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  1. Asking permission?

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    Kitty_McPlunder [sign in to see picture]
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    The other day Mr McP woke up and decided to go to work with our housemate, just on a whim like. And since it was a nice day they could basically just lounge around the bar and eat free food all day, but before he left he sat next to me and said all sheepish like "Can I go with Jake?"

    Now, I've never once said he couldn't do something he wanted to do, and I've never been upset when he goes off and does his own thing, but for some reason he tends to ask my permission to do things! (It kind of dawned on me) like when he goes out with his friends and stuff. I'm not worried or anything, I just think its a little strange, though at the same time I'm happy that he considers my feelings so much and so often.

    Anyone else or someone you know do this or something similar? Maybe without even realising it?

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    Starlight* [sign in to see picture]
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    My OH does this all the time. whilst it is annoying, I guess it's kinda nice that he would obviously drop anything if you said 'no' and spend time with you... it fustrates me though- i'm not his mother so why should he ask permission?

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    CurlyCoupleWife [sign in to see picture]
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    More often than not I'll say "is that ok?"

    I don't do it for permission as such - just to gauge his feelings.

    That said, if he said "I'd rather you didn't" I'd delay my plans for a time that suited better.

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    Doug [sign in to see picture]
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    i think its nice to be honest

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    RubberJin [sign in to see picture]
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    Some people can be funny / overly posessive or just plain arseholes about this sort of things though, as a guy I would say it's the far safer option to ask and get an "OK" than assume and get a bollocking because you forgot some reason why it wouldn't be OK.

    The problem comes when you say "OK" but you mean "no", as some people do. I went far too long with a girl like that - didn't want to go anywhere or do anything but hated it if I did so you'd go through stupid arguments about whether it was OK or not, and find yourself saying "fuck it, if she says OK then I'll just take it at face value even when I know she doesn't mean it"... can you tell it was a bad experience?

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    Doug [sign in to see picture]
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    RubberJin wrote:

    Some people can be funny / overly posessive or just plain arseholes about this sort of things though, as a guy I would say it's the far safer option to ask and get an "OK" than assume and get a bollocking because you forgot some reason why it wouldn't be OK.

    The problem comes when you say "OK" but you mean "no", as some people do. I went far too long with a girl like that - didn't want to go anywhere or do anything but hated it if I did so you'd go through stupid arguments about whether it was OK or not, and find yourself saying "fuck it, if she says OK then I'll just take it at face value even when I know she doesn't mean it"... can you tell it was a bad experience?

    I think if your in a relationship you need to be able to be honest with each other, so if your OH says ok, then they mean ok, but of they are not happy with it then they should be able to say what they really feel

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    BashfulBabe [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it's nice to check with your OH to make sure they didn't have any plans that you'd be ruining, or making sure that they're ok with something if you think they might be iffy with. But I think it's more a courtesy thing most of the time: what kind of controlling tool is going to say "no you may not have other friends!"? Obvious exceptions are if it's something they really don't like, but then at least ye can talk about it and try to find a compromise.

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    CurlyCoupleWife [sign in to see picture]
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    headsouth wrote:

    I guess things like having children, and therefore important commitments, can affect this a lot. I'm sure I *used to* have a spine...

    There's nothing spineless about being considerate

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    telemachus [sign in to see picture]
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    It's not about not having a spine, nor really asking permission I think. More about caring about what the other person thinks, if they had any plans, and wanting to be involved in someone else's life. It's more prevalent when you are married with children - it's not just about you and what you want to do with your time.

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    telemachus [sign in to see picture]
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    It's not about not having a spine, nor really asking permission I think. More about caring about what the other person thinks, if they had any plans, and wanting to be involved in someone else's life. It's more prevalent when you are married with children - it's not just about you and what you want to do with your time.

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    telemachus [sign in to see picture]
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    No, it's really the womanshape this time.

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    CurlyCoupleWife [sign in to see picture]
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    Oooh, in which case, welcome telemachus!

    Nice to meet you.

    CCW x

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    CurlyCoupleWife [sign in to see picture]
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    headsouth wrote:

    CurlyCoupleWife wrote:

    Oooh, in which case, welcome telemachus!

    Nice to meet you.

    CCW x

    She's as scary as she looks

    ha ha ha!

    I'm sure that's not quite true us wifey types are lovely really...

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    Muz333 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have a habit of saying thank you way too often. I even say it by reaction every time I take money out of an ATM then feel like a twat when everyone looks at me funnily. However if I want to go out with my friends to the pub then I'll tell her I am going so I guess I don't ask permission.

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    telemachus [sign in to see picture]
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    CurlyCoupleWife wrote:

    Oooh, in which case, welcome telemachus!

    Nice to meet you.

    CCW x

    hello <waves>

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    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Pretty similar to Hella here. We just say I'm doing this that or t'other and i'll see you later! No problemo amigo! I know some fellas who are ruled with an iron fist and not the arse type either. She says jump they ask how high! In work they're the big I AM outside they're on a leash! Comical. Not for me. SG x

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    sexy little minx [sign in to see picture]
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    My OH and I don't live together so we don't really ask each other if it's ok to do this or that but if it's a night we usually see each other and I want to go out with the girls or him with the lads it's usually "I'm going out with the girls/lads, do you mind?"

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    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    My OH and I live together and we do sometimes ask if it's something big like "some friends want to come round tomorrow night, is that cool?" or "I've been invited here, do you want to come along?"... it's mainly just to check it's not inconvenient.

    I've never said no and never would other than him saying "I'm going to a brothel" or "I'm just going to wrestle a shark" (or something equally ridiculous and dangerous). Even then I wouldn't say no, I'd try and talk him out of it. I don't forbid anything, that kind of control is really not for me.

    Similarly my OH doesn't stop me going anywhere either, as long as I'm being safe and vaguely sensible he's fine and dandy with it. If I'm out on my own he waits up for me and I always let him know what time I expect to be home and make sure he has the phone numbers of the people I'm with. It's all about safety rather than control

    End of waffling!

    xxKPxx

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    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
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    General rule is that I don't mind what he does as long as he asks/ tells me, more for practical reasons than anything else, not a feeling of superiority . It works both ways, e.g. He invited a friend up today who is a vegetarian, which meant getting in at 1:30 am on the bus and I only have two reduced courgettes and half an onion. Found a couple of cloves of garlic so may manage tomato soup though.

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    X lovely lady X [sign in to see picture]
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    I never tell my OH that he cant do anything but he still feels the need to ask me. Him asking me has made our friends think that he needs to ask my permission and its just not true. He is his own person and if he wants to go out then i am not going to stop him, i like to go out with my friends sometimes and the same applies to him. I dont like that somehow i come out as the bad guy when really its my OH being conciderate, even though he knows i would not say no.

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