1. Women's Magazines, the Media and General Pressures on Men and Women!

    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    So after recent discussion with a few people and my growing annoyance at magazines such as Cosmo I thought we needed a place to share the things that

    1) Make us mad

    2) Make us feel pressured!

    Let's dispel the myths!

    I'll get the ball rolling to clarify my point....

    I have read in magazines time and time again that "If you're not coming every time you have sex; you're not doing it right" - it's myths like this that drive me mad! I don't *like* to come every time I have sex - I have sex every day and often coming hurts. My muscles are too strong so the contractions make me feel odd and I just don't really like it on those days, doesn't mean I don't want sex though just because I can't/don't want to come!

    This bugs me especially because for a long time, I couldn't even admit to my other half I didn't enjoy coming, let alone that I struggled too - I was tempted to fake it (though I didn't - but how many girls do!!), but once we had toys I would use them every time and hope he didn't feel bad!

    Because I never explained to him he felt a little insecure that "he couldn't make me come" but once we chatted about it - we both realised 1) it's not his fault, 2) it's not my fault either, 3) and it's certainly not "toy dependence", 4) it's just natural variation between women - some come easily, some need more work, 5) who cares about coming anyway - it's satisfaction that counts and 6) I don't need to come to be satisfied by sex so why on earth should I feel bad for not coming every time just because some magazines tell me I should!

    I'm sure there are loads we can add so let's get myth busting

    3, 2, 1 GO!

    sexy little minx [sign in to see picture]
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    Good tread AdnaW.

    I tend not to buy magasizes very often but I know exactly where you are coming from. There are two things that really annoy me about them (well 2 I can think of just now)

    1. Body Image! They tell you that you have to be a certain way. Bollocks! We are all different, some naturally slim and some of us carry a bit of extra weight.

    Naturally slim girls are often accused of being anorexic. Bollocks! Not all slim girls have an eating disorder

    If you do carry a bit of weigh for whatever reason, if you are happy with the way you are, why change it because some magazine says you should?

    2. Fashion! I couldn't really care less what's hot on the catwalks. I don't care what the latest trend is. I will not buy something just because it is the latest trend. If I see something and I like it I will buy it and don't care if it's 'trendy' or not!

    Ok, rant over! lol

    BashfulBabe [sign in to see picture]
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    I'll second you on that, hate when a guy is all embarassed and upset because he's 'failed', and no amount of how happy and pleased and tired I am will reassure him that he's not just crap in bed. They need to start believeing us when we say "no, shut up, it was great, now stop whining and go to sleep" (maybe not that harsh, but general gist of it).

    Which kinda leads onto another annoyance: apparently all us females are tricksy little manipulators, always saying one thing and meaning another, playing silly head-games and generally breaking guys' brains. No. sure, some do that, but so do some guys, and there are a decent chunk of us who just cannot be bothered with lies and games. Granted, i might not throw everything out on the table on the first date, there will be some secrets that take time to find out, but if I'm asked a question, i'll either answer it or go with "don't really want to talk about that yet/now/ever". If I say i like something, I like it; if i say I don't like something, I don't like it. I'm not trying to hint for you to buy me things, or fishing for compliments, or trying to trick you into agreeing to things you don't want or like.

    Whenever I've started something with a guy, I've straight out said that i don't do those kind of games, I don't have the attention span for keeping track of lies and half-truths, and I can think of a bazillion better things to waste that energy on than mind games. Unfortunately, while most respond with "awesome!", they still asume sometimes that I have some secret agenda, and I just cannot be bothered dealing with that.

    So yeah, there's no "what she secretly means when she says ---" list to be compiled, just start listening to what we actually say. Too many girls actually only start playing those games because it's expected, so they're almost not allowed to be direct. Stop expecting us to mess you around, and everyone will be much happier.

    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Long detailed posts... I see this thread being popular....

    Leading on from Bashful's point about manipulation... The completely unrealistic expectations from these rags of men, leaving them essentially as pets.

    I remember a genuine tip from one mag that went along the line of:

    "Get him to stop going to the football and at the end of a season he will be able to afford to buy you some shoes and a spa treatment." Fuck... right... off.

    Yes, lets stop him doing something he enjoys so he can pander to yourmwhimsical (err) whims. I'm sure many women would like a pair of shoes but when in a relationship they don't want a pet sap who gives over everything because a shitty piece of paper says so. Lets also take away anything else he enjoys until he's a demoralised resentful little bastard and he fucks off with women at work.... Great plan ey Cos?

    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Andserkiel wrote:

    Programmes or articles entitled "Why men watch porn" and "Is the fact your man watches porn a threat to your relationship?" ect ect.

    Umm.. hello? Female here who watches porn... I feel like I should be shunning it and be offended if my partner prefers watching it to watching me. Utter bollocks.

    Its amazing how you can get 45mins out of:


    Its like a tele version of the Mail.

    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    I had one that came from a friend: "If you don't ADORE oral sex; your partner isn't doing it right" - this is a rubbish myth! I'm a "fuck me" kind of girl, I just love to be fucked, I'm not too bothered by oral, although it is amazing, but it bugs me that I'm told I should aspire to receiving oral every time I have sex because it's the only thing a man could possibly offer you in return for the sex that is only for him! GRRR!

    What's wrong with knowing what you want/like rather than doing what you think everyone else is doing!


    Peachy keen [sign in to see picture]
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    Not quite what you were going for but, in Zoo, Danny Dyer told someone who wrote in with a letter saying they couldn't get over their ex girlfriend to

    "cut your ex's face, then no one will want her"

    THAT is bad...

    Peachy keen [sign in to see picture]
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    ^^ Link to the article about it

    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    i did a blog post on this last time i bought one of those womens mags


    Dynamite Dave [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow - re Danny Dyer's comment! I never thought he was in the deep end of the gene pool but even so this really puts me off him now. Its bad on so many levels....

    CurlyCoupleWife [sign in to see picture]
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    Great thread AdnaW!

    I'm with you on the fight against "If you're not coming every time you have sex; you're not doing it right".

    Can't we just have sex because it feels great?

    Sometimes I want the closeness of sex without the explosions of orgasm (which he's more than capable of giving me - I just don't want it all the time).

    Luckily after a delicate conversation with my husband, he understands & doesn't feel like he's messed up when we choose not to go for orgasms.

    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    one of the more general ones that annoys me with theese types of magazines is the whole "we're loving" sections. like your little fad is going to be that detremental to my life

    and the target readership is very select - mid to late 20's non specific office worker.

    and the way the articles are always on "the silent killer" or "the not so innocent truth" and stuff like " is oxygen kiling you!" when most of the time its ill informed or researched

    tronic [sign in to see picture]
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    Lads' mags are just as bad I expect. I haven't read one for 10 years and I don't remember them being that offensive; having leafed through one while bored in the supermarket the other day I was nearly outraged! Such nonsense! Maybe I'm just grown up now?

    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
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    All mags are garbage! Be happy with who you are. Be yourself. Life is full of ups and downs but you will get through them. Anyone who judges you is just a shallow moron. I haven't bought a newspaper or magazine for donkeys years. I stick my head out the window to check the weather, I virtually watch no tv at all but do listen to the radio. We're being battered by imagery and it's all to get as much money out of you as possible. All bullshit. Eat lots, drink moderately, keep active, have a hobby, have sex as much as possible (this is keeping active), look after yourself and your loved ones, moisturise and smile! :-) SG x Oh, all men should have a shed too!

    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    ahh ive not read lads mags since my dad stopped buying them

    i must say i tend to get distracted by boobs :P

    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    I read about the uproar from the Dyer comment.

    I have bigger issues with women's mags compared to men's but both are still bad. I think men's mags perpetuate mainly physical myths say about beauty, a myth easily dispelled when looking around at 'normal' people who don't all have huge 30EE boobs. Women's mags create emotional myths that lead to dissatisfaction.

    I do get annoyed how most women in men's mags all like sex, football and curry. Who would of expected a correlation between big breastedness and a liking for specific sports ey?

    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    I do get annoyed how most women in men's mags all like sex, football and curry. Who would of expected a correlation between big breastedness and a liking for specific sports ey?

    Haha the odd thing is, it's probably women's mags encouraging insecurity that causes those big breasted women to give answers like that in interviews!

    I hate women's mags more than men's too - as WandA said, they are very damaging on a deeper level!

    I have another one "women only suck cock as a favour, a man shouldn't have such control"....he's putting his cock between my teeth; who's in control again? Plus I LOVE sucking cock.

    We all know on here that loving blowjobs is the norm these days not the exception :P Although there's nothing wrong with not wanting to suck cock either - and no it doesn't have to be returned as a favour (grrr!).


    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    I know Ad has read the blog post I wrote yesterday on the subject which may or may not be what brought this thread on, but I've already had my long rant at Cosmo lol! It was seriously hard to stop, I could have gone on forever about how much I hate Cosmopolitan.

    I think overall what bugs me the most is how manipulative and controlling it is, both in terms of telling women exactly how they should look and how they should be doing things, and teaching them to do the same to their partners and friends. I'm very much a follow your heart kind of person, do the things that feel right for you. I'm not really a fan of fashion either, I think everyone should wear what they feel comfortable in and not worry about whether its trendy or not, so you can imagine why these magazines rub me up the wrong way!

    The views on sex also really bug me. Oral sex is seen as the ultimate in sexual deviance.

    To a certain extent, I can see that this kind of stuff may well come naturally to the women who write it. What leaves me really confused though is when they have articles on men in there, giving their opinions. I want to slap most of them.

    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    One of the things I hate about women's magazines (and the program Sex and the City) is the promotion of the idea of "us vs them" i.e. "women vs men"

    We're all people for goodness sake! I'm in favour of EQUALITY...not man-bashing! For years women were repressed and denied basic rights like equal pay and being used by men for sex etc. now this has for the most part been sorted out there seems to a be a weird trend of female retribution. I hate the school of thought that says because women were used and abused by men in the past, it's somehow ok to reciproate that behaviour now! As far as I'm concerned there's no justification for sexism of any kind.

    It makes me cross when magazines suggest women make their men buy shoes instead of enjoying their hobbies and rubbish supposedly "trivial, male" interests like gaming and sports but promote shopping and fashion as more important. I find the double-standards hillarious/awful: changing your man is encouraged but if your man tries to suggest anything you could change he must be dispensed with immediately.

    All the "make him love you, make him propose" crap is ridiculous. Love isn't a game (at least in my experience) it's something you share as a couple and nuture through communication. I can guarantee if I behaved in the manipulative ways magazines suggest my OH would promtly (and rightly) tell me to go fuck myself (and not in the fun way).


    Tigerlilies [sign in to see picture]
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    American Cosmo is a million times worse.

    There's a great feature on the blog Pervocracy (aka, best sex blog ever) called Cosmocking where she takes each monthly issue and runs through the maddest quotes:


    I have to quote some bits that made me giggle:


    Cosmo lube solution:

    'On fixing "sex glitches":
    Oops, you're out of lube!
    Mix 1 tablespoon of saliva (the thick kind deep in your throat works best--its viscosity makes it a good substitute for lube) with 1 tablespoon of water (to stretch out the spit). Swish it in your mouth to blend.'

    Pervocracy: " didn't know that you could make the advice "just hock a loogie on it" 500% more complicated and 1000% more gross, but Cosmo, you managed."


    Cosmo: You're feeling kinky but short on props (like a scarf) to tie him up.

    Pervocracy: "Public Service Announcement: do not tie people up with scarves. They are a bitch and a half to untie and can cut off circulation while you're trying to find a hacksaw. Rope and restraints aren't "edgier," they actually work better."


    Cosmo: There's breaking news in "guy world": many committed guys are treating themselves to a little too much one-handed fun, and it could leave both of you feeling less than satisfied in bed. [...] Once you've gotten it out in the open, the best course of action is for him to simply stop cold turkey. [...] If he is resistant, you may need to seek out the help of a therapist.

    Pervocracy: Oh what the fuck Cosmo. What the fuck. No, Cosmo. NO.


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