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  1. Little Advice?

    1276277239
    bohohippy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
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    • Joined: 1 May 2009

    I've just got a new boyfriend and we've been together about 2 months. Before me he's never had a gf, sex or much else apart from say exchanging photos or having a crush on someone. Anyhow, we had sex first time about a week into the relationship and everything is going great. On the other hand, we've come up against a problem, well it isn't a problem, I don't want to phrase it as that really.

    Basically, 1. he has no stamina and although I'm fine with him cumming quick first time and taking 10 minutes longer second time, it really bugs him and I'm sure maybe it'll bug me eventually. So to the guys, how did you build stamina so you could go a while without needing to cum?

    2. because i've posted about this in another forum I think I've found the answer to this but I'd like more opinions. Sometimes, usually after the first time he'll get hard and before entering me, go soft again. Or even go soft whilst inside me. Again this only becomes a problem when we're both frustrated and wanna fuck Has anyone ever had this problem? Or had this problem with a guy? Saying last time we had sex he stayed up to even close the curtains and to stop and play with me for a while. But that was the first go.

    Also, is it rare for a guy to be able to go 11 times in 24 hours or even cum 3 times without going down or stopping between? Haha, he can do this on a rare occation, mainly if we haven't had a sex for a week

    1276277756
    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 11 Jun 2009

    Heya,

    My boyfriend sort of has problem number two. We'll be having sex and it'll be amazing, then he'll go soft for no reason at all. He's never let it bother him, and I don't let it bother me either. He just uses it as a sign to get the toys out or go down on me or do something else. Him losing his erection doesn't have to mean playtime is over.

    1276278139
    bohohippy [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah, it's good to know someone else experiences it. I think it worries him because he's only 23. Also because he's only just come into his sexual experience or whatever its called lol.

    We've realised if we stop for longer in the breaks he does have it happens less, but that's only been like one-two times in trying it. So I'll have to update on that. Tonight I plan on doing a lot more non entering things so hopefully at least when we do have sex it'll be good.

    When does it happen usually? After a few goes?

    1276280321
    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    Not necessarily, for my boyfriend sometimes it happens first go. Sometimes, we'll have sex two or three times in a day and it'll happen every time.

    It may be for him that it happens because he's so new to it, or it may be a contributing factor. I think the important thing is not worrying about it and just keeping the fun going regardless, rather than just stopping sex and then it becoming a big issue.

    1276281159
    Muz333 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 18 Apr 2010

    Well, I believe the first problem will improve with time but you can always speed things along buy buying him a Fleshlight to build endurance with, in fact they have a super intense model specifically for that.

    As for the issue that will likely fade with time as well. It's probable that he isn't fully comfortable with himself having sex yet as it's still new to him and he may be feeling self concious, this in turn makes things turn more flaccid. I wouldn't worry about either of these issues yet though giving that he's new to all this. Perhaps you could both focus on foreplay with each other when he's not as firm until the inspiration comes back?

    1276291242
    Wizzie86 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 19 Jan 2007

    I've had similar problems before. My oh suffered from nerves when we first got together & although he would be hard during foreplay, he would go soft as soon as he put the condom on. My saviour was the cock and ball triple ring set (I've reviewed it in my profile). If you think your boyfriend is open minded enough, I would definitely try them out. They should keep him hard & make him last longer. The durex performa condoms are also good for prolonging sex. Make sure that your oh knows that his 'problem' doesnt bother you. If he is thinking about it every time you start playing then it won't help. Hope you figure something out :-) xxx

    1276291406
    Wizzie86 [sign in to see picture]
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    As Muz suggested - fleshlight has a Stamina Training Unit. My oh's stamina has improved dramatically since he's been using it. Definitely worth every penny!

    1276292132
    Muz333 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hmm, I think I may invest in a cock and ball ring set as well after reading your review Wizzie. We have a dinky banger cock ring which is great but it doesn't give any added endurance on my end but I definitely agree with the Peforma condoms, they work wonders!

    1276473703
    bohohippy [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 1 May 2009

    Wizzie86 wrote:

    I've had similar problems before. My oh suffered from nerves when we first got together & although he would be hard during foreplay, he would go soft as soon as he put the condom on. My saviour was the cock and ball triple ring set (I've reviewed it in my profile). If you think your boyfriend is open minded enough, I would definitely try them out. They should keep him hard & make him last longer. The durex performa condoms are also good for prolonging sex. Make sure that your oh knows that his 'problem' doesnt bother you. If he is thinking about it every time you start playing then it won't help. Hope you figure something out :-) xxx

    It's funny you should say that, i ordered a rubber cock ring first but it didn't work so I ordered this metal trio and wow, altho it didn't work for the first go (which we're used to him cumming quickly anyways. We waited 1/2 hour to let him have a rest then he put on the ring that goes around everything and lasted a good 20 minutes and had to take it off, once it was taken off he went soft quickly but after about 5 minutes was fine to go again. I think it's improved his confidence completely =] last time we had sex he didn't cum quickly and we managed to change positions without him going soft. Hurray!

    Oh he deffo knows it doesn't bother me, I've only got frustrated once and it was because I was 'nearly' there and so was he then after wards he went in some sort of huff and thats probs what pissed me off lol.

    Thanks for your advice, if it futher improves (since it's only based on 1-2 times) I'll post a update!!

    1276778457
    bohohippy [sign in to see picture]
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    Last night didn't go according to plan. He thinks he was really tired, not due to sex but work, and the fact we travelled to Wolverhampton early Afternoon to get a guinea pig cage because going the cinema and weren't back till 12am. He came really quickly first time and lost his erection second time but 3rd time he managed to do me for about 3-5 minutes in doggy before cumming. This was all with the large cock ring on. I guess it doesn't work all that much =S

    The different between the night he had a good 20 minutes and still didn't cum was we had a lot of foreplay and a bigger rest break where we just tickled each other gentle and such. I did feel as if we didn't have sex at all last night tbh lol. but I made sure he knew I wasn't mad, disappointed or angry. I gave him kisses and told him it was ok and we knew it wasn't going to be perfect every time and he held me and said he felt ok now.

    It's just a shame because we don't have the time to do a 4 hour sex romp every time we have sex. On the brighter side he felt really, really big =] I tried to get him into a little rough stuff but he isn't comfortable with it yet. I should of made it a little less to begin with, we began with names about a week ago and he said that felt weird. Maybe sticking with names until they get him comfortable and possibly he likes it?

    1276783617
    Muz333 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm going to test and review that ring set tonight along with 6 other things on my to do list. :)

    1276783691
    bohohippy [sign in to see picture]
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    Muz333 wrote:

    I'm going to test and review that ring set tonight along with 6 other things on my to do list. :)

    Oh do tell me how it goes =]

    1276785625
    BashfulBabe [sign in to see picture]
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    bohohippy wrote:

    I tried to get him into a little rough stuff but he isn't comfortable with it yet. I should of made it a little less to begin with, we began with names about a week ago and he said that felt weird. Maybe sticking with names until they get him comfortable and possibly he likes it?

    Depends on what he means by 'weird'. Sometimes it's better to leave it and try a different direction and maybe come back later rather than forcing it and making him feel bad for not getting there fast enough. I'd say leave it up to him, give him permission to instigate it, but don't nag about it, and then if he feels he wants to try, he has control as well as knowing you're open to it. Might be that it's not his thing at all and he'll never like it, and the last thing you want is him adding to his stressiness trying to make himself like something he's not into.

    1276799989
    bohohippy [sign in to see picture]
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    I think he means, its so new to him and he isn't yet comfortable to do that coz it just isn't his thing 'yet'. <-- thats how he put it.

    1276818466
    Muz333 [sign in to see picture]
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    bohohippy wrote:

    Oh do tell me how it goes =]

    Not too well in all honesty. I managed to get the small 1.25" ring on before I had a full erection but it was far too tight for me. My penis went a dark bruised blue colour in under a minute and I was so scared I took it off with a load of lube and effort as quick as possible. The 1.75" on the other hand was tight enough on my shaft to cause any desired effects and around my balls didn't have a noticeably effect either but it was very iffy getting them in without crushing them. Then the 2" ring was big enough to fit my balls but no where near large enough to get my penis through as well. At least it gave me an idea of my size though and I now intend to try a 1.5 or 1.6" metal ring. For £5 it was a quality enough purchase. :)

    1276819057
    *Emma* [sign in to see picture]
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    Hes probably worried he isnt or wont please youif you have previous experience in comparison to him so make sire you reassure him which will build his confidence and therefore his wont get stressed or anxious and lose his hardon

    Get him to masturbate as that will help him last longer, he will learn how to control himself to a certain degree x

    1276819205
    *Emma* [sign in to see picture]
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    blimey excuse my typing errors there doh! x

    1276824328
    RubberJin [sign in to see picture]
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    I have found this on a few occasions, I think it's to do with nerves. When I've been with girls where we're just fooling around as fuck buddies, I could go all night. When I've been in a relationship where there's a lot more emotional attachment, it's somehow different and, not stressful exactly, but it just matters more and hence I think one can feel more pressure (even if the OH is easy going about the whole thing).

    It may help to remove some of the pressure by turning it into a "feature", for example one such fuck buddy was a total cum-slut, so she couldn't wait for me to cum (in her / on her) and loved it when I did. That meant there was no such thing as "too soon", and cumming at any time was a welcomed thing rather than a potential dissapointment to be worried about. You could try similar, depending on your feelings towards man juice. If you enjoy it, then tell him, get him to cum on you, in your mouth or wherever. If not, then put a condom on and tell him you love to watch him cum whilst wanking him off or having a "warmup" fuck before the main event.

    1276875336
    bohohippy [sign in to see picture]
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    *Emma* wrote:

    Hes probably worried he isnt or wont please youif you have previous experience in comparison to him so make sire you reassure him which will build his confidence and therefore his wont get stressed or anxious and lose his hardon

    Get him to masturbate as that will help him last longer, he will learn how to control himself to a certain degree x

    Thats the first thing I asked him to practise stopping during masturbation but he never seems to get any time and won't do it in front of me (the stop and start thing). I noticed flesh lights were used for it but I doubt he'd use that either. Hmm he really wants it to stop but doesn't put the effort into practising, it's our 2 month anniversary tonight so I won't bring it up but I'll possibly tell him in a week or two that he needs to get wanking! lol =] He does have this weird mind frame where he believes his cock does stuff on it's own. Like he has no control over it lol

    1276875576
    bohohippy [sign in to see picture]
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    RubberJin wrote:

    I have found this on a few occasions, I think it's to do with nerves. When I've been with girls where we're just fooling around as fuck buddies, I could go all night. When I've been in a relationship where there's a lot more emotional attachment, it's somehow different and, not stressful exactly, but it just matters more and hence I think one can feel more pressure (even if the OH is easy going about the whole thing).

    It may help to remove some of the pressure by turning it into a "feature", for example one such fuck buddy was a total cum-slut, so she couldn't wait for me to cum (in her / on her) and loved it when I did. That meant there was no such thing as "too soon", and cumming at any time was a welcomed thing rather than a potential dissapointment to be worried about. You could try similar, depending on your feelings towards man juice. If you enjoy it, then tell him, get him to cum on you, in your mouth or wherever. If not, then put a condom on and tell him you love to watch him cum whilst wanking him off or having a "warmup" fuck before the main event.

    When he says he's going to cum even if it's too soon I tell him to cum inside me like in a way that makes it seem i want it really badly. I've accepted the first time is going to be quick for a while anyways. I make sure he knows I don't have a problem with it. It's him who has the problem with it, cumming too soon and not getting it up sometimes, or going soft mid-fuck. He wants to last longer to please me and to feel me for longer. I reassure him as much as possible. Frankly for a virgin and over these problems he's about the best i've had. I mean i've had ex's who have been rougher with me or lasted hours but nothing compares to him because of what we have together. I tell him, I make him watch him enter me which turns him on. I don't know.

    He seems to last longer the longer the foreplay is. Maybe that's something?

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