Futa_deep_fisting [sign in to see picture]
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    not all that young (mid 20s) but at home cus of going back into education after getting out of a dead end job

    parental aproval isnt a problem 4 me i pretty much live here and do as i want - the only time its going to be difficult is having guys stay over (my friend stays quite a lot but uses the spare bed)

    nameless - both types of bi people exist im sort of a mixture - if i could find a girl/women to settle down with then i would no problem (another guy the same) as for the sex P.O.V i want guys right now as im still an anal virgin (well other than toys)

    1278095342
    Doug [sign in to see picture]
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    Nameless wrote:

    I've found this thread really interesting because I get the impression sometimes that some people assume that anyone that's bi has an overwhelming need to experience relationships with both sexes (not at the same time of course). Judging from some of the posts here, would I be right in saying that if someone that's bi met the right person of (e.g.) the opposite sex quite early in life, they could potentially quite happily go through life without ever having a relationship with someone of the same sex?

    Sorry if it sounds a stupid question but I'm genuinely curious.

    Personaly I would find it really hard to be in a relationship with a guy, but i would give it a go if they were worth it (dont mean that in a bad way)

    Futa_deep_fisting wrote:

    i want guys right now as im still an anal virgin (well other than toys)

    I can tell you that using toys to get used to the feeling makes it much better

    1278096404
    Futa_deep_fisting [sign in to see picture]
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    i used to think ide never be able to be with a guy (when i was in denial)

    ive heard using toys to get used to anal is very good as it puts you in total control (this is partly why im using some now the other partly is cus im a pervert ^_^)

    1278096629
    Doug [sign in to see picture]
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    Futa_deep_fisting wrote:

    i used to think ide never be able to be with a guy (when i was in denial)

    ive heard using toys to get used to anal is very good as it puts you in total control (this is partly why im using some now the other partly is cus im a pervert ^_^)

    i know that i'm not in denial, and i love having sex with a guy, but i dont know about a relationship.

    And toys defo help, you dirty perv you

    1278098500
    Laurakins [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow. Sorry to hear about the predicament you are in! I kind of agree with previous posts by saying that being bi/gay isn't anything that concerns anybody else unless its a serious relationship and you want that person to be apart of your social circle and family. Plus, im assuming that seeing as you have labelled your sexuality as bisexual then that means that you could ultimately fall in love with either men or women and be physically attracted to both. I personally feel that you shouldn't have to specify the gender of the person that you are sleeping with to anybody. It your sex life, nobody elses. Who know who you will fall in love with it could be man or woman. I guess i was pretty lucky when i came out to my friends and family, everybody was supportive and told me that they had known i was a lesbian for years! My fiancee was not so lucky though, my girlfriend is the only person i know that has 'come out of the closet' twice. When she first told them they had huge denial and made her keep everything a secret and basically would not acknowledge or accept any choices of hers, so she basically stopped talking and approaching them about it. A few years down the line she tried again (with me by her side) and it seemed a little easier. They know we are together, but still do not really agree with it. This sometimes causes problem (facebook is a disaster!- can't join any support groups, send soppy public messages etc). They don't really want any other 'family' or 'local people' finding out which is kind of sad. But, overall it is a little easier, i mean hey at least i'm noticed by her parents! Hope some of this information helps :)

    LK xxxx

    1278099115
    Starlight* [sign in to see picture]
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    At the end of the day people should accept you for who you are, and if they don't, then in my opinion they aren't even worth knowing! Whether you are bi, gay or straight, it is none of their business what goes on in your personal life, and your sexuality does not change your personality. I completely agree with the above posts: just tell who you want to: you don't have to publicise it for the benefit of others! As long as you are happy within yourself that is all that matters! xx

    1278100951
    Futa_deep_fisting [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks for all the kind words and advice

    1278102068
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Good advice from everyone already!

    As has been said, unless you decide to settle down with someone of the same gender, it's got nothing to do with your parents right now! You might as well tell them when you're good and ready, or when you meet someone who's worth the potential hassle...for now just explore your feelings and be yourself for you not for anyone else :)

    That said, if it's a tough secret to keep then I think you should tell them, you shouldn't feel like you have to tiptoe around anyone!

    Ax

    1278102435
    Futa_deep_fisting [sign in to see picture]
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    if i manage to get a guy its going to be fairly hard to hide - and i really need one right now

    1278104711
    Miss BoomStick [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't understand what the rush is, you have you whole life ahead of you, keep your options open. Just because you've discovered that your bi doesn't mean you need to get with a guy right away. I really hope this doesn't come across like I'm having a go. If you're looking for a boyfriend then wait for it to just happen.

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