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  1. Hard or difficult relationships..

    1275846763
    Laurakins [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 60
    • Joined: 13 May 2010

    Well as some of you may already know i had to leave my girlfriend at the airport this morning, which meant lots of tears lots of kisses and lots of sad sad cuddles. I won't see her again till next january/feb at the earliest which is so hard. I came home and the house smelled like her perfume which had me in fits of tears again! It's been like this for a good few years, which is so hard. Leaving each other never gets any easier! it's such a hard relationship, but very worth it as we love each other so much and wouldn't let anything stop us.We are waiting for her to turn 21 so we can finally apply for the fiancee visa. Although i am feeling a little bit sad, and would love to hear from people and about any hard or difficult relationships that you have had. Especially if it ends happily ever after! Would be nice to have some happy, supportive words and i couldn't have thought of a better place to come and hear them.
    *big hugs and kisses*

    Love Laura xx

    1275847640
    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1265
    • Joined: 22 Aug 2009

    Aww bless you my lovely! *Great big soothing hugs to you*

    My relationship with my OH is wonderful now but it wasn't always so easy. I identified as a lesbian for my entire life so it was quite a shock for me to fall for my male friend. I wasn't a very good girlfriend at first: I was emotionally distant and because my mum had just died I was also a bit of a train wreck, I stopped eating and was self harming. Because of my distance and destructive behaviour my OH did some stupid things too (that I wont go into). Basically it was all extremely messy for a while.

    Luckily because we are first and foremost best friends and we love each other so intesely and passionately - we not only got through it but came out stronger. Nothing could ever touch us now, whatever the world throws at us (and for some reason there always seems to be something doesn't there?!) we know we can survive it together.

    xxKPxx

    1275847736
    Malteser81 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 851
    • Joined: 2 Aug 2009

    Awww Laura hun my heart breaks for you and ur gf . My OH lives under an hours drive and its hard that I only get to see him once a week, in fact am moving closer at the end of this week so I couldnt possibly undestand just how hard this is for you. U havent mentioned when ure lovely partner turns 21 hun as we'd get an idea how much longer this terrible circumstanes has to continue for.

    Luve, kisses and HUGE booby hugs Laura. Xxx

    1275847884
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3406
    • Joined: 2 Feb 2008

    Laurakins I really admire you for your strength!

    I did long distance, did it for 3 years.

    We only lived 100 miles apart, saw each other once a month - not a patch on what you're dealing with - but it was tough. Very tough. I cried more during those 3 years than my whole life put together.

    It got harder, then a bit easier, then harder again - when I was applying for Universitys I was terrified I wouldn't get into Liverpool - I couldn't have done another 3 years long distance, couldn't have coped so I had to move closer!

    We live together now and celebrate 5 years together in Dec.

    It does have tonnes of benefits though....with long distance, your communication is amazing, it has to be! Your trust has to be incredible too and you have to have complete honesty. It shows how strong you are as a couple and it makes you realise how lucky you are. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder and every time you get back together....it's blissful!

    Moving in together - I was worried it wouldn't be the same, worried that I'd annoy him or him me and we'd argue lots but we really didn't. The good communication just transfered over and we got on so well. We still do in fact. It feels like you're beginning your relationship again - you keep hold of the excitment and I've learnt how important it is to be excited and positive about a relationship and how important regular sex is - we're more intimate now we live together - after a few weeks apart long distance, you learn to "switch off" a little, you distance yourself emotionally in order to protect yourself, the intimacy takes a knock - well it did for us anyway. So it's amazing what regular sex, regular touching and kisses does for the relationship - if it's good when you're long distance - it'll be even better when you live together and that's so exciting!

    I really wouldn't change being long distance for anything! It makes me truly appreciate how lucky I am to have WandA and our relationship so strong.

    It wouldn't be naive to think we're going to be together for the rest of our lives and I'm sure we will be (permitting :P).

    I don't know how you cope though LK!

    The longest I ever went without WandA was 6 weeks and it was impossibly hard, after that one time, I said I'd never, ever do 6 weeks apart again!

    *Massive hugs and smooches* be positive and optimistic and excited - the time will fly by in no time I'm sure - and this lot here (at the OA) know just how to cheer people up when they have a crappy night or week :)

    Axxx

    1275848211
    Laurakins [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 60
    • Joined: 13 May 2010

    Thankyou girls! KP that makes me feel so good though knowing it all worked out for you and im so happy it did. *big squeezes* If it's not one thing, its another. But that's always the case with alot of things. Thanks malteser for the lovely huge booby hugs! Its always horrible being away, no matter how far you are, its just extra horrible with her living in america and not being able to see her again untill she is 21 (which is 24th January) but we will probably have to wait till march for the visa to go through and everything. It sounds like you both have lovely OH which is what everybody needs, thanks for sweet messages girl. They have both made me smile and feel a little better knowing people are out there supporting :)
    Lots of love LK xxx

    1275848514
    tronic [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 313
    • Joined: 27 Feb 2010

    Wow laurakins you must have some strength to be able to continue this way, which is a great sign for the relationship! As the others have said, keep busy or help the time pass in whichever is the best way for you. I've not done long distance, I don't know if I could and so I cannot empathise directly with you but I am in a tricky relationship at the moment and I can understand the struggle for a better thing in the future, that's what I'm gong through right now and it's like torture!

    I really hope the time flies and you can be reunited again!

    And for the others, you are all such strong people and it's inspiring how you can stick to your guns and be so strong in the face of adversity. :)

    1275849006
    BashfulBabe [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 716
    • Joined: 24 Apr 2010

    Unfortunately, i have no positive stories of my own, but there are a few folk I know who went through the horrible distance thing and came through the other end.

    One was a guy friend, who managed to fall for an American girl, and through various visits and exchanges and IRC and such managed to make the relationship develop into something real. By the time they got married, they had decided they were going to live in Ireland, but she still had studies to finish in the US. So after their wedding, she went back while he stayed this side and waited on the visa people to sort it out. He eventually managed to get over there for about a year, and they lived together knowing it all had to end soon. He came back, and she stayed there for her final year, and only recently managed to get sorted with her studies and visa and move over. They're finally together, but it was amazing seeing that they spent most of their first few years as a amrried couple at opposite sides of the world and fighting beurocracy: even married, they had trouble because they hadn't lived together enough for immegration officials to be satisifed that they were a real couple (seriously, they hadn't lived together enough when they weren't allowed to be in the same country for more than a few weeks at a time! *facepalm*). They were lucky to only have to contend with immegration and bad timing, none of the discrimination stuff to add on top, but it was still horrifically hard on them.

    All that got them through was focusing on how short a time it was that they'd be apart when compared to their whole lives they'd have together. Not easy saying "see ya in a year, sweetie!", but thinking of that one year as all that stands between you and (hopefully) many, many years of happiness together, and it doesn't seem so insurmountable.

    1275849140
    Laurakins [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
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    • Joined: 13 May 2010

    Thanks WandA! That message nearly made me cry! It's fantastic knowing that it has worked out for you both. I totally agree with communication side of things, we know each other in and out and most the time we don't even have to talk to know what the other one is thinking. We are so emotionally intune its unreal, which in turn makes a relationship and the sex life so great. I don't really know how im coping either, to be honest. Im just thinking of the future and trying to be positive by working on getting her back over here. The hardest part was leaving her to do it all by herself, i just wanted to go with her and hold her hand.
    Lots of love LK xxx

    1275849684
    Laurakins [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 60
    • Joined: 13 May 2010

    Wow bashful babe that sounds really hard indeed! Really makes you wonder, how they expect people to be together when they make it so hard! We are going for a fiancee visa, so i will book the wedding in advance and have to show all the documents etc, so once that visa goes through she will be able to stay for a while. Then we can apply for a wedding visa, which will be another hurdle! Thanks tronic and everybody else that has sent lovely messages. Its so nice seeing other peoples relationships that have worked out.
    Lots of love LK xx

    1275852165
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    That was my OH LK, I'm the WandA.

    I do agree with what she says though... You're communication skills become amazing when all you actually have is communication!

    I don't quite know how visa things work but I imagine proof and evidence are important in getting a case through.Iif you haven't already it might be a good idea to start/keep gathering evidence you need to convince the system that you are a genuine couple and looking in to what you need to do etc...

    I assume you already do/have but me rambling on might be worth it even if there is a tiny chance you haven't.

    Good luck for the future!

    1275862871
    Laurakins [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 60
    • Joined: 13 May 2010

    Oops sorry! I got you both mixed up :( thanks for the advice though, we have got emails and photographs and all of our previous flight information that date from years so hopefully that should be enough! I know we have to give bank details and landlord/housing details etc, but im willing to work overtime just to get the money! Thanks for the support everyone, it means alot! :)

    PS Not quite sure how i managed to get you both confused with your names at the side of the pictures lol, but my mind hasn't been the best today, so i apologise. ^-^

    LK xxx

    1275863003
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Don't worry about it... We chose the names!

    Hope all goes well for you and your OH, hopefully having time on your side will really help.

    1275863830
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    They are awkward names :)

    I'm glad the post helped a little and I hope you can find the strength to get over the last hurdle, I'm sure you can! You seem amazingly strong lovely!

    Axx

    1275936677
    CurlyCoupleWife [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 641
    • Joined: 14 Aug 2009

    *great big hugs*

    I amazed at your strength.

    My husband & I used to live 1.5 hours away from one another but never had to spend that long apart. The longest we were apart was 4 weeks & I hated it.

    I think AdnaW is right - having spent so many nights apart truly makes you appreciate them when they're with you - I know that February seems a long way off but hopefully it will fly by & you will appreciate one another all the more when you're back together again.

    I hope that the paperwork gets sorted very quickly after she turns 21 & you can soon start living happily ever after.

    Much love

    CCW x

    1276625003
    SedatedChaos [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
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    • Joined: 12 Oct 2009

    Hey.

    I kinda know how you feel. I met my boyfriend online, and we spend over a year living long distance, I'd have to get a 6 hour train ride to stay with him for 2 weeks, then go back home to my family etc. for like 4-few months at a time.

    We did have good communication but we ended up arguing because he was always playing games and never spoke to me online and I got all rawr-y/feeling unwanted, and I missed him and dcried so much every time we had to say bye at the train station, but of course the together-times were absolutely awesome.

    I moved in with him at the start of this year and we're pretty happy. So there's a light at the end of the tunnel?

    Endure and you'll be rewarded =P

    1276626704
    Starlight* [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
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    • Joined: 10 Jun 2010

    I also kind of know what you mean, but to no extent to what you have to deal with. Me and my OH spent 2 years living in each other's pockets and then I moved to uni, and he moved away for his job, so we ended up living 200 miles away. But, we saw each other every 3-4 weeks, so it is nothing compared to what you have to go through, and i completely sympathise with you!

    I think, although there are many, many negatives about your situation, there are also many positives. Because you cannot physically spend time together, you can contact each other, through text, phone call, email... Communication is key for long distance relationships, and that is where me and my OH fall down... My boyfriend finds texting and calling very difficult, therefore i often spend my days without him, having just 2-3 texts a day. Like AdnaW says, your trust will also be A LOT stronger than couples who see each other everyday.

    What i'd say is, prove everybody who thinks Long distance relationships do not work, wrong! As you say, your relationship is worth it, and once the visa comes through everything will be made so much easier, and your persistance will definitely pay off. It is worth the few years of heartache for the rest of your life you are able to spend together!

    Starr x

    1276626712
    BadGirl&Boy [sign in to see picture]
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    I know what your going through. BadGirl lived in the states and we both travelled back and forth for a few years. We started off on short 2 week holidays and gradually got longer. When time came for one of us to return home it was so painful. The ride to the airport knowing we wouldn't see each other for months, knowing we would just be chatting online made it so hard. We both cried our eyes out kissing goodbye and then coming back home to my house still smelling of her perfume. The house always felt so empty. Now we are very happily married. It was a hassle getting the various visas sorted but all the pain of spending so much time apart I think makes you a lot closer when your able to live together. Stay strong and positive. It'll be worth it!

    1276627154
    Laurakins [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow thank you for such encouraging and supportive words everyone! It's great knowing so many long distant relationships have worked out. Its gradually getting easier, but sleeping alone hasn't been easy. I struggle to go to sleep unless i am absolutely exhausted. Which isn't great considering I have to get up very early for work. But hopefully I will settle back into life alone better with each day that passes.

    LK xxxx

    1276627229
    Starlight* [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
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    LK, you are an inspiration to people like me, who moan that I haven't seen my OH for a few weeks! You seem very strong and I hope things become easier for you!

    Starr x

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