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  1. You've had the slap, now for the tickle!

    1282814773
    Pinkilious [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
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    • Joined: 9 Apr 2010

    A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless.

    "Mummy, mummy, what are these?" he says, pointing to her breasts.

    "Well, son," she says, "these are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven."

    Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied. Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen.

    "Mummy, mummy, Aunt Mary is dying!

    " What do you mean? says his mother.

    "Well she's in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both her balloons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling "God, I'm coming! I'm coming!!!"

    1282815772
    Pinkilious [sign in to see picture]
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    A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store

    laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway? So he tells his clerk, "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes." Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, starts cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the guy. About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store. "Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist. The clerk replies "Your house."
    1282816584
    Pinkilious [sign in to see picture]
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    blackburnmale wrote:

    fuckin hell thats so funny - I was actually laughing out loud at that. GREAT JOKE!

    he he one of my all time favourites!

    1282818624
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 28 Nov 2007

    bumble wrote:

    True or False


    16. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.

    Actually it's a person from the Greek island of Lesbos, the meaning we now associate lesbian with stems from this place and the works of a lady lovin' female poet called Sappho. I love the ancient Greeks!

    1282825825
    Heart2Heart [sign in to see picture]
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    You know one joke has not been entered yet. xD Maybe the Chicken feels left out xD

    1282834797
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Allaboutthebedroom wrote:

    You know one joke has not been entered yet. xD Maybe the Chicken feels left out xD

    If I could find the thread where me and TL discussed chicken penises I'd post it and show the terrible puns..

    1282834980
    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 574
    • Joined: 13 Jul 2010

    no, don't be a cock WandA!

    1282836176
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    toycar69 wrote:

    no, don't be a cock WandA!

    I'd offer you a fight but you'd only chicken out...

    (Promises not inflict anymore chicken based puns on the world... for today)

    1282837859
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    headsouth wrote:

    How do pirates keep fit?

    Arrrr, gym lad!

    That just sounds a bit like what the scallies/chavs by me would say...

    1282857163
    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    headsouth wrote:

    How do pirates keep fit?

    Arrrr, gym lad!

    I will be telling this joke to everyone I know for a week! Immense!

    xxKPxx

    1282860368
    Malteser81 [sign in to see picture]
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    10% of the women had sex within the first hour of their first date.
    20% of the men had sex in a non-traditional place.
    36% of the women favour nudity.
    45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes.
    46% of the women experienced anal sex.
    70% of the women prefer sex in the morning.
    80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations.
    90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest.
    99% of the women have never experienced sex in the office.

    Conclusion:

    Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.

    Moral:

    Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!

    1282861474
    Heart2Heart [sign in to see picture]
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    • Posts: 198
    • Joined: 21 Aug 2010

    A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon, with little ladders hung off the side.

    She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"

    The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.

    "Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."

    The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"

    1282861532
    Heart2Heart [sign in to see picture]
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    A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.

    The cucumber says "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."

    The olive says "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."

    The penis says "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"

    1282870219
    jackador123 [sign in to see picture]
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    Love this thread. More please more.

    1282870587
    Starlight* [sign in to see picture]
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    Allaboutthebedroom wrote:

    A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.

    The cucumber says "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."

    The olive says "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."

    The penis says "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"

    brilliant x

    1282871021

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
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    Starlight* wrote:

    Allaboutthebedroom wrote:

    A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.

    The cucumber says "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."

    The olive says "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."

    The penis says "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"

    brilliant x

    good one actually made me laugh

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